Category Archives: Uncategorized

Friday Funny May 19, 2023 Travel Jokes for 2023

Happy Friday!  Memorial Day is just a little over a week away and with it comes the unofficial start of summer and the travel season.  So, let’s kick off this weekend with some travel jokes.


I heard that hipsters like to hike backcountry rivers because they are less mainstream.

Travel Tip – Do not take a dog on road trips, they tend to be bark seat drivers.

Travel tip – Before heading on a cross country trip in Canada, make sure you have Triple Eh.

Travel Tip – Never fly on Peter Pan Airways – they neverland.

Travel Tip – When in Hawaii avoid loud laughing, instead just give them a low ha.

Every time I go through an airport, I get sick.  I am afraid it might be a terminal illness.

I think mountains are the funniest places to travel, I find then hill areas.

Is it true that you can stop Canadian Bacon from curling in the pan by taking away its little rock and broom?

A time traveler visited a restaurant on vacation and he liked it so much that he went back four seconds.

I took four hours to check out of my hotel in Japan. The receptionist told me, “You really Tokyo time.”


“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


Friday Funny May 12, 2023 Mothers’ Day

Happy Friday and a Happy Mothers’ Day to all the Moms. If you can, be sure to let your Mother know you are thinking about her this weekend.


Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He said, ‘Call for backup.’

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom on Mother’s Day? Because she left the phone off the hook.

I bought my mom a mug that says, “Happy Mother’s Day from the World’s Worst Son”. I forgot to mail it but I think she knows.

There is a very old legend that says if you take a shower and scream “Mom” three times, a nice lady appears with the towel you forgot.

My housekeeping style as a mom can best be described as “there appears to have been a struggle.”

Would call a mother cow that’s just given birth de-calf-inated?

Good moms let you lick the beaters after making brownies, great moms turn them off first.

Motherhood is like a fairy tale but in reverse. You begin in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after people.


“A mother understands what a child does not say.” —Jewish Proverb

Friday Funny May 5, 2023 – Is There Baseball In Haven?

Happy Friday and Happy May! The days are longer and warmer weather is on the way! The baseball season is in full swing, so let me toss out a baseball joke for you.


Bob and Dave had been best friends for as long as either of them could remember plus they shared an avid interest in baseball.  They were now in their 90’s and in a nursing home, but still close friends who continued to share a love of baseball.  Many days they would spend sitting in their rocking chairs and talking about baseball.  Occasionally they pondered if there would be baseball in heaven.  One day, as they pondered this, they made a pact that someway, somehow which ever one of them who died first would find a way to come back and let the other one know if, indeed, there was baseball in heaven.

Well, the day came when Bob passed.  After several weeks had passed Dave was feeling a bit lonely as his sat and rocked next to an empty chair.  Suddenly, the empty chair began to rock slowly back and forth and the pale, ghostly image of Bob appeared. 

Dave asked, “Well Bob, tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”

“Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” replied Bob.  “The good news is that, yes indeed, there is baseball in heaven.  There are games every day and the weather is always absolutely perfect”

Dave smiled and asked, “That is wonderful! What’s the bad news?”

Bob looked at his friend and replied, “The bad news is that tomorrow is our Opening Day and you’re playing second base and batting third.”


“Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday’s success or put its failures behind and start over again. That’s the way life is, with a new game every day, and that’s the way baseball is.” ~ Bob Feller

Friday Funny April 21, 2023 Lawn Care Jokes

Happy Friday! Spring is in the air and you have probably had to cut the grass at least once by now, so how about some lawn care jokes to kick off this Friday?


The other day, I saw a man crying while mowing his lawn so I asked him if anything was wrong.  He said that he was just going through a rough patch.

Today I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn, he just wasn’t cutting it.

I really need to cut my grass, but I am having difficulty getting myself mow-tivated.

Last week, I called the police about a murder on my front lawn and they said that couldn’t do anything about crows on my lawn and insisted that I quit calling.

I have a chicken proof lawn, it’s impeccable.

Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.  He just sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

When I’m grilling a steak outside, the smell just makes my mouth water.  I wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

My neighbor on one side has a cow that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn moo-er.

My neighbor on the other side has a cat that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn-meower.

The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.


“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” ~ William Shakespeare

Friday Funny March 15, 2023 Jokes To Help You Deal With The Madness

Happy Friday and Welcome to March Madness!  Here is hoping that our bracket does not get busted on the first night!


Is it true that basketball players cannot go on vacations because they aren’t allowed to travel?

I used to be addicted to basketball, but I rebounded.

Is it true that a pirate’s favorite basketball move is a jump hook?

Is it true that basketball players love cookies because they can dunk them?

Did you hear about the basketball team of anti-vaxers?  Seems they los every game because they never took any shots.

I read there is going to be a new sci-fi basketball show., they are going to call it Hooper Natural.

Did you hear about the basketball coach who loves dogs?  He has three pointers.

Where do point guards take their dates after the game? To the Basket Ball.

Is it true that basketball players favorite kind of cheese is ls swish?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who played basketball? He was a point gourd.


“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden, UCLA Basketball Coach, 1948-1975

Friday Funny March 10, 2023 Jokes I Pulled Out Of My Hat

Happy Friday!  One of the many cartoons I watched when I was a child was “The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show” – every episode there would be a clip where Bullwinkle would say, “Hey Rocky watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.”  Then something that was not a rabbit would usually appear of the hat.  So, in honor of Bullwinkle, I have pulled a few jokes out of my hat this week.


I showed a mime a magic trick, it left him speechless.

A hear that good magician’s assistants are very hard to find, apparently they are highly sawed after.

I recently saw a magician who does magic with chocolate, it seems he had a lot of Twix up his sleeve.

