Friday Funny October 30, 2026 Halloween Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  I hope you have your candy ready. Enjoy the little ones who will stop by to see you this weekend.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the witch who was late for an appointment because she over-swept?

Did you about the two vampires who ran a marathon and at the finish line they were neck and neck?

Did you hear about the witch who was kicked out of school because she couldn’t spell?

I heard that pumpkins do poorly in school because they have had their brains scooped out.

Did you hear about the ghost who went to the optometrist to get a pair of spooktacles?

Have you ever noticed that vampires always seem to be sick? They’re always coffin.

Would you call an athletic pumpkin a jock o’ lantern?

If you crossed a Cocker Spaniel with a poodle and a ghost, would you get a cocker poodle boo?

If you crossed a duck with a vampire, would you get Count Quackula?

If you see a ghost who seems down, just remind him that every shroud has a silver lining.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.” ~ Robert Brault

Friday Funny October23, 2026 Working Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  As we come to end of yet another work week, it seems like a time for jokes that may or may not work.

Enjoy!

I do not understand all the fuss about Taylor Swift.  I sent her a pair of pants to be hemmed a month ago and have not got them back yet.

Three weeks ago, I sent my hearing aids for repair, I have not heard anything since.

I was talking to a repair man who installed too powerful a motor in a moving stairway, he said things escalated rapidly.

A friend of mine retired from a muffler shop after twenty 20 years, he was exhausted.

I went to the optician for repair, she took my glasses from me and said she could fix them in ten minutes, I can’t see it happening.

A friend of mine is addicted to DIY repairs, he says he can’t stop thinking about his next fix.

Did you hear about the intern who became an elevator repairman because he didn’t want to spend years climbing the corporate ladder?

Did you hear about the cat who walked into a computer repair shop and told the clerk his mouse died?

Did you know that autobody repair shops boil their pasta for 45 minutes because they don’t like it all denty?

I was having trouble with my time machine.  I took it back to the guy a bought it from.  He quickly looked it over and said, “they sure don’t make them like they are going to.”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” ~ Will Rogers

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sign Up for LeonardsLines Today – Its Free!

Friday Funny October 16, 2026 Some More Fall Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  As I look out, I see the leaves starting to change color and realize that fall is in the air, so it must be time for more fall jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the robot couple who were married in the fall? It appears they were autumn mated.

Did you hear about the apple who joined a gym to work on its core?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who lost its boxing match because he let his gourd down?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who went to the doctor because it did not feel gourd?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who got a job at the beach as a life-gourd?

If a tree takes some time off from its job, is it considered paid leaf?

Being the nice guy that I am, I went to the store and bought my wife some Reynolds Wrap, she wanted to see fall foliage.

I do a great imitation of a fall centerpiece; I am a corn-u-copier.

I visited a library that was devoted exclusively to apples, I had to be sure to use my incider voice.

I went to a great apple-themed fall party, it was quite a gala.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The trees are beginning to loosen their grip and I envy them for their ease in knowing when to let go” ~ Lyra Wren

Friday Funny October 9, 2026 Some Handy Excuses

Leave a reply

Happy Friday! I have been AWOL on the Friday Funny for a couple of weeks, but I have an excuse, actually I have ten.  You can pick which one you think is correct and as an added bonus, keep these handy for the next time you need a quick excuse.

Enjoy!

I was abducted by aliens and they took me on a two-week tour of the galaxy.

I was recruited for a top-secret spy mission that involves saving the world from imminent destruction.  Top-secret stuff. If I tell you, you’ll be in grave danger.

I’ve been at ninja training camp for the last two weeks, perfecting my stealth moves.

I was unexpectedly called for Undercover Superhero Duty for the last two weeks. I had to go and save the world from impending doom.

I accidentally stepped into a time machine and I was stuck in the 1970’s for the last two weeks.

I accidentally stumbled into a portal to a parallel universe, it took me two weeks to find my way back.

For the last two weeks, my computer has been stuck on an endless Zoom call on “‘How to Be More Productive.”

It has been a crazy couple of weeks.  First my Wi-Fi and I had a falling out., then my mouse ran away from the cursor.

For the last two weeks, my Roomba has had me trapped in my bedroom.

It took me two weeks, but I finally found Waldo.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Friday Funny September18, 2026 Random Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  This week is a collection of random jokes.

Enjoy!

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I guess I should have put it on aloha setting.

I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

I went to the wedding of two nuclear technicians. The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.

I went to the wedding of two florists. It was an arranged marriage.

I recently took a pole and determined that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

I have finally reached that age where everything is finally starting to click: my knees, my back, and my neck.

I hear there is a prize old people can win for aging: atrophy.

I read a story about a big explosion at a cheese factory, there was nothing left but debris.

If a Frenchman has been attacked by a cat would you call  him Claude?

Is it true that vampires drink their coffee decoffin-ated?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.”~ G.K. Chesterton

________________________________________________________________________________________

Subscribe to Leonard’s Lines – It’s Free!

