Monthly Archives: January 2019

Friday Funny February 1, 2019 Happy Groundhog Day!

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Happy Friday!  Happy Super Bowl Weekend! and Happy Groundhog Day!  I hope you are staying warm in these days of the Polar Vortex!  Maybe we will get some good news from our friendly neighborhood groundhog this weekend!

Enjoy!

Tomorrow is Groundhog Day which has got to be one of the stranger days that we “observe.”  At various locations from New York to Colorado people will gather before the sun comes up to determine whether or not a rodent will see his shadow and somehow this translates into how much more winter we will have.  This “holiday” has been around for a couple of hundred years and supposedly has its origins in ancient European weather lore where instead of a large ground squirrel, the weather was predicted by a badger or a bear.  

There will be at least 25 Groundhog Day celebrations featuring 25 different groundhogs this weekend.  Some of these groundhogs will not see their shadows and thus predict an early spring.  However other groundhogs will see their shadow and predict six more weeks of winter.  Now I will not be going to Punxsutawney, PA to see Punxsutawney Phil or even to Marion, OH to see Buckeye Chuck, I will stay warm under the covers of my bed Saturday morning.  I just looked at the calendar and noticed that it is about seven weeks until spring.

Yet groundhogs are not the only folks venturing out this weekend, here are a few that you might miss.

If Tom Brady sees his shadow does that mean he will play six more seasons?

If a US Senator sees his shadow does that means six more years of spending.?

If Brenda Snipes sees her shadow does that means six more weeks of counting votes in Broward County?

If Mark Zuckerburg sees his shadow will he also see your shadow as well?

If Cincinnati Bengals Owner Mike Brown sees his shadow does that mean it will be six more weeks before the Bengals name a Head Coach?

If Cincinnati Reds Manager David Bell sees his shadow does that mean it is eight weeks until Opening Day?

Will New Orleans Saints Receiver Tommylee Lewis see his shadow or the shadow of a  Rams Defensive Back?

If Kim Kardashian sees her shadow would I care?

Thought for the Week

The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears. ~ Bill Vaughan http://www.brainyquote.com

 

My Big Game Challenge 2019

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We are smack dab in the middle of the hype for the Big Game (like Valdemort only the fearless dare write the words “Super Bowl”).  I have  seen stories on the national network news  about who will sing the National Anthem; I have heard commercials for the morning shows talking about what the commercials will be during the game;  I have seen ads for how to make your Big Game party the best Big Game party ever.  It seems like everywhere you turn there is a Big Game Challenge.  Well here is my big game challenge – just say no – don’t watch it.

Call me crazy, but let’s be ultra radical, counter cultural rebels this year and just ignore the whole thing.  Let me say that I was ahead of my time on this one.  It has nothing to do with politics, I stopped watching the Super Bowl years ago.  Why?  Because this whole thing has gotten completely out of control.  This is a football game, albeit a very big championship game, but it is still a football game.  And why do people gather to watch this particular football game? Apparently  they spend a lot of money on food and invite people over to watch commercials and a half-time show that would make Milli Vanilli look good!  People spend time, effort and money to host a party to watch commercials?  And you think I’m the crazy one here??

A number of years ago, I awoke on the Sunday of the Big Game, turned on the TV BEFORE going to church and the pregame show had already started.  The game would not be starting for more than twelve hours.  That day, a little light went on for me and I decided I would never watch another Super Bowl.  I will flip to the station a time or two or check the score on the internet, but I refuse to watch the game.  (I will make an exception if the Bengals ever make it back, but hey what are the odds of that ever happening?)

Think about it, this week we will hear all the questions about the Big Game, some might even make sense; however someone will probably come up with a gem like the one that was asked Dallas running back Emmitt Smith prior to Super Bowl XXVII.  A brilliant journalist asked him, “What are you going to wear in the game Sunday?”

Admittedly many people watch the game for the commercials.  This Sunday advertisers will pay over $5 million for a thirty-second commercial.  For Super Bowl I, that same amount of money would have bought most of the time that the game aired. If any of the commercials are good, I can always watch them on You Tube.

Some people watch it for the half-time show which is supposedly one of the most watched events in the country.  Early on, the halftime featured college and high school marching bands.  Over the years the halftime show has featured Al Hirt three times, Carol Channing twice, Up With People a record four times, Michael Jackson and wardrobe malfunction sister Janet, Diana Ross, Blues Brothers and who could forget 1989 when halftime featured, Elvis Presto an Elvis impersonator AND a magician!  In 2012 three million more people watched the halftime show than watched the game!  Maybe this is not a championship football game with a halftime show; maybe it is a fifteen minute show with half a football game before and after it?  

Just for fun – here is the Up With People halftime show from Super Bowl XVI which the Bengals actually played in.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxK3qTsj_eE

Come be a rebel and join me in my quixotic quest, we can change the world one television set at a time.

Friday Funny January 25, 2018 Diet Jokes for the New Year

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Happy Friday!  Perhaps one of your goals for 2019 is to lose a few pounds.  Now that all the holiday goodies are gone, it is time to get to it!  To inspire you, I am providing a buffet of diet jokes this week.

Enjoy!

Shredded Cheese Diet – it is a grate way to cheddar a few pounds.

Paint Store Diet – a great place to get thinner.

Garlic Diet – you don’t lose a lot of weight, but your friends think you look thinner from a distance.

Alien Diet – it helps you get rid of extra cholesterols.

