Happy Friday! It appears most school have started back which means we are saying good-bye to another summer.  Let’s bid adieu with some summer jokes,

Enjoy!

Did you know that hurricanes make good comedians because their punchlines always blow you away?

Did you know the reason that summer vacations do not last any longer is because they couldn’t handle the heat?

Did you know that the preferred sandal for a frog to wear is one that is open-toad?

Did you know that bananas wear sunscreen when they go to the beach because they peel?

Did you know that many people do not like beach umbrellas because they are so shady?

Did you hear about the ice cream truck driver who retired at the end of summer because he was tired of the daily melt-downs?

Did you hear about the teacher who jumped into the pool to test the water?

Did you hear about the watchmaker who decided to go on vacation so he could unwind?

Did you hear about the scientist who put on an excessive amount of sunscreen because she was a paleontologist?

If you need to clean the ocean, should you call a mermaid?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Summer’s lease hath all too short a date.” ~ William Shakespeare

Happy Friday! Every once in a while, it is good to pause, take a deep breath and ponder some deep thoughts.

Enjoy!

To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Either you like bacon or you are wrong.

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole.

If I don’t love something, is it still OK to set it free?

Just because I wear a sandwich board doesn’t make me some kind of hero.

For me, failure is not an option. It comes standard with everything I do.

I put out some Rat-B-Gon, but it doesn’t work. Not only isn’t the rat gone, it hasn’t
even moved for the last two days.

I have CDO. It’s like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

There are two kinds of people: those that can count and those that can’t.

Remember Clones are people two.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

If it’s true that we are here to help ‘others’—then what exactly are the ‘others’ here for?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If a cow laughs hard enough, would milk come out her nose?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

So what’s the speed of dark?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

A day without sunshine is like – Night.

On the other hand – you have different fingers

97.2 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

The early bird may get the worm – but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Don’t miss the donut by looking through the hole. ~Author Unknown

Happy Friday!  As we wrap up another week, let’s have some Friday laughs!

Enjoy!

If you don’t people like jokes about Friday, would that mean your sense of humor is week?

Why didn’t the pancake chef realize it was Friday?  It crêpe’d up on him.

On Casual Fridays do biologists wear genes to work?

Did you hear about the candle who did not show up for work on Friday because he was burned out?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the doughnut factory because he was tired of the hole thing?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the shoe factory because it wasn’t a good fit?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the pencil factory because it was pointless?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the sausage factory because it was the wurst job he ever had?

I like jokes about stationery, but rulers are where I draw the line.

Here is some advice: never get into a fight with Tryptophan. It’s amino acid.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.” ~  Albert Einstein