Friday Funny September 11, 2026 Jokes to Kick Off Another NFL Season

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  Since this week is kicking off the NFL season, I thought I would huddle up some football jokes for you.

Enjoy!

Is it true that football players cannot wear glasses while playing because it is a contact sport?

Is it true that football centers wear hiking shoes?

Is it true that old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away?

Did you hear about the octopus who played football?  He had ten-tackles.

Did you hear about the football kicker who married his college sweetheart because she was a fair catch?

Did you hear about the quarterback who opened a bakery because he was great at turnovers?

What did the wide receiver say to the football?  Catch you later.

What is a football player’s favorite frozen treat?  Any given sundae.

What did the football player say to the flight attendant?  Put me in coach.

I heard that the best place to watch football is at the hairdressers. They say the coverage is the same but the highlights are better.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.” ~ Lou Holtz

You can have Leonard’s Lines delivered to your email every week – just subscribe below. It’s FREE!!

Friday Funny September 4, 2026 Copier Jokes for Labor Day

Leave a reply

Happy Friday! Happy Labor Day! We have come to the unofficial end of another summer that has flown by. As we come to the holiday tat celebrates workers, I thought I would share some copier-related jokes which is the world I work in.

Enjoy!

I really like working at a place that sells copiers, I feel like we are all on the same page.

We had to let someone go for stealing printer cartridges, poor guy was caught magenta handed.

The other day I was making a lot of photocopies of strawberries and I ended up with a paper jam.

I keep my printer off to the side of me where I can see it in my peripheral vision.

I had an HP printer that died, it was like a Brother to me.

Last week I took my printer to the gym to get toner.

I have been told that a new 3D printers can print a gun. So what? I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

Is it true that printers cut their hair with paper clips?

If a printer could perform miracles, would it get Canonized?

I had a joke about printer paper but it’s tearable.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

You can have the Friday Funny delivered straight to your inbox. Just subscribe below – it’s free!

Friday Funny August 28, 2026 Old Jokes

Leave a reply
Older man reading an open book in a cozy living room
An older man enjoys a book in his warmly lit living room.

Happy Friday! As school is starting up again, I am reminded that this time 50 years agoI was getting ready for my senior year of high school.  That really makes me feel old!  Here are some old jokes to celebrate.

Enjoy!

I saw a 70’s cover band that dressed up as cookies, their name was OREO Speedwagon.

I heard there is a prize old people can win for aging, atrophy.

I’m so old I remember when dial-up internet was cutting edge.

I’m so old my music listening has gone from vinyl to 8-track to cassette to CD’s to streaming to vinyl.

When I was in college there was a fire in my apartment and I lost all my 70s records, it was a disco inferno.

I try not to let aging get me down. It is just too hard to get back up again.

I plan on growing fruit trees in retirement, I want to live to a ripe old age.

I have come to the realization that nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

I was going to add another joke about retirement, but it doesn’t work.

I was going to add another joke about aging, but I forget what it was.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

If you enjoy my Friday Funny, you con subscribe here and get it delivered to your email every Friday, absolutely free!

Friday Funny August 21, 2026 End of Summer Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday! It appears most school have started back which means we are saying good-bye to another summer.  Let’s bid adieu with some summer jokes,

Enjoy!

Did you know that hurricanes make good comedians because their punchlines always blow you away?

Did you know the reason that summer vacations do not last any longer is because they couldn’t handle the heat?

Did you know that the preferred sandal for a frog to wear is one that is open-toad?

Did you know that bananas wear sunscreen when they go to the beach because they peel?

Did you know that many people do not like beach umbrellas because they are so shady?

Did you hear about the ice cream truck driver who retired at the end of summer because he was tired of the daily melt-downs?

Did you hear about the teacher who jumped into the pool to test the water?

Did you hear about the watchmaker who decided to go on vacation so he could unwind?

Did you hear about the scientist who put on an excessive amount of sunscreen because she was a paleontologist?

If you need to clean the ocean, should you call a mermaid?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Summer’s lease hath all too short a date.” ~ William Shakespeare

Friday Funny August 14, 2026 Back-to-School Jokes

Leave a reply

Happy Friday!  Since the summer has flown, it is time for some more back-to-school jokes.

Enjoy!

If you crossed a teacher with a vampire would you get lots of blood tests?

If you crossed an algebra class with the prom would you get a quadratic formal?

If you were the leader of an AP biology gang would that make you the Nucleus?

Is it true that the favorite vegetables of librarians are quiet peas?

Is it true that chemistry students tell the worst jokes because all the good jokes argon?

Did you hear about the music teacher who could not get into his classroom because his keys were on the piano?

Did you hear about the girl who wore glasses to math class because she thought it would improve her di-vison?

Did you hear about the egg who got detention because he kept telling yolks?

Did you hear about the computer teacher who quit his job because he lost his drive?

Did you hear about the science teacher who would show up periodically?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think”~ Margaret Mead