We are hearing a great deal about healthcare these days and I imagine the debate will continue to rage on long after deadlines are past.  My point here is not to get political but simply to offer my cheap, common sense solution which you may feel free to refer to as Leonard Care.

First, let’s get the cost out of the way.  It will be $19.95 per person per month.  Why $19.95, about the price of a couple of large two topping pizzas or one of many “As Seen on TV” products like Chop Magic Chopper, a set of Wonder Hangers or a Snore Relief Mouthpiece.  I figure most people can handle giving up a double pizza or a Magic Chopper a Month.

The key to making this work is to reduce costs of course.  This is actually easier than many people might think.  I will illustrate by what happens when I go to the doctor:

Me: Doctor, “I have this soreness, bruise, rash. fever, broken bone, severed limb or whatever.”

Doctor:  “I understand your problem, we could treat it, bandage it, sew it back on, but how about you elevate it. apply ice and/or heat on it, take it easy for a few days, take aspirin or ibuprofen and let it heal on its own?”

Since the ice it/heat it/elevate it/rest it method of treatment has been prescribed about 99% of the time for my issues, let’s apply it to 99% of all medical visits?

I know what you are thinking, it still takes up Doctor’s and Nurses time.  But I have an answer for that.  All hospitals and doctors offices would employ admissions bouncers, I mean admissions screen-ers.  I would suggest hiring non-active Marines (I have been told there is no such thing as a “former Marine”).  The Screen er would do a quick once over of the prospective patient looking for any of the following symptoms: temperature over 104 degrees, bone protruding from the skin, gaping wound or apparent absence of pulse, heart rate or breathing.  If none of the above were present, the would-be patient would be told to elevate/ice/rest whatever hurts and would be provided his or her choice of aspirin or ibuprofen and sent on their way.  If said patient returned for another try they would be transported to Paris Island for a full physical fitness test.

This should free up doctors and nurses for those patients needing immediate care and get the rest of us sent back to work/school/home to go about our business.  There you have it, the whole insurance thing solved!  I did not say it would be good, I said it would be cheap!!

I will admit it.  In my younger days, I once went to see “Big Time Wrestling” at Hara Arena in Dayton, Ohio.  If I recall this was an unofficial outing with several guys from my church youth group as well as some friends and the youth minister.  It was back in the late 1970’s: before Hulk Hogan, before The Rock, before Steve Austin,  before Jesse Ventura, before John Cena, before  Roddy Piper, before Hacksaw Dugan (in the picture above).

Profession wrestling has a long and rather shady history from its beginning as a sideshow in traveling circuses and carnivals to today’s millionaire stars and bullion dollar industry.  But in the days before Ted Turner resurrected professional wrestling to new heights (more about that in a moment), it was not as polished, but the characters were even quirkier than they are today.  And one of the regular venues for Big Time Wrestling was Hara Arena which was home on alternating Monday evenings for the likes of the Sheik, Bobo Brazil, Wild Bill Curry and, my favorite Pampero Firpo.

I remember seeing The Sheik the night I went.  This wrestler was, allegedly –  very, very allegedly a rich and wild man from Syria.  His approach was to get his opponent in a hold and refuse to break it, thus forcing him into submission. When this did not work he used hidden objects to cut his opponent’s face.  Amazingly, he could always manage to pull these objects out and show the crowd when the referee was not looking.  The Sheik’s most dramatic “move” was to throw a fireball into his opponents’ face.  I believe The Sheik used this maneuver the evening I went and his opponent rolled off the canvas writhing in pain to be quickly placed n a stretcher no doubt to be whisked away for treatment or perhaps back stage for the rest of the performance.

Pampero Firpo was a recipient of The Shiek’s fireball from time to time.  He  was called “The Wild Bull of the Pampas.” Years before the “Macho Man” his catchphrase was “Oooohhh yeaaahh!” Word has it that after he retired from wrestling, he shaved his beard, trimmed his hair and took a job at a post office.  I think I have seen Mr. Firpo’s wild stare from time to time at the post office.

I never really followed wrestling but the characters of The Sheik and Pampero Firpo have always stuck with me.  During my college years, Ted Turner and his fairly new “super station” began to put professional wrestling back in the map.  I believe there was block of wrestling on every Saturday afternoon.  I remember  weekly discussion with my roommate my sophomore year about what we would watch.  (It had to be sophomore year because we did not have a television freshman year and the one we had sophomore year was a small black and white one).  My roommate would always vote for wrestling.  Me, being the intellectual, would always try to persuade him to watch “The Flintstones” instead.  I think my roommate usually won the discussion, but then it was his TV.

