Category Archives: baseball

Friday Funny May 3, 2024 More Baseball Jokes

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Happy Friday!  It is May and the baseball season is in full swing.

Enjoy!

Is it true that the baseball player shut down his website because he was not getting any hits?

Is it true that old baseball players stay in contact with one another by touching base every once in a while.

Is it true that baseball players do not join unions because they don’t like to be called out on strikes?

If you crossed a baseball pitcher with a carpet would you get a throw rug?

I heard that third base is harder to steal than second base because of the short stop in between.

I heard that if a baseball player wants to bake a cake he uses oven mitts, bundt pans and batter.

Is it true that the sausage quit playing baseball because he was the wurst on his team?

Is it true that the best place for geologists to play baseball is in the miner leagues?

I was going to tell you a joke about a pop fly but it is over your head.

The best baseball jokes will leave you in stitches.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging.” ~ Hank Aaron

Friday Funny March 22, 2024 Yogi-isms

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Happy Friday!  We can put winter behind us and welcome spring with open arms!  Spring also means that baseball is back, so let’s lead off the weekend with some wisdom from the one and only, Yogi Berra.

Enjoy!

It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I’ve had a couple of those.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice; in practice there is.

I looked like this when I was young, and I still do.

It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

We made too many wrong mistakes 

Never answer an anonymous letter.

No matter where you go, there you are.

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball’s pretty good, too.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

 “Baseball is a game of confidence, and overcoming failures and fears. That’s what life’s about too.”~ Yogi Berra

Feel free to check out my podcast at https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-leonard-looks-at-life-126237165/

Friday Funny March 31, 2023 Jokes That Are On The Ball

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Happy Friday! As we bring a close to March we are at the beginning of a new baseball season.  It is that time of year when hope springs eternal!  So, let me  toss a few baseball jokes your way to kick the weekend off.

Enjoy!

I have a baseball joke to tell you. It will leave you in stitches.

How do baseball players stay Friends? They touch base every once in a while.

I heard that it is a good idea to take a baseball player with you when you go camping so that he can pitch the tent.

If you crossed a baseball pitcher with a carpet, would you get a throw rug?

Where did the baseball player wash his socks? In the bleachers.

What is the main rule of zebra baseball? Three stripes and you’re out.

What do baseball players use to bake a cake? Oven mitts, bunt pans, and batter.

Why did the baseball player shut down his website? He wasn’t getting any hits.

I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.  Seems that I now have a lifetime ban from Disney World.

People say I’m too aggressive when I’m trading baseball cards. I will admit that I am Ruth-less.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.” ~ Yogi Berra

Friday Funny April 8, 2022 Baseball Jokes for Opening Weekend

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Happy Friday! Flowers are started to bloom, trees are started to leaf out and baseball is back. So let’s lead off the weekend with some baseball jokes.

Enjoy!

If the Kool-aid Man was on your baseball team would he be a Relief Pitcher?

I heard about an opera singer who made it to the big leagues – seems he had perfect pitch.

I wanted to wear Adidas to play baseball, but they would not let me bat – apparently it is three stripes and you’re out.

Things have gotten ridiculous, my son’s youth baseball game was rained out and they gave him a precipitation trophy.

The other day I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat – now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyworld.

I heard about a baseball player who went to the local library.  He was only there five minutes; it was a short stop.

If you crossed a tree with a baseball player, would you get Babe Root?

If a baseball player wanted to make a bake a cake would he use oven mitts, bundt pans and batter?

Did you hear about the baseball player who tried to wash his socks in the bleachers?

I heard that Mario Mendoza shut down his website because he was not getting enough hits.

If you crossed a baseball pitcher with a carpet would you get throw rug?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.” ~ Babe Ruth

Friday Funny March 11, 2022 Baseball Through The Eyes Of Bob Uecker

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Happy Friday! With all the stuff going on in the world, baseball is a pretty trivial thing.  However, sometimes a little distraction from all that is going on is nice.  The baseball players and owners have reached an agreement and soon the crack of the bat will again be heard as players get active in spring training. So, let’s turn to one of the sages of baseball this week for some quotations from Bob Uecker.

Enjoy!

“I knew when my career was over. In 1965, my baseball card came out with no picture.”

“The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up.”

“I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don’t even get printed.”

“They said I was such a great prospect that they were sending me to a winter league to sharpen up. When I stepped off the plane, I was in Greenland.”

“I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.”

“Career highlights? I had two. I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.”

“I led the league in go get ’em next time.”

“When I looked to the third base coach for a sign, he turned his back on me.”

“In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs.”

“Baseball hasn’t forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven’t lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times.”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.” ~ George F. Will (American Newspaper Columnist, Writer, and Journalist)

You’ve Got Three Minutes

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It was sad to learn last week of the passing of the Father of one of my childhood friends. Mr. Earl Collier was a fairly big man who seemed even larger when I was young. He had two sons, Jim who was the age of my older brother Mike and Rick who was a year behind me in school. We used to play football in his yard, Rick, Chuck (Rick’s cousin who was my age and lived behind the Collier’s) and me against Jim and my brother. We came home covered in mud many times after those football games.

