Monthly Archives: August 2015

Friday Funny August 28, 2015 A Dozen Thoughts to Ponder This Weekend

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Happy Friday!  Another work week is in the books and the weekend approaches to provide rest and relaxation.  As you sit and ponder this weekend, here are a few thoughts for you to mull around a bit.

Enjoy!

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

I’m not a complete idiot — some parts are missing.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

Procrastinate Now!

My Dog Can Lick Anyone.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs – A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there’s no background music.

Thought for the Week

Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

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Share a Dissappointment

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Unless you have been living under a rock, I am sure you are aware of the “share a Coke” campaign that has first names on bottles of Coke.  My first thought was, “that’s neat.” Immediately followed by a second thought, “bet Leonard is not one of the names that can be found on a bottle.”

I was named after my Grandfather which is kind of neat.  The name is derived from the Germanic elements levon “lion” and hard “brave, hardy”, so it means “brave lion” which is kind of cool.  However, having the name Leonard is neither neat or cool.  I remember as a kid on vacation looking at Stuckey’s in vain for a Sheriff’s badge with Leonard in the center.  I remember looking in souvenir shops  in Daytona Beach for a bicycle Florida “license plate” with Leonard on it to no avail.  I remember looking for a key chain with Leonard on it only to be disappointed time after time after time.  I have a coffee cup I purchased in Gatlinburg with Len on it which is close, but that is not my name.

I briefly tried using Len once as a young adult.  After introducing myself with a “hi, I’m Len” and hearing the response, “Good to meet you Glen,” I quickly gave up and resigned myself to my not-so-common name.  To my recollection, throughout my elementary and high school years, there was only one other Leonard in my school.  He was a year behind me and went by Lenny.  Growing up there was Leonard Nimoy, so having the same name as Spock was kind of neat. Then along came “Laverne and Shirley” who introduced Lenny and Squiggy to the world which was probably why I never liked that show.  More recently, “The Big Bang Theory” has given us the character of the somewhat cool and somewhat nerdy Leonard Hofstadter.  Yet, in one episode, he laments that he does not like his name because it has “nerd” in it.

That is OK, I can live with it.  Yet, every once in a while something pops up like this Coke campaign that reminds me that I will always be stuck with a not-so-popular, not-so-cool name.  I looked at the Coke website and although I will never go into a store and find my name on a Coke can or bottle, I could special order one.  Fortunately, I am not that vain and will be fine being refreshed with a can of Coke that has “Joe” or “Bill” or “Ann” on it.  In fact it just occurred to me that what it really means is that I am just not an “off the rack” kind of guy.  I, Leonard, really am a unique, special order, kind of guy and I can live with that.  Thanks Grandpa.

Friday Funny August 21, 2015 Mindset of the Class of 2019

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It appears many of the colleges in my corner of the world are having “move-in” days for freshman this week and are gearing up to start classes next week.  Each year, about this time, Beloit College publishes their “Mindset List” noting events that have shaped the incoming freshman class.  This week I thought I would share some of the items from this year’s list that caught my attention and reminds me that I am getting old!  If you want to see the whole list go to http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/

Most students heading into their first year of college this year were born in 1997. 

Among those who have never been alive in their lifetimes are Princess Diana, Jacques Cousteau, and Mother Teresa.

When they were born, cell phone usage was so expensive that families only used their large phones, usually in cars, for emergencies.

They have never licked a postage stamp.

Email has become the new “formal” communication, while texts and tweets remain enclaves for the casual.

Google has always been there, in its founding words, “to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible.” 

They have grown up treating Wi-Fi as an entitlement.  

Their parents have gone from encouraging them to use the Internet to begging them to get off it.

The Airport in Washington, D.C., has always been Reagan National Airport.       

They have avidly joined Harry Potter, Ron, and Hermione as they built their reading skills through all seven volumes.

The Atlanta Braves have always played at Turner Field.

“Crosstown Classic” and the “Battle of the Bay” have always been among the most popular interleague rivalries in Major League Baseball.

The eyes of Texas have never looked upon The Houston Oilers.

TV has always been in such high definition that they could see the pores of actors and the grimaces of quarterbacks. 

In a world of DNA testing, the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington has never included a Vietnam War veteran “known only to God.”

The Lion King has always been on Broadway.

Splenda has always been a sweet option in the U.S.

Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith have always been Men in Black, not their next-door neighbors.

The proud parents recorded their first steps on camcorders, mounted on their shoulders like bazookas.

Copyright© 2015 Beloit College

Thought for the Week

“If the college you visit has a bookstore filled with t-shirts rather than books, find another college.” ― R. Albert Mohler Jr.

The Chicken Crossed the Road So It Could Try Out Its New Leg!

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We have all heard the age-old question, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  Here is a reason you may not have heard before: to try out its new prosthetic leg.  

I came across a Reuters story published earlier this month about a three-month old chicken in Massachusetts who hatched out of her egg with a torn tendon that limits her mobility.  The solution – a $2,500 prosthetic limb made on a 3-D printer.  Yes, that really did say a $2,500 prosthetic limb made on a 3-D printer which is, not all that surprisingly,  a first-of-its-kind procedure.

