Friday Funny May 26, 2023 Sales Jokes

Happy Friday!  This weekend brings Memorial Day and the unofficial start of summer.  Be sure to take some time to reflect on those who have died in service to this country. 

How about a few sales jokes to kick off the holiday weekend?


I have a friend who has a job selling freezers over the phone, she is great at cold calls.

I have a friend who just quit his job selling tire pumps, he just could not handle the pressure.

I have a friend who is a shoe salesman, he dances at work all day, he has a lot of sole.

I have a friend who is a pasta salesman, his commission is penne’s on the dollar.

I have a friend who was fired from his job selling amplifiers.  It seems he did not achieve a sufficient volume of sales.

What do you have to know to be a real estate salesperson? Lots.

How did Yoda get his first lead? He used the SalesForce.

The salesperson showed us a PowerPoint presentation on the water park we’re going to. It has several slides.

I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store. She replied “Aisle B, back”.

The Sales Manager announced a sales contest for the current month. The winners will get to enter next month’s contest.


“The more you are grateful for what you have the more you will have to be grateful for.” ~ Zig Ziglar


Friday Funny May 19, 2023 Travel Jokes for 2023

Happy Friday!  Memorial Day is just a little over a week away and with it comes the unofficial start of summer and the travel season.  So, let’s kick off this weekend with some travel jokes.


I heard that hipsters like to hike backcountry rivers because they are less mainstream.

Travel Tip – Do not take a dog on road trips, they tend to be bark seat drivers.

Travel tip – Before heading on a cross country trip in Canada, make sure you have Triple Eh.

Travel Tip – Never fly on Peter Pan Airways – they neverland.

Travel Tip – When in Hawaii avoid loud laughing, instead just give them a low ha.

Every time I go through an airport, I get sick.  I am afraid it might be a terminal illness.

I think mountains are the funniest places to travel, I find then hill areas.

Is it true that you can stop Canadian Bacon from curling in the pan by taking away its little rock and broom?

A time traveler visited a restaurant on vacation and he liked it so much that he went back four seconds.

I took four hours to check out of my hotel in Japan. The receptionist told me, “You really Tokyo time.”


“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friday Funny May 12, 2023 Mothers’ Day

Happy Friday and a Happy Mothers’ Day to all the Moms. If you can, be sure to let your Mother know you are thinking about her this weekend.


Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He said, ‘Call for backup.’

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom on Mother’s Day? Because she left the phone off the hook.

I bought my mom a mug that says, “Happy Mother’s Day from the World’s Worst Son”. I forgot to mail it but I think she knows.

There is a very old legend that says if you take a shower and scream “Mom” three times, a nice lady appears with the towel you forgot.

My housekeeping style as a mom can best be described as “there appears to have been a struggle.”

Would call a mother cow that’s just given birth de-calf-inated?

Good moms let you lick the beaters after making brownies, great moms turn them off first.

Motherhood is like a fairy tale but in reverse. You begin in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after people.


“A mother understands what a child does not say.” —Jewish Proverb

Friday Funny May 5, 2023 – Is There Baseball In Haven?

Happy Friday and Happy May! The days are longer and warmer weather is on the way! The baseball season is in full swing, so let me toss out a baseball joke for you.


Bob and Dave had been best friends for as long as either of them could remember plus they shared an avid interest in baseball.  They were now in their 90’s and in a nursing home, but still close friends who continued to share a love of baseball.  Many days they would spend sitting in their rocking chairs and talking about baseball.  Occasionally they pondered if there would be baseball in heaven.  One day, as they pondered this, they made a pact that someway, somehow which ever one of them who died first would find a way to come back and let the other one know if, indeed, there was baseball in heaven.

Well, the day came when Bob passed.  After several weeks had passed Dave was feeling a bit lonely as his sat and rocked next to an empty chair.  Suddenly, the empty chair began to rock slowly back and forth and the pale, ghostly image of Bob appeared. 

Dave asked, “Well Bob, tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”

“Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” replied Bob.  “The good news is that, yes indeed, there is baseball in heaven.  There are games every day and the weather is always absolutely perfect”

Dave smiled and asked, “That is wonderful! What’s the bad news?”

Bob looked at his friend and replied, “The bad news is that tomorrow is our Opening Day and you’re playing second base and batting third.”


“Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is.” ~ Bob Feller

Friday Funny April 21, 2023 Lawn Care Jokes

Happy Friday! Spring is in the air and you have probably had to cut the grass at least once by now, so how about some lawn care jokes to kick off this Friday?


The other day, I saw a man crying while mowing his lawn so I asked him if anything was wrong.  He said that he was just going through a rough patch.

Today I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn, he just wasn’t cutting it.

I really need to cut my grass, but I am having difficulty getting myself mow-tivated.

Last week, I called the police about a murder on my front lawn and they said that couldn’t do anything about crows on my lawn and insisted that I quit calling.

I have a chicken proof lawn, it’s impeccable.

Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.  He just sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

When I’m grilling a steak outside, the smell just makes my mouth water.  I wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

My neighbor on one side has a cow that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn moo-er.

My neighbor on the other side has a cat that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn-meower.

The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.


“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” ~ William Shakespeare

Friday Funny April 14, 2023 Don’t Sweep These Jokes Under The Rug

Happy Friday!  It is the time of year for spring cleaning, so here are some jokes I dusted off for the occasion.


I really hate spring cleaning. Those silly things bounce all over the place.

I was pretty upset when my freezer stopped working, then I realized that it’s all just water under the fridge.

You never know what you have, until you clean your garage.

