Friday Funny June 18, 2021 Too Much Coffee

Happy Friday! Growing up, I thought that I would never drink coffee. Then during my freshman year of college I came to the realization that coffee was a lot cheaper than soda pop. Ever since then I have been drinking a LOT of coffee, but how much coffee is too much coffee? (That is a silly question – there is never too much!) However, if you think it is possible to have too much coffee, there are a few signs that might serve as indicators.

You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee When…
• Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• All your kitchen appliances are made by Mr. Coffee.
• You speed walk – in your sleep.
• You grind your own coffee beans – in your mouth.
• The doctor uses a tachometer to take your pulse.
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• You lick your coffeepot clean.

You spent your last vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
• You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
• You have a T-shirt that says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
• All your children are named “Joe”.
• You don’t sweat, you percolate.
• You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• You walk twenty minutes on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• Dunkin’ Doughnuts owns the mortgage on your house.
• Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans. •
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
• You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• You once had a crush on Mrs. Olsen.
• You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
• You don’t tan, you roast.
• You can’t even remember your second cup.
• You help your dog chase its tail
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
• You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
• You named your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
• Your birthstone is a coffee bean
• Your blood type is Arabica positive.
• Your resume lists Tim Horton as a reference.
• You have a tattoo that says, “Born to Brew.”
• You can play the “Minute Waltz” in 34 seconds
• When someone says. “How are you?” you reply, “Good to the last drop.”
• You introduce your spouse as your Coffeemate.


It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.~ Dave Barry

1 thought on “Friday Funny June 18, 2021 Too Much Coffee

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