Category Archives: Uncategorized

My Big Game Challenge

We are smack dab in the middle of the hype for the Big Game (like Valdemort only the fearless dare write the words “Super Bowl”).  I have  seen stories on the national network news  about who will sing the National Anthem; I have heard commercials for the morning shows talking about what the commercials will be during the game;  I have seen ads for how to make your Big Game party the best Big Game party ever.  It seems like everywhere you turn there is a Big Game Challenge.  Well here is my big game challenge – just say no – don’t watch it.

Call me crazy, but let’s be ultra radical, counter cultural rebels this year and just ignore the whole thing.  Let me say that I was ahead of my time on this one.  It has nothing to do with politics, I stopped watching the Super Bowl years ago.  Why?  Because this whole thing has gotten completely out of control.  This is a football game, albeit a very big championship game, but it is still a football game.  And why do people gather to watch this particular football game? Apparently  they spend a lot of money on food and invite people over to watch commercials and a half-time show that would make Milli Vanilli look good!  People spend time, effort and money to host a party to watch commercials?  And you think I’m the crazy one here??

A number of years ago, I awoke on the Sunday of the Big Game, turned on the TV BEFORE going to church and the pregame show had already started.  The game would not be starting for more than twelve hours.  That day, a little light went on for me and I decided I would never watch another Super Bowl.  I will flip to the station a time or two or check the score on the internet, but I refuse to watch the game.  (I will make an exception if the Bengals ever make it back, but hey what are the odds of that ever happening?)

Think about it, this week we will hear all the questions about the Big Game, some might even make sense; however someone will probably come up with a gem like the one that was asked Dallas running back Emmitt Smith prior to Super Bowl XXVII.  A brilliant journalist asked him, “What are you going to wear in the game Sunday?”

Admittedly many people watch the game for the commercials.  This Sunday advertisers will pay over $5 million for a thirty-second commercial.  For Super Bowl I, that same amount of money would have bought most of the time that the game aired. If any of the commercials are good, I can always watch them on You Tube.

Some people watch it for the half-time show which is supposedly one of the most watched events in the country.  Early on, the halftime featured college and high school marching bands.  Over the years the halftime show has featured Al Hirt three times, Carol Channing twice, Up With People a record four times, Michael Jackson and wardrobe malfunction sister Janet, Diana Ross, Blues Brothers and who could forget 1989 when halftime featured, Elvis Presto an Elvis impersonator AND a magician!  In 2012 three million more people watched the halftime show than watched the game!  Maybe this is not a championship football game with a halftime show; maybe it is a fifteen minute show with half a football game before and after it?  

Just for fun – here is the Up With People halftime show from Super Bowl XVI which the Bengals actually played in.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxK3qTsj_eE

Come be a rebel and join me in my quixotic quest, we can change the world one television set at a time.

Friday Funny January 24, 2020 Church Painting

Happy Friday!  The days are getting a little longer as we have moved a month away from the shortest day of the year.  Longer days and warmer temperatures are on the way – it will just take a couple of more months for them to get here.  In the meantime here is a little story ab a little church that needed painting.

Enjoy!

Pastor Painting The Church

Once upon a time there was a quaint little church out in the countryside: it was painted white and had a a high steeple.

One day, the pastor noticed that the church needed some attention, the paint was starting to crack and peel.  However, funds were quite tight, so it would have to wait.  A few days later he noticed that the local hardware store was running a sale on paint.  So, he thought this must be a sign and he went into town and bought a few gallons of white paint hoping that it would be enough to paint the entire building.

The next Saturday he got to the task of painting.  As he finished the first side. All was well and it was looking great. However, he noticed he had already used more than half of his supply of paint. He really did not have the time or the funds run back in town for more paint.  He looked around the church shed and found a gallon of thinner.  So, he began to thin his paint hoping to have enough to complete the task.

It seemed to work out fine.  He finished the remaining three sides and admired his work when he was done.  However, that night, a big thunderstorm rolled through with lots of heavy rain. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to his dismay he noticed that the first side still looked good, but that the paint on the other three sides had been washed away.

Distraught, the pastor looked up at sky in anguish and cried out, “What shall I do?”A moment later a booming voice came back from the heavens saying, “Repaint! repaint! and thin no more!”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

‘Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.’

Friday Funny January 17, 2019 More Dad Jokes

Happy Friday! Congratulations on making it through the first half of the first month of 2020!  To celebrate here are a few “Dad Jokes” for you.