Low carb diets go against the grain.

I heard about a new diet clinic that is so good that it will take your breadth away.

Nobelly Prize – awarded annually. to the world’s best dieters.

A lot of dieting is just wishful shrinking.

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting – it is called “getting hungry.”

I am on a three-week diet, so far I have lost two weeks.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.” ~ Unknown

Friday Funny January 18, 2018 A Touching Story About Doilies

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Happy Friday!  This week I wanted to share a very touching story about doilies.

Enjoy!

An older couple who had been married for fifty years decided that it was time to downsize as they approached retirement. As they were packing things up, the husband came across a shoe-box back in the corner of a shelf in the closet.  When he opened it, he was surprised to find two 2 doilies and three large bundles of twenty-dollar bills.  He took the shoe-box to his wife and asked her if she knew about the box.

She gave him a sheepish smile and told him about some advice she had received from her Mother before they had gotten married.  She said that her Mother had told that she should crochet a doily every time that she got mad at her husband instead of getting into an argument.

The husband was quite touched thinking about all the good and bad times they had shared over the last fifty years and that his lovely wife had only been mad twice.

“What about the three bundles of twenty-dollar bills?” he asked.  “Oh that,” she replied, “is  the money I made from selling the doilies.”

Thought for the Week

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire   http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny January 11, 2019 Real Estate Terms

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Happy Friday!  I hope that 2019 is off to a good start for you.  This week my neighbor put his house on the market which started me thinking  about how houses for sale are described in listings and how some of those words could mean something just a little different from what one might assume. 

Enjoy! 

Breathtaking – one whiff of the basement and your eyes will water and your will cough uncontrollably.

Classic – this was a great house when in was built in 1945 and not a thing has been changed since.

Retro – you will love the avocado green appliances, shag carpeting and wagon wheel light.

Intimate – not quite large enough for your family, even if it is a family of one.

Easy Highway Access – simply back out of your driveway and voila’ you are on the entrance ramp to I-75.

Get-away – almost impossible to find and the address does not appear on any map.

Great Investment – plan on investing every dollar you make to try to get this one up-to-date.

One-of-a-kind – built by four different contractors without the aid of any blueprints.

Quiet – all the other houses on the street have been abandoned.

Mature Landscaping – you will need a machete to find the front door.

Priced to Sell – as long as you are willing to overpay.

Motivated Buyer – he is motivated to take every dollar possible from you.

Storybook – every house has a story to tell and this one could have been written by Stephen King.

Thought for the Week

We should all be concerned about the future because we will have to spend the rest of our lives there. ~Charles F. Kettering

http://www.quotegarden.com

Who Needs a Career Path?

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For me the beginning of 2019 brought a new job in a new industry with new responsibilities.  I am hoping that that this will be my last full-time employer as I am rounding third and heading for home career-wise.

The change has had me thinking about the jobs and careers that I have had during my work-life.  As I was pondering, I came across the pay stub from my very first pay from my very first job.

For me, my work life began early in my senior year of high school at Sherer’s Ice Cream on North Main Street in Dayton, Ohio.  My first week I worked five hours, two hours on Friday and three hours on Saturday.  For my efforts, I was paid, before tax, $6.50 (for those of you that did not pull up the calculator app on your phone, that translates into $1.30 per hour.)  Thirty-eight cents were deducted in taxes leaving me with $6.12 net (somewhere in a baggy in  my basement there is a $1 bill that was part of that $6.12 (Mr. Sherer paid in cash). I do not recall exactly what I did with that first pay, but the odds are that I did go and blow it all in one place – probably on a date to the movies.

Thankfully, my income has increased significantly from $1.30/hr and it does not take an entire paycheck to go to the movies (although the price of a movie has increased several fold since then – but that is a topic for another day).  They say you have to start somewhere and Sherer’s was a good place to start.  Since then I have had a number of jobs – some positive experiences and some negative experiences – some part-time and some full-time – some with good growth potential and some with no potential – some that sounded impressive and some that did not – some that paid well and some that paid $1.30/hr – sometimes more than one job at a time.  

Each job I have ever had has contributed to where I am now and who I am now.  My career path (if I ever really had a career path) has been rather circuitous and not the way I would have planned it, but I survived and it has been an interesting journey that is not over yet.  As the aftermath started to settle from one job involving trying to move to another city that just never panned out, my wife wisely stated, “things worked out pretty well for things not working out very well.”  I think that sums up my career – things have worked out pretty well for things to have not worked out very well.

Friday Funny January 4, 2019 I Just Started a New Job

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Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  I hope that 2019 is off to a good start and that this will turn out to be a great year for you.  In my world, I am starting the new year with a new job – so here is some new job humor to kick off Friday Funnies for 2019.

Enjoy!

I just started a new job shredding cheese, it’s grate.

I just started a new job at a factory that makes bells, the offer was very a-pealing.

I just started a new job as a window installer, it’s a real pane.

I just started a new job as a Cuban Dictator.  I’m Havana great time.

I just started a new job as a baker, I kneaded the dough.

I just started a new job with a recycling company, they made me an offer I could not refuse.

I just turned down a new job as an elevator repairman, it was just wrong on so many levels.

I just started a new job with a tree removal service, I am the branch manager.

I just started a new job with Fitbit, it seemed like a step in the right direction.

I just started a new job at an origami factory, things should be good as long as the factory does not fold.

Thought for the Week

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” ~ Benjamin Franklin