Monthly Archives: March 2016

Friday Funny April 1 2016 April Fools Day

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Happy Friday!  Happy April Fools Day!  How nice to have a day when we can all celebrate being a little silly.  While it seems there is no real consensus on the origin of April Fool’s Day, it does have a long and storied history.  The creative spirit of this day goes well beyond the little practical jokes we play on each other.  Over the years there have been many publications and broadcasts that have joined in on the fun.  The Museum of Hoaxes has complied a list of the 100 greatest April Fools Day Hoaxes of All Time.  You can find the complete list at http://hoaxes.org/aprilfool/P40.  I have chosen several of my favorites from their list to share with you this week.  I remember, at some point, hearing about the spaghetti harvest and I recall the Sports Illustrated article about the amazing Sidd Finch.  I even learned something myself this week as I read about rickrolling.  Wishing you an enjoyable April Fools Day.

Enjoy!

SOME OF THE GREATEST APRIL FOOLS HOAXES

 Sidd Finch – The April 1985 issue of Sports Illustrated revealed that the New York Mets had recruited a rookie pitcher named Sidd Finch who could throw a baseball at 168 mph — 65 mph faster than the previous record. Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never played baseball before, but he had mastered the “art of the pitch” in a Tibetan monastery. Mets fans couldn’t believe their good luck and, accepting at face value the peculiarities of Sidd Finch’s past, flooded Sports Illustrated with requests for more information. But in reality this amazing player only existed in the imagination of author George Plimpton, who had left a clue in the sub-heading of the article: “He’s a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse. Impressively liberated from our opulent life-style, Sidd’s deciding about yoga —and his future in baseball.” The first letter of each of these words, taken together, spelled “H-a-p-p-y A-p-r-i-l F-o-o-l-s D-a-y — A-h F-i-b”.

YouTube Rickrolls the Internet – The Rickrolling prank involves tricking a person into clicking a link that leads them to a clip of Rick Astley singing “Never Gonna Give You Up.” For instance, a person might think they’re clicking a link to see a preview of a new movie, but instead Rick Astley appears on their screen, singing his 1987 hit single. The prank became hugely popular in late-2007 and for a while seemed to be nearly ubiquitous online. But on 1 April 2008, YouTube took the joke to an entirely new level when the company redirected all the featured videos on its front page to Astley’s clip. It was, without a doubt, the most extensive Rickroll of all time. As many people noted, the site had, because of its huge audience, essentially succeeded in Rickrolling the entire Internet. (Psst, hey buddy, check out this breaking news link!) Breaking News Alert

Tasmanian Mock Walrus – April 1, 1984: The Orlando Sentinel featured a story about a creature known as the Tasmanian Mock Walrus (or TMW for short) that many people in Florida were said to be adopting as a pet. The creature was four inches long, resembled a walrus, purred like a cat, and had the temperament of a hamster. What made it such an ideal pet was that it never had to be bathed, used a litter box, and ate cockroaches. In fact, a single TMW could entirely rid a house of its cockroach problem. However, the local pest-control industry was said to be pressuring the government to ban TMWs, fearing they would put cockroach exterminators out of business. Dozens of people called the paper trying to find out where they could obtain their own TMW. Skeptics noted that the photo of a TMW accompanying the article showed a creature that looked suspiciously similar to a Naked Mole Rat.

How To Cook A Unicorn – April 1, 2012: The British Library, on its Medieval Manuscripts Blog, announced the “near-miraculous” discovery in its archives of a long-lost medieval cookbook that included a recipe for how to cook a unicorn. “Taketh one unicorne,” began the instructions, and then marinade it in cloves and garlic before finally roasting it on a griddle. The cookbook even included hand-drawn illustrations, which the library reproduced, showing exactly how the unicorn should be grilled. The compiler of the cookbook was said to be one “Geoffrey Fule,” who worked in the kitchens of Philippa of Hainault, Queen of England from 1328-1369.

