Friday Funny October 9, 2026 Some Handy Excuses

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Happy Friday! I have been AWOL on the Friday Funny for a couple of weeks, but I have an excuse, actually I have ten.  You can pick which one you think is correct and as an added bonus, keep these handy for the next time you need a quick excuse.

Enjoy!

I was abducted by aliens and they took me on a two-week tour of the galaxy.

I was recruited for a top-secret spy mission that involves saving the world from imminent destruction.  Top-secret stuff. If I tell you, you’ll be in grave danger.

I’ve been at ninja training camp for the last two weeks, perfecting my stealth moves.

I was unexpectedly called for Undercover Superhero Duty for the last two weeks. I had to go and save the world from impending doom.

I accidentally stepped into a time machine and I was stuck in the 1970’s for the last two weeks.

I accidentally stumbled into a portal to a parallel universe, it took me two weeks to find my way back.

For the last two weeks, my computer has been stuck on an endless Zoom call on “‘How to Be More Productive.”

It has been a crazy couple of weeks.  First my Wi-Fi and I had a falling out., then my mouse ran away from the cursor.

For the last two weeks, my Roomba has had me trapped in my bedroom.

It took me two weeks, but I finally found Waldo.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Friday Funny September18, 2026 Random Jokes

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Happy Friday!  This week is a collection of random jokes.

Enjoy!

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I guess I should have put it on aloha setting.

I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

I went to the wedding of two nuclear technicians. The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.

I went to the wedding of two florists. It was an arranged marriage.

I recently took a pole and determined that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

I have finally reached that age where everything is finally starting to click: my knees, my back, and my neck.

I hear there is a prize old people can win for aging: atrophy.

I read a story about a big explosion at a cheese factory, there was nothing left but debris.

If a Frenchman has been attacked by a cat would you call  him Claude?

Is it true that vampires drink their coffee decoffin-ated?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.”~ G.K. Chesterton

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Friday Funny September 11, 2026 Jokes to Kick Off Another NFL Season

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Happy Friday!  Since this week is kicking off the NFL season, I thought I would huddle up some football jokes for you.

Enjoy!

Is it true that football players cannot wear glasses while playing because it is a contact sport?

Is it true that football centers wear hiking shoes?

Is it true that old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away?

Did you hear about the octopus who played football?  He had ten-tackles.

Did you hear about the football kicker who married his college sweetheart because she was a fair catch?

Did you hear about the quarterback who opened a bakery because he was great at turnovers?

What did the wide receiver say to the football?  Catch you later.

What is a football player’s favorite frozen treat?  Any given sundae.

What did the football player say to the flight attendant?  Put me in coach.

I heard that the best place to watch football is at the hairdressers. They say the coverage is the same but the highlights are better.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.” ~ Lou Holtz

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Friday Funny September 4, 2026 Copier Jokes for Labor Day

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Happy Friday! Happy Labor Day! We have come to the unofficial end of another summer that has flown by. As we come to the holiday tat celebrates workers, I thought I would share some copier-related jokes which is the world I work in.

Enjoy!

I really like working at a place that sells copiers, I feel like we are all on the same page.

We had to let someone go for stealing printer cartridges, poor guy was caught magenta handed.

The other day I was making a lot of photocopies of strawberries and I ended up with a paper jam.

I keep my printer off to the side of me where I can see it in my peripheral vision.

I had an HP printer that died, it was like a Brother to me.

Last week I took my printer to the gym to get toner.

I have been told that a new 3D printers can print a gun. So what? I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

Is it true that printers cut their hair with paper clips?

If a printer could perform miracles, would it get Canonized?

I had a joke about printer paper but it’s tearable.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

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Friday Funny August 28, 2026 Old Jokes

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Older man reading an open book in a cozy living room
An older man enjoys a book in his warmly lit living room.

Happy Friday! As school is starting up again, I am reminded that this time 50 years agoI was getting ready for my senior year of high school.  That really makes me feel old!  Here are some old jokes to celebrate.

Enjoy!

I saw a 70’s cover band that dressed up as cookies, their name was OREO Speedwagon.

I heard there is a prize old people can win for aging, atrophy.

I’m so old I remember when dial-up internet was cutting edge.

I’m so old my music listening has gone from vinyl to 8-track to cassette to CD’s to streaming to vinyl.

When I was in college there was a fire in my apartment and I lost all my 70s records, it was a disco inferno.

I try not to let aging get me down. It is just too hard to get back up again.

I plan on growing fruit trees in retirement, I want to live to a ripe old age.

I have come to the realization that nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

I was going to add another joke about retirement, but it doesn’t work.

