Monthly Archives: August 2016

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

lgs

Since the dawn of time people have disagreed.  They have disagreed about politics.  They have disagreed about theology.  They have disagreed about customs and mores.  They have disagreed about Coke vs. Pepsi.  They have disagreed about the designated hitter. They have disagreed about, you get my point, people disagree about almost everything.  

You may even disagree with my statement that people disagree!  If I have learned anything and, by the way the jury is still out on that, I have learned that pretty much any statement I make would not be agreed to by at least one half of the general population.

However, it seems that in this age of connectivity and social media and instant news that many of us now assume that everyone wholeheartedly agrees with us about everything we say and that if someone does not agree with us then he or she must be some kind of a hater or “phobe.”  Let me share a deep thought with you.  If everyone in your circle of friends and acquaintances agrees with you on everything, you have a pretty small circle of friends and acquaintances.

This brought to mind a song released by the group War in 1975 with the title “Why Can’t We Be Friends.”  This is the chorus of the song:

“Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends?”

To the best of my recollection, I do not remember being taught or seeing discrimination of any kind at home.  I was fortunate to go to schools that were mixed religiously, socio- economically and racially. And guess what?  We got along.  I had a great group of friends in high school and not one of them was just like me.  Do not get me wrong, I have opinions and values that I hold to firmly, but that does not mean I cannot be civil and friendly to those who do not hold the same views as I do.  Nor does it mean that I cannot learn from and appreciate others.

So, let’s just lighten up a bit when someone shares a view that does not fall 100% into your view.  You may disagree and the odds are half of you just did.

“Sometimes I don’t speak right
But yet I know what I’m talking about

Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends?”

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Friday Funny August 26, 2016 The Class of 2020

ELIZABETH HALL

It appears many of the colleges in my corner of the world have either started classes this week or are having “move-in” days for freshman.  I always liked the excitement of the beginning of a new school year wondering what adventures awaited me.  Alas, those years are LONG gone.  As if I did not have enough reminders of how the years are ganging up on me, this time each year Beloit College publishes their “Mindset List” noting events that have shaped the incoming freshman class.  Once again, I will share some of the items that caught my attention.  For the whole list visit http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/

Students heading into their first year of college this year are mostly 18 and were born in 1998.  This students will make up the class of 2020, here is hoping that their foresight in life will live up to their 20/20 moniker.

Frank Sinatra, Phil Hartman, Matthew Shepard,  and Sonny Bono have never been alive in their lifetime.

They never heard Harry Caray sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” during the seventh inning at Wrigley Field.

John Elway and Wayne Gretzky have always been retired.

SpongeBob SquarePants has always lived at Bikini Bottom.

They disagree with their parents as to which was the “first” Star Wars episode.

NFL coaches have always had the opportunity to throw a red flag and question the ref.

West Nile has always been a virus found in the U.S.

Vladimir Putin has always been calling the shots at the Kremlin.

Bluetooth has always been keeping us wireless and synchronized.

Snowboarding has always been an Olympic sport.

DreamWorks has always been making animated creatures heroic and lovable.

They have never seen billboard ads for cigarettes.

The New York Stock Exchange has never reported its ups and downs in fractions.

Instant, tray-less ice cubes have never been a novelty.

Michael J. Fox has always spoken publicly about having Parkinson’s disease.

Thought for the Week

Education is the movement from darkness to light.  ~Allan Bloom

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny August 19, 2016 Back to School

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Happy Friday!  I remember way back when that school always started the day after Labor Day; however, in many places school started this week.  So let’s kick off back-to-school Friday with a little school related humor.

Enjoy!

I would do my math homework, but I’ve already got my own problems.

Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.

What did the dog say to his classmate? “Can I copy your homework, I ate mine.”

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

Teacher: ‘Johnny, you know you can’t sleep in my class.’                                                              Johnny: ‘I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.’

On the first day of school, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to for the first day back at school!”
“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
“Well, firstly, the kids all hate me, and secondly, the teachers all hate me, too!”
“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”
“Give me one good reason why I should go to school.”
“Well, you are the principal!”

Hot off the press back-to-school best sellers!

“Walking To School The First Day Back” by Misty Bus

“The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me” by I. Rhoda Bike

“Can’t See The Chalkboard” by Sidney N. Backrow

“What I Dislike About Returning To School” by Mona Lott

“Making It Through The First Week Of School” by Gladys Saturday

“Is Life Over When Summer Ends?” by Midas Wellbee

Thought for the Week

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” ~ Mark Twain

 

Friday Funny August 12, 2016 Gold Medal Humor

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Happy Friday!  The Olympics are well under way now.  It reminds of how in my younger days I wanted to be an Olympic 400m runner, but I soon discovered that there were just too many hurdles in my way.  However, I did round-up some Olympic jokes for you.

Enjoy!

Three American citizens went to Rio to see the summer Olympics.  Unfortunately they spent all their money on the trip and by the time they arrived there was no money left to purchase tickets to the events.  They were despondently standing outside the stadium where the Olympics were being held, bemoaning the fact that no money remained to buy a ticket to gain admission.  They all wanted to go so badly and to cheer on their countrymen. 

They took notice as competitors from around the world entered through a special back gate simply by telling the guard their country and event. This gave them an idea.

One of the three friends looked around and found a length of pipe lying on the ground.  He hefted it to his shoulder, walked to the gate and told the guard “England. High jump.” And the guard let him in! 

This inspired the second friend who looked around, picked up a manhole cover, and headed for the special gate. “Russia. Discus,” he told the guard, and in he went. 

Not to be left behind, the third friend, quickly conducted a frantic search.  However, all  he could find was some barbed wire. So, he grabbed it, ran to the gate, and announced “Poland. Fencing.”

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At the Olympic Games, Rhoda meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick.
‘Excuse me,’ says Rhoda to the man. ‘Are you a pole vaulter?’

‘No,”‘ says the man, ‘I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?’


The Olympic Best Seller List:

“The Olympic Trials” by Willy Qualify.

“Winter Olympic Sports” by Bob Sled.

“How to Do Gymnastics” by Tom E. Tuck.

“How to Win at the Olympics” by Vick Tori.

“The Marathon” by Will E. Makit.

Thought for the Week

“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self discipline, and effort.” — Jesse Owens, American track and field athlete and four-time gold medalist in 1936.

Friday Funny August 5, 2016 Rolling into the Weekend

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Happy Friday!  As we roll into the month of August here are a few car related jokes chosen especially for you.

Enjoy!

A woman is driving down a road. A man is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells “PIG!!” The man immediately leans out her window and yells “JERK!!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve he crashes into a herd of pigs in the middle of the road.

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A man needs to cross the street. But as he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and stops next to the man. The driver rolls down the window. It’s a squirrel. He says, “See, it’s not as easy as it looks.”

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A policeman pulls a car over for speeding.  He walks up to the driver’s window and asks: “Sir, do you know you were doing 110 mph in a 90 zone?”.  The man replies “Yes! I’m Sorry, but that’s because I was racing another car and lost track of the speed.”  Since he did not see any car besides that, the cop asks – “Sir, have you been drinking?”  The driver replies “A little bit of Whisky, but just because I needed something to take with the LSD I took at a party!”  The started policeman says, “LSD? Sir, I need you to step out of the car! Is there anything else I need to know? Drugs, Firearms?”  The driver adds, “Sure! There is at least 5 pounds of cocaine in my glove department and an AK-47 under my seat! But please, don’t open the trunk, or the person I just kidnapped will scape!”

The policeman cannot believe what he heard and a little afraid, he calls for his superior!

At his arrival, he tells everything to his Captain who goes to speak with the driver:

Captain: “Sir, my subordinate told me you have a kidnapped person in your trunk!” The driver opens the trunk: “As you can see, there’s no one here, but my jack and spare tire”

Captain: “What about the AK under your seat?”  The driver pulls his seat forward: “There’s no such thing here, just an umbrella!!”

Captain: “I see! And the cocaine in your glove compartment?”  Driver opens the glove compartment: “you must be kidding me! Only my registration’s there!”

Captain: “Have you been drinking or engaging in any kind of drugs?”  Driver: “Sir, I don’t smoke cigarettes, don’t drink. I’ve been in my home all night with my mom. That cop over there must be kidding you! HE told you I was drunk, took drugs, was armed and a drug dealer, and had kidnapped someone? I suppose he probably told you that I was speeding too?”

Thought for the Week

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. ~Author Unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com