Monthly Archives: June 2022

Friday Funny June 24, 2022 Jokes That Come Home To Roost

Happy Friday!  Let’s kick off the weekend with some chicken jokes.

Enjoy!

Is it true that chickens tell scary stories about Poultrygeists?

Would a negative rooster crow cock-a-doodle-don’t?

Is it true that the best way to get a chicken to read your blog is by using cluckbait?

Did you know that the reason that a chicken coop has two doors is because if it had four it would be a chicken sedan?

Did you hear about the chicken philosophers who pondered the meaning of eggsistence?

Did you hear about the chicken who went through the Powerpoint presentation to get to the other slide?

Is it true that a chickens favorite dessert is coop-cakes?

If you crossed a chicken with a bell would you get an alarm cluck?

If you crossed a chicken with a concrete mixer would you get a brick layer?

Is it true that chickens do not like bossy roosters because they ruffle everyone’s feathers?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“If you know somethin’ well, you can always paint it but people would be better off buyin’ chickens.” ~ Grandma Moses

Friday Funny June 17, 2022 It Is So Hot That …

Happy Friday!  Happy Fathers’ Day!  It definitely feels like Summer has made an early arrival. Be careful out there because it is so hot that……

Enjoy!

It is so hot out that even the artificial flowers are wilting.

It is so hot out that Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

It is so hot out that I saw a heatwave and I waved back.

It is so hot out that I poured McDonald’s hot coffee on my lap just to cool off.

It is so hot that the catfish was already fried when I caught it.

 It is so hot that you can spot people who have had plastic surgery.

It is so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.

It is so hot that you cannot make a chili dog.

It is so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.

It is so hot that Reds fans have started to take the bags off their heads.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.” ~Harmon Killebrew

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Friday Funny June 10, 2022 Poor Richard’s Wisdom

Happy Friday!  This week I thought I would share some notable sayings that Benjamin Franklin gave us through Poor Richard’s Almanac.

Enjoy!

Fish and Visitors stink after three days.

Who has deceiv’d thee so oft as thy self?

Well done is better than well said.

What you would seem to be, be really.

Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.

There is much difference between imitating a good man, and counterfeiting him.

Wink at small faults — remember thou hast great ones.

Little Strokes, Fell great Oaks.

Many Foxes grow grey, but few grow good.

Beware of little Expenses: a small Leak will sink a great Ship.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

A Slip of the Foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the Tongue you man never get over.

Love your Neighbour; yet don’t pull down your Hedge.

Lost time is never found again.

The Sting of a Reproach is the Truth of it.

Glass, China, and Reputations, are easily crack’d, and never well mended.

He that can have patience can have what he will

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“This would be a great time in the world for some man to come along that knew something.” ~Will Rogers

Friday Funny June 3, 2022 Summer Humor Checkup

Happy Friday!  Congratulations on making it through another week.  Let’s kick off the weekend with a little medical humor self-checkup.

Enjoy!

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.

I have an inferiority complex but it’s not a very good one.

Today I was checked by Dr. B. Gee. I hope I will be stayin’ alive.

The difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist is that a dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.\

I heard about an optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine.  It seems he really made a spectacle out of himself.

I played hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.

I heard it takes three doctors to change a light bulb. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

I heard about a baby born in the new high tech delivery room.  It was cordless.

Last week I tried a new cough syrup, I had no idea what to expectorate.

Conjunctivitis.com — now that is a site for sore eyes.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We’re living in an age of medical specialists. Nowadays what four out of five doctors recommend is another doctor.” ~Robert Orben, 2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches, 1984

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