Dutch Elm Disease Infect Redheads – April 1, 1973: BBC Radio broadcast an interview with an elderly academic, Dr. Clothier, who discoursed on the government’s efforts to stop the spread of Dutch Elm Disease. Dr. Clothier revealed that some startling discoveries had recently been made. For instance, he referred to the research of Dr. Emily Lang of the London School of Pathological and Environmental Medicine who had found that exposure to Dutch Elm Disease immunized people to the common cold. Unfortunately, there was a side effect. Exposure to the tree disease also caused red hair to turn yellow and eventually fall out. This was attributed to a similarity between the blood count of redheads and the soil conditions in which affected trees grew. Therefore, Dr. Clothier warned that redheads should stay away from forests for the foreseeable future. Dr. Clothier was in reality the comedian Spike Milligan.

The Taco Liberty Bell – April 1, 1996: The Taco Bell Corporation took out a full-page ad that appeared in six major newspapers announcing it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known, he said, as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest – April 1, 1957: The respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, “place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.” Even the director-general of the BBC later admitted that after seeing the show he checked in an encyclopedia to find out if that was how spaghetti actually grew (but the encyclopedia had no information on the topic). The broadcast remains, by far, the most popular and widely acclaimed April Fool’s Day hoax ever, making it an easy pick for number one.

Boimate – April 1, 1983: New Scientist ran an article about the first successful “plant-animal hybrid” that had resulted in a tomato containing genes from a cow. The cow-tomato was said to have a “tough leathery skin” and grew “discus-shaped” clumps of animal protein sandwiched between an envelope of tomato fruit. The article included clues that it was a joke, such as the names of the researchers, MacDonald and Wimpey, who supposedly worked at the University of Hamburg. But these clues weren’t recognized by the Brazilian science magazine Veja which ran a feature about the new cow-tomato hybrid several weeks later. Veja dubbed the hybrid “Boimate,” and even created a graphic to show how the cow-tomato hybridization process occurred. The magazine was subsequently relentlessly ridiculed in the Brazilian media, until it eventually apologized for its “unfortunate mistake.”

Thought for the Week

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. ~Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson

http://www.quotegarden.com

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Friday Funny March 25, 2016 More T-Shirt Philosophy

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Happy Friday!  Happy Easter!  Congratulations you have officially survived another winter!!  The days are getting a little longer, the temperatures are getting a little warmer, the grass is getting a little greener – spring is on the way!  As the temperature warms, we will start to see more short sleeve shirts and more T-shirts.  Many folks express a variety of thoughts and feeling with their choice of T-shirt slogans.  Below are some of my favorite.

Enjoy!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up

Procrastinate Now!

My Dog Can Lick Anyone

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

Apathy, I could take it or leave it

An apple a day still leaves you 2-4 servings short of your daily fruit recommendations

The Constitution: I Read it for the Articles

Hyperbole is the BEST thing ever!

Pavlov:  The Name that Rings a Bell

Scuba Diving: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer

When Life Gives You Scurvy, Make Lemonade

Ambiguity: What Happens in Vagueness Stays in Vagueness

You say tomato, I say tomato. Doesn’t make much sense when you read it

Free Tibet (with purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value)

Thought for the Week

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time.  ~Martin Luther

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny March 18, 2016 Thirteen Lucky Leprechaun Jokes

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Happy Friday!  This week brought us to St. Patrick’s Day.  While everyone knows about the Blarney Stone and shamrocks, many are not familiar with who Patrick really was.  If you do not know his rather fascinating story, you can find it in his own words at the following link: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/18482/18482-h/18482-h.htm#chap01.

Although I am not Irish, I could not resist rounding up some leprechaun jokes for you this week.

Enjoy! 

What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.

What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonalds? A Shamrock Shake

Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they’re always a little short.

Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? Because you don’t want to press your luck. 

What did the leprechaun do for a living? He was a short-order cook.

Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? He couldn’t afford plane fare.

What did one Irish ghost say to the other? “Top o’ the moaning!”

Where would you find a leprechaun baseball team? In the Little League, at Shortstop!

What do you call a leprechaun’s vacation home? A lepre-condo!

What do you call a leprechaun with a sore throat? A streprechaun!

What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a seashell? A lepre-conch!

What do you call a leprechaun who disappears? A lepre-gone!

What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a yellow vegetable? Lepre-corn!

