Monthly Archives: May 2019

Friday Funny May 15, 2018 Air Travel Jokes

Happy Friday!  I was traveling for some training this week and ended up spending one more night in Chicago than I intended thanks to a flight crenelation. It has been said we have to laugh to keep from crying sometimes, so I tried to laugh and the result is this week’s funny.

Enjoy!

An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, “Unfortunately, we have lost an engine, but there is no need to worry, the other three are working properly. However, this will add an hour to our flight.”

A bit later, the pilot announces, “If I can have your attention again, unfortunately, a second engine has failed, still no need to worry.  We have two good engines; it will just add another hour to our flight.”

After about an hour, the pilot announces again, “This is quite unusual, but a third engine had died. Once again, there is no need to fear.  We have one good engine and we can make it to our destination with only one engine.  However, it sill add another hour to our flight.”

At this point, one passenger turned to his seat-mate and said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here all day!”

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A place was taxiing down the tarmac, preparing for takeoff when it abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

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A man walks up to the counter at the airport. “Can I help you?” asks the agent.

“I want a round trip ticket,” says the man.

“Where to?” asks the agent.

“Well, I wanted to come right back to here.”

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As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that precise moment to throw a loud and prolonged temper-tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

From the back of the plane, an distinguished, older man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear.

To everyone’s amazement, the boy calms down. Then the boy gently takes his mother’s hand and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers are amazed and a bit bewildered.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the flight attendants touches his sleeve. “Excuse me, General,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose.”

Thought for the Week

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.  ~Lin Yutang

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

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Friday Funny May 10, 2019 Vacation Jokes

Happy Friday!  We all enjoy a few days off and I was off last week for vacation.  But now it is back to the grind and back to the Friday Funny!  So, here are a few vacation jokes.

Enjoy!

Two Ohioans go on a fishing trip for vacation. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, waders, rowboat, car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.  The second day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.  The third day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.  This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches one small fish. As they are driving home they are really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?” The other guy replies, “Gee, it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
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As a cruise ship is passing a nearby island, one of the passengers sees a man standing by a large brush fire and waving at them.  The Captain just happened to be standing nearby.  The passenger asks the Captain, “Who is that guy?” “I don’t know,” says the captain, “but every time we pass by this way he gets excited.”

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Is it true that mummies do not take vacations because they are afraid they will relax and unwind?

Is it true that robots go on summer vacation because they need to recharge their batteries?

Did the librarian get kicked off the plane because it was overbooked?

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A man went on a long anticipated vacations to a tropical island.  He settles into his room  and begins to hear drums. He goes to the beach and still he hears the drums.  He goes to a restaurant for lunch and continues to hear drums!  That night he tries in vain to sleep because he continues to hear the drums!! Finally he storms over to the manager. “I’ve had it! Can’t you stop those drums?” he begs.

“No!” says the manager. “It’s very bad if the drums stop.”

“Why?”

“When the drums stop, the bass solo begins…

Thought for the Week

No vacation goes unpunished.  ~Karl Hakkarainen

www.quotegasrden.com