Monthly Archives: November 2014

Friday Funny November 28, 2014 Thanksgiving Movies

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turkey

Happy Friday!  I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!  Perhaps you have some extra time on your hands this weekend, you might consider a Thanksgiving-themed movie.  Here are the top ten sure to be at a theater near you.

Enjoy!

10. To Kill A Walking Bird 

9. My Best Friend’s Dressing 

 8. Life of Pumpkin Pi 

7. Casserolablanca

6. The No-Hunger Games 

5. Silence of the Yams

4. The Leftover Parts I, II and III 

3. The Matrix Reheated 

2. Indiana Jones and the Last Casserole 

and the Number 1 Upcoming Thanksgiving-Themed Movie…

1. Harry Potter and the Giblets of Fire

Thought for the Week

Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds. ~Theodore Roosevelt

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

 

Thanksgiving 2014

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turkey

Happy Thanksgiving! Today we are reminded of  the Pilgrims and their three-day feast which was observed in the midst of hardship as those who survived their first year in the new world took time to be thankful for what they had.   

I imagine at least once you have watched “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.”  You can probably recite the story where Peppermint Patty calls and invites herself and Marcie and Franklin over to “Chuck’s” house for a holiday dinner.  With the help of Linus and Snoopy quick preparations are made.  The guests arrive and they all make their way to the ping-pong table in the backyard for the feast. Linus leads the group in prayer, and Snoopy serves up the food, throwing the plates to each guest Frisbee-style. Everyone receives two slices of buttered toast, pretzel sticks, a handful of popcorn, and some jelly beans.  The guests think this odd at first, but they decide in the end they are thankful for what they have.

Today we use ovens and microwaves to quickly and efficiently prepare turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy, sweet potatoes, corn, vegetables, pumpkin and pecan pie.  We buy all these at the grocery at the last-minute and wonder how we will survive the few hours the grocery is closed on Thanksgiving Day.  There is a morning’s worth of parades followed by an afternoon and evening of football.  

Then comes “Black Friday” as we lose all thankfulness and all civility in an effort to wrestle those door-buster specials away from anyone who dares to get in our way. 

Saturday brings a bunch of college football rivalry games including Ohio State and some school up north.

In the midst of all this frantic activity we pause to take moment to state one thing we are thankful for?  This time, let’s take more than a moment, let’s reflect on what those Pilgrims went though, what Charlie Brown reminded us of.  Yes, there are many problems in this world, yes some days are difficult and some days are next to impossible, still there is much to be thankful for.  So, stop and ponder, be thankful for all of the good things in your life this Thanksgiving Day.

And now for your Thanksgiving weather forecast (this has been circulating for a number of years and it is amazingly accurate!)

Turkeys will be thawing overnight and into the morning, transitioning to warming in the oven to an afternoon high near 190 degrees. As the day progresses, the kitchen will become hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

Towards late afternoon, the cold front of a knife will quickly slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on most plates with higher accumulations on some. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side gravy may lead to localized flooding and watch out for cranberry sauce to create some slippery spots. 

As we look toward the evening, a weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. As the evening comes on, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34 degrees in the refrigerator. 

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Also expect occasional flurries of leftovers both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup each day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

Friday Funny November 21, 2014 Snow Blondes

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winter09 008

Happy Friday!  This week has brought cold and snow to much of the country.  So while you may have broken out the snow shovels this week, I’ll break out a couple of snow jokes.

Enjoy!

SNOW PLOW

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when a blonde lady left work for the day.  She made her way to her car and wondered how she was ever going to make it home. While she sat in her car as it warmed up for a few minutes she pondered her situation. Then she remembered her Father’s advice that if she got caught in a really heavy snow storm she should just wait for a snow plow to come by and then follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough just a few minutes later a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snow plow she was feeling smug as and she was not having any problem with the snowy conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprise when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.

She said that she was fine and told him of her wise Father’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a snow storm. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted, however, he was done with the Target parking lot and was going over to Kohl’s next.

