Category Archives: Valentine’s Day

Friday Funny February 10, 2023 What Not to Get your Wife for Valentine’s Day.

Happy Friday!  In case you have not noticed, Valentine’s Day is Tuesday.  Before you head out to the store, I thought I would offer you a few useful tips on what NOT to get that special gal in your life.



We have all heard, “It’s the thought that counts.” Yet, while that may be true, there certainly are limits on what will keep you in the good graces of your spouse around February 14.  Heed my word to the wise and be sure to cross the following off your shopping list this weekend before it is too late.

Jumper cables – while these can come in quite handy, they will not jump start a romantic evening.

A coffee mug – another gift that, while it may be useful, just might get you roasted.

Pencil sharpener – even if she needs and wants a pencil sharpener, this is not the day for it.  Hope you get my point.

A Roomba – give this for Valentine’s Day and she might set it to chase you around the house.

An oversized Teddy Bear – after the age of about six, a six-foot Teddy Bear is just kind of creepy.

A heart-shaped box of chocolates – the ultimate cliché gift.  Life may be like a box of chocolates, but avoid the cheap heart-shaped box from the corner drug store.

A bouquet of salami – while a bouquet of flowers might be about as cliché as a box of chocolates, a bouquet of flowers is much better than a bouquet of salami, plus getting hit over the head with a bouquet of salmi hurts more than flowers.

Personalized socks with your picture on them-  do you really want to see your face on her feet?  Neither does she.

A hot sauce of the month subscription – it will only get you in hot water.

Novelty Toilet Paper – no, just no, nothing more needs to be said.

Thought for the Week

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.  ~Author Unknown


Friday Funny February 11, 2022 Super Bowl Conversation Hearts

Happy Friday and Happy Super Bowl Weekend!  I have posted in prior years about my personal tradition of not watching the Super Bowl.  This year I will make the exception that I never expected to make – I will watch the Super Bowl because the Bengals are playing (I wrote that and I still do not believe it).  I will however leave the room during the halftime show unless the performance is “Up With People.”

This weekend brings the confluence of the Super Bowl and the cusp of Valentines Day so I was thinking that those conversation hears people need to take advantage of this and have Super Bowl themed conversation hearts.  I think the following would be a good start!


Who Dey!             It Is Us!

Joey B                  Joe Cool

Apple A Day         Take the Bates

Touch Down         It’s Good!

Money Mac          Catch ‘n Chase

Eye of the Tiger    Super Bowl LVI

Mix ‘n Run           Punt

Kick                      Pass

Bandwagon          Underdog

Stripes!                 Bengals

To The House       Teamwork

First Down!          D-FENCE

1ST & Goal            Off Sides!

Victory                 Holding

Tee Time              Good Boyd

Snap                     Special Teams

Huddle                 Time Out

Blitz                     Joey Franchise

Zebras                  Uz-O-Mah

Fair Catch             Free Play

Fumble                 Icing

Shot Gun              Pocket

Interception          Reception

Sack                     Scramble

Spike                    Stiff Arm

Taunting               Touchback

Illegal Shift           Rush

Weak Side            Zone


“You don’t live in Cleveland. You live in Cincinnati!” ~ Sam Wyche, Cincinnati Bengals Coach

Friday Funny February 12, 2021 Romantic Ruminations

Happy Friday!  Just in case you have not looked at a calendar lately, Sunday is February 14th and that means it is Valentine’s Day.  I gathered a few interesting thoughts about love for you to ponder between now and then.


