Friday Funny April 19, 2019 The Whole Hog

Happy Friday! Happy Easter! Happy Passover!  Wishing you a good weekend.  Here are some pig jokes to chew on while you want for that Easter ham.


Would the smartest pig in the world be Ein-swine? 

Would you take a sick pig to the hospital in a hambulance?

If you cross a pig with a dinosaur would you get Jurassic Pork?

Would you call a pig with no legs a groundhog?

Would you say a pig with laryngitis was disgruntled?

Do pigs write secret messages using invisible oink?

If you put a pig in a musical would it squeal the show?

Is it true that a pig’s favorite Shakespearean play is Hamlet?

Is it true that pigs are not good in track and field because they tend to pull their ham strings?

Did you hear about the pig that went to Las Vegas to play the slop machines?

Can you fit more pigs on a farm by putting them in a sty-scraper!

Would you call pigs in a demolition derby crashing boars?

Thought for the Week

For I remember it is Easter morn,
And life and love and peace are all new born.
~Alice Freeman Palmer


Friday Funny April 12, 2019 Back In My Day

Happy Friday!  It must be spring – baseball is underway and I have cut the grass.  The days are longer and I am enjoying it!  Even when things are going well, we are tempted to look back at times when things were simpler and, at least in our eyes, not quite as easy as they are today.  Enjoy!

Back in my day, tweeting was for the birds.

Back in my day, we did not have cell phone we had two tin cans and some string.

Back in my day, we had to get up in order to change the channel on the television.

Back in my day, songs had lyrics that did not have to be bleeped out.

Back in my day, we had pet rocks.

Back in my day, Mom did not text you when dinner was ready, she would just stand on the front porch and scream for you to come home.

Back in my day, we did not have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up in a book.

Back in my day, we had one phone in the house.  It was black, attached to the wall and had a dial you had to spin.

Back in my day, you had to actually pay to make a long-distance telephone call.

Back in my day, we did not have email. We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen and paper. Then you had to put it in the mailbox and wait a week to ten days for a response.

Back in my day, we had tablets, they were made of stone and had commandments written on them.

Thought for the Week

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect! ~Owens Lee Pomeroy

Odd Song Lyrics from the 1970’s – MacArthur Park

Musically I am and probably always will be stuck in the 1970’s.  It is the soundtrack of my youth.  The 1970’s had a lot of good songs and a lot of bad songs.  But if you remember “American Bandstand” they all “had a good beat, I’ll give it an 85…”

The 1970’s gave us disco and many may never forgive the decade for that.  “MacArthur Park” was a song originally released in 1968 by Richard Harris which  peaked at number two on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.  In 1978, Donna Summer re-released it with a disco beat and made it to number 1 on the Billboard chart.

Here is a portion of the lyrics:

Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
’cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh, nooooo

Several questions come to mind:

  1. Why was the cake left out in the rain?  Who leaves a cake in the rain? Why didn’t she put it in a Tupperware cake container?
  2. Why did this cake that much longer to bake than a normal cake? Was it extra big?  Was it extra fluffy?
  3. Why will she never have that recipe again?  Why didn’t she write it down? (Today, I am certain she could find that recipe on the internet!)
  4. Taking us back to #1 above – if this was such a special cake that took an extraordinarily long time to bake with a once in a lifetime recipe, shouldn’t she have taken note of the weather forecast and made sure that it was not left out in the rain?

The song had a good beat, I will give it an 85, but inquiring minds want to know.


Friday Funny April 5, 2019 Hey Buddy Have I Got a Joke for You!

Happy Friday! It is beginning to feel like spring really is in the air!  This week I thought I would share a few sales related jokes.


A lady was shopping for as new vacuum cleaner.  The salesmen told her that the new model would cut her work in half, so she bought two.

Always trust a glue salesperson. They tend to stick to their word.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his job selling amplifiers because he did not have sufficient volume of sales.

Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.

What do you have to know to be a successful real estate salesman? Lots!


A man walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk. 

“Well they feel a bit tight,” replies the man. 

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man’s feet. “Try pulling the tongue out,” the clerk says. 

“Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.”


One day Bob was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. “What is that?” Bob asked. 

“It’s a thermos,” the salesman replied. 

“What does it do?” asked Bob. 

“Well, this baby,” the salesman said, “is amazing, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” 

This seemed like a great gadget to Bob and he bought one, thinking it would be ideal to take his lunch to work. The next day he arrived at the plant where and sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. “What is it?” they asked. 

“It’s a thermos,” Bob replied. 

“What does it do?” they asked. 

“Well,” Bob told them in a bragging manner, “It is amazing, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” 

“Neat, what do you have in it?” 

To which Bob replies, “Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle.”

Thought for the Week

Life is amazingly good when it’s simple and amazingly simple when it’s good. ~Terri Guillemets

Differences Between Men and Women #113 Cup Holders

It has been quite some time since I have addressed the multitude of differences between men and women.  So, let’s think for just a moment about the cup holders that are found in vehicles. 