SNOW ROUTE

One very snowy winter morning Norman and his blond wife were listening to the radio over breakfast when they heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street,so the snowplows can get through.” So, Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.” So, Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park ……” Suddenly, the power goes out. Now Norman’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With a loving and sympathetic voice Norman says … “Sweetie, this time why don’t you just leave it in the garage?”

Thought for the Week

[W]inter tames man, woman and beast…. ~William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew (Grumio)

http://www.quotegarden,com

Sock It to Me

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socks

Life is full of little mysteries. Why does bread land butter side up? Why do cats land on their feet?  How does a microwave work? Can anyone explain the balk rule? What exactly is the electoral college?  These are all great mysteries which have been addressed by the great minds of scientists, philosophers, umpires and theologians over the years.  But have do you ever stop to think about socks and to ponder their mysteries?  You probably do not give much thought to those things you put on your feet every day. 

Few things in life are as ubiquitous as socks.  Almost every day we grab a pair (hopefully clean!) and pull them on.  Socks have been around since the dawn of man when he gathered up animal skins and tied them around his ankles for warmth and as a great fashion accessory.  Over time man developed fabric and knitting needles so that he could invent socks to keep his toes warm and comfy.  The invention of the knitting machine in 1589 rocked the sock world as it could knit socks six times faster than by hand.    This helped transform socks from a sign of nobility to an everyday staple. The next big jump in sock technology came in 1938 with the introduction of nylon.  This allowed two or more yarns to be blended which paved the way for such important developments as striped socks, superhero socks, Hello Kitty Socks and rainbow socks with toes.

Now you may be thinking the only mystery about socks is why so many are so ugly, but wait, there is more.  First, have you ever noticed that socks have a chameleon quality?  It is a little recognized fact that some socks can actually change their color.  Why is it that every time you reach into your sock drawer there are multiple pairs of every color except the color you are looking for?  Why does your sock drawer ALWAYS have at least one pair of a color that you are certain you have never purchased in your life?  Yes, there are some socks that have the ability to change color just to confuse you!

A second mystery about socks concerns their mobility.  Why, when you do laundry, do you always end up with unmatched socks?  Because they have mobility.  On the way to the washing machine they stealthily make their escape and are never seen again.  Legend has it that if you ever find El Dorado, not only will you find the lost city of gold; you will also find all the unmatched socks since the beginning of time.

A third mystery about socks is that some are indestructible.  Unfortunately, the only socks that are indestructible are the socks that you do not like that.  Think about it – don’t you have at least one pair of socks that you wear every week in an attempt to wear them out in order to throw them away?  I am certain I have one pair of tube socks I have been trying to wear out to no avail since the late seventies!

Tomorrow morning, as you are getting ready for the day and you open your sock drawer and you can’t find the right color or you are missing a sock or you are wondering why that pair you hate just won’t wear out, just take a moment to pause and ponder the mysteries of the sock drawer.

Friday Funny November 14, 2014 Signs Your Not a Kid Anymore

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LW MHS 35

Happy Friday!  I certainly hope this week finds you doing well.  I must admit from time to time I notice how many years have passed by and that I ain’t as young as I used to be.  Perhaps some days you feel that way too.  Here are some signs that just might indicate you are not a kid anymore.

Enjoy!

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is “20 Years Ago Today.” 

You get the newspaper.

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

Your knees buckle, and your belt won’t.

Your back goes out more than you do.

The little old gray-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

You have a dream about prunes.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word “equity” means.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You watch the Weather channel.

You know about slide rules (they have nothing to do with the playground).

You used computer punch cards.

Thought for the Week

 Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Happy Veterans Day 2014

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DADnavy31698_1391598962256_7490714_n

Today is Veterans Day.  On the calendar it might appear to be one of the “lesser” holidays that we observe.  It is one of those days where government offices and banks are closed, there is no mail delivery; but for many, this day is no different from any other day. However, this day is far different from other days, for it is a day set aside to honor those who have served, those who have risked everything so that the rest of us might be able to enjoy freedom.