I recently read about a new TV show about magical arts in the legal system, it is going to be called “Subpoena the Teenage Witch.”

Did you hear about the magician who made an entire art gallery disappear? Now museum, now you don’t

I have a friend who is very talented as both a Magician & a Chef.  They say his food is TA! DA! for.

I read an article that stated that for a period of time, Harry Houdini used a trap door in every magic show he performed, apparently it was just a stage he was going through.

There was once a farmer who walked into a magical forest to cut down a tree.  As he pulled back his axe to take a big swing, it cried out “Wait, I’m a talking tree!” The farmer just grinned and said “yes, and you will dialogue.”

Magician: “and now for my final trick! I will disappear!” Then he grabs a pear from under the table and says: “you’re the worst fruit ever!”

What are the two magic words you can say to get anything you want? – “I’m offended.”


“The secret of showmanship consists not of what you really do, but what the mystery-loving public thinks you do.” ~ Harry Houdini

Friday Funny, February 3, 2023 Some Random Jokes

Happy Friday and Happy February!  2023 is already 8% over! I hope the year is off to a good start for you.  Let’s kick off the weekend with some random jokes chosen especially for you.


I heard that when rainbows are bad they get sent to Prism, but it is a light sentence.

Here is an easy way to tell the gender of an ant. Put it in a glass of water. If it sinks it’s a girl ant. If it floats it’s buoyant.

I was reading a story about a claustrophobic astronaut, apparently he just needed some space.

I like jokes about stationery, but rulers are where I draw the line.

If 70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated, could we say that the earth is, in fact, flat?

This morning I saw a person dragging a clam on a leash behind him and it occurred to me that it  must be hard to walk with a pulled mussel. 

As part of my New Year’s routine, I have started doing crunches twice a day. Captain in the morning. Nestle in the afternoon. 

Did you know that you can hear the blood in your veins? You just have to listen varicosely. 

Did you hear the one about the donut that went to the Dentist? It needed a filling.

Would you call a dog that has been run over by a steamroller, Spot?

I have been a bookkeeper for 10 years.  The library is not very happy about it.


“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.” ~Francis Bacon (1561–1626)

Friday Funny December 30, 2022 Jokes To Ring In 2023

Happy last Friday of 2022!  Here is wishing you a great 2023!


What did the woman say when she was offered a raisin on New Year’s Eve? “No thanks, I already have a date.”

I still cannot understand why people flock to Times Square on New Year’s Eve. They always drop the ball.

My resolution for the New Year is to read more, so I turned on the subtitles on my TV.

My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.

Where can you find comedians at a New Year’s Eve party? In the punchline.

Why do you need a jeweler on December 31st? To ring in the New Year.

Is it true that the spider’s New Year’s resolution was to spend less time on the web?

Is it true that Frankenstein’s New Year’s resolution is to make new friends?

My New Year’s Resolution is to give up aerosol deodorant –  in the new year. Roll on 2023!!

For several years, my annual New Year’s Resolution has been to work on my novel. But THIS year I will do it, I only have a few chapters left to read! 


” Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.” ~ Benjamin Franklin“

The Night Before Christmas In The Digital Age

It is Christmas Eve, so time for me once again to apologize to Clement Clarke Moore and share my adaptation of his classic for the digital age.



‘Twas the day before Christmas, when at my house

I was at the computer, moving the mouse;

It was time for another Friday Funny, does anyone care

If in the morning, the email inbox has a funny there?

Two of my boys were still nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of homemade cookies danced in their heads;

While mamma was working, I was off for the day,

It seemed like there was nothing funny for me to say,

When out on the Internet there arose such a clatter,

I sprang to my browser to see what was the matter.

Away to another window I flew like a flash,

Hoping as always that my computer would not crash.

The back-lighting of the monitor produced a glow

Which gave a slight luster to objects below,

As I wondered from web site to web site what should appear,

But a miniature sleigh jpg, complete with reindeer,

With a little driver icon, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than dsl downloads his cursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Yahoo! now, Google! now, Facebook and Amazon!

On, ebay! on youtube! on, myspace and!

To the top of the screen! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

As deleted lines that before the backspace button fly,

When they meet with a click, mount to the sky,

So up to the screen-top the cursers they flew,

With a file full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the speaker

The prancing and pawing of each little squeaker.

As I drew in my hand, and was scrolling around,

Downloading an mpeg, St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was digitally dressed from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were photo-shopped with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had superimposed on his back,

And he looked like a Trojan file just opening his pack.

His eyes — they pulsated! his dimples they grew!

His cheeks had roses painted on them, his nose was blue!

His droll little mouth transfigured to a bow,

And the beard of his chin turned into white snow;

His pipe was a tree stump he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke wafted up and became a green wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed and turned into jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

Two winking eyes and a fast spinning head,

Soon gave me to know I had no virus to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

He backed up my hard drive; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the window he rose;

He sprang to his jpg, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he deleted his cookie from sight,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

© 2019

Friday Funny December 23, 2022 Christmas Quotes

Happy Friday! Happy Hannukah! Merry Christmas!  The forecast where I am has the weather turning quite frightful for the next day or so. But let me send warm wishes to you and yours this weekend!



“Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.” ~ Dave Barry

“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” ~ Steven Wright

“Santa Claus has the right idea — visit people only once a year.”~ Victor Borge

 “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” ~ Shirley Temple

 “It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” ~ Bill Murray – Scrooged

 “People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?” ~ Unknown

 “Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home.” ~ Carol Nelson

 “I wish we could put some of our Christmas spirit in jars and open one up every month.” ~ Unknown

“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.” ~ Roy L. Smith

“A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.” ~John B. Priestly

“Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.” ~ Dave Berry

“As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.” ~ Donald E. Westlake

“Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” ~Unknown


And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. – Luke 2:10