Happy Friday! To me spring begins on Opening Day – so Happy Spring! To kick off baseball season, let’s take a look at a few of my favorite baseball names.
Enjoy!
Coco Crisp – 2002-2016-the speedy outfielder stole 309 bases over his 15-year career; however, I am still waiting to see his face on a cereal box.
Catfish Hunter-1965-1979- A Ct Young winner and Hall of Fame pitcher, Oakland A’s colorful owner thought Jim needed a nickname and Catfish stuck.
Urban Shocker -1916-1928-he was a pitcher who won 187 games over 13 years and pitched for the Yankees in the 1926 World Series. He pitched his last game I the major leagues in 1928 and he died September 9 of that same year, that was a shock-er.
John Malarky-1894-1903- a pitcher who won 21 games over 6 years. There are a lot of tall stories about him, but don not believe any of it.
Boof Bosner-2006-2010- a pitcher who appeared in 111 games over 4 years, legally changed his name to “Boof”
Razor Shines 1983-1987-he only had 88 plate appearance over 4 years, I wonder if he was a sharp fielder? Did he hit slicing line drives?
Oil Can Boyd-1982-1981- this pitcher won 78 games and lost 77 over a 10-year career. He was a fairly dependable arm; he must have kept his shoulder well-oiled.
Orval Overall-1905-1913- he was a pitcher with the Reds and Cubs, his name sounds like he should have sold clothing to farmers or perhaps made an appearance in the movie “Airplane”.
Milton Bradley-2000-2011- a second-round pick by the Expos in 1996 who never quite realized his potential, but he knows how to play the best games.
Blue Moon Odom-1964-1976- over a career that spanned 13 years and 4 teams, he won 84 games and lost 85 as a pitcher. It appears that .500 pitchers actually do come along more often than a Blue Moon.
Moonlight Graham-1905- yes, he was a real baseball player whose career consisted of one at bat and then he went on to become a doctor as noted in the movie “Field of Dreams”
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“Enjoying success requires the ability to adapt. Only by being open to change will you have a true opportunity to get the most from your talent.” ~ Nolan Ryan
Happy Friday! You might get caught red-handed laughing at these jokes.
Enjoy!
I read a news story about a cybercriminal who got away. It said he ransomware.
I read a news story about a criminal who murders at railway stations. The police think they are on the right track.
I read a news story about a robber who stole a rare and valuable book about Stradivarius. Police are warning the public not to approach him, he has a history of violins.
I read a news story about a criminal who stole a valuable lamp, he got a very light sentence.
I read a news story about a man who has been breaking into farms and stealing cows. Apparently, he is a male with a large moo-stash.
Local police have recently acquired 1,000 bees. They might be used as part of a sting operation.
If you put an organized criminal in hot water, would you have mobster bisque?
A truck load of Brillo pads was stolen last night. Police are currently scouring the area.
Someone broke into my office and stole all the coffee cups. This afternoon I am going to the police station to look at some mugshots.
A am trying to decide of I would rather become a novelist or a career criminal, I guess I am weighing the prose and cons.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.” ~ Woody Allen
Happy Friday! This week, I have done some deep Internet research to offer you some tips on how to make this Friday fun and memorable at work.
Enjoy!
Start the day by sending an e-mail to everyone saying that there are donuts in the break room, if someone says they were all gone then just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.” See how long it takes until the last person stops believing you. Repeat at lunch time sending out an email that there is free pizza.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in a spirited debate about the direction of one of your company’s products/services or this week’s football schedule. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask them to settle the argumant.
Compose all your e-mails using only the wingdings font.
Put a sign on your photocopier that says “New Copier – Voice activated – please speak your command” Just sit back, watch and listen.
Call your boss’s voice mail and leave the following message: “We’re not sure if you wanted us to do it, you know, after what happened, so, well, we went ahead and did it anyway. If you don’t like it, we can probably take it out, but we’ll have to charge you extra. Please return this call immediately. Thanks.”
Enlist a co-worker and have a contest to see who can sign the boss’s email address up for the most email alerts/newsletters in an hour.
Make today the day that you determine just how many cups of coffee is “too many.”
Bring a karaoke machine and set it up in the break room, only have Halloween songs or songs with yodeling.
For one hour, page yourself on the intercom every five minutes; do not disguise your voice.
For one hour, after every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “That is a great idea, Mon.”
For one hour, speak with an accent (French, Indian, Elmer Fudd, etc.)
Put hole reinforcing circles on the center of your eyeglasses. If you don’t wear glasses try to cover your nose with them.
If a co-worker sneezes, quickly yell “SHUT UP!” If they sneeze a second time, follow up with “I SAID SHUT UP!” A third time, leave the room while saying “NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!”
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”
Thought for the Week
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” ~David Letterman
Happy Friday! The baseball playoffs began this week and I will admit that I am disappointed that the Reds made a quick exit stage left. So, let’s turn disappointment into a few laughs.
Enjoy!
Gravity is such a disappointment; it always lets me down.
I recently bought a DVD on dealing with disappointment. When I opened it, the box was empty.
Am I the only one that finds it disappointing that the word “stealth” doesn’t have a silent letter in it?
I was disappointed when I tried track in high school and I couldn’t even jump one hurdle, but I got over it.
I was so disappointed with my pillow case. Turns out that it is nothing but a sham.
I was so disappointed with the documentary on mathematical functions I watched. The plot line was predictable and the special f(x) was awful too.
I was so disappointed when I went to the new court house themed restaurant. all they gave me was frozen water, just-ice was served.
I was so disappointed when I told a chemistry joke but there was no reaction.
Would you call a disappointed cat a sigh-amise?
Would you call a disappointed giant a sigh-clops?
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ~ C.S. Lewis
Happy Friday! As we come to the end of another work week, let’s stop for a minute and ponder the ubiquitous office copier.
Enjoy!
Did you hear about the photocopier that went to see a therapist because it had a lot of unresolved image issues?
Did you hear about the photocopier who brought a ladder to work because it needed a higher resolution?
Did you hear about the technician that fell into the copier? He was beside himself.
Did you know that photocopiers are terrible singers because they are toner-deaf ?
Did you hear about the copier salesman who dreamed about finding a totally new color of ink to sell? He woke up and realized it was all a pigment of his imagination!
Did you hear about the counterfeiters who were shopping for a brand-new copier because they needed one in mint condition.
Do you know how photocopier’s watch movies? Paper-view
My photocopier is like a magician; it can make important documents disappear.
I tried putting my lunch on the photocopier at work, but all I got was a paper jam.
My HP printer died today. It was like a Brother to me.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Happy Friday! Winter is behind us and spring is here and spring means it is baseball season! Opening Day was today, so to get you in the swing of things, here are some heckle lines you can break out next time you go to a game. But, please don’t use these at your child’s little league game.
Enjoy!
You’ve got fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!
You’ve got fewer hits than an Amish website!
I’ve seen better swings at the playground!
I’ve seen better cuts at the deli!
I’ve seen better cuts on a Bee-Gee’s album!
In your case DH stands for Doesn’t Hit!
Hey, Mendoza called. He wants his line back!
This guy hasn’t driven anybody home since the senior prom!
I saw better bats at Mammoth Cave!
That was a Linda Ronstadt pitch – it Blue Bayou!
This guy couldn’t hit a shift key!
This guy swings like a rusty gate!
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging.” ~ Hank Aaron
Leonard's Lines 