Enjoy!

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

Would call an elephant that doesn’t matter an irrelephant?

Would you call a fish with two knees a two-knee fish!

Would you call the wife of a hippie Mississippi?

If a slice of apple pie is $4.50 in the Bahamas and $5.00 in Jamaica would those be the pie rates of the Caribbean?

The other day I was really down and a friend of mine kept saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.

What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really mad.

Did you hear about the drummer that had twin daughters? He named them Anna one, Anna two.

I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.

Thought for the Week

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” –Ferris Bueller

 

 

Happy New Year 2020!

 

If you are searching for a New Year’s Resolution, may I offer a few suggestions?

I resolve to be more decisive, maybe.

I resolve to have a password other than “password.”

I resolve to conserve energy by spending more time laying on the couch.

I resolve not to text a family member while we are both in the same room.

I resolve to limit myself to seventeen e-mail addresses.

I resolve to stop sending e-mails to myself unless absolutely necessary.

I resolve to chat with my spouse live instead of on Facebook.

I resolve to not say, “LOL… LOL!” out loud when I hear something funny.

I resolve to balance my checkbook — on my nose.

I resolve to be an optimist, forget that, I don’t think I can keep it.

I resolve to watch more TV, if I am paying for 250 channels, then by golly I need to watch 250 channels.

I resolve to learn how to program the VCR I purchased in 1998.

I resolve to get ready for Y2K.

 I resolve to figure out where Waldo is.

The Night Before Christmas In The Digital Age

I thought I would share an encore edition of a Friday Funny from 2009 (before I knew what a blog was).  So, with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, here is my adaptation of his classic for the digital age.

Enjoy!

‘Twas the day before Christmas, when at my house

I was at the computer, moving the mouse;

It was time for another Friday Funny, does anyone care

If in the morning, the email inbox has a funny there?

Two of my boys were still nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of homemade cookies danced in their heads;

While mamma was working, I was off for the day,

It seemed like there was nothing funny for me to say,

When out on the Internet there arose such a clatter,

I sprang to my browser to see what was the matter.

Away to another window I flew like a flash,

Hoping as always that my computer would not crash.

The back-lighting of the monitor produced a glow

Which gave a slight luster to objects below,

As I wondered from web site to web site what should appear,

But a miniature sleigh jpg, complete with reindeer,

With a little driver icon, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than dsl downloads his cursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Yahoo! now, Google! now, Facebook and Amazon!

On, ebay! on youtube! on, myspace and ask.com!

To the top of the screen! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

As deleted lines that before the backspace button fly,

When they meet with a click, mount to the sky,

So up to the screen-top the cursers they flew,

With a file full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the speaker

The prancing and pawing of each little squeaker.

As I drew in my hand, and was scrolling around,

Downloading an mpeg, St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was digitally dressed from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were photo-shopped with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had superimposed on his back,

And he looked like a Trojan file just opening his pack.

His eyes — they pulsated! his dimples they grew!

His cheeks had roses painted on them, his nose was blue!

His droll little mouth transfigured to a bow,

And the beard of his chin turned into white snow;

His pipe was a tree stump he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke wafted up and became a green wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed and turned into jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

Two winking eyes and a fast spinning head,

Soon gave me to know I had no virus to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

He backed up my hard drive; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the window he rose;

He sprang to his jpg, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he deleted his cookie from sight,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

© 2019 LeonardsLines.com

 

Friday Funny December 20, 2019 Short Christmas Jokes

Happy Friday!  Christmas and Hanukkah are just a few days away.  Here are a few seasonal jokes chosen just for that hard to shop for person on your list.

Enjoy!

If Santa Clause fell into the fireplace would he become Krisp Kringle?
 
Is it true that the one reindeer who needs to mind his manners the most is Rude-olph?
 
Is it true that the reindeer who has the cleanest antlers is Comet?
 
Is it true that Santa’s reindeer favorite place for lunch is Deery Queen?
 
Would you call a scary reindeer a cari-boo?

Do Gingerbread Men put cookie sheets on their beds?
 
Would you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time Sandy Claus?

If you crossed an iPad with a Christmas tree would you get a pineapple?
 
If Santa walks backwards does he go “oh oh oh”?
 
Q: What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?  A: A sad candy cane!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“No man is a failure who has friends.” — It’s a Wonderful Life