Monthly Archives: September 2022

Friday Funny September 30, 2022 Jokes Good Enough for Government.

Happy Friday! I was out last week visiting Washington, DC, seeing the museums and monuments.  I am back with some government inspired Friday Funnies.

Enjoy!

Last week I learned that Washington, DC has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald’s combined.  Starbucks and McDonald’s have a combined total of 0 museums.

Congressman should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything except office.

Is it true that when the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris’s cell phone rings?

If I could start a Non-Government-Organization, I would call it B.I.  That would be its Name-O.

My wife asked me, “If you could have any super-power, which one would you have?”  I said, “America.”

Putin’s government is kind of like Microsoft Edge, You can’t uninstall either.

I read a story about some mute pigeons that unsuccessfully tried to overthrow the government, apparently it was a failed coo.

I know this guy who hates candles, he thinks they were created as part of some government conspiracy.  He is a real anti-waxer.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.” ~ Groucho Marx

Friday Funny September 16, 2022 A Few Spare Jokes

Happy Friday!  Let’s kick off the weekend with a few jokes that are sure to be right up your alley! 

Enjoy!

I told my friend I had just landed a job in a bowling alley.  “Ten pin?” He asked. “No” I replied, “it’s permanent.”

I read where “The Bowling-Alley Killer” is still at large, police think he will strike again….

I read a stray about a professional bowler who was accused of stealing, he claims he was framed.

What did one romantic bowling pin say to the other?  “Let’s never split.”

I heard that the animal that likes bowling best is an alley cat.

Last time I went bowling I left my favorite bowling ball at home, fortunately I had a spare.

I heard that old bowlers never die, they just end up in the gutter.

I heard that bowling a better sport than golf – it is a lot harder to lose a bowling ball.

If a bowler is frustrated at not being able to throw a curveball  would you say he was stuck in a dire straight?

I knew this guy who was great at every sport he tried, even bowling, seems he had talent to spare.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“In bowling and in life, if a person made the spares, the strikes would take care of themselves.”~ Stephen King

Friday Funny September 9, 2022 Jokes To Kick Off The Weekend

Happy Friday!  This week kicks off another NFL season, so I thought I would throw out some football jokes this week.

Enjoy!

Is it true that football centers wear hiking shoes?

Did you hear about the small ghost who was asked to join the football team because they needed a little team spirit?

Is it true that every year the Miami Dolphins lead the league in all porpoise yardage?

I read about the NFL kicker who finally married his high school sweetheart, seems she was a pretty fair catch.

Is it true that NFL players do not wear glasses because it is a contact sport?

I heard that women prefer watching football games when at the hairdressers.
The coverage is the same but the highlights are better.

Is it true that centipedes are not allowed to play on bug football teams because it takes them too long to put their cleats on?

If you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man would you get a football game like no one has ever seen?

I was going to share a poem I wrote about the NFL but it has 32 offensive lines..

One of these days, I am going to make an edgy football joke on Facebook, that is my goal post.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.”Vince Lombardi

Friday Funny September 2, 2022 Jokes You Have to Work For

Happy Friday and Welcome to September.  We are at the unofficial end of summer and the Labor Day Weekend is upon us. Let’s kick off the long weekend with some work-related humor.

Enjoy!

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

I took a position as a security guard, my boss said that it was my job to watch the office. I’m currently on season 5.

On my way to work today, I saw a person dragging a clam on a leash behind him. I thought, it must be hard to walk with a pulled mussel. 

Would you call the boss at Old McDonald’s farm the C-I-E-I-O?

My boss asked me to roundup 18 employees quickly. I responded, “20.”

In my last performance review, I was told that my communication skills needed improvement. I didn’t know what to say.

I think that of all the inventions of the last century, the dry erase board is probably the most remarkable.

I heard that fewer and fewer people are going into archeology because the field is basically in ruins.

I asked if I could leave work early today, and my boss said, “yes, if you make up the time.” I said, “sure, it’s sixty-five past fifteen.”

My wife tells me I talk in my sleep all the time. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work ever mentions it.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”~
C.S. Lewis