Monthly Archives: March 2019

Friday Funny March 29, 2019 Baseball Is A Funny Game

Happy Friday and welcome to the 2019 baseball season!  With the start of the season, it seemed like a great time to share some baseball quotes.

Enjoy!

“I’m glad I don’t play anymore. I could never learn all of those handshakes.”-Phil Rizzuto

 It ain’t nothin’ till I call it. — Bill Klem, Legendary Major League Baseball umpire

Beethoven can’t really be great because he never had his picture on a bubble gum card. — Lucy van Pelt (Peanuts)

“Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.” ~ Author Unknown

“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.” ~ Earl Wilson 

“Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game – it, and high taxes.” ~ Will Rogers 

“Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?” ~ Jim Bouton 

“The thing I like about baseball is that it’s one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you make a mistake, it’s your mistake. If you hit a home run, it’s your home run.” — Hank Aaron

“The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three-run homers.” – Earl Weaver

“There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.” – Casey Stengel

Thought for the Week

“The baseball mania has run its course. It has no future as a professional endeavor.” — Cincinnati Gazette editorial, 1879

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Baseball Fever 2019

If you know me, you probably know that the greatest passions of my life are baseball, God and family – not in that order.  So, with Opening Day upon us, my thoughts have once again turned to baseball.  If you have been following this blog for a long-time, what follows is something you may have seen before.  But this time of year, I wanted to share it again.

There is an ailment that I have been afflicted with for as far back as I can remember. As a very young boy, I was exposed to baseball and, like most boys growing up in Southwestern Ohio in the 1970’s, I caught a bad case of baseball fever. Baseball fever, like many other fevers, can cause one to lose touch with reality and to act in odd ways. As a child, I was prone to spend countless hours during the summer playing the game of baseball. If I could not find any fellow sufferers to share in a game, I would spend hours simply throwing a baseball against the back wall of my elementary school. This exercise was often accompanied by the delusion that I was pitching in the seventh game of the World Series and that the outcome hung on each and every pitch. Night brought little relief as the fever led me to sit on the front porch with my father and brother and listen to Al or Marty and the ‘ole left-hander describe a baseball game on the radio, hoping to hear phrases like “that one is OUTTA here!” and “THIS one belongs to the Reds.” On days when the weather was bad, I would spend my time studying little pieces of cardboard and memorizing the numbers and facts printed on the back or perhaps recreating the picture on the front of how each player held a bat or wound up to throw the ball. I would beg my father for some change so I could run up to the drugstore and buy more of these pieces of cardboard and the cardboard-like gum that came with them. In those days a quarter could be exchanged for five packs of baseball cards with each pack containing five cards and a stick of gum. Over the years, I have constantly guarded these treasures from harmful disasters like house cleanings and garage sales.

There were some days when baseball fever had me in a state of delirious splendor. On these very wonderful occasions, my father would take me to magical places called Crosley Field or Riverfront Stadium where I had the grand privilege of watching my heroes play this game I had come to love.

As years went on, the fever never went away. It would subside for a time, but it would always return in the spring. I moved out of Ohio for a number of years, but every year we would return to visit family and the trip would always coincide, mysteriously, with a home stand. This would invisibly, irresistibly draw me and my father, and later my sons back to a place where others gathered to watch these chosen men who somehow were fortunate enough to earn their living by playing this child’s game.

Fortune smiled and I was able to move back to Southwestern Ohio. For several years I could look out from the building in downtown Cincinnati I worked in and gaze across at Riverfront Stadium, that place I went to as a youth to see men named Morgan, Rose, Bench, Perez, Foster, Griffey, Concpecion, Geronimo, Gullet and others. Sometimes at lunch I would walk around the stadium and I could almost hear the cheers of days gone by. I was able to see Great American Ballpark rise up and take form and have seen Larkin, Casey, Griffey Jr., Votto, Phillips, Suarez, Lorenzen and Gennett build the memories of a new era.

Now it is spring once again. With spring comes not only green grass and flowers, but the return of baseball fever. This is one ailment that they have not yet found a cure for and I hope they never do.

Friday Funny March 22, 2019 Optimists vs. Pessimists

Happy Friday and Happy Spring! Spring is the time for optimism or maybe pessimism it all depends on how you look at it.

Enjoy!

The Optimist sees the glass is half full.  The Pessimist sees the glass is half empty.  The Accountant sees that they made the glass twice as big as they needed to.

The Optimist sees the glass is half full.  The Pessimist sees the glass is half empty. Mom just wonders why no one used a coaster.

The Optimist says the glass is half full.  The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.  While they are arguing about it, the Opportunist drank what was in the glass.

The Optimist thinks that the world he’s living in is the best possible.  The Pessimist is afraid that the Optimist is right.

While a pessimist sees the coffee cup is half empty, the optimist is already starting to brew another pot.

They say that the pessimist sees a tunnel, the optimist a light at the end of the tunnel and the realist sees a train.  They also say the train engineer wonders why he see three people standing on the railroad tracks.

An Optimist is someone who keeps his car’s motor running while his wife goes shopping.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a house fly is looking for a way to get out.