I recently built a car out of used and broken pieces of a washing machine. I cannot wait to take it for a spin.

I finished cleaning my bathroom mirror and I did such a good job that I ended just sitting there reflecting.

I heard that the best way to contact the spirit of a  deceased window cleaner is with a Squeegee Board.

I recently saw a movie containing mild violence about cleaning supplies, it was rated Squeegee-13.

The highlight of my week was buying a new vacuum cleaner. Things are definitely picking up.

I have a friend wo got a job at the dry cleaners, but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and he kept upsetting the customers.  His boss made him do a hanger management course.

If you are wondering if I know any laundry puns, I’ve got loads of them.


“Ignorance lies not in the things you don’t know, but in the things you know that ain’t so.” ~ Will Rogers

Friday Funny April 7, 2023 Peep Jousting

Happy Friday!  Happy Passover!  Happy Easter!  This week, instead of some jokes, I thought I would share a fun activity for the whole family.


Peeps are in season! I assume that you are familiar with Peeps, the little marshmallow confection that has been around since 1953.  They were originally promoted primarily at Easter-time but you can now find them at Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day and just about any time. They come in various shapes and colors but all are basically sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, food dyes and salt.

One of the great debates of modern time is whether it is better to eat Peeps “fresh” out of the box or to slit the cellophane and wait a day, a week or a month or two for the Peeps to properly age (get stale) before eating them.  We can save that debate for another time.

This weekend, if you have some Peeps around, may a suggest some Peep Jousting? (If you do not have any you might even want to go out and obtain some for this event!)  There is really not much preparation needed for Peep Jousting.  All you need are Peeps, toothpicks, a plate and a microwave.

Take two Peeps, insert a toothpick in each Peep so that it looks like a lance, arrange the Peeps facing each other on a plate and put the plate in the microwave. Set the microwave for approximately 40 seconds and watch!  Do not walk away from the microwave or you will miss all the fun!  Now there are a few differing theories on how to determine the winner of the match: 1) the Peep whose lance touches the other Peep first wins, 2) the Peep who deflates first is the loser, or 3) the Peep that blows up first loses.  Take you pick or invent your own.  Sadly, there are no returning champions in Peep Jousting, this is a “one and done” sport.

I would not suggest eating the Peeps post-joust – they are hot, they are messy and believe or not, they lose their flavor in the combat.

So, this year, add a little Peep Jousting to liven up the afternoon.


“The very first Easter taught us this: that life never ends and love never dies. ~ Kate McGahan, “Only Gone from Your Sight”

Friday Funny March 31, 2023 Jokes That Are On The Ball

Happy Friday! As we bring a close to March we are at the beginning of a new baseball season.  It is that time of year when hope springs eternal!  So, let me  toss a few baseball jokes your way to kick the weekend off.


I have a baseball joke to tell you. It will leave you in stitches.

How do baseball players stay Friends? They touch base every once in a while.

I heard that it is a good idea to take a baseball player with you when you go camping so that he can pitch the tent.

If you crossed a baseball pitcher with a carpet, would you get a throw rug?

Where did the baseball player wash his socks? In the bleachers.

What is the main rule of zebra baseball? Three stripes and you’re out.

What do baseball players use to bake a cake? Oven mitts, bunt pans, and batter.

Why did the baseball player shut down his website? He wasn’t getting any hits.

I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.  Seems that I now have a lifetime ban from Disney World.

People say I’m too aggressive when I’m trading baseball cards. I will admit that I am Ruth-less.


“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.” ~ Yogi Berra

Friday Funny March 24, 2023 Jokes That Are “OK”

Happy Friday!  Hope you have had an excellent week.  Mine has been so-so and so are these jokes.


Is it true that the most mediocre color is Meh-genta?

Is it true that only a mediocre person is always at their best?

Would you call a mediocre member of organized crime a mafiososo?

Would you call a mediocre sandwich a Subpar?

I once wrote a mediocre paper on computer programming; I received a C++.

Last week we went out for some mediocre Chinese food, it was Tso Tso.

I am not a mathematician; my statistic skills are mediocre at best and average at worst.

My attempt at art is a lot like communism – fantastic in theory, mediocre in practice, messy in result.

The other day I went to Starbucks, I asked the barista, “What’s your mildest roast?”  She thought about it for a minute and said, “You have mediocre ears.”

I recently organized a mediocre game of tag with some friends, the situation was touch-and-go.

Do you know what historical figure is known for saying “ehh, good enough.”? It was Mediocrates.

I am putting up a surround sound system in my family room. I decided to hire a sound technician instead of a mediocre one.


 “No one gets ahead by striving for mediocrity.” ~ Glenn C. Stewart

Friday Funny March 15, 2023 Jokes To Help You Deal With The Madness

Happy Friday and Welcome to March Madness!  Here is hoping that our bracket does not get busted on the first night!


Is it true that basketball players cannot go on vacations because they aren’t allowed to travel?

I used to be addicted to basketball, but I rebounded.

Is it true that a pirate’s favorite basketball move is a jump hook?

Is it true that basketball players love cookies because they can dunk them?

Did you hear about the basketball team of anti-vaxers?  Seems they los every game because they never took any shots.

I read there is going to be a new sci-fi basketball show., they are going to call it Hooper Natural.

Did you hear about the basketball coach who loves dogs?  He has three pointers.

Where do point guards take their dates after the game? To the Basket Ball.

Is it true that basketball players favorite kind of cheese is ls swish?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who played basketball? He was a point gourd.


“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden, UCLA Basketball Coach, 1948-1975