Monthly Archives: October 2018

Friday Funny October 19, 2018 Sleep on It

Happy Friday!  After a long week, many look forward to some rest and relaxation over the weekend.  Here is wishing you rest and sweet dreams.

Enjoy!

I have a condition that makes me eat when I can’t sleep, it’s called Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia!”

I do not think I am an early bird nor a night owl.  I am more of a permanently exhausted pigeon.

I got paid for being part of a study at the sleep clinic, yes it was my dream job.

The most consistent exercise I get is tossing and turning all night.

One night I dreamed I was a muffler. When I woke up I was exhausted.

Another night I dreamed that I’d written “The Lord of the Rings.” When I mentioned this to my wife she said that I’d been Tolkien in my sleep.

My friend asked me if they could borrow some sleeping pills. I said “Sure, knock yourself out.”

If there was an elephant who had trouble sleeping would you give him a trunkquillizer?

I heard that Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight not because he’s afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him.

Studies have shown that the amount of sleep required by an average person is ten more minutes.

If your iPad making is making you fall asleep, I heard there’s a nap for that.

I vow not to sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia.

Thought for the Week

“What hath night to do with sleep?” ― John Milton, Paradise Lost

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Friday Funny October 12, 2018 Business Jokes

Happy Friday!  Congratulations for surviving yet another work week and speaking of work, here is a little workplace humor to wrap up your work week.

Enjoy!

My boss is very easygoing. He told me not to think of him as the boss, rather, think of him as a friend who is never wrong.”

I tried to begin a limousine business. But despite putting all my money and effort into it, I never even got my first customer…all that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

I once had a job assisting a one-armed typist with capital letters.. it was shift work.

I recently applied for a job as an inspector at a mirror factory, it is something I could see myself doing.

My wife tells me that I talk in my sleep all the time. But I do not buy it, nobody at work ever mentions it.

If business slows down at a medicine factory could you hear a cough drop?

Did the electrician decide to close business one day a week because business was light?

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man who tried to make a success in the stone quarry business? It turned out that it was a pyramid scheme all along

 Committee Meeting Rules
1) Never arrive on time, this marks you as a beginner.
2) Don’t say anything until the meeting is half over; this marks you as being wise.
3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.
4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular since this is what everyone is waiting for.

Thought for the Week

To get something done a committee should consist of no more than three people, two of whom are absent.  ~Robert Copeland

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny October 5, 2018 Murphy’s Law and Corollaries

Happy Friday and Welcome to October!  No doubt you have heard of Murphy’s Law – the old adage that “If anything can go wrong it will go wrong.”  This week I thought I would expand on that and share some similar thoughts.

Enjoy!

If you find a way to make ends meet, the ends will move. 

If you change lines because another line is moving faster, the line you just left will move faster than the one you changed to. 

If there is a 50-50 chance that you might be right, there is a 90 percent chance you will be wrong.

If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn’t. 

If you have lost an item, the quickest way to find it is to purchase its replacement.

If you ask more than one question in a work-related email the only question that will be answered is the one that you are least concerned with.

If you are waiting for an email to be answered, it will arrive as soon as you step away from your computer.

If you receive any recognition for work, it will be related to the lest enjoyable part of your job.

If you drop any tool or small item, it will roll to the least accessible spot in the room.

 If the shoe fits perfectly, you will not like the style.

If you have just poured a hot cup of coffee, your attention will be required for the exact amount of time it will take you coffee to become room temperature.

If you find a product that you really like, the company will cease production.

If you find a television show you really enjoy, it will be canceled.

If there is a song you despise, it will be played on the radio.  

At any event, anyone with a seat closer to the center of the row will arrive after you are seated.

The probability of an event happening has an inverse ratio to its desirability. 

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Thought for the Week

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. ~John Peel

http://www.quotegarden.com