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Friday Funny June 23, 2017 Ten Summer Travel Ideas for Kentucky

Happy Friday! Summer is officially here and for many that means travel and summer vacations.  If you are still searching for just the spot to spend your time this summer, here are a few spots in the Commonwealth of Kentucky that you might want to check out.

Enjoy!

Stegowagen-volkssaurus – W. Frank Steely Library at Northern Kentucky University, Highland Heights, KY.  In 1973 an art teacher at the University of Cincinnati and in 1973 recognized that the Volkswagen Beetle had the same humped shape as the body of the Stegosaurus. It then occurred to her that cars used fossil fuels (made from dinosaurs) and about how they might become extinct (like the dinosaurs). So, she took a year-long unpaid leave of absence from her job to create Stegowagenvolkssaurus, literally “shingle-covered-car-people’s-lizard.”

Vent Haven: Ventriloquist Museum – Ft. Mitchell, KY -While it might sound a bit creepy, Vent Haven (“vent” is lingo for “ventriloquist”) is housed in a private home and several small outbuildings on a pleasant, tree-shaded dead-end street in a sparkle-clean southern suburb of Cincinnati. Lisa Sweasy, the curator, is an energetic encyclopedia of ventriloquism facts and history, and she understands that one of her jobs is to be candid about dummy-phobia and to put visitors’ fears to rest.

Big Sandy Heritage Museum: Hatfield-McCoy – Pikeville, KY. The Big Sandy Heritage Museum serves two audiences: fans of the Hatfield-McCoy feud and fans of Pikeville and Pike County.  Hatfield-McCoy fans are the majority.  Just don’t get into a family feud on your visit.

The Harland Sanders Café – Corbin, KY – a historic restaurant located in  Corbin, Kentucky. Colonel Harland Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, operated the restaurant from 1940-1956. Sanders also developed the famous KFC secret recipe at the café during the 1940s. It was added to the National Register of Historic Places on August 7, 1990.   

Duncan Hines Museum, Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY -Duncan Hines was, in fact, real and you can see his smiling wax dummy Duncan Hines in his kitchen. He was a native of Bowling Green. Before “Duncan Hines” became a brand of cake mixes, the man was a trusted author of restaurant and lodging recommendations. He was passionate about good food and hospitality. .

Bank Robbed by Jesse James – Russellville,KY. –  – on HWY 68 you will find the old Southern Deposit Bank Building which is now the Logan County Museum.  However, when it was a bank; it was robbed by Jesse James. Every October, during the Tobacco Festival Parade, a re-enactment of the robbery is staged on the street in front of the Museum

World’s Largest Baseball Bat – Louisville Slugger Museum World’s Largest Baseball Bat – Louisville, KY. -120 feet tall and 68,000 pounds of steel. In addition to the bat, you can also tour the factory and museum where they make baseball bats for major league players.

Florence Y’all Water Tower – Florence, KY — When the Florence Mall in Boone County was laid out in the 1960s, the first thing built was a huge water tower. Since this was visible from I-75, they decided to promote the mall by painting Florence Mall on the tower. However, someone decided that it was illegal to “advertise” the Mall on a public utility.  The cheapest and easiest solution was to change the “M” to “Y’” so “Mall” became “Y’all” a noted landmark to this day.

Monkey’s Eyebrow, KY – There are several Kentucky sites with odd names but you just can’t top Monkey’s Eyebrow, located in northern Ballard County, on Ky. Hwy. 473.

Wagersville, KY – On HWY 89 south of Irvine you can pass by (don’t blink) the remnants of Wagersville and yes, I am related to those Wagers.  After you see Wagersville you can take a hike up nearby Happy Top Mountain one of the highest points in Estill County.

Thought for the Week

Soon after, I returned home to my family, with a determination to bring them as soon as possible to live in Kentucky, which I esteemed a second paradise, at the risk of my life and fortune. ~ Daniel Boone

 

 

A Friendly Reminder

I was recently in San Francisco and was impressed by how friendly the people were.   It seemed like wherever we went, people were warm and helpful.  Looking a little bit lost in Golden Gate Park, a lady stopped and asked if we needed any help.  We went to a Giants game and all the staff appeared friendly.  This was not the obligatory, dead-panned, “thanks for coming.”  This was look you in the eye, smile and say, “thanks for coming!” After the game started a lady two seats down handed my wife the “Batting Stance Guy” book and asked, “would you like a baseball book?”  Of course I would like a baseball book!!  (As an aside, I had the opportunity to see The Batting Stance Guy live and in-person in Cincinnati last year.  So this was double cool for me.

