Monthly Archives: November 2022

Friday Funny November 25, 2022 The 12 Days of Thanksgiving

Happy Black Friday! I hope you had a good Thanksgiving Day. Although we are in the midst of uncertain times, there is still much to be thankful for as we enter this holiday season.  

It is a little different Thanksgiving at my house. It was quiet yesterday and family is coming today. So while you are munching on leftovers, I will be on my first round of turkey today. Speaking of leftovers- here is something that has been circulating the internet for a number of years that shows there is a limit to how long one can be thankful for turkey. I thought it would be good to send it around again.

Enjoy!

On the First Day….. We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.

On the Second Day….. We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the Third Day….. We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.

On the Fourth Day….. We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we’d be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.

On the Fifth Day….. We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a bare turkey carcass.

On the Sixth Day….. We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who add cashews and noodles to the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the Seventh Day….. We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the Eighth Day….. The word ”vegetarian” keeps popping into our heads.

On the Ninth Day….. We check our hair to make sure we’re not beginning to sprout feathers.

On the Tenth Day….. We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.

On the Eleventh Day….. We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.

On the Twelfth Day….. We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says, “Amen!”

Thought for the Week

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
Father in heaven,
We thank thee.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Advertisement

Friday Funny November 18, 2022 Thanksgiving Jokes

Happy Friday!  We are less than a week away from Thanksgiving, so I have pulled out some Thanksgiving jokes out of the freezer.

Enjoy!

If your turkey’s seasoning tastes a little off this year it might be because you ran out of thyme.

What did the leftover turkey say? Make me a sandwich.

If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, do college students travel on Scholar-ships?

What did Han Solo say to Luke Skywalker on Thanksgiving? “May the forks be with you.”

Is it true that turkeys gobble because they never learned table manners?

Last Thanksgiving, I was stopped by a policeman on my way home, apparently, I was exceeding the feed limit.

Was the smallest unit of measurement used on the Mayflower a Pil-gram?

Is it true that the turkey crossed the road because he wanted people to think he was a chicken?

Is it true that a turkey’s favorite dessert is Peach gobbler?

I you wanted to know how old a Pilgrim is would you ask him about his “Pilgrimage”?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Reflect upon your present blessings — of which every man has many — not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” ~ Charles Dickens

Friday Funny November 11, 2022 Military Jokes for Veterans Day

Happy Friday and a special Happy Veterans Day to all those who have served!

Enjoy!

You know that a veteran has been making chocolate chips cookies when you find a find a lot of M&M shells on the floor.

Is it true that when a veteran cooks dinner that he seasons the food with pepper spray and a salt rifle?

If a cow joined the army would they issue her a cow-moo-flage uniform?

If the military developed a new weapon-grade variety of laser would it be an ultra-violent light?

Is it true that you cannot be in the military if you are on Twitter because they do not want people who are quick to retweet?

Where do Generals keep their armies? In their sleevies.

Would you call a high-ranking soldier who hates recycling General Waste?

If a deer enlisted in the Air Force would he be a Bombar(deer)?

Did you hear about the professional artist who was discharged from the Marines?  It seems the only thing he could do was draw fire.

What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? They all originally set out to become Marines.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.” — General Douglas MacArthur

Friday Funny November 4, 2022 More Dad Jokes

Happy Friday! Here are some Dad Joke’s for you to ponder as you mucnh on the leftover Halloween candy this weekend,

Enjoy!

It seems like I only get sick on weekdays. I wonder if I have a weekend immune system.

If I ever find the doctor who messed up my limb replacement surgery, I think I will strangle him with my bear hands.

I heard that it is pretty easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but a lot harder to deter gents.

Last week I found a wooden shoe in my toilet. It was clogged.

I once had a girl break up with me because of my obsession with pasta. It left me feeling cannelloni for a long time.

My boss was upset with me for downloading the entire Wikipedia.  I said, “Wait! I can explain everything!”

I think I am obsessed with collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.

I do not mean to brag, but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

I remember when I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Unfortunately, it turns out that identity theft is a crime.

When I took calculus, I had to sit between identical twins. I found it very difficult to differentiate between them.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. “~Edward John Phelps, 1889

WWW.QUOTEGARDEN.COM