Monthly Archives: February 2021

Friday Funny February 26, 2021 Humor to the Highest Bidder

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Happy Friday!  The sun was out this week and melted most of our snow, I think I can make it to spring!  With spring comes spring cleaning and I have found that eBay is a great place to get rid of some of that stuff that has just been laying around gathering dust for years.  So, let’s laugh all the way to the Bank with some eBay jokes this week.

Enjoy!

I am not sold on how easy eBay is to use.  I tried to look up lighters, but all they had was 14,245 matches.

If the Pope purchased something on eBay would he pay for it using PaPal?

I saw a 65 inch tv on eBay, the description stated that the volume was stuck on full. The Buy It Now price was $10, I thought I just cannot turn this down.

I decided to list my vacuum cleaner on eBay, it was just collecting dust.

I bought some balloons years ago and decided to sell them recently on eBay, of course I did adjust the price for inflation.

If Neil Diamond purchased a Saab on eBay would you say he got a Swede car online?

Today I got lost in eBay, it felt like the Amazon in there.

I am considering selling my collection of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay, I can just imagine all the PayPal.

If you purchased a good deal of “Happy Days” memorabilia on eBay but it never arrived would you be the victim of a Fonzie scheme?

I  was told that I can’t use eBay anymore.  I don’t know why exactly, they just said it was for biddin’.

I was going to tell you another joke about  eBay, but you probably would not get until the middle of next week.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Get rid of clutter and you may just find it was blocking the door you’ve been looking for.” ~Katrina Mayer, KatrinaMayer.com

http://WWW.QUOTEGARDEN.COM

Friday Funny February 19, 2021 Cold Hard Humor

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Happy Friday!  Let me send you warm thoughts as so many of us are dealing with quite inclement weather this week.  We can complain about it or we can laugh about it.

Enjoy!

This week, while it snowed, I’ve just been staring through the window, I am hoping that eventually my wife will let me in.

Think about it – does a snowman really need a scarf?

It has been so cold this week that I had to break the smoke off my chimney.

It has been is so cold this week that I am shivering like a mobster in a tax office.

It has been so cold this week that I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.

It was so cold that I tried lighting a fire in my small boat but it caught fire and sunk, turned out that I could not have my kayak and heat it too.

Would you call a cold crocodile a refrigergator?

Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

I saw a hipster walking outside in the cold with no coat on, he said that he had gone outside before it was cool.

For use in winter, I invented a cold air balloon, it just never took off.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Snowflakes are one of nature’s most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together. ~Vista M. Kelly

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny February 12, 2021 Romantic Ruminations

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Happy Friday!  Just in case you have not looked at a calendar lately, Sunday is February 14th and that means it is Valentine’s Day.  I gathered a few interesting thoughts about love for you to ponder between now and then.

Enjoy!

“Love is sharing your popcorn.” ~ Charles Schultz

“Gravitation can’t be held responsible for people falling in love.” ~ Albert Einstein

“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” ~ Franklin P. Jones

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” ~ Rita Rudner

“It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.” ~ Unknown

“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” ~ Elizabeth Evans

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ~ Charles M. Schulz

“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” ~ Carroll Bryant

“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” ~ Steven Wright

“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” ~ Bob Hope

 “Love is being stupid together.” ~ Paul Valery

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” ~ Lemony Snicket

“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” ~ Lynda Barry

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” ~ Winston Churchill

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” ~ Mark Twain

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” ~ George Burns

“The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.” ~ Blaise Pascal

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK 

“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.” ~ Unknown

Friday Funny February 5, 2021 Career Changes

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Happy Friday!  The first part of a new year often has folks thinking about career changes.  At times I have considered some changes as well.

Enjoy!

I considered working at the helium factory but I simply refused to be spoken to in that tone.

I thought about getting into astronomy, there is a field that seems to be looking up.

I considered being a telemarketer, but decided it just was not my calling.

I thought about changing to archeology, but my plans ended in ruins.

I considered being a chemist, but I found that it was not the right solution.

I tried my hand at being a sculptor, but I lost all my marbles.

I considered a job as a waiter, at least it would allow me to put food on the table.

I considered switching to a career in mathematics but I discovered I was past my prime.

For a long time, I considered being a lawyer, but it lost its appeal.

I was on the path to be a train conductor, but I got side-tracked.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“To be successful, you have to have your heart in your business, and your business in your heart.”  ~Thomas J. Watson

http://www.quotegarden.com