However, my most vivid memory of Mr. Collier is related to baseball. Jim and Mike had taken Rick and I to the Little League fields behind Hara Arena for some extra practice, I think it was on a Sunday afternoon in the days long before cell phones. The four of us were out on the field and I am sure Jim and Mike were teaching Rick and me the finer points of the game and we were the only ones out there that afternoon.

In the midst of our fun, we see a car approaching, it kicked up some dust as it moved from the paved Hara Arena parking lot to the gravel parking lot of the Shiloh-Ft. McKinley Little League. As the car got closer we could recognize it as Mr. Collier’s vehicle. The car stopped at the end of the gravel lot, out beyond the outfield while we were around Homeplate.

Apparently Jim and Rick were expected back home at a certain time and that time had passed. I can still see Mr. Collier getting out of the vehicle, looking towards us and bellowing, “You’ve got three minutes to get home and two of them are already gone!”

Mr. Collier got back in the car and left as quickly as he came and, needless to say Jim and Rick scurried as quickly as they could back home.

Friday Funny June 25, 2021 Hey Mr. Umpire!

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Happy Friday! I have finally been able to return as a spectator to the old ball yard. It is always great to get some peanuts, to root-root-root for the home team and to heckle the umpire! In case you need a little assistance in preparing for your return to baseball, I am here to help with some ready made heckling!

Enjoy!

  • Hey Mr. Umpire……

Did you lose your strike zone in the lights?

You make more bad calls than a telemarketer!

I’ve heard better calls at a square dance!

You couldn’t call a cab!

It sure sounded like a strike!

I’ve seen potatoes with better eyes!

For a guy that only works 3 hours a day, you’re doing a pretty bad job!

You couldn’t see the plate if your dinner was on it!

Did you leave your prescription mask at the hotel?

LensCrafters called…they’ll be ready in 30 min.

That pitch was so far outside it had a hat and coat on!

You couldn’t recognize a strike in a bowling alley!

That pitch was so inside it took out his appendix!

You’ve been calling that a strike all day long, don’t get a conscience now!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“How can you not get romantic about baseball?” ~ Billy Beane, Moneyball

Brushes With Fame: Don Mattingly

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The odd 2020 baseball season (but then isn’t everything in 2020 odd?) is coming to an end and as I write this, Game 6 of the World Series is taking place.

The Miami Marlins was a team that faced more adversity than probably any other team during the 2020 season.  Little was expected of them after enduring back-to-back last-place finishes from 2018-19.  Most experts expected them to stay in the cellar for 2020., However, against the odds, Manager Don Mattingly led them to the postseason despite a COVID-19 outbreak, which landed 18 players on the injured list in the first week of the season.  Over the course of the 60 game season, the Marlins ended up making 174 roster moves and used a total of 61 players.

Manager Don Mattingly was rewarded by being named the National League Manager of the Year.  Mattingly was an outstanding player in his 14 season with the New York Yankees; however his postseason career consisted of games in 1995.

My brush with fame and “Donnie Baseball” occurred in 1990.  Mattingly was born and raised in Evansville, Indiana.  Back in the 90’s he still spent time in Evansville and owned a restaurant, Mattingly’s 23.  1990 was a difficult year personally and in the fall was working a job at a bank during the day and took a second job at the Evansville Airport in the evenings and weekends.  One day I had the opportunity to carry Mr. Mattingly’s bags from the luggage carousal to his car.  I would have loved to have received an autograph for my effort,  but alas I did not have any paper or a pen on me.  He did; however, give me $10 for my trouble and at that time I could definitely put the $10 to better use than I could an autograph.  The $10 is long gone, but I have a feeling that I would have kept the autograph.  But at least I can say that I met “Donnie Baseball.”

Friday Funny March 26, 2020 Baseball Quotations

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Happy Friday! Hoping this finds you and yours healthy and coping in these challenging days.  Today was to be the start of the 2020 baseball season, but like so many things at the moment that is on hold.  So, a few memorable baseball quotations will have to do for now.

Enjoy and Stay Healthy!

Nothing flatters me more than to have it assumed that I could write prose, unless it be to have it assumed that I once pitched a baseball with distinction. ~Robert Frost

No game in the world is as tidy and dramatically neat as baseball, with cause and effect, crime and punishment, motive and result, so cleanly defined. ~ Paul Gallico

I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it. ~ Rogers Hornsby

Yesterday’s home runs don’t win today’s games. ~ Babe Ruth

You can sum up the game of baseball in one word: ‘You never know.’ ~ Joaquin Andujar

The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen. ~ Bob Lemon

Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game – it, and high taxes. ~ Will Rogers

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. ~ Abe Lemons

There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them work. ~Charley Lau

Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting. ~ Yogi Berra

Now there’s three things you can do in a baseball game: You can win or you can lose or it can rain. ~ Casey Stengel

No matter how good you are, you’re going to lose one-third of your games. No matter how bad you are you’re going to win one-third of your games. It’s the other third that makes the difference. ~Tommy Lasorda

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror. ~ George Carlin

If you don’t succeed at first, try pitching. ~ Jack Harshman

He’s got power enough to hit home-runs in any park, including Yellowstone. ~ Sparky Anderson on Willie Stargell

Baseball is like driving, it’s the one who gets home safely that counts. ~ Tommy Lasorda

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. ~ A. Bartlett Giamatti