Now I am back home in the Midwest where we assume that people are friendly. However, I find when I jog through my comfortable middle class neighborhood I get ignored by about half of the people I see.  I try to always look up prepared to say “hi” to everyone I see.  However, some don’t look up, some turn to the person they are walking with and some who are walking a dog, look down and talk to the dog as I pass.  The exception is joggers, it seems like a fellow jogger will always look up and acknowledge me.  I think that is because if you have ever trained for a long distance race, you have probably spent a lot of time outside, running alone and the brief distraction from putting one foot in front of the other by saying “hello” is always welcome.  

I do not live in a crowded, ultra-busy neighborhood,    But when I think about it, the folks I do not know personally do appear very friendly.  I remembered something one of my favorite college professors, Dr. Marc Lovelace, who taught history at Stetson University said once in class.  Stetson, where I started my college education, was a small residential campus where you may not have known everyone, but just about every face was familiar.  In class Dr, Lovelace was lamenting one day about walking past students on campus who would not look up and acknowledge  people they passed.  He said that one day he was just going to grab a student, shake them and say, “I said ‘hello’ to you!”

While that might be tempting, it would probably not go over well in my neighborhood or any neighborhood for that matter.  So, I will just keep looking up and smiling as I run and maybe slowly but surely more people will respond.  It really does not take much effort to be friendly so join me to help make the world a little friendlier.

Friday Funny June 2, 2017 Is There Anyone Left Who Does Not Know This?

Happy Friday!  Everyday we are inundated with hundreds of messages.  While many of these messages may be useful,  others are simply reiterating things that we already know>  Things that we know.  Things that EVERYBODY knows!

Is there really anyone left out there that does not know the following?  Are there others you would add to the list?

Enjoy!

Bridges freeze before roadways.

You can leave a message after the beep and hang up when you are done.

Close the cover before striking.

Car commercials use professional drivers on a closed course and you should not attempt.

Weight loss ad results are not typical and your results will vary.

Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and stay seated until the ride comes to a full and complete stop.

Restrictions always apply.

A hairdryer and other electrical appliances are not to be used in the bathtub.

How to buckle a seat belt on an airplane (or anywhere else for that matter).

Contents of your coffee cup may be hot.

The little bag of silica gel is not to be consumed.

There is no running by the pool.

Take the plastic off the popcorn before putting it in the microwave.

Keep hands and feet from under the mower.

Not to hold the wrong end of a chainsaw.

A bag of peanuts will contain PEANUTS!

Thought for the Week

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader’s Digest, June 1995

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

A Left Handed Compliment

Baseball season is upon us!  Once again all fans are full of hope that this will be “the year” for their team ….even if those hope are destined to be dashed before the end of May.  

As far back as I can remember, I have enjoyed baseball.  I can remember being disappointed in second grade when many of my classmates were old enough to play baseball, but because my birthday was after the cutoff date the only thing I could do was wait for one more long year to play on a team.  

But before I ever put on a hot, scratchy, wool Little League uniform, I had played hours upon hours of baseball.   I do almost everything right-handed; however, anything with a two-handed grip, I do left-handed.  There are advantages to batting left-handed:  it puts you a step closer to first base plus your momentum is  already carrying you towards first base as you follow-through on your swing.  Despite the advantages, there is only one reason why I bat left-handed: my big brother is left-handed.  

If you have an older brother, the odds are that you looked up to him when you were little.  Having a brother who is eight years older gave me a lot to look up to.  He was always bigger, faster, stronger, smarter than I was.  Of course there were times when he could be a pain – literally – like the time he said he was going to teach me to box which was really just an excuse to hit me for a while.  But I looked up to him and I wanted to be like him, so I started batting left-handed and always have.

He threw me an awful lot of batting practice and he had some unique approaches to teaching the art of hitting.  His cure for when I was afraid of getting hit by a pitch? He would  deliberately throw at me!  If I hit the pitch then it did not hit me.  I suppose there some twisted logic there somewhere.

I have three adult sons and two of them have always batted left-handed (the oldest just would not get with the program).  So, thanks Mike, for sharing your love of baseball with your little brother and for teaching me that “left is best.”

Friday Funny March 10, 2017 Simple Humor

Happy Friday!  Another weekend is at the door.  This week, I thought I would keep things simple.  One of the simplest organisms I know of is an amoeba.  So, here is a little amoeba and microbiology humor for you.

Enjoy!

Why did the bacteria fail the math test? He thought multiplication was the same as division.

What is the only thing worse than a mecium? A paramecium. 

What is the definition of paramecium? Two Latin mice.

Why do bacteria like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.

How do amoebas stay in touch? With cell phones.

