Monthly Archives: July 2021

Friday Funny July 30, 2021 Jokes You Should Have Seen Coming

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Happy Friday! We come to the end of July and there is still a lot of uncertainly as to where things are headed in 2021. Sometimes one might think it would be useful to see into the future. I am not so sure that would be helpful, but I do see some jokes about fortune telling in your future.

Enjoy!

I friend told me that he had call a psychic due to strange sightings of a chicken’s spirit haunting his home.  It turned out it was a  poultrygeist.

A psychic walks into a bar, but he should have seen it coming, right?

Would you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future a non-prophet?

Did the psychic chicken cross the road to get in touch with the other side?

Would you call a psychic kitchen remodeler Counter Intuitive?

I had a psychic claim that she could tell what’s inside a wrapped birthday present. – She said it was a gift.

I heard about a psychic hermit crab, he makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.

Would you call an albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from Las Angeles a Super Pallid Cali Mystic Expert At Hypnosis?

I knew someone who started her career as a psychic but gave it up because she did not see any future in it.

Would you call an obese psychic a four chin teller?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I’m a psychic amnesiac, I know in advance what I’ll forget.” ~ Steven Wright

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Friday Funny July 23, 2021 More Jokes for the Dog Days of Summer

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Happy Friday! We are approaching that time of the year referred to as the “Dog Days of Summer.” Seems like a good time to unleash some dog jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that dogs tend to run in circles because they find it too difficult to run in squares.

I crossed a sheepdog with a rose, now I have a collie-flower.

I crossed a dog with a frog, now I have a croaker-spaniel.

I crossed my dog with a calculator, now I have a friend I can count on.

I tried to cross my dog with a computer but I ended with too many bites.

My dog really loves my smartphone.  It has collar ID.

I took my dog to the park but the ducks kept trying to bite him. I guess that is what I should have expected with a pure bread.

I once took in a wild dog that I found.  He spent a lot of time meditating; I think he was an aware wolf.

I finally figured out how to stop my dog from digging up the garden.  I hid his shovel.

I recently purchased a dog from a blacksmith, as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

The other day a Policeman came to my door to tell me that my dog had been chasing a guy on his bike.  That really threw me off, I did not know that my dog was even able to ride a bike.

Thought for the Week

“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.” ~ George Carlin

Friday Funny July 16, 2021 Milking Cow Puns

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Happy Friday! When was the last time you came across some cow puns? Well I am glad you asked!

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the cow that had a knack for magic tricks?  She was a regular Moo-dini.

It is useless to tell anything to a cow, it just goes in one ear and out the udder.

Is it true that cows have hooves instead of feet because they lactose?

Did you hear about the cow who went to her therapist because she felt that she was seen, but not herd?

Is it true that cows make great dancers because they have all the best moooves?

Would you call a cow who’s just given birth de-calfinated?

Would you call a cow who wanted to be a knight Sir Loin?

Is it true that the cow crossed the road to get to the udder side?

Is it true that cows do not have any money because farmers keep draining them dry?

If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I could dance with you until the cows come home.  On second thought I’d rather dance with the cows until you come home.” ~ Groucho Marx

Friday Funny July 9, 2021 A Double Dip of Ice Cream Jokes

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Happy Friday! Summer is in full swing and that means warm weather and warm weather needs ice cream! I admit I have a weakness for ice cream that goes back to visiting and working at Sherer’s Ice Cream growing up. So let’s kick off this weekend with a generous serving of ice cream humor.

Enjoy!

Is it true that a Jedi’s favorite flavor of ice cream is Obi-Wan Spumoni?

Is it true that a geologist’s favorite flavor of ice cream is Rock erode?

Is it true that ice cream cones make good journalists because they always get the scoop?

Is it true that ice cream cones are bad at tennis because they have a soft serve?

I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop but I turned it down because I don’t like working on sundaes.

Did you hear about the ice cream man with the broken freezer?  He had a liquidation sale.

Did you hear about the anarchist ice cream maker who simply wanted to watch the world churn?

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.  He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

I have a friend who discovered he had purchased way too much ice cream – he had Breyer’s remorse.

I heard that they passed a law banning ice cream.  Fortunately, they went to court and it was ruled un-cone-stitutional!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” ~ Thornton Wilder

Friday Funny July 2, 2021 Jokes for July 4th

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Happy Friday and Happy 4th of July! Take some time this weekend to reflect on the significance of what those 56 signors put into motion almost 250 years ago. Here are a few jokes to kick off your holiday weekend.

Enjoy!

Is it true that if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog you would get a Yankee Poodle?

Is it true that the most popular dance in 1776 was The Indepen-dance?

Is it true that General Washington’s favorite tree was the infan-tree?

Did you know that the reason why there are not any knock-knock jokes about America is because Freedom rings?

Did you know that the tea of preference for the Colonists was Liber-tea?

Is it true that the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army was Laugh-ayette?

Did you know that the Colonists who told the most jokes were Pun-sylvanians?

It seems like there are not many things built in the USA anymore, I just purchased a new TV, the box stated “Built in Antennae” and I do not have any idea where that is!

I heard that the most logical building in the USA is the Philadelphia Mint, that makes a lot of cents.

If you crossed Captain America with the Incredible Hulk would you get The Star-Spangled Banner?

What did one flag say to the other flag on July 4th? Nothing. It just waved.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

American patriotism, even on the Fourth of July, should be known more by its works than by its fireworks. ~”Poor Richard Junior’s Philosophy,” The Saturday Evening Post, 1904, George Horace Lorimer, editor

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