When the chicken’s owner took the young chicken to the veterinarian,  the options were a prosthetic or euthanasia. In a phone interview, the own stated, “It was a no-brainer, she needs to be able to live a normal life.”  Given those options, I might have been tempted to call Colonel Sanders.  However, the owner apparently has a farm that “specializes in chicken rehabilitation.” Yes, that really did say a farm that  specializes in chicken rehabilitation.

As I read this article, I was left with a number of questions:

  1. What eggs-act-ly is a “normal life” for a chicken?
  2. A farm that specializes in chicken rehabilitation? – are these chickens that have run a fowl of the law?
  3. What does a 3-D printer drumstick taste like?
  4. I am concerned that this may only be the beginning – as the technique is improved and the costs come down, will we one day go to KFC for a bucket of 3-D printer chicken?
  5. I also realized that if they perfect this and KFC starts selling 3-D printer chickens, that could put an end to my life long dream of one day owning a boneless chicken ranch.  (I figure the boneless ones wouldn’t run away.)

 

Friday Funny August 14, 2015 More Back to School Jokes

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Happy Friday!  It is Back to School time once again, so here are a few jokes to get you to the head of the class.

Enjoy!

Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!

Mom: What did you do at school today? Mark: We did a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam. Mark: That’s right!

Teacher: Did you father help you with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Teacher: “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” Boy: “Somebody else’s pants.”

One morning a boy walks in to class late. His substitute teacher asks him “Where have you been?” He replies “Throwing pebbles at a car.” Fifteen minutes later a girl walks in, the teacher asks “where have you been?” she answers “throwing pebbles at a car.” Twenty minutes later a young girl comes in all bruised and dirty the teacher says, “Let me guess, you were throwing pebbles at a car.” “No miss,” she answers, “my name is Pebbles.”

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

Thought for the Week

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.  ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Benjamin Franklin

Back to School

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It is hard for me to believe, but it is “back to school” time once again.  Many of the schools around me start sometime this week.  If I am not mistaken, we always started school on the day after Labor Day.  I think I always looked forward to the beginning of a new school year.  A new year brought new teachers, new friends, new opportunities – a fresh start each fall.  

With kids heading back to school, I was thinking back to my “first” first day of school which, of course, was more years ago than I would like to admit.  I have an older brother and sister and I can still recall the disappointment I felt when they headed off to school and I was left at home.  When my big day finally came and I could finally start kindergarten, I had to walk, all the way across the street to get to school!  (I would continue to walk all the way across the street through eight grade.)

There are not a lot of specifics I remember about that very first day of kindergarten.  I do remember there was a big circle on the floor that seemed to be the focal point for many activities. I think there were hooks and cubby holes at the back for us to hang our coats and store our stuff.  I believe that during that year we worked on learning how to tie shoes, the alphabet and counting which are things that I have actually used every day of my life since then.  We learned to write our names and I am proud to say that after decades of practicing this skill, there are some people in this world that even today can read my name when I write it. We also worked on some of the finer points of social interaction like raising our hands to ask questions and learning to sit and listen.  Skills that, to this day, I am still working on to master.    

It is odd the things that get stuck in one’s memory.  I can remember when Halloween rolled around, I was so excited that we were allowed to wear our costumes to school. If my memory is correct, I think I was dressed like a devil (the costume was most likely chosen by my Mother).

And, of course, I remember people.  The teacher was Mrs. Wilson who taught kindergarten at my school for many years.  As I glance over the 29 smiling faces above I can recall many, but not all, of the names. I would say that about half of those smiling faces were also present at my high school graduation as our lives intersected in a number of ways over the next thirteen years.   Through the wonder of social media I have been able to see what some of these smiling faces are up to today as well as see the smiling faces of children and grandchildren that have descended from those smiling faces.

I’ll admit that I am a little jealous of the kids heading back to school.  You have a new year and a fresh start, enjoy it to the fullest!

Friday Funny August 7, 2015 Danger! Danger Will Robinson!

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Happy Friday!  I would imagine that every day you read some sort of product instruction and/or warning.  Many of these are informative and useful.  The ones that follow are neither.

Enjoy!

Craftsman Push Mower – Warning: Do not attempt to remove blade while lawnmower is running or plugged into an outlet.

Pine Mountain Fire Logs – Caution: Risk of fire

Unknown Korean Kitchen Knife – Keep out of children.

Nytol Sleeping Pills – May cause drowsiness.

Vidal Sassoon Hair Dryer – Do not use while sleeping.

Razor Scooter- This product moves when used.

Apple’s iPod Shuffle –Do not eat.

Liquid Plummer –Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex – Do not spray in eyes.

Bowl Fresh – Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Toilet Plunger – Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool –This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter – Safe to use around pets.

Hair Coloring – Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Komatsu Floodlight – This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Fix-a-Flat – WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Air Conditioner – Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Rowenta Iron – Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Nabisco Easy Cheese – For best results, remove cap.

Hershey’s Almond Bar – Warning: May contain traces of nuts

Heinz Ketchup – Instructions: Put on food

Thought for the Week

There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day. ~Alexander Woollcott

http://www.quotegarden.com