Monthly Archives: May 2014

Friday Funny May 9, 2014 Things Mother Never Said


1. Well, if everyone else is doing it I’m sure it’s okay.

2. Actually you were born in a barn, go ahead and leave that door open.

3. Don’t worry about curfew, it was just a suggestion. I’m not running a prison here.  If you’re with your friends, I know you’re all right.

4. You know, the purpose of my life IS to walk behind you and pick things up.

5. You don’t get in half the trouble I did when I was your age.

6. If you don’t stop crying, I’m going to have to give you anything you want.

7. How on earth can you see that TV from so far back, scoot a little closer.

8. Just because you live under my roof doesn’t mean you have to follow my rules, we are running a democracy here.

9. I don’t expect you to hear what I say the first time, I enjoy repeating it again and again.

10. Let me smell that shirt– I think it’s good for another week, maybe two.

11. Just because you were too sick to go to school today doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with your friends now.

12. If you can’t say something nice about a person, text it.

13. This will hurt you a lot more than it hurts me, I can guarantee that.

14. If you don’t eat all your dessert, you can’t have any broccoli.

15. Why are your clothes so clean?  Go back outside and don’t come back in until you have grass stains all over.

16. Your room is just too tidy, go mess it up a little.

17. Those starving children on the other side of the world? They wouldn’t eat this slop either.

18. Sure keep that stray dog.  I will be happy to feed it, walk it, and take care of it.

19. Today’s music is so much better than when I was a kid.

20. Actually, I am made out of money!

Thought for the Week

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”~Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family


What I Learned in College


This past weekend I attended the college graduation of my youngest son.  It does not seem possible that so many years have come and gone since I graduated from college.  The occasion did have me reflecting back on a few things that I learned way back in my college days.

  • I could survive 1,000 miles from home.
  • Yet, as Dorothy said, “There is no place like home.” 
  • There really is a reason why you separate clothes before washing. 
  • College cannot be survived without pizza and coffee.
  • Never trust stuffed peppers in the cafeteria.
  • Some of those foods I avoided for the first eighteen years of my life really were not bad.
  • Sometimes the most fun you can have is when you don’t act your age.
  • Be certain your aim is good before trying to throw tomatoes out your window from across the room. 
  • Sitting on a bench eating ice cream and watching cars go by is not a bad way to spend time. 
  • Sleep is over-rated. 
  • About the only courses I excelled in were racquetball, softball, bowling and ice skating. 
  • I could spend hours in a dorm room just sitting and talking with a friend.
  • An “F” in calculus was not the end of the world, nor would it be the last failure of my life.
  • Selling turkey shaped cookies at Thanksgiving is a marketing opportunity everyone is missing. 
  • A good roommate is a friend for life even if you lose track of each other for a while. 
  • The activities you are involved in are as much a part of your college experience as the classes you take. 
  • Memories of arguments can last longer than memories of what was argued about. 
  • Pranks are paid back with interest. 
  • Dorm rooms/apartments strangely enough do not clean themselves. 
  • Letters from family and friends were like manna from heaven. 
  • Your plans are not set in stone. You can change majors or schools or both like I did.
  • Some of us never really decide what we want to be when we grow up.
  • You really can do things you never dreamed you could. 
  • You’re not nearly as smart as you think you are. 
  • You’re not nearly as dumb as you think you are.
  • You are not finished learning when you graduate. 
  • Possessions can be replaced. 
  • Calling your parents on Saturday morning is a good habit to get into and one I still have.


Friday Funny May 2, 2014 May the Fourth Be With You


Happy Friday and welcome to May!  I saw some news this week about the making of the next Star Wars  movie which reminded me that Sunday is 5/4/14.  So May the 4th be with you!

Q: How is Ducktape like the Force?
A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.

Q: Why did the Jedi cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side.

Q: Where is Princess Leia’s favorite place for shopping?
A: The Darth Maul!

Q: What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?
A: A Sith-Kabob!

Q: What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?
A: Wookieeleaks

Q: What do you call a bounty hunter from the South?
A: Bubba Fett

Q: What do Jedi use to view PDF files?
A: Adobe Wan Kenobi

Q. What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the Chinese restaurant when Luke was having trouble using chopsticks?
A. “Use the forks, Luke.”

Q. Why didn’t the pitcher from the forest moon of Endor stay on the baseball team?
A. ‘Ewoked every batter he faced

Q. Which Jedi Master became a pastry chef?
A. His name was Obi-wan Cannoli

Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
A: Because he’s always making new friends!

Q. What do you get if you mix a fruit with a bounty hunter?
A. Mango Fett!

Q. Where do Gungans store pickles?
A. In Jar Jars.

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
A. An ele-Vader.

Q. What do you call a Sith who is afraid of almost everything?
A. Sithy.

Q: What do you call a pirate droid?
A: Argh2-D2

Q. Why didn’t Princess Leia have a boyfriend on her home planet?
A. Because she was looking for love in Alderaan places.

Thought for the Week
“No. Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda