Happy Friday! Halloween may be over, but there is probably still some candy in the house just waiting for you to eat it. So, here are some sweet jokes to go along with you sweet tooth.
Enjoy!
If you covered a sheep with chocolate, would you have a candy baa?
It seems like whenever I try to eat healthy there is a chocolate bar that looks at me and Snickers.
I was just wondering, can you feed an old dog new Twix?
The other day I saw a car made out of chocolate; I think it was a Ferrari Rocher.
I saw an ad for a new pizza place that uses candy as a topping, it is called Skittle Caesars.
I have started a collection of candy canes; they are all in mint condition.
My wife accused me of stealing all her Kit Kat bars, give me a break.
I am on the path to recovering from my addition to chocolate, nuts and marshmallows, but it has been a Rocky Road.
I am part of a group of people who have a candy named after them, nerds.
I had a lollipop joke, I am having trouble remembering it, but it is on the tip of my tongue.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“Years are like candy bars… We’re paying more, but they’re getting shorter.” ~ Charles M. Schulz
Happy Friday! Happy Labor Day! We have come to the unofficial end of another summer that has flown by. As we come to the holiday tat celebrates workers, I thought I would share some copier-related jokes which is the world I work in.
Enjoy!
I really like working at a place that sells copiers, I feel like we are all on the same page.
We had to let someone go for stealing printer cartridges, poor guy was caught magenta handed.
The other day I was making a lot of photocopies of strawberries and I ended up with a paper jam.
I keep my printer off to the side of me where I can see it in my peripheral vision.
Happy Friday! Happy 4th of July! I hope you take at least a few minutes this weekend to reflect on what the last 250 years has meant.
Enjoy!
I was checking the price of fireworks today, they have skyrocketed.
When George Washington gave his cattle feed was it the fodder of our country?
If a sheep fell down a hill while watching fireworks, would it be called a lambslide?
Is the best way to put a baby firework to sleep to rocket?
Is it true that if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog you would get a Yankee Poodle?
Is it true that the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army was Laugh-ayette?
Did you know that all the colonists wore Tea-shirts to the Boston Tea Party?
Did you hear about the firecracker that went to the hair salon to get bangs trimmed?
Did you know that during the Revolutionary War that the patriots’ favorite food was Chicken Catch-a-Tory?
It seems like there are not many things built in the USA anymore, I just purchased a new TV, the box stated “Built in Antennae” and I do not have any idea where that is!
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“May we think of freedom, not as the right to do as we please, but as the opportunity to do what is right.” ~ Peter Marshall
Happy Friday! We have reached Memorial Day Weekend and the unofficial start of summer. Amid the barbecues and picnics and pool parties this weekend, be sure to take time to reflect on the meaning of Memorial Day and the cost that many have paid so that we can have our freedom.
With summer upon us, let’s kick off the weekend with some summer jokes.
Enjoy!
Did you know that seashells stay clean by washing up on the beach?
Did you know that summer camp is hard for some people because it tends to be in tents?
Did you hear about watchmaker who went on vacation to unwind?
Did you hear about the professor who carefully waded into the pool because she wanted to test the water?
Did you know that ghosts go to the beach because they love to boo-gie board?
If you throw all your books into the ocean, would you get a title wave?
If cows stay out and get too much sun, would they give evaporated milk?
Would you call a crustacean that just lies on the beach all day a slobster?
I read about a sandwich maker who went to a summer camp to learn about condiments, it was a Mayo Clinic.
I read about a hipster who wore flannel in the summer because he wanted to wear it before it was cool.
I applied for a job at a sunscreen company. They rejected me, but I think I will reapply.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“A nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten.” ~ Woodrow Wilson
Happy Friday! I hope you have your shopping done and your decorations are up because Christmas is less than one week away! So, here are some more Christmas jokes to get you ready.
Enjoy!
Did you know that Captain Nemo never gets any presents from Santa because he is always on the Nautilus.
If someone is not sure about whether Santa exists or not would you call him an eggnogstic?
I read that Santa’s computer system has been hacked. I knew he should not have accepted all those cookies.
Be sure to read all the terms and conditions on the Christmas present you receive, they are, after all, the Santa clauses.
Did you hear about the rope that did not get any presents from Santa because he was on the Knotty List?
It has been such a good year at the North Pole that Santa bought new cars for all his elves, it is a whole fleet of Toy-otas.
I heard that Elton John wanted the lead role in the Santa Claus movies, but they turned him down for the part because he only has a tiny Dancer.
Did you know that the only letter to receive presents from Santa is the Letter E? All the all the other letters are not E.
Did you know that Santa is able to enter any home on Christmas Eve even without a search warrant because he has Probable Claus?
Do you know where does Santa goes to buy stuff for the naughty kids? Kohl’s.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.” ~ Charles Dickens, “A Christmas Carol”
