Happy Friday!  We have already come to the last Friday in January!  They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so how about a side order of breakfast jokes to kick off the weekend?

Enjoy!

Is it true that for breakfast iPhones eat Siri-al?

Is it true that for breakfast thesauruses eat synonym buns?

Is it true that for breakfast cats eat mice krispies?

Is it true that for breakfast dogs eat woofles?

Is it true that for breakfast Spies eat their waffles syruptitiously?

Is it true that for breakfast electricians eat Ohm-eletes?

Is it true that for breakfast comedian’s eat pun-cakes?

I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast, you could say that I am lack-toast intolerant.

This morning I had the strangest breakfast, it was surreal.

I once went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France, man that place really gave me the crêpes.

Most mornings I really do not care what I have for breakfast, you might even say I am eggnostic.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

‘I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.’~ Steven Wright

Recently my wife purchased an Amazon Alexia device.  It can turn on lights, act as a timer, answer a myriad of questions and it can tell jokes!  You be the judge of whether or not it can tell good jokes.

Enjoy!

I asked a lone wolf for a stick of gum, but she didn’t have a pack.

What do you call a pretty pig?

Hamsome.

What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken.

What did the Terminator say when he drank his last drop of coffee?

Hasta Barista Baby.

How does James Bond like to sleep?

Under covers.

What do you call an X-wing pilot who does too many barrel rolls?

Puke Skywalker.

Why did the chief chase the chickens oat of the restaurant?

Too many clucks in the kitchen.

Why was the chiropractor so busy?

He had back-to-back meetings.

Where does a rhombus post its selfies?

On a parallelogram

Did you read the reviews about the new blender?

It got mixed results.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“People will come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think.” ~ Aldous Huxley.

Happy Friday!  I was reading the other day about how credit card balances went up a significant amount in December.  So, I thought it would be a good time to share some credit & banking jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that Luke Skywalker’s credit card of preference is a Jedi Mastercard.

Would you call a credit card riding a train from New York to  Los Angeles an American Express?

I heard that if you have bad credit and need a loan that you should take a trigonomitrist with you to the Bank so that he can cosign.

Is it true that the bank owner bought some cows to beef up security?

Bankers, by nature are pretty antisocial, they really are a bunch of loaners.

I read a story about a cheetah who robbed a bank.  He ran away so fast that he almost got away with it. Unfortunately, he was spotted.

Is it true that money is called dough because we all knead it?

My Dad used to tell me that I should work really hard until my bank balance would look like a phone number.  Well after years and years I have done it, my balance is $9.11.

I don’t like to brag, but I am pretty good at managing my credit accounts.  In fact the Bank keeps sending me letters to let me know that my balance is outstanding.

It has gotten cold again.  The other morning I had to scrap the ice off of my windshield.  I used my supermarket credit card and got 10% off.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.” ~ George Gobel

Happy Friday!  I hope that 2023 is off to a good start for you and that good things are ahead.  It is that time of year when it seems like there is always someone in the family who is sick as germs just keep making their rounds during winter.  So grab a tissue and a laugh.

Enjoy!

My wife gave me a “Get better soon” card.  I am not sick; she just thinks I can be better.

Is it true that when a boat gets sick it goes to the dock?

Is it true that when a horse gets sick it goes to the horsepital?

Is it true that when fish get sick, they go to the sturgeon?

Is it true that when a snake is sick, it should take an anti-hiss-tamine?

Is your cat sick if she is not feline well?

If you get sick at the airport would that be called a terminal illness?

Is it true that most employees get sick on work days because of their weekend immune system?

If you are feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump would you have the car owner virus?

If you get sick in space, would you still say the you are under the weather?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I feel more like I do now than I did a little while ago” ~ Mr. Youngerman, my high school chemistry teacher