Thought for the Week

May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.
~Irish Blessing

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny March 11, 2016 Bad Joke Day

lgs

Happy Friday!  We have made it through another week, maybe it has been a good week for you, maybe it has not been so great.  Perhaps you even had a “bad hair” day this week.  The truth is that some days are good and some days aren’t.  Which brings us to the Friday Funny, this is a “bad joke” day.  I know you thought all Fridays were “bad joke” days didn’t you?  Well, this may very well prove that some are even worse than others, even I cannot bring my “A Game” every week.

Enjoy!

The Energizer Bunny just got arrested……they charged him with battery.

I went to a wedding that was so beautiful…..even the cake was in tiers.

Did you hear they opened a restaurant on the moon?…..The food is great, but there was just no atmosphere.

What did the Buffalo say when his son left?…..Bison!

What did the mountain climber name his son?….Cliff.

I was thinking about moving to Moscow…..but I figure there is no point Russian into things.

Today, a lady said she recognized me from the vegetarian club….but I never met herbivore.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?…..He was well armed!

What do you call a cow with two legs?…..lean beef!

What do you call a cow with no legs?….ground beef!

Why does a milking stool only have three legs?…..because the cow has the udder.

I am terrified of elevators….I plan on taking steps to avoid them!

I have heard an awful lot of apocalypse jokes lately….people are telling them like there is no tomorrow!

It looks like my cat is sick….he doesn’t seem to be feline well.

What is big, green, fuzzy,  has four legs and would kill you if it fell out a tree on you?…a pool table!

What has five legs, three eyes and two tails?…..A dog with spare parts.

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?…..He pasta way.

Thought for the Week

“If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.” ~Cavett Robert

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny March 4, 2016 Spring Training for Hecklers

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Happy Friday!  We have turned the calendar to March and that means that Spring is getting close.  A sure sign of hope is that baseball’s spring training is under way in Florida and Arizona.   Spring training is important for the players and fans alike.  A good fan needs to be ready for the season to begin.  I am here to help in your preparation.  This week we will begin with a repertoire to direct towards umpires and pitchers.  So just take a few minutes each morning to practice these in the mirror and you’ll be in great shape by opening day.

Enjoy!  

FOR UMPIRES 

You couldn’t call a cab!

You drop more calls than Sprint!

You Couldn’t call hogs!

You couldn’t see the plate if your dinner was on it!

You make more bad calls than a telemarketer!

Hey ump is this your cell phone?  It has three missed calls on it!

I’ve seen better calls at a square dance! 

C’mon, even Stevie Wonder could see that one!

It sure sounded like a strike!

I’ve seen potatoes with better eyes!

Lenscrafter called…they’ll be ready in 30 min.

For a guy that only works 3 hours a day, you’re doing a pretty lousy job!

You call a worse game than an NFL Ref!

FOR PITCHERS 

I’ve seen better arms on the Venus de Milo!

I’ve seen better arms on a beanbag chair!

I’ve seen a better arm on a box of baking soda!

 I’ve seen better sliders at White Castle!

I’ve seen better pitchers in Kool-Aid Commercials.

I’ve seen better pitchers at a Tupperware party!

I’ve seen more heat in an EZ-bake oven!

I’ve seen more heat in a toaster!

I’ve seen better pitching in T-ball!

I’ve seen better windups on a toy!

You couldn’t save a Word file!

You couldn’t hold a lead for your dog!

You couldn’t throw rice at a wedding!

You couldn’t pitch hot biscuits to a hungry dog!

You couldn’t find a plate in a kitchen!

Bob Dylan’s got better pitch control than you!

Save us some time and just throw the ball into the gap!

Feel free to mix in a strike every once in the while!

That ball was so far outside it had a hat and coat on!

The way that ball was dancing, you know it wasn’t Southern Baptist!

FOR SPECIFIC PLAYERS

To Jason Bourgeois –  Up with the proletariat, down with the Bourgeois!

To Dan Ugla – Your Ugla and your mother dresses you funny!

Thought for the Week

“Correct thinkers think that ‘baseball trivia’ is an oxymoron: nothing about baseball is trivial.” ~ George Will