Happy Friday the 13^th!  Here are 13 jokes to bring you a little luck.

Enjoy!

My luck is so bad that when my ship finally came in, I was at the airport.

My luck is so bad, I was mugged by a Quaker.

My luck is so bad, I went to buy a memory foam pillow and turned out it had Alzheimers.

My luck is so bad that even a rabbit’s foot avoids me.

My luck is so bad that my lucky numbers are unlisted.

My luck is so that that I collect problems like souvenirs.

My luck is so bad that my fortune cookie told me to expect surprises. It was right.

My luck is so bad that my fortune cookie  said, “Try Again.”

Maybe my luck is not really bad, it is just committed to plot twists.

I tried to turn my luck around and got dizzy.

People say opening an umbrella indoors is bad luck, but I think if it’s raining inside you’ve probably already had some bad luck.

Did you hear about the unlucky man on the North Pole? No matter how hard he tried, things would always go south.

You shouldn’t be superstitious about Friday the 13^th It brings bad luck.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You never can tell whether bad luck may not after all turn out to be good luck.” ~ Winston Churchill

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Happy Friday!  As I look out, I see the leaves starting to change color and realize that fall is in the air, so it must be time for more fall jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the robot couple who were married in the fall? It appears they were autumn mated.

Did you hear about the apple who joined a gym to work on its core?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who lost its boxing match because he let his gourd down?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who went to the doctor because it did not feel gourd?

Did you hear about the pumpkin who got a job at the beach as a life-gourd?

If a tree takes some time off from its job, is it considered paid leaf?

Being the nice guy that I am, I went to the store and bought my wife some Reynolds Wrap, she wanted to see fall foliage.

I do a great imitation of a fall centerpiece; I am a corn-u-copier.

I visited a library that was devoted exclusively to apples, I had to be sure to use my incider voice.

I went to a great apple-themed fall party, it was quite a gala.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The trees are beginning to loosen their grip and I envy them for their ease in knowing when to let go” ~ Lyra Wren

Happy Friday!  This week is a collection of random jokes.

Enjoy!

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I guess I should have put it on aloha setting.

I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden.

I went to the wedding of two nuclear technicians. The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.

I went to the wedding of two florists. It was an arranged marriage.

I recently took a pole and determined that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

I have finally reached that age where everything is finally starting to click: my knees, my back, and my neck.

I hear there is a prize old people can win for aging: atrophy.

I read a story about a big explosion at a cheese factory, there was nothing left but debris.

If a Frenchman has been attacked by a cat would you call  him Claude?

Is it true that vampires drink their coffee decoffin-ated?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There are no uninteresting things, only uninterested people.”~ G.K. Chesterton

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Happy Friday! It appears most school have started back which means we are saying good-bye to another summer.  Let’s bid adieu with some summer jokes,

Enjoy!

Did you know that hurricanes make good comedians because their punchlines always blow you away?

Did you know the reason that summer vacations do not last any longer is because they couldn’t handle the heat?

Did you know that the preferred sandal for a frog to wear is one that is open-toad?

Did you know that bananas wear sunscreen when they go to the beach because they peel?

Did you know that many people do not like beach umbrellas because they are so shady?

Did you hear about the ice cream truck driver who retired at the end of summer because he was tired of the daily melt-downs?

Did you hear about the teacher who jumped into the pool to test the water?

Did you hear about the watchmaker who decided to go on vacation so he could unwind?

Did you hear about the scientist who put on an excessive amount of sunscreen because she was a paleontologist?

If you need to clean the ocean, should you call a mermaid?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Summer’s lease hath all too short a date.” ~ William Shakespeare