Happy Friday!  Perhaps all of the quarantining has you dealing with a few Covid pounds that that have sneaked onto your frame.  I cannot help you jettison those pounds, but I can let you binge on a few diet jokes.

Enjoy!

If I had a dollar for every time I said that I was going to go on a diet, I would have enough money to buy that treadmill that I am never going to use.

I was going to begin a new diet tonight, but I have too much on my plate.

I started a 10-day crash diet last week.  I don’t want to brag, but I finished it in one day.

I am thinking about going on a cheese only diet – I need to cheddar a few pounds.

I was going to put my dog on a vegan diet but he doesn’t really like vegans.

Would you call a fascist vegan lactose intolerant?

I’ve heard that in an upcoming Star Wars movie Luke will be sent to a Jedi in Italy who specializes diets, his name is Only One Cannoli.

Do you know what diets and social distancing have in common – they both flatten the curve.

I asked my wife if it would be good to include hot dogs in my diet.  She said, “They’re not the wurst.”

I’ve decided to start the Cincinnati Bengal diet – not much happens through the week but I expect to lose a lot on Sundays.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author unknown

http://WWW.QUOTEGARDEN.COM

Happy Friday!  I hope you had a good Thanksgiving.  If you are like me you are still full from all of the goodies.  The holiday season is upon us and it hard to turn away from the great food that seems to show up everyday from now through the end of the year.  So, while this a bad time to go on a diet, at least it is time for me to THINK about going on a diet.

Enjoy!

My idea of a balanced diet is a Big Mac in each hand. 

I’ve been on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around I eat.

I’m thinking about trying the Dr. Doolittle Diet – talking to my food instead of eating it. 

I think it is time to try the cheese diet, I need to cheddar a few pounds. 

I tried the garlic diet, I did not lose much weight, but from a distance my friends thought I looked thinner. 

In my dieting effort, I went to the paint store, I heard you can get thinner there.

You think dieting is easy, let me tell you it is definitely not a piece of cake. 

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it. 

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. 

What do you call a fascist vegan? Lactose intolerant. 

Thought for the Week

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

http://www.quotegarden.com