Monthly Archives: November 2016

Your Blue Jeans Have an Expiration Date

 

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Recently I heard of a report out of the UK concerning a study conducted to determine the precise age at which people should stop wearing jeans.  This grabbed my attention, I wondered how much such a study would cost, who would pay for such a study and who the subjects of said study would be. 

The study was funded by a parcel delivery and return service firm, CollectPlus which only made ponder why a delivery company would care about who does or does not wear jeans.  Somehow this study magically determined that the age at which we should all stop wearing jeans is 53.  This I found slightly depressing since I am still wearing jeans and apparently have passed my expiration date for doing so.

The article also addressed the difficulty encountered in finding the perfect pair of jeans.  It was determined that some folks spend up to five days looking for the ideal fit which lead me to conclude that people in Britain have a lot more time on their hands than I do. The study also delved into the “hidden costs” involved in finding that perfect pair of jeans (beware sometimes it may be difficult to hide things in a pair of jeans) like adding up the costs of  driving to the store, parking, and postage (postage??).  The study determined that these costs can amount to £33 ($41).  Since these hidden costs amount to more than I would spend on a pair of jeans, I next concluded that people in Britain have more money to squander than I do.

The study further revealed that the stress experienced while jean shopping led 6% of would-be jean shoppers to become so upset they burst into tears.  Which lead me to conclude that people in the UK are much more emotional about clothing than I am.

I do understand that finding a good fitting pair of jeans can be a bit problematic.  I get it that not every brad fits everybody.  I can clearly recall the slight disappointment I felt as a teenager when I finally realized that I was never going to wear Levi’s or at least never wear them and be comfortable.  So in my younger days, I became a Wrangler kind of guy which was obviously not as cool, but Wrangler fit. 

After reading a couple of articles about this study and carefully consider all options for at least forty-five seconds, I concluded that I will continue to wear jeans into the foreseeable future.  I have also concluded that I will not fret over finding the perfect pair od jeans and I will not let the hidden costs of finding jeans take its toll on me and I promise I will never shed even a single tear in my blue jean search.

I will even offer you some simple guidance to enjoy your jeans journey.  Here is my plan: find the nearest Kohl’s, go to the clearance rack, look for a pair in your size, try them on, head to the checkout and head home.  Enjoy today, tomorrow and well past 53.

In the immortal words of David Dundas in a circa 1977 song, “When I wake up in the mornin’ light I pull on my jeans and I feel all right.”

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Friday Funny November 25, 2016 Thanksgiving

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I hope you were able to enjoy Thanksgiving Day.   In 1863 Abraham Lincoln proclaimed the last Thursday of November as a national day of Thanksgiving in the midst of the Civil War. Since 1939, the fourth Thursday in November has been designated as that goes far beyond parades, football and holiday shopping deals.

Of course, we realize that the roots of Thanksgiving goes mush further back.  From our earliest days in grade school we associated Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims and their 1621 feast which lasted three days and consisted of fish, shellfish, fowl, venison, berried, fruit, vegetables, grains, beans, corn and squash.  Even in the midst of hardship those that had survived a difficult first year in the new world were thankful for what they had.   

Much more recently, in 1973, we were provided a new perspective on this day with the arrival of “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.”  If you remember, Peppermint Patty calls and invites herself and her friends Marcie and Franklin over to “Chuck’s” house for a holiday dinner.  With the help of Linus and Snoopy, Charlie Brown makes quick preparations.  As the guests arrive they all directed to the backyard ping-pong table where their feast awaits. Linus leads the group in prayer, and Snoopy serves up the food, throwing the plates to each guest Frisbee-style. Each person receives two slices of buttered toast, pretzel sticks, a handful of popcorn, and some jelly beans.  The guests think this odd at first, but they decide in the end they are thankful for what they have.

Today we use modern ovens, rosters, smokers, fryers  and microwaves to quickly and efficiently prepare turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy, sweet potatoes, corn, vegetables, pumpkin and pecan pie.  Many items are purchased at the nearby grocery at the last-minute as we ponder how we will survive the few hours the grocery might be closed on Thanksgiving Day.  There is a morning’s worth of parades (which really aren’t even parades any longer) followed by the NFL treating us to the Detroit Lions who, for a change this year, are not one of the biggest turkeys in the league, the Dallas Cowboys and one more Thursday Night game.  The next day offers “Black Friday” where apparently all thankfulness and civility is quickly discarded in an effort to wrestle door-buster specials away from anyone who dares to get in our way.  Saturday delivers a slew of college football rivalry games including Ohio State & “that school up north.”

In the midst of all the frantic activity of this long weekend, can we pause for at least a moment to ponder at least one thing we are thankful for?  This week, this day, take a few moments and reflect on what those Pilgrims went though, on what Abraham Lincoln called the country to,yes even what Charlie Brown reminded us of – take more than a moment to be Thankful for all the goods things.

Thought for the Week

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 18, 2016 Feeling My Age

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Happy Friday!  I hope you have had a good week.  

From time to time, I realize that I am not as young as I used to be.  When that happens, the options are to despair or to laugh about it.  I choose to laugh about it and invite you to laugh with me as I realize how many of this following sings of old age apply to me (careful, they might apply to you too!)

Enjoy!

SIGNS YOU ARE NOT AS YOUNG AS YOU USED TO BE

You sing along with the elevator music.

You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

Most parts of your body hurt and the parts that don’t hurt don’t work.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.

Your arms are too short to read the newspaper.

That gleam in your eyes is just the sun hitting your bifocals.

