Monthly Archives: May 2021

Friday Funny May 28, 2021 Working Out a Few Jokes

Happy Friday! Memorial Day is an opportunity to reflect on those who gave their lives for our freedoms. Memorial Day also marks the unofficial start of summer. Maybe you are aiming to get in shape for summer activities, so let’s kick off the holiday weekend with a quick set of jokes. Drop and give me ten!

Enjoy!

I asked my wife for suggestions for a new exercise routine, and she said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”  I said, “I don’t know, that sounds like a big step.”

I am thinking about started to swim for exercise, it might give me a sense of porpoise.

Last week I went to the gym and found a new machine.  I only used it for about an hour – until I started to feel sick – but it’s great: it’s got Reese’s, Hershey Bars, Almond Joys and more in it!

Today, I did five laps around the gym, tomorrow, I might even park my car and go inside.

I tried to cancel my gym membership today, but they wanted me to provide a too weak notice.

I never thought that I would be the type of person to wake up at 5 A.M to go for a jog.  It turns out that I was right.

Did you hear about the farmer that went to the gym and pulled his calf?

Did you hear about the fisherman who went to the gym and pulled a mussel?

My wife bought me an exercise bike for Christmas.  I used it for about a month but it did not seem like it was getting me anywhere.

I called the gym and asked if they could teach me gymnastics.  The guy asked, “How flexible are you?”  I said, “I can make it most weekdays after 6:00”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Who kept the faith and fought the fight;
The glory theirs, the duty ours. ~Wallace Bruce

WWW.QUOTEGADEN.COM

Friday Funny May 14, 2021 A Few Words of Advice

“I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused” ~ George Washington Harris

Happy Friday! Just to let you know this blog is not all just fun and games, let me offer up some words of advice this week.

Enjoy!

“If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.” ~ Alfred E. Neuman

“The one prediction that never comes true is, ‘You’ll thank me for telling you this.’ “ Judith Martin

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”~ Erica Jong

“If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don’t need advice.” ~ Van Roy’s Truism

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein

“I always advise people never to give advice.” ~ P.G. Wodehouse

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.” ~ Proverbs 19:20

Friday Funny May 7, 2021 Last of the Marathon Jokes

Happy Friday! I hop e this has been a good week for you. In October 2002 I ran my first marathon. Last Saturday I ran my last, at least I am pretty sure it was my last. 26.2 miles is more than I ever thought I would run or ever wanted to run, but I enjoyed it more than I imagined I would. But, alas, age just might be catching up with me a little bit and the training just ain’t no fun no more, so I say this is it for long distance running. So let’s kick off the weekend with a little marathon humor.

Enjoy!

Training for a marathon is hard work, but it will be good for you in the long run.

Word of advice:  do not mess with a marathoner – they run the streets.

I have had a habit of using the same puns every marathon, it is kind of a running joke.

Now that I have run marathons, my work signed me up for a 401K.

I have run my last marathon, but now I am going to treat every day like I will be running a marathon tomorrow.  I am going to rest a lot and really load up on carbs!

I injured myself during an Ironman marathon the other day. Guess I got up off the couch too fast during the third film.

I heard they were trying to organize an oompah loompay marathon; however, contestants are running short.

Did you hear about the marathon runner who was sprinting at the start of the race? Apparently his pacemaker was malfunctioning.

Did you hear about that guy who planned to ran a marathon on railroad tracks? He trained a lot, but got distracted.

Did you hear that Paul McCartney has been disqualified from London Marathon? Seems he was banned on the run.

One thing you can say about Charity Marathons, they give you a run for your money.

A friend told me that he and his girlfriend broke up after they ran a marathon together.  He was pretty heartbroken, but said they had a good run.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon.” ~ Emil Zatopek