Wrestling caught the attention of my boys for a brief (thankfully) time.  One day when we were living in Western Kentucky, they heard that a real, live, professional wrestler was making an appearance at a local video store.  So they talked us into going to see James Edward Duggan, better known as “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. His wrestling character was that of an American patriot, one who relishes in the “U-S-A” cheer, one with a battle cry of “Hooo!” and one who drives his point home in the ring with a 2×4 length of wood as a weapon.  What could be more American?

It turned out that Mr. Dugan was a very personable guy and related extremely well to his fans including my boys.  You can see everyone looks happy in the picture and I left very impressed with my moment with a real professional wrestler .  Plus I was thankful he did not have to use his 2×4 to make an impression on me.

It has been said that you are what you eat meaning that what we take into our bodies has an impact on our health and fitness.  The idea is that if we eat healthy foods we will be healthy and if we eat junk food we won’t feel so great.  

I think the same thing should be said about what we read.  The thoughts and ideas that we pick up from books and magazines have a tremendous impact on what we think, what we believe and how we act.  Now you may be thinking that I am saying this because I spent my childhood reading all those classics one is supposed to read as a child, you would be wrong. I spent my formative years reading about baseball.  Once I could talk my parents into having a magazine subscription, I rotated between Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News  and Baseball Digest.  I anxiously waited for the next issue to arrive and read each one cover to cover. These days I cannot say the same thing when an issue of Internal Auditor or The Journal of Accountancy arrives.

As a youngster I also read books about baseball and I still do.  However, I did manage to expand my horizons over the years and have read a few of the standard classics. Along the way I picked up an affinity for C.S. Lewis as well.  I recently noticed that the vast majority of books I own fall into four categories, not in order of importance:  baseball (of course), humor (some might doubt that I have ever read a book about humor), religion and business.  Not surprisingly, these are the area where I spend most of my time,  areas where I have developed some knowledge.  As I have read on these topics. I have not only learned, I have been shaped by what I read.

I have also noticed the books that belong to my wife.  Many of these fall into two categories.  The first category is cookbooks, I like these and the results that come from my wife using them.  I eat the cookies and cakes as can be evidenced by my ever-expanding waist line.  It is the second other major category that has me just a little concerned; these would murder mystery books.  There are the Sue Grafton books, “A” is for Alibi, “B” is for Burglar, “C” is for Corpse, etc.  There are the “Cat Who” books by Lilian Jackson Braun, “The Cat Who Blew the Whistle”. “The Cat Robbed a Bank” and so on.  There are some that just have cute titles like “No Use Dying Over Spilled Milk” or “Harry’s Last Tax Cut.”

I know that my wife likes to read and read a lot.  While I try to enjoy and savor a book she devours them like a kid with a bag of candy after Trick or Treat.  I know that I do not have to worry about her mind being shaped by all those murder plots buried back in the creases of her mind, right?  However if one day I meet my demise in some unusual way that sounds like a plot out of a murder mystery……….

Every once in a great while I come across a headline that causes me to stop everything and read the article.  This recently happened when I saw the following headline, “Gassy German Cows Blamed for Barn Explosion.”  Inquiring minds want to know, so I read the story.  It seems local German police say that 90 dairy cows were kept in a shed at a farm in Rasdorf.  Apparently the flatulence and belching of 90 cows in a confined space can produce a large quantity of methane gas.  Just add an errant static electric charge to this cow produced methane buildup and the result is “a detonation, a spurt of flame and a slightly damaged roof.”   No humans were hurt; however, one unfortunate cow suffered light burns.  Kind of provides a new meaning to the phrase, “Let’s Raise the Roof!”

For some unknown reason, I find cows rather amusing.  So I will follow that hard hitting news story with some of my favorite cow jokes.

Mad Cow?

One farmer was discussing things with a fellow farmer and mentioned that he recently had to shoot one of his cows?  “Was it mad?” asked the fellow farmer?  The first farmer replied, “Well, it wasn’t very happy about it.”

A Cowboy and a Cow

One day a very devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Ten Things I Learned About Life from a Cow

1. Begin each day in a happy moo-d.
2. Don’t forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.
3. Cherish each day because we are not on this earth for heifer.
4. Turn the udder cheek and moo-ve on.
5. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!
6. Don’t cry over spilled milk.
7. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.
8. Always let them know who’s the Bossy.
9. Black and white is always in style.
10. It is better to be seen then herd.