Friday Funny May 29, 2026 More Car Jokes

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Happy Friday!  As we enter into the summer vacation season, it seems like a good trip to dust off some car jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the car that was always tired because it never took any brakes?

With self-driving vehicles becoming more common, it is only a matter of time before there is a hit country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.

I was having a lot of trouble figuring out how to fasten my seatbelt, then it clicked.

I read a story about a woman who gave birth to a boy in her car on our way to the hospital, she named him Carson.

I have been building a car from old washing machine parts.  I can’t wait to take it for a spin.

I have been looking for a book on how to fix my automatic transmission, but the library only has manuals.

It may not be safe for me to be drive my car these days; but, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

I took my car in for a service this week, my pastor was not impressed

If you got hit by a guitar truck, would that be a fender-bender?

Did you know that there is a car featured in the new Star Wars movie?  It is a Mazda-lorian.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?” ~ Steven Wright

Friday Funny May 22, 2026 Jokes for Summer

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Happy Friday!  We have reached Memorial Day Weekend and the unofficial start of summer.  Amid the barbecues and picnics and pool parties this weekend, be sure to take time to reflect on the meaning of Memorial Day and the cost that many have paid so that we can have our freedom.

With summer upon us, let’s kick off the weekend with some summer jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you know that seashells stay clean by washing up on the beach?

Did you know that summer camp is hard for some people because it tends to be in tents?

Did you hear about watchmaker who went on vacation to unwind?

Did you hear about the professor who carefully waded into the pool because she wanted to test the water?

Did you know that ghosts go to the beach because they love to boo-gie board?

If you throw all your books into the ocean, would you get a title wave?

If cows stay out and get too much sun, would they give evaporated milk?

Would you call a crustacean that just lies on the beach all day a slobster?

I read about a sandwich maker who went to a summer camp to learn about condiments, it was a Mayo Clinic.

I read about a hipster who wore flannel in the summer because he wanted to wear it before it was cool.

I applied for a job at a sunscreen company.  They rejected me, but I think I will reapply.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten.” ~ Woodrow Wilson

Friday Funny May 15, 2026 Fill Up With These Gas Jokes

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Happy Friday! We are all dealing with higher gas prices these days, so we might as well get a laugh out of it.

Enjoy!

To fuel or not to fuel, that is the question.

Did you hear about the art thief whose van run out of gas when he tried to drive away from the museum?  It seems he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

These gas prices have me feeling sick.  I think I might have a case of the car-owner-virus

It is not often that I brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station.

Today I needed to pick up paper, pens, and envelopes from the store, but since the price of gas is so high, I rode my stationery bike.

I went into a Speedway gas station this morning and asked for $3 worth of gas.  The clerk handed me a bean burrito.

Apparently, I have been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo.  It seems I won’t get fueled again.

I thought I was saving money by purchasing my gas at a self-service station.  It turns out, I was only fueling myself.

While I was at the gas station, I thought about buying a salad.  There were two choices: regular or unlettuced.

I thought about posting every gas pun I could find but I decided that would be very fuelish.  Tank goodness I didn’t post them all.

Last week I came up with a joke about inflation. It’s not as funny today

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” ~  Edward Abbey

Friday Funny May 8, 2026 School Jokes

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Happy Friday!  The end of the school year is quickly approaching, so it seems like a good time for some school jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the computer teacher who quit his job? Apparently, she lost her drive.

Did you hear about the science teacher who was fired from his job?  Apparently, he only showed periodically.

Did you hear about the college professor who was involved in a car wreck?  Apparently, he was grading papers on a curve.

Did you hear about the dinosaur who was worried about going back to school?  Apparently, he was a nervous rex.

Did you know that Alexia kept getting detention at school?  Apparently she kept talking back.

Did you hear about the geometry teacher wo was exhausted at the end of the school year?  Apparently, she was out of shapes.

I heard that when Minecraft players graduate, they celebrate by throwing a block party.

I heard that chemistry students tell the worst jokes because all the good jokes argon.

I once took a circus class, we had to keep all our homework in a tree-ring binder.

I gave my history professor a gift, but he didn’t like the present.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ~ Helen Keller

Friday Funny May 1, 2026 I Have Reached The Age…

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Happy Friday! Time flies, we are already a third of the way through 2026.  As time moves faster and faster I realize that I am not as young as I used to be, in fact I have reached the age that….

Enjoy!

I have reached the age that I have started to spot gray hair – on my children.

I have reached the age where work is a lot of fun, and fun is a lot of work.

I have reached the age that I have looked for large print alphabet soup.

I have reached the age where I wonder how I can be over the hill when I don’t even remember being on top of it.

I have reached the age that I have been there and done that, but don’t remember what that was.

I have reached that age that people tell me how good I look for my age.

I have reached the age where I am a lot like a library. I have a lot of knowledge, but no one seems interested in checking it out.

I have reached the age where I do not argue, I just explain why I’m right and I have a lifetime of experience to back me up.

I have reached the age where I can’t decide if I have more patience or if I just don’t care anymore.

I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.” ~ Will Rogers

Friday Funny April 24, 2026 Jokes That Have Gone To The Dogs

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Happy Friday!  How about some dog jokes to kick off your weekend?

Enjoy!

I have figured out how to stop my dog from digging up the garden.  I confiscated his shovel.

I tried using spot remover on my dog. He disappeared. He kept pressing the paws button.

My dog’s not fat. He’s just a little husky.

My dog never throws anything away, I think she is a hoarder collie.

Did you know that dogs float because they’re good buoys?

I tried to find some jokes about Corgis, but they were all really short.