Actually my first though about vehicle cup holders has nothing to do with differences between men and women but the simple pondering of why it too so long for cup holders to evolve into something useful?  I can remember as a child when the “cup holder” was a very slightly indented circle on the inside of the glove compartment cover that, I suppose, you could place a small cup on and it wold stay there if the car was not moving, was in park and was setting in the garage.  Thankfully after decades of expensive automotive research, we finally have cup holders that can actually hold a cup.

Which brings us to the difference between how men and women view these now ubiquitous features on automobiles.  A man looks at a cup holder and sees a convenient place where he can put his cup of coffee, a soda or bottle of water where it will stay in one place, not spill and be within reach when he is ready for it.  Pretty simple and direct.

Now a woman will see this same place on the console between the seats and see a space that can be used for any and all of the following:

  • a place to put a cup of coffee, a soda or a bottle of water
  • a place to keep extra change
  • a place to keep coupons
  • a place to keep receipts
  • a place to keep grocery ads
  • a place to keep sunglasses
  • a place to keep emergency makeup
  • a place to keep keys
  • a place to keep a cell phone
  • a place to keep a cell phone charger
  • a place to keep tissues (so also Differences Between Men and Women #37 Tissues)

Perhaps women are more imaginative and resourceful while men are more dull and pragmatic, but please keep the cup holders empty so that I have a place to put my cup of coffee.

Friday Funny March 29, 2019 Baseball Is A Funny Game

Happy Friday and welcome to the 2019 baseball season!  With the start of the season, it seemed like a great time to share some baseball quotes.


“I’m glad I don’t play anymore. I could never learn all of those handshakes.”-Phil Rizzuto

 It ain’t nothin’ till I call it. — Bill Klem, Legendary Major League Baseball umpire

Beethoven can’t really be great because he never had his picture on a bubble gum card. — Lucy van Pelt (Peanuts)

“Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.” ~ Author Unknown

“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.” ~ Earl Wilson 

“Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game – it, and high taxes.” ~ Will Rogers 

“Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?” ~ Jim Bouton 

“The thing I like about baseball is that it’s one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you make a mistake, it’s your mistake. If you hit a home run, it’s your home run.” — Hank Aaron

“The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three-run homers.” – Earl Weaver

“There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.” – Casey Stengel

Thought for the Week

“The baseball mania has run its course. It has no future as a professional endeavor.” — Cincinnati Gazette editorial, 1879

Baseball Fever 2019

If you know me, you probably know that the greatest passions of my life are baseball, God and family – not in that order.  So, with Opening Day upon us, my thoughts have once again turned to baseball.  If you have been following this blog for a long-time, what follows is something you may have seen before.  But this time of year, I wanted to share it again.

There is an ailment that I have been afflicted with for as far back as I can remember. As a very young boy, I was exposed to baseball and, like most boys growing up in Southwestern Ohio in the 1970’s, I caught a bad case of baseball fever. Baseball fever, like many other fevers, can cause one to lose touch with reality and to act in odd ways. As a child, I was prone to spend countless hours during the summer playing the game of baseball. If I could not find any fellow sufferers to share in a game, I would spend hours simply throwing a baseball against the back wall of my elementary school. This exercise was often accompanied by the delusion that I was pitching in the seventh game of the World Series and that the outcome hung on each and every pitch. Night brought little relief as the fever led me to sit on the front porch with my father and brother and listen to Al or Marty and the ‘ole left-hander describe a baseball game on the radio, hoping to hear phrases like “that one is OUTTA here!” and “THIS one belongs to the Reds.” On days when the weather was bad, I would spend my time studying little pieces of cardboard and memorizing the numbers and facts printed on the back or perhaps recreating the picture on the front of how each player held a bat or wound up to throw the ball. I would beg my father for some change so I could run up to the drugstore and buy more of these pieces of cardboard and the cardboard-like gum that came with them. In those days a quarter could be exchanged for five packs of baseball cards with each pack containing five cards and a stick of gum. Over the years, I have constantly guarded these treasures from harmful disasters like house cleanings and garage sales.

There were some days when baseball fever had me in a state of delirious splendor. On these very wonderful occasions, my father would take me to magical places called Crosley Field or Riverfront Stadium where I had the grand privilege of watching my heroes play this game I had come to love.

As years went on, the fever never went away. It would subside for a time, but it would always return in the spring. I moved out of Ohio for a number of years, but every year we would return to visit family and the trip would always coincide, mysteriously, with a home stand. This would invisibly, irresistibly draw me and my father, and later my sons back to a place where others gathered to watch these chosen men who somehow were fortunate enough to earn their living by playing this child’s game.

Fortune smiled and I was able to move back to Southwestern Ohio. For several years I could look out from the building in downtown Cincinnati I worked in and gaze across at Riverfront Stadium, that place I went to as a youth to see men named Morgan, Rose, Bench, Perez, Foster, Griffey, Concpecion, Geronimo, Gullet and others. Sometimes at lunch I would walk around the stadium and I could almost hear the cheers of days gone by. I was able to see Great American Ballpark rise up and take form and have seen Larkin, Casey, Griffey Jr., Votto, Phillips, Suarez, Lorenzen and Gennett build the memories of a new era.

Now it is spring once again. With spring comes not only green grass and flowers, but the return of baseball fever. This is one ailment that they have not yet found a cure for and I hope they never do.