Happy Friday! We come to the end of July and there is still a lot of uncertainly as to where things are headed in 2021. Sometimes one might think it would be useful to see into the future. I am not so sure that would be helpful, but I do see some jokes about fortune telling in your future.
I friend told me that he had call a psychic due to strange sightings of a chicken’s spirit haunting his home. It turned out it was a poultrygeist.
A psychic walks into a bar, but he should have seen it coming, right?
Would you call a psychic who is bad at predicting the future a non-prophet?
Did the psychic chicken cross the road to get in touch with the other side?
Would you call a psychic kitchen remodeler Counter Intuitive?
I had a psychic claim that she could tell what’s inside a wrapped birthday present. – She said it was a gift.
I heard about a psychic hermit crab, he makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Would you call an albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from Las Angeles a Super Pallid Cali Mystic Expert At Hypnosis?
I knew someone who started her career as a psychic but gave it up because she did not see any future in it.
Would you call an obese psychic a four chin teller?
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“I’m a psychic amnesiac, I know in advance what I’ll forget.” ~ Steven Wright
Happy Friday! Summer is in full swing and that means warm weather and warm weather needs ice cream! I admit I have a weakness for ice cream that goes back to visiting and working at Sherer’s Ice Cream growing up. So let’s kick off this weekend with a generous serving of ice cream humor.
Is it true that a Jedi’s favorite flavor of ice cream is Obi-Wan Spumoni?
Is it true that a geologist’s favorite flavor of ice cream is Rock erode?
Is it true that ice cream cones make good journalists because they always get the scoop?
Is it true that ice cream cones are bad at tennis because they have a soft serve?
I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop but I turned it down because I don’t like working on sundaes.
Did you hear about the ice cream man with the broken freezer? He had a liquidation sale.
Did you hear about the anarchist ice cream maker who simply wanted to watch the world churn?
I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living. He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.
I have a friend who discovered he had purchased way too much ice cream – he had Breyer’s remorse.
I heard that they passed a law banning ice cream. Fortunately, they went to court and it was ruled un-cone-stitutional!
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” ~ Thornton Wilder
Happy Friday and Happy 4th of July! Take some time this weekend to reflect on the significance of what those 56 signors put into motion almost 250 years ago. Here are a few jokes to kick off your holiday weekend.
Is it true that if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog you would get a Yankee Poodle?
Is it true that the most popular dance in 1776 was The Indepen-dance?
Is it true that General Washington’s favorite tree was the infan-tree?
Did you know that the reason why there are not any knock-knock jokes about America is because Freedom rings?
Did you know that the tea of preference for the Colonists was Liber-tea?
Is it true that the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army was Laugh-ayette?
Did you know that the Colonists who told the most jokes were Pun-sylvanians?
It seems like there are not many things built in the USA anymore, I just purchased a new TV, the box stated “Built in Antennae” and I do not have any idea where that is!
I heard that the most logical building in the USA is the Philadelphia Mint, that makes a lot of cents.
If you crossed Captain America with the Incredible Hulk would you get The Star-Spangled Banner?
What did one flag say to the other flag on July 4th? Nothing. It just waved.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
American patriotism, even on theFourth of July, should be known more by its worksthan by its fireworks. ~”Poor Richard Junior’s Philosophy,” The Saturday Evening Post, 1904, George Horace Lorimer, editor