Monthly Archives: November 2020

Friday Funny November 27, 2020 First Christmas Jokes of the Season

Happy Friday!  I hope you were able to have a nice Thanksgiving.  That means Christmas is just around the corner.  I thought I would bring out my first batch of Christmas jokes for the season.

Enjoy!

Have you noticed that you have never seen Santa in a hospital? That is because he has private elf care!

Is it true that if Santa’s elves don’t meet performance standards, he gives them the sack?

If you ate the Christmas decorations would you get Tinsil-it is?

I heard that Rudolph’s last report card was note very good, it seems he went down in history.

Is it true that Santa’s laundry detergent of choice is Yule-Tide?

Is it true that Santa goes down the chimney on Christmas Eve just because it soots him?

Would you call someone who is afraid of Santa- Claustrophobic?

If a snowman had a major temper tantrum would you call it a meltdown?

If Santa has mechanical problem with his sleigh does he have to call for a mistle-tow?

I hear that because of COVID 19 that this year the elves are using extra Santa-tizer.

“What if today, we were just grateful for everything?”~Charlie Brown

Thanksgiving Up In Smoke

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that, for most of us, is filled with memories:  memories of gatherings, memories of food, fond memories with family and friends.  This year Thanksgiving will be a different one and a memorable one in a number of ways.

For me, one of the most memorable Thanksgiving was in 1980 and it hard to believe it was forty years ago.  I was a senior in college and Thanksgiving break is ALWAYS welcome when one is in college.  The break usually means being home with family, sleeping in your own bed, eating some real home cooking and spending time with people that you do not get to see near as often as you used to.

Thanksgiving Day itself was nothing out of the ordinary and to be honest, I do not have many memories of that day.  However, the break took an eventful turn on Saturday morning.  I had transferred to Miami University after my sophomore year and had rented an apartment with two friends I had known since grade school.  Saturday morning I had a call from Joe who had received a call from Randy.  Randy’s Dad had heard on the radio that there had been a fire at our apartment in Oxford.  So, the three of us headed to Oxford from Dayton to see what was going on.  Upon our arrival we found that most of the third floor of the three floor apartment building was gone and, unfortunately, we lived on the third floor.

It is rather amazing that there were no firemen or anyone there to keep us out, so we went up to the third floor to have a  look around.  What we saw was not very pretty as the above picture of my bed can show.  We dragged out some stuff, most of which was thrown away as soon as we unloaded it at home.  It is interesting to see one’s entire album collection fused together in one mass.  I did trim the burnt edges off of my Cost Accounting book so that I could use for the Advanced Cost Accounting course.  

It is said that there is always a silver lining and there was a silver lining that rose out of the ashes that was my college apartment.  My Dad received an insurance check to help cover the loss.  Out of what came in the check, he gave me a portion.  There were two items that I purchased with the insurance money.  The first thing I bought was Wilson A2000 baseball glove which I still have in my possession and used up until COVID took softball away this year.  The other, more expensive and perhaps the more important purchase I made was an engagement ring.  (It was 1/4 carat, the insurance check was not that big.)  Fortunately the engagement ring is still in use as well.

This Thanksgiving will be different, but hopefully there will still be a roof over your head when Saturday morning rolls around.

 

Friday Funny November 20, 2020 Thanksgiving Jokes

Happy Friday!  The good news is that there are only six more weeks left in 2020, the bade news is who knows what 2021 will bring!  However, if we try, we can all find things to be thankful for even during this difficult year.  Thanksgiving is less than a week away now, so here is a serving of jokes to get you in the mood,

Enjoy!

If you pass down the family recipe for turnkey from one generation to another would you call that copy and basting?

Would you call a turkey’s evil twin a gobblegänger?

Is it true that the turkey crossed the road so that people would think he was a chicken instead?

Is it true that turkeys make are not very good baseball players because they always hit fowl balls?

If a turkey hurt his leg causing a limb would he “Wobble, wobble!?”

If a fire breaks out during your Thanksgiving dinner should you stop, drop, and pass the rolls?

If a turkey got in a fight would he get the stuffing knocked out of him?

Is a turkey’s favorite internet browser “Google, google!?”

 If a flock of turkeys go to a dance would it be a Butterball?

 If they made a movie about a real person who hosted the largest Thanksgiving dinner in history would they say that it was baste on a True Story?

I am so excited for Thanksgiving Dinner this year because this year I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey.  You should have seen the look on the faces of all the other people in the grocery store!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.” ~President John F. Kennedy, Thanksgiving Day Proclamation, 1963

http://WWW.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 13, 2020 FF Bad Luck Jokes for Friday the 13th

Happy Friday the 13!  Given all that has happened in 2020 perhaps you are really apprehensive about this Friday the 13.  But put aside your paraskevidekatriaphobia, take a deep breath, look bad luck in the eye and give a hearty laugh.

Enjoy!

I hope really hope that you are not really scared of Friday the 13th, because it is bad luck to be superstitious.

My luck is so bad that my personality test came back negative.

My luck is so bad that I switched to Nationwide. They were not on my side.

My luck is so bad that when I had a pet rock, it ran away.

My luck is so bad that I planned my own birthday party and I still was not invited.

My luck is so bad that the last time I tried to be cool I ended up with hypothermia.

Would you call someone down on their luck who does stock photos a poor business model?

The other day I saw someone pushing a cart full of horse shoes and rabbit feet and I thought to myself – now that is really pushing your luck.\

Did you that Garden Gnomes are a supposed to bring you good luck?  Thai is a little gnome fact.

I cut the prong off a fork and am wearing it on a necklace for luck.  You know what they day – third tine’s the charm!

If it were not for negative variance, I would have no variance at all.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“To a brave man, good luck and bad luck are like his right and left hand.  He uses both.” ~ Catherine of Siena

 

Friday Funny November 5, 2020 Feeling A Tad Old

Happy Friday!  The weirdness that is 2020 just keeps on giving.  It will be a year that we will remember, although for me my memory ain’t what it used to be.

Enjoy!

You know you are starting to get old when you have been there and done that, but you can’t remember what “that” was.

You know you are starting to get old when people tell you that you are “retro.”

You know you are starting to get old when see expensive antiques and you know it is just like it that you threw away.

You know you are starting to get told when you old when you buy extra-large print-alphabet soup.

You know you starting to get are old when you stop searching for the meaning of life and focus instead on searching for your car keys

I’ve got the memory of an elephant; I remember this one time that I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

The other night I ate part of my memory foam mattress again.  I had forgotten how much better it tastes than a traditional mattress.

I was out for a walk the other night and went down a down a street where the homes were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1024K, it was a trip down memory lane.

Did you hear about the mafia Don who had memory issues? He kept making people offers he couldn’t remember.

I am so old that when I was a kid rainbows were black and white.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You never realize what a good memory you have until you try to forget something.” ~ Franklin Jones