I was going to add another joke about aging, but I forget what it was.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

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Friday Funny August 21, 2026 End of Summer Jokes

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Happy Friday! It appears most school have started back which means we are saying good-bye to another summer.  Let’s bid adieu with some summer jokes,

Enjoy!

Did you know that hurricanes make good comedians because their punchlines always blow you away?

Did you know the reason that summer vacations do not last any longer is because they couldn’t handle the heat?

Did you know that the preferred sandal for a frog to wear is one that is open-toad?

Did you know that bananas wear sunscreen when they go to the beach because they peel?

Did you know that many people do not like beach umbrellas because they are so shady?

Did you hear about the ice cream truck driver who retired at the end of summer because he was tired of the daily melt-downs?

Did you hear about the teacher who jumped into the pool to test the water?

Did you hear about the watchmaker who decided to go on vacation so he could unwind?

Did you hear about the scientist who put on an excessive amount of sunscreen because she was a paleontologist?

If you need to clean the ocean, should you call a mermaid?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Summer’s lease hath all too short a date.” ~ William Shakespeare

Friday Funny August 14, 2026 Back-to-School Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Since the summer has flown, it is time for some more back-to-school jokes.

Enjoy!

If you crossed a teacher with a vampire would you get lots of blood tests?

If you crossed an algebra class with the prom would you get a quadratic formal?

If you were the leader of an AP biology gang would that make you the Nucleus?

Is it true that the favorite vegetables of librarians are quiet peas?

Is it true that chemistry students tell the worst jokes because all the good jokes argon?

Did you hear about the music teacher who could not get into his classroom because his keys were on the piano?

Did you hear about the girl who wore glasses to math class because she thought it would improve her di-vison?

Did you hear about the egg who got detention because he kept telling yolks?

Did you hear about the computer teacher who quit his job because he lost his drive?

Did you hear about the science teacher who would show up periodically?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think”~ Margaret Mead

Friday Funny August 7, 2026 – Jokes That Bug Me

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Happy Friday!  We are in the midst of summer and summer means bugs, so here are some bugs jokes to kick off your Friday.

Enjoy!

Is it true that bugs get off the train at the infestation?

Is it true that a butterfly’s favorite subject in school is mothematics?

Is it true that in the Hungarian capital they kill unwanted insects with Budapesticide?

Did you know that the best smelling bugs are deodor-ants?

Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress and then got married in the spring?

Did you hear about the band made up of bed bugs? They mostly play covers.

Did you hear about the mother firefly who was sad because her children weren’t very bright?

Would you call a bug that hesitates before biting something a nervous tick?

If you ever see two snails fighting, you should just let them slug it out.

I did pretty well on my insect catching exam, I got a bee.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Friday Funny July 31, 2026 Television Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Summer is rolling right along as we are at the last day of July.  This week, a dose of television jokes just for you.

Enjoy!

I saw an ad for a job changing the channel and volume on someone’s tv – must be able to work remote.

Is it true that they say television is a medium, because anything well done is rare?

Why is it called a television “set” if you only get one?

I saw a posting on Facebook Marketplace that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, “I can’t turn that down.”

I was going to watch the Origami world cup on TV. But it is only available on pay-per view.

Last night my wife and I binge watched the first season of our favorite TV series back-to-back. Fortunately, I was the one facing the TV

I saw an ad for a program about the history of perfume, it will air on Chanel Number 5.

I read about a new reality series about interstate road construction workers, it will be called “Game of Cones.”

I read that they are going to ban streaming services in Russia – it is referred to as Nyetflix.

I was going to make a joke about my tv controller, but it wasn’t even remotely funny.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” ~ Groucho Marx

Friday Funny July 24, 2026 Moose and Deer Jokes

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Happy Friday!  This week I rounded up some moose jokes for you with a few deer jokes thrown in for good measure.

Enjoy!

Would you call an animal that has antlers and sucks blood a moose-quito?

Would you call a cross between a hippopotamus and something other than a moose, a hipponotamoose?

If a moose did not have a name, would it be anony-moose?

When a moose loses a tooth, does she put it under her pillow for the hoof fairy?

When a moose gets a stomachache should you give it Elk-a-seltzer?

What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef? “Oh no! I’ve made a huge Moose Steak!”

I went to a play about a moose on a bicycle, it was a moosical.

Did you hear about the deer who got braces because he had buck teeth?

Is it true that a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream is Deery Queen?

Is it true that the scariest member of the deer family is the Cari-boo?

If I got a buck for every deer joke that I’ve told, I’d have a lot of doe.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old.” ~ Bill Bryson