You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

You actually look forward to a dull evening.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

Your knees buckle, but your belt doesn’t.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Now that you finally know all the answers, nobody asks you the questions any longer.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You feel like you have more patience, but actually it’s just that you don’t care anymore.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.

You use words like “equity” and “annuity” in conversations and know what they mean.

You find yourself watching the Weather Channel for no reason in particular.

Thought for the Week

“Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”~ “Satchel” Paige

Friday Funny November 11, 2016 An Easy Quiz for Friday

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Happy Friday! The sun came up today and you do not have to watch any more political ads or receive any political phone calls this weekend!  So take a deep breath and relax.

Today is Veterans Day, so say “thank you” to a veteran when you have the opportunity.

Let’s kick off the weekend with a little pop quiz to get the brain functioning again.

Enjoy!

Pencils at the ready!  Here we go!

1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?  Yes or No

  2. How many birthdays does the average man have?

  3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?

  4. How many outs are there in an inning?

  5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow’s sister?  Yes or No

  6. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?

  7. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?

  8. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?

  9. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?

 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?

 11. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5′ 10” tall. What does he weigh?

 12. How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen?

Pencils down – no cheating!

The Answers:

 1. Is there a fourth of July in England? Yes, it comes after the third of July, did you think they just skip that day in other countries?

 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? Only one, all the rest are anniversaries.

 3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? Check your calendar, they all have at least 28 days.

 4. How many outs are there in an inning? 6 – three in the top and three in the bottom.

 5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow’s sister? If he has a widow, he will not be marrying anyone.

 6. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? 70. (30 divided by  2 equals 15, but 30 divided by 1/2 equals 60)

 7. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 2, you took them, remember?

 8. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last? 60.  Start with the 1st pill, 30 minutes later take the 2nd, then 30 minutes for the 3rd.

 9. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? 9, all BUT 9 die.

 10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? 0 I don’t believe Moses had an ark.  If you need an ark built, I Noah guy!

 11.A clerk in the butcher shop is 5′ 10” tall. What does he weigh? If he works in a butcher shop, probably a good chance that he weights MEAT.

 12. How many two-cent stamps are there in a dozen? There are usually 12 in a dozen no matter that the dozen.

Hope you got at least a few of those right.  Now, share these questions with someone else and, of course, tell them that you did not miss any!

Thought for the Week

“Our veterans left everything they knew and loved and served with exemplary dedication and courage so we could all know a safer America and a more just world. They have been tested in ways the rest of us may never fully understand…. On Veterans Day, and every day, let us show them the extraordinary gratitude they so rightly deserve…” ~Barack Obama, 2015 November 5th, quoted from The White House Office of the Press Secretary

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 4, 2016 Heading Home

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Happy Friday!  If you are a Cubs fan, it has been a great week for you as “the curse” has finally been put to rest.  As the glory of the 2016 World Series fades, I wanted to leave you with some baseball thoughts to keep you warm through the coming cold winter months.  Spring training is less than four months away!

Enjoy!

You can describe baseball in one word: ‘Youneverknow.’- Joaquin Andujar

The baseball mania has run its course. It has no future as a professional endeavor. — Cincinnati Gazette editorial, 1879

The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.
– Casey Stengel

There comes a time in every man’s life and I’ve had many of them. – Casey Stengel

See that fella over there? He’s 20 years old. In 10 years, he’s got a chance to be a star. Now that fella over there, he’s 20 years old, too. In 10 years he’s got a chance to be 30.
– Casey Stengel

I remember one time going out to the mound to talk with Bob Gibson. He told me to get back behind the plate where I belonged, and that the only thing I knew about pitching was that I couldn’t hit it. – Tim McCarver

I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when I hit a home run.
– Babe Ruth

I’ve had pretty good success with Stan by throwing him my best pitch and backing up third. – Carl Erskine, on how to pitch to Stan Musial: 

I got my faults but living in the past is not one of them … there’s no future in it. – Sparky Anderson

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get you off.
– Bill Veeck

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many players on the field? – Jim Bouton

There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball … unfortunately, neither of them works. – Charlie Lau

The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait for it to stop rolling and then pick it up. – Bob Uecker

It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future. – Yogi Berra

Thought for the Week

I’ve seen the future, and it’s much like the present, only longer.
– Dan Quizzenberry

Election Fun

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Election Day is just a week away, finally.  But before next Tuesday gets here, there is still work to do.  So, here is your assignment:  Over the next week as you walk, run, bike or drive through your neighborhood take note of the signs that support the presidential candidate you despise.  (Odds are that you dislike one of the major party candidates and you despise the other one.)  Jot down where these houses are on a note of paper, place them in a hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar and then bury it your back yard.

Then vote and wait.  About this time in 2018, dig up the jar, open it and pull out that piece of paper.  If the candidate you despise wins and the plagues, pestilence and disease you expect to happen does occur, then go visit those neighbors on your list and ask them how they like their candidate now and if knowing then what they know now if they would vote differently?  If the candidate you dislike wins and everything turns out rainbows and unicorns as that candidate has promised, then than go to neighbors on your list, gloat for a while and tell them that they can say “thank you” for your role in saving the universe from impending unmitigated disaster.

If the sun continues to come up each day and the earth continues to go around the sun with no discernible disaster while the bucket of unfulfilled campaign promises has been long forgotten by a President now half-way through a term,  just go over visit your neighbors and have a nice conversation about the weather, the yard, the local sports team or just about anything.  You can even just ignore the first two paragraphs and go ahead and have that pleasant visit with your neighbors now.  Maybe this election season we could all vote to be just a little friendlier and nicer to those who cross the path of our lives.