We know that ours is a nation that was birthed in a struggle for freedom and the struggle has never ceased.  The early twentieth century brought “the war to end all wars” which, unfortunately, did not end all wars.  My Grandfather served in the Navy during “The Great War” which officially ended on June 28, 1919.  However, most of the fighting ceased when a temporary cessation of hostilities, between the Allied nations and Germany went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month.  Hence, we observe Veterans Day on November 11.

One of my favorite veterans is my Father who served in the Navy during World War II   spending most of his time on Destroyers or “tin cans” as they were called.  He says that people might think it sounds crazy but he says he would not trade that time for anything.  The experience took a young man from the foothills of the Appalachians across the country from New England to California and from the Aleutians to the South Pacific.  It took him to the Battle of Leyte Gulf where General MacArthur famously declared, “I have returned.”  World War II veterans are a real national treasure and I am blessed that Dad recently celebrated his 93rd birthday.

Another one of my favorite veterans is my son.  Before he started his senior year of high school he had already committed to the Marine Corps.  He signed up early so that he would be able to get his desired job because “a real Marine is a rifleman.”  He graduated from high school on a Sunday and the following Tuesday he was on Paris Island. Although he was in the reserve, his unit was activated and he served a tour in the Middle East.  A few months ago, his active commitment ended and he has joined the growing ranks of new veterans.

So, Happy Veterans Day to all those who have served, but especially to my two favorite veterans:  my Dad and my Son.

 

Friday Funny November 7, 2014 Will Rogers on Politics

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will rogers
Happy Friday! This week we saw, once again, the great American experiment in action as we went to the polls.  After all the campaigning and advertising and mudslinging elections are over for a little while.  So, it seemed like a good time to dust off some political quotes from Will Rogers that cowboy, performer, humorist, social commentator and motion picture actor of yesteryear.   Interesting how what he said still seems relevant today.

Enjoy!

Leonard

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke, when it used to be vice versa.

There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. 

Politics is applesauce. 

Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for. 

Congress is so strange; a man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees. 

We all joke about Congress but we can’t improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad as the one he replaces? 

Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don’t hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous. 

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what’s going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? 

That’s the trouble with a politician’s life-somebody is always interrupting it with an election. 

There ought to be one day– just one– when there is open season on senators. 

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. 

If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics. 

Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with nowadays. 

Our president delivered his State of the Union message to Congress. That is one of the things his contract calls for — to tell congress the condition of the country. This message, as I say, is to Congress. The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the president has to tell ’em. 

Politics is the best show in America. I love animals and I love politicians, and I like to watch both of ’em at play, either back home in their native state, or after they’ve been captured and sent to a zoo, or to Washington. 

A fool and his money are soon elected. 

Thought for the Week

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right.  ~H.L. Mencken, 1956

www.quotegarden.com

I’ll Tell You Who I Voted For

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UncleSam

Election day has finally arrived and we can all be thankful that our mailbox will be a little less full and our phone will ring fewer times tomorrow.  I do not think I have come across anyone that says, “You know, I will really miss those political robo-calls,” or “I enjoy those election mailers, I read every one of them,” or “I still have not decided who to vote for, perhaps if I got saw one more commercial that would help me make up my mind.”

I thought I would go out on a limb tonight and tell you who I voted for.  First, let me tell you that over the years I have been disappointed by the major parties, the minor parties and the independents.  I have been disappointed by the infighting and the out fighting.  I have been disappointed by the mud-slinging and the pandering.  In short, I have pretty much been disappointed with politics and politicians.  To be honest, I found it difficult to get out and vote this time around.  To be perfectly honest, I really do not believe that my vote in this election matters, the races on my ballot do not appear to be very close and my vote will not be tipping any scales.

Then it occurred to me that I was approaching this all wrong.  This election I voted for me. No, I did not put my name down as a write-in candidate, there were still individuals that I placed my “X” by but I did not vote for them.  I voted for me.  I voted because it is my right, my privilege, my duty and my responsibility as an American citizen.  It is a right that many have fought for, that many have suffered for, that many have died for and a privilege that is denied to many throughout the world.  Although my vote may not make any difference to a candidate it makes a difference to me.  So, I went out and voted and I hope you did as well.