I am not a Pessimist.  I am just an Optimist with experience.

I’m not a Pessimist, I’m really an optimist, I just don’t have a whole lot to work with.

How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? Never mind, nobody would get the joke anyways.

My friends say I’m a pessimist, but I think it’s a lot worse than that.

I used to be in a band called The Introverted Pessimists. You’ve probably never heard of us, but that’s fine.

I thought about starting a support group for pessimists,  but why bother, it’s not like it’d make any difference anyway.

Thought for the Week

Always look on the bright side of life. Otherwise it’ll be too dark to read. ~Author unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com

They Say You Cannot Change Stupid

I recently came across an article about a theft of some pretty valuable collectible coins that took place in North Palm Beach, Florida.  It seems that a 20-year-old man from Riviera Beach stole coins and other items from a North Palm Beach office in December.  While he initially got away with his misdeed, he was caught, arrested and charged with grand theft along with unrelated drug charges.  So, we can probably surmise that this young man was probably not counted among the best and the brightest.

However, what really sets this guy apart is what he did with his ill-gotten gain.  The coins he had in his possession were worth $33,000.  The arrest report stated that he sold some coins for a few thousand dollars, that seems like a logical thing to do.  However, the remaining coins, he ran through change machines at local grocery stores!  Of course, he did not receive thousands of dollars from the change machine.

The future does not look very bright for this young man.  He may never learn the value of an honest day’s work or the value of a dollar, especially if the dollar is in the form of a collectible coin.

 

Friday Funny March 15, 2019 Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Happy Friday!  You know spring is on the way when you see St. Patrick’s Day on the calendar!  So, I dug deep into the internet to find a few St. Paddy jokes just for you.

Enjoy!

Would you call a leprechaun’s vacation home a lepre-condo?

Would you call a vanishing leprechaun a lepre-gone?

Would you call an Irish criminal with a serious skin disease a leper con?

Do you know that an Irishman is having a good time when he is Dublin over with laughter?

Do leprechauns make good secretaries because they are good at shorthand?

Did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold by taking a shortcut?

Did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland because he could not afford air fare?

Is a leprechaun’s favorite food to barbecue short ribs?

Are leprechaun’s hard to get along with because they are short-tempered?

In Ireland would you call Cubic Zirconia a sham rock?

Thought for the Week

“I’m not going to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day,  today, but I do plan on wearing blue pants and a yellow shirt, so pretty much the same thing.”

 

This Is Your Brain On Jellyfish

There is a commercial that I see from time to time for a dietary supplement that states that it will help with “mild memory loss associated with aging.”  The commercial touts that the product has an ingredient that was originally found in jellyfish.   This statement caught my attention and made me wonder if jellyfish are smart and if they are supposed to have good memories.

I stumbled upon an article Hakai Magazine published in July 2015 titled “The Secret Social Lives of Jellyfish” that poses the age-old question of “Do helmet jellyfish play follow-the-leader?”  The article quotes a marine biologist by the name of Stein Kaartvedt who states that jelly fish are not very smart.  He notes that they have “no brain to process information.”  This leads me to wonder how something from jellyfish who have no brain would help someone’s brain function.

A little more searching revealed that this key ingredient is apoaequorin.  This was discovered when a group of researchers near Seattle, Washington noticed glowing jellyfish and decided to study them to find out what caused them to glow. The group developed an extraction process and eventually discovered that the cause of the glowing jellyfish was a specific ingredient, apoaequorin. Experiments, according to the website of the company that markets this product, helped determine that apoaequorin could play a useful role in supporting brain health. Notice “could play” is the wording used.  The website also contains an asterisk that “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.” 

I also came across a story that the FDA has also claimed that the key ingredient, apoaequorin, a synthetic protein, is not an acceptable ingredient in a dietary supplement and that the FTC is also pursuing a lawsuit against the company regarding its promotion of this product.

So, when I asked myself what the connection was between jellyfish and memory, the apparent answer is that there is not much of one.  I might consider the product if I want to start glowing at night.  As for improving my memory as I get older, forget about it.

Friday Funny March 8, 2019 Springing Forward

Happy Friday! Despite the cold temperatures and the snowy forecast, this weekend is the time to spring forward!  It also seemed like a good time to clean out the joke closet and dust off a few spring jokes.

Enjoy!

Does daylight saving time in Seattle mean an extra hour of rain?

If you are on a trampoline is it Spring-time?

Does the flower business really start to bloom this time of year?

Do monkeys fall from the sky during Ape-ril showers!?

Would you call a girl with a frog on her head Lily?

Are frogs happy because they get to eat whatever bugs them?

Are bees only allowed to fly in the rain if they are wearing little yellow jackets?

Would you say that bees are happy because they hum while they work?

If you plant kisses will you grow tulips?

Would you say that crossing a four-leaf clover and poison ivy would cause a rash of good
luck?

Was the mother worm upset with her little worm because she could not find him and did not know where in earth he was?

Thought for the Week

“Despite the forecast, live like it’s Spring.”~ Lilly Pulitzer