“Love is sharing your popcorn.” ~ Charles Schultz

“Gravitation can’t be held responsible for people falling in love.” ~ Albert Einstein

“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” ~ Franklin P. Jones

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” ~ Rita Rudner

“It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.” ~ Unknown

“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” ~ Elizabeth Evans

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” ~ Charles M. Schulz

“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” ~ Carroll Bryant

“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” ~ Steven Wright

“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” ~ Bob Hope

 “Love is being stupid together.” ~ Paul Valery

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” ~ Lemony Snicket

“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” ~ Lynda Barry

“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” ~ Winston Churchill

“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.” ~ Mark Twain

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” ~ George Burns

“The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.” ~ Blaise Pascal


“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.” ~ Unknown

Valentines Day – First Love


I remember my first love like it was yesterday, or perhaps I am just approaching that age where I remember things that happened in the sixties better than I remember what I had for breakfast this morning.  Anyway, as I was saying, I remember my first love like it was yesterday.  It happened at Shiloh Elementary School in Dayton, Ohio.    Today, all that is left of Shiloh is an empty lot that looks far too small to even contain the dreams I had as a child much less a school with several hundred students in kindergarten through eighth grade. 

I was in first grade, in Miss Davidson’s class and her name was Marion.  I do not recall how it exactly began, but I do recall that I was a smitten young man and like a smitten young man, I began to plot my course of action to win her heart.  I suppose it was an effort to allow each of us to get to know one another or perhaps it was a way to beak up the children that talked to each other too much, but whatever the reason, every couple of weeks, Miss Davidson would have everyone move up or back a desk. So, I knew that sooner or later I would have my opportunity, albeit brief, to sit close to Marion.  I also knew this time would no doubt be one of the two most exciting things that would happen during first grade.  

The other exciting event was the week when one was allowed the privilege of serving as the class “milkman.”  In in those ancient days, we had no lunch room, so most kids brought lunch from home.  If you brought a note from home, you could walk up to the drugstore.  I usually had to walk home for lunch, all the way across the street behind the school, uphill both ways. Anyway, each week two students were chosen to collect the money and go down to the vending machines and get the drinks.  It was a nickel for a carton of white or chocolate milk and a dime for a healthy bottle of 7-up, Orange Crush or Frostee Root Beer.  You know nothing perks up a first-grader for an afternoon of education like a nice, cold bottle of flavored sugar.  This was not only an exciting task, it may have well begun my career development preparing me for my days in banking and accounting!

But I digress, after what seemed like an eternity (of course a six-year-old has a very limited view of time), my time finally came and I got to sit next to my heart’s desire.  Unfortunately, I took a little too much advantage of this opportunity by talking when I was supposed to be listening to Miss Davidson which resulted in my getting to stand by my desk for a while while the class continued.  I do not believe I ever told my parents about this little indiscretion and it did not appear to affect my conduct grade. (Yes, I did check, I do still have my first grade report card doesn’t everyone??)

Perhaps my plan worked to an extent, for later that school year I received an invitation to Marion’s birthday party.   I was excited about going and I’m sure my Mom helped me pick out just the right gift.  However, my plans quickly unraveled when upon my arrival at the party I spotted another boy from Mrs. Thompson’s class by the name of Joe, who no doubt was destined to be my bitter rival for Marion’s affection.    I recall little else from the party, no doubt I left despondent and downcast.

As fate would have it, one day at the conclusion of recess (yes, in those days gone by we actually went outside and played) young Joe seized the opportunity to kiss Marion before we went back inside for the afternoon.  Lucky for this little Romeo (which prophetically rhymes with “Joe”) that was in the 60’s when everyone wanted to make love, not war.  Today young Joe would probably have been suspended from the school and labeled as a sex offender which would have left me free to pursue Marian in a more subtle and refined manner.  But alas, my opportunity had come and gone.  Joe had seized the day while I had let it slip through my hands.  I was only six, but love had done stomped on my heart and smashed that sucker flat.  I was left to pick up the pieces and move on.

But fate makes some curious twists and turns. At the end of the school year Marion moved away and I never saw her again.  I heard when I was in college that she was attending the same university I was at, but I did not even have an interest in tracking her down by that time and I am certain that I had been long forgotten.  And what became of my rival Joe?  Well as the years went on, we became great friends.  We shared an apartment in college (until it burned down, another story for another day) and when my wedding day arrived, Joe was by my side serving as my best man. 

Happy Valentine’s Day.  You just never know how a good love story will turn out.