If you crossed a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a Rooster, would you get Cockerpoodlepoo?

If you crossed a Collie with a Labrador retriever and a Dalmatian, would you get a collaboration?

The other day I spotted an albino dalmatian, seemed like the least I could do for it.

The difference between a man and a dog is that a man wears a suit, but a dog just pants.

 THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Be the person your dog thinks you are.” ~ C.J. Frick

Friday Funny April 17, 2026 Some Eggscelent Chicken Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Here are some chicken jokes just for you and you do not have to cross the road to read them.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the negative rooster who would said, “Cock a doodle don’t”?

Did you hear about the chicken who liked to tell jokes?  She was a real real comedi-hen.

Did you hear about the chicken who went to the gym to work on its pecks?

Did you hear about the chicken who couldn’t find her eggs because she mislaid them?

Did you hear about the old chicken who refused to go to KFC because it wasn’t on her bucket list?

If you crossed an elephant and a chicken would you get a peckyderm?

Is it true that a chicken’s greatest fear is a Zoombie Apeckalypse?

Is it true that a chicken’s favorite dessert is coop-cakes?

If you see a very well dressed chicken, would you say she looked impeccable?

I hope that chickens read my blog and don’t think it is just Cluckbait.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Regard it just as desirable to build a chicken house as it is to build a cathedral.” ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Friday Funny April 10, 2026 Let Me Spring Some Jokes On You

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Happy Friday!  The days are definitely getting longer and warmer, I do believe spring is here.  So let’s celebrate with some spring jokes!

Enjoy!

If you cross a tulip with a dog, would you get a collie-flower?

If you plant Hershey kisses in the spring, do you get tulips?

Would you call an angry flower a snapdragon?

Did you hear about the bee who got married in the spring because he found his honey?

Did you hear about the gardener who stayed calm because he had a lot of thyme?

Did you hear about the flowers who had a lot of speeding tickets because he kept putting the petal to the metal?

Did you hear about the flower that could not ride its bike because it lost its petals?

Did you hear about the farmer who buried all his money because he wanted to make his soil rich?

Did you know that the difference between a spring roll and a summer roll is seasoning?

Did you know that the best time to wash your Slinky is when you’re spring cleaning?

Thought For the Week

“In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside 24 hours.” ~ Mark Twain

Friday Funny April 3, 2026 Another Basket of Easter Bunny Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Happy Passover!  Happy Easter! 

Here is a basket full of Easter Bunny jokes just for you and do not worry they are all zero calorie!

Enjoy!

Did you know that the grocery opened up a lane to help you check out faster for your Easter preparations, it is an eggs-press lane.

Did you know that the Easter Bunnies favorite movies are ones with hoppy endings?

Did you know that the Easter Bunny got his job because he had lots of eggs-perience?

Did you know that in his spare time, the Easter Bunny likes to play video games on his  Eggs-box?

Did you know that the Easter Bunny gets all his eggs from a single supplier?  It is a big eggplant.

Did you know the Easter Bunny moonlights as a financial advisor?  He tells his clients not to put all their eggs in one basket.

Did you know the Easter Bunny fell and broke his leg? It was a hare-line fracture.

Did you know that before the Easter Bunny eats dinner he begins with “Lettuce pray”?

Did you hear about the Easter egg that starred in a movie? Now it’s a shell-ebrity.

Did you know that people paint Easter eggs because it is a lot easier than wallpapering them?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.” ~ Clarence W. Hall

Friday Funny March 27, 2026 Funny Baseball Names

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Happy Friday!  To me spring begins on Opening Day – so Happy Spring!  To kick off baseball season, let’s take a look at a few of my favorite baseball names.

Enjoy!

Coco Crisp – 2002-2016-the speedy outfielder stole 309 bases over his 15-year career; however, I am still waiting to see his face on a cereal box.

Catfish Hunter-1965-1979- A Ct Young winner and Hall of Fame pitcher, Oakland A’s colorful owner thought Jim needed a nickname and Catfish stuck.

Urban Shocker -1916-1928-he was a pitcher who won 187 games over 13 years and pitched for the Yankees in the 1926 World Series.  He pitched his last game I the major leagues in 1928 and he died September 9 of that same year, that was a shock-er.

John Malarky-1894-1903- a pitcher who won 21 games over 6 years.  There are a lot of tall stories about him, but don not believe any of it.

Boof Bosner-2006-2010- a pitcher who appeared in 111 games over 4 years, legally changed his name to “Boof”

Razor Shines 1983-1987-he only had 88 plate appearance over 4 years, I wonder if he was a sharp fielder?  Did he hit slicing line drives?

Oil Can Boyd-1982-1981- this pitcher won 78 games and lost 77 over a 10-year career.  He was a fairly dependable arm; he must have kept his shoulder well-oiled.

Orval Overall-1905-1913- he was a pitcher with the Reds and Cubs, his name sounds like he should have sold clothing to farmers or perhaps made an appearance in the movie “Airplane”.

Milton Bradley-2000-2011- a second-round pick by the Expos in 1996 who never quite realized his potential, but he knows how to play the best games.

Blue Moon Odom-1964-1976- over a career that spanned 13 years and 4 teams, he won 84 games and lost 85 as a pitcher.  It appears that .500 pitchers actually do come along more often than a Blue Moon.

Moonlight Graham-1905- yes, he was a real baseball player whose career consisted of one at bat and then he went on to become a doctor as noted in the movie “Field of Dreams”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Enjoying success requires the ability to adapt. Only by being open to change will you have a true opportunity to get the most from your talent.” ~ Nolan Ryan