Happy Friday!  It has felt like summer this week and when it feels like summer it gets one thinking about vacation. So pack your bag for laughs.

Enjoy!

I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my Tom Tom said, “In 1000 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.”

I had to tell my suitcases there will be no vacation this summer. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

I read a story about a pilot who decided to cook whilst flying? It was a recipe for disaster.

I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage, unfortunately I lost my case.

I may not travel much, but I wonder how many miles I’ve scrolled with my thumb.

For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation this summer.  Looks like we are spending two weeks behind the refrigerator.

Looks like I will have to cancel my vacation, I developed a rash and my dermatologist told me to apply the medication locally.

I once took a trip to a ski resort.  It started off well, but things went downhill really fast.

I heard that photons do not take suitcases on vacation because they travel light.

What did the llama say before his vacation?  Alpaca bag.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

 “Babies don’t need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I’ll go over to them and say, ‘What are you doing here, you’ve never worked a day in your life!’” ~Stephen Wright

Happy Friday!  Let’s kick off this weekend with a little name dropping.

Enjoy!

Would you call a man who likes to work out Jim?

Would you call a girl with a tennis racket on her head Annette?

Would you call a woman with a cat on her head Kitty?

Would you call a boy hanging on the wall Art?

Would you call a girl with a frog on her head Lily?

Would you call a man with a shovel Doug?

Would you call a man without a shovel Douglas?

Would you call a woman with a Christmas tree on her dead Carol?

Would you call a man with a Christmas tree on is head Noel?

Would you call a man with a map on his head Miles?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Tigers die and leave their skins; people die and leave their names.” ~Japanese proverb

www.quotegarden.com

Happy Easter! Happy Passover and Happy Tax Day – well maybe not so happy about Tax Day. Maybe laughing about will make you feel a little better.

Enjoy!

I heard that accountants are able to remain cool, calm and collected because they have strong internal controls.

I heard that accountants like the weekends because they get to wear casual clothes to work.

I heard about a cannibal CPA, he charges an arm and a leg.

I heard about an accountant and banker who got broke off their relationship, seems they couldn’t reconcile their differences.

Did you hear about the auditor who proposed to his girlfriend with an engagement letter?

Did you hear about the CPA who was having a mid-life crisis? He bought a faster calculator.

Did you hear about the church that was getting indicted by the IRS for displaying false prophets?

Did you hear about the chiropractor who was audited by IRS? She owed back taxes.

I heard about a new dating app for CPAs. it’s called “Let’s Get Fiscal.”

If you crossed a tax accountant with a jet airplane would you get a Boring 747?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“It’s income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.” ~ Dave Barry.

Happy Friday and Happy March Madness!  It seems like the right time of the year to bounce a few basketball jokes your way.

Enjoy!

I saw a pumpkin playing basketball, apparently, he was the point gourd.

I joined a group that plays basketball and then discusses philosophy – it’s called “shoot first, ask questions later.”

Is it true that fish refuse to play basketball because they are afraid of the net?

I used to be addicted to basketball, but I rebounded.

Did you hear about the referee that got banned from March Madness? Supposedly he’s a whistleblower.

Is it true that the preferred cheese of basketball players is Swish cheese?

Is it true that the best place for point guards to take their girlfriends to dance is Basket Balls?

I read about a basketball coach who really loves dogs, he has three-pointers.

I saw a man walking through the airport with a basketball, I think he was traveling.

Is it true that the nose didn’t the nose make the basketball team because he didn’t get picked?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden

Welcome to March!  With all the crazy stuff going on in the world maybe you need to take a moment to laugh at cats.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the alien who found a cat?  He said, “Take me to your litter.”

The other day I heard a joke about a three-legged cat, it was a major faux paw.

Would you call a fluffy male cat asleep on a bed a Him-a-lay-an?

I inherited a pencil once owned by Shakespeare but my cat chewed it up so badly that I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

Is it true that a cat’s favorite TV show is Claw and Order?

Did you hear about the cat who lost all her savings when she invested in a  purr-a-mid scheme?

Would you call a cat who was super-stylish –“Haute-cat-ture”?

When two cats part ways do they say “See ya litter”?

Is it true that  a cat’s favorite subject in school is Hisss-tory?

Would you call a cat who lives in an igloo an eskimew?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I gave my cats a bath the other day … they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…” ~ Steve Martin