Did you know that imprisoned amoeba are only allowed a single cell?

Did you know that at the National Institutes of Health Offices, the sign on the door of the microbiology lab reads “STAPH ONLY”?

Old microbiologists never die. They just get put out to Pasteur

Knock, knock!                                                                                                                                       Who’s there?                                                                                                                                     Amoeba                                                                                                                                                   Amoeba who?                                                                                                                                     Amoeba dumb, but I’m not crazy!

Thought for the Week

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. ~John Peel

http://www.quotegarden.com

Coast to Coast Cow News!

Perhaps it is mere coincidence, perhaps it is just weird, perhaps it is a sign of the coming apocalypse. I do not know, but for whatever reason there have recently been stories involving cows in the news from coast to coast.  First there was a story out of Suffield, Connecticut about a pair of cows who had escaped from their pens and were found near the front door of a house.  Local police tried to paint this in a humorous light and warned residents not to open their doors to “any unfamiliar cattle” and posted on Facebook that two “suspicious males” were going door-to-door “trying to sell dairy products.”  Perhaps this was humorous or perhaps there is something a little more sinister involved.  Perhaps the cows intentions were innocent and they just wanted to come in, sit down, take a load off their feet and chew the cud with the locals.  Or perhaps this was just the first step in a planned takeover by the cows?

Now there is a story from the West Coast out of Beaumont, California about a report of someone “seeing a cow trying to climb out of a small car parked alongside an interstate.” When authorities responded they found one calf “trying to escape” from an open truck and another crammed into the floor of the backseat.  The car had not been reported as stolen and was registered to an address some 250 miles away.  Maybe they were not trying to escape from the car, maybe the car was the mode of escape for the calves.  Of course the car was stolen – where would two calves earn enough money to buy a car for their getaway?  Again people are laughing.

But could this be the beginning of a pattern? Are cows feed up and ready to rise up and proclaim their beef to the rest of the world?  There may be more at steak here than meets the eye.  Then again perhaps I am merely spouting udder nonsense.  I could go on for heifer and heifer, but I think I have milked this for all I can.

Ten Worst Movies I Have Seen

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The days are short, gloomy and cold.  This is the time of year that is well suited to stay in and watch a movie.  There are a lot of really good movies out there and there are a lot of movies out there that are not very good.  In fact there are a lot of really, really bad movies out there.  I will offer up the ten worst movies that I have every watched and you can learn from my experience or, if you are a glutton for punishment, you can dig up one of these “classics” on the internet or at the library and explore the horizon of really bad cinema.

Don’t forget the popcorn!

It Happens Every Spring (1949) – A scientist discovers a formula which causes a baseball to be repelled by wood. He promptly joins a major league baseball team and leads them to the World Series. They definitely struck out with this baseball movie.

The Food of the Gods (1976) – traveling friends discover an entire island crawling with animals that have grown to giant size. Watch out for the rats!  (Note to self – never go to an unnamed, unexplored island, nothing good ever happens on these.)

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1979) – scientists band together to save the world from mutated tomatoes that KILL! You will never look at a tomato the same way again.  Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable?  It makes no difference this is a bad movie, however, even a movie this bad can  have a sequel. 

Kazaam (1996) – Shaquille O’Neal stars as a powerful genie – how could this be bad?

Going Ape ( 1981) – When his father – who owned a circus – dies, Oscar inherits 5 million dollars – and 3 orangutans – stars Tony Danza and an orangutan, not sure who did the better acting.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – Martians kidnap Santa in an effort to make their bratty kids happy.

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) – Aliens resurrect dead humans as zombies and vampires to stop humans from creating the Solaranite bomb. This one is always near the top of any list of the worst movies ever made.  This one is so bad, you need to see it.

The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (1962) – A doctor experimenting with transplant techniques keeps his girlfriend’s head alive when she is decapitated in a car crash. Yes, this one is a real love story.  Hard as it might be to believe, the girlfriend does not really appreciate all that the boyfriend does for her.

Ice Pirates (1984) – In the far future water is the most valuable substance. Two space pirates are captured, sold to a princess, and recruited to help her find her missing father. A Space Opera with sword fights, explosions, fighting robots, monsters, bar fights and time warps – something bad for everyone.

Yor Hunter from the Future (1983) – Yor, a prehistoric warrior, comes to question his origins, particularly with regard to a mysterious medallion he wears. When he learns of a desert goddess who supposedly wears the same medallion, Yor decides that he must find her and learn his true identity. Along the way, he encounters ape-men, dinosaurs, and a strange futuristic society. I still have no idea what this movie was about.

What is the worst movie you have ever watched?