Monthly Archives: March 2018

Friday Funny March 30, 2018 April Fools Day

Happy Friday! Happy Easter!  Happy Passover! and, by the way, Happy April Fool’s Day.  Take advantage of this rare occurrence by having some unique April Fool’s Day fun.  How might you do this?  I am so glad you asked and am happy to offer the following suggestions.

Enjoy!

Put googly eyes on everything in the refrigerator.

Put Jelly Beans in your ice dispenser.

Place a tiny small piece of tape over the laser sensor on the underside the computer mouse.

Flip the Computer Screen – “Ctrl+Alt+Down Arrow” will flip everything on the monitor – “Ctrl+Alt+Up Arrow” to undo.

Hide a baby monitor or walkie-talkie in a closet or ceiling and meow or bark into it.

Hide Peeps. Everywhere – in shoes, drawers, coffee mugs. The more stale they get, the better they taste so the longer it takes to find them, the better.

Hollow chocolate bunnies are disappointing, so fill a small, hollow chocolate bunny with mustard.

Have the usual Easter Egg Hunt, just don’t hide any eggs.

Be creative in what you put in the eggs this year – it is great time to get rid of any leftover Halloween or Christmas candy or instead of candy fill the eggs with baby carrots, broccoli, empty candy wrappers, play money.

Take your piggy bank to church and empty it into the offering plate or give your offering entirely in pennies.

Thought for the Week

“The resurrection blasts apart the finality of death, providing an alternative to the stifling, settling dust of death and opens the way to new life.” ~ Billy Graham

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Friday Funny March 23, 2018 An Ode to Old Man Winter

Happy Friday! Happy Spring!!  Congratulations, you have survived the winter of 2017-2018, or at least you thought it was over. 

It seems as though Old Man Winter will vent his wrath once more this weekend which makes it a good time to dust off one of the more “classical” Friday Funnies.  Stay warm and stay safe this weekend.  Spring will come soon, you have my word.

Enjoy!

An ODE TO OLD MAN WINTER

(with an apology to William Shakespeare)

This hath surely been a winter of discontent,

Old Man Winter hath chilled us ‘till we have turned blue,

He hath sleeted on us time and time again,

He hath made us sore from fortnight after fortnight of shoveling,

He hath iced our walks ‘till we have fallen down yonder slippery slope,

And he has wronged us time and time again!

What’s in a name? That which we call winter by any other name would feel just as cold.

To thaw or not to thaw: that is the question:

Whether ‘tis Nobler in the mind and body to suffer

The wind chills and snow storms of an outrageous winter,

Or to take up plow and salt against this season of troubles?

Frost-bitten Friends, Raw Romans, chilled countrymen, lend me your ear muffs;

I come to bury Old Man Winter, not to praise him.

The wrath of winter often lingers on;

The good is oft forgotten;

So let it be with Old Man Winter.

The Nobel Weatherman hath told you Old Man Winter was historic:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Old Man Winter answer’d it.

He was hardly my friend, not to me nor to any of you:

But yon Weatherman says he was historic;

And yon Weatherman is an honorable man.

Some winters are great, some winters achieve greatness, and some winters are just a royal pain.

One touch of Old Man Winter makes the whole world cold.

You all did welcome him once, but he wore out said welcome:

You all do know this mantle: I remember

The first time ever Old Man Winter put it on;

‘Twas on a late fall’s evening, in his tent,

That day he overcame the Winter Solstice:

Look, in this place ran El Nino’s dagger through:

See what a rent the envious Polar Vortex made:

Through this the much-anticipated Warm Front stabbed;

And as he plucked his cursed steel away,

Which all the while ran melting snow, great Old Man Winter fell.

O, what a fall was there, my countrymen!

Then I, and you, and all of us sunk down in the slush,

Here was a Winter! When comes such another?

Now let it work. Spring, thou art afoot,

Take thou what course thou wilt!

Thought for the Week

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.  ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny March 16, 2018 St. Patrick’s Day

Happy Friday!  Happy last weekend of Winter!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  In honor of the “wearin’ ‘o the green”  here are a few jokes that just might have you Dublin over with laughter.

Enjoy!

If you crossed poison ivy with a four-leaf clover would you get a rash of good luck?

If you crossed a pillowcase with a stone would you get a sham rock?

If you crossed a leprechaun with a Texan would you find a pot of chili at the end of the rainbow?

Do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day because regular rocks are too heavy?

Did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland because he couldn’t afford air fare?

Would you call a big Irish spider a paddy-long-legs?

Would you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls Rick O’Shay?

Would you call a leprechaun who gets sent to jail a lepre-con?

Would you call a clumsy Irish dance a jig mistake?

Just remember – St. Patrick’s Day puns don’t just shame you, they Seamus all.

Thought for the Week

“May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.”
~Irish Blessing

Friday Funny March 9, 2018 A Recipe For Laughter

Happy Friday!  Recently I have been trying to pay more attention to what I eat.  The problem is that I like to eat just about everything!  But I am making some progress and it helps to laugh about it.  So, this week, I thought I would serve up a little food related humor.

Enjoy!

This week was my anniversary. I told my wife I was taking her to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. I don’t think she was that impressed with Subway…

I saw a movie about a hot dog. I heard it was an Oscar Wiener.

Food has been on my mind so much lately that I even wrote a song about tortillas – well, it is really more of a rap.

The other day I ate an entire gallon of “All Natural” ice cream. Then I had Breyer’s remorse.

I always make sure I have at least one bag of chips around, in queso emergency.

Would you call a man who can eat sugar with both hands ambidextrous?

Is the most popular donut in Jamaican Cinnamon?

Did the grapefruit stop rolling down the hill because it ran out of juice?

Do watermelons have fancy weddings because they cantaloupe?

Would you call a round, green vegetable that breaks out of prison an escapea?

Is it a bad sign when you enter what you ate into your fitness app and it sends an ambulance to your house?

Can I cook a Free-Range chicken on a stove I purchased?

When the weather warms up, I think I will start a herb garden, if I can find the thyme.

Thought for the Week

A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. ~Author unknown

Friday Funny March 2, 2018 Magical Thoughts

Happy Friday!  March is here and that magical season of spring is just around the corner!  Speaking of magic, a recent trip to the most magical place on earth serves as inspiration for a little Disney related humor this week.

Enjoy!

Is it true that you should not give Elsa a balloon because she will just let it go?

Did Mickey go into outer space because he was looking for Pluto?

When Snow White was told that her photos weren’t ready did she reply, “That’s OK, Some Day My Prints Will come”?

Is it true that all Disney characters drive Minnie Vans?

Did Captain Hook buy his hook at a second-hand store?

When Daisy Duck buys lipstick does she say, “Put it on my bill”?

If Cinderella’s shoe fit so perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?

Was Cinderella so very bad at soccer because she was always running away from the ball, she kept losing her shoes, and she had a pumpkin for a coach?

Did you know that Snow White always treats each of the Seven Dwarfs equally? Well she the magic mirror did say that she is the fairest of them all.

Is Disney World really just a people trap set by a mouse?

Thought for the Week

You can dream, create, design and build the most wonderful place in the world, but it requires people to make the dream a reality ~ Walt Disney