Monthly Archives: October 2015

Friday Funn October 30, 2015 Trick or Treat

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Happy Friday!  It is that time once again, when the night is filled with strange-looking creatures who come knocking at your door – no not politicians seeking your vote – I mean kids dressed in costume out for “Trick or Treat.” So enjoy the opportunity to see the little ones and not-so-little once dressed up and don’t hoard the Butterfingers and Snickers for yourself while only giving out the Smarties!

Enjoy!

For me Halloween has always been about the candy. It wasn’t about scary stuff or pranks, it was about candy! When else do you get to go to every house in the neighborhood, knock on the door, ask for candy and actually receive candy in return? I can still remember the excitement of coming home and dumping out the pillow case (no small plastic pumpkin for me!) as all the goodies would pile out onto the floor in one glorious heap of blissful, useless calories. I am thankful that my Trick or Treat days were before the advent of that hideous abomination called “fun-size”. Who came up with that anyway?  How is one fourth the size more fun than full size??

When I was young (a long. long time ago in a galaxy far, far away) costumes were simpler – a plastic cigar that could shoot out baby powder instantly transformed you into a hobo. A sheet with a few holes made you a ghost – the effect was not quite the same if the sheet had a flowered pattern.  Although I think I am still traumatized from the time my sister dressed me up in her Girl Scout uniform for Treat or Treat (probably why I have never been that big of a fan of Girl Scout Cookies).  When my boys were little, every year I would suggest that they dress up like an accountant for but for some odd reason they never wanted to buy into that idea.

So, be nice to the little ones that come knocking at your door tonight and take advantage of the opportunity to meet your neighbors and their little ones. But if you want to make a good impression, there are some treats you should banish from your goody bowl.  The Internet is brimming with lists of the worst Trick or Treat Candies.  So after surveying those, and interjecting my own opinion, here is my list of candies to avoid passing out this weekend.

10. Bubble gum – chewing it just keeps you from moving onto the chocolate.
9. Stickers – can’t eat them and Mom won’t let you put them on the furniture.
8. Coupons – Trick or Treat is a time for instant gratification.
7. Anything homemade – Mom knows all the urban legends.
6. Candy Corn – the fruit cake of Trick or Treat
5. Peanut butter flavored candy in orange and black wrappers – do they even sell these any other time of the year?  Have they even manufactured any in the last thirty years and they are still depleting the inventory from the 1970’s?  (Wonder if they used FIFO or LIFO inventory…..sorry the accountant in me slipped out for a moment.)
4. Raisins – unless they are chocolate covered.  Don’t disappoint young ones by giving them something healthy. 
3. Apples – unless they are covered in caramel and nuts and factory sealed for your protection otherwise they will bring a reaction similar to Charlie Brown each time he “got a rock.”
2. Little wax bottles filled with juice – is it a drink or a chew – the world may never know as no one will ever know what is actually in those little bottles either.
1. Toothbrushes – that is just be cruel.  You might as well put a target on your house that says “throw eggs here.”

Thought for the Week

My parents never wanted to let me carve a jack-o-lantern,  They just made me stand in the window on Halloween.  It really wasn’t that bad except the candle would burn the roof of my mouth after a while. 

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Friday Funny October 23, 2015 Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

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Happy Friday!  No matter where you go today or what you do, you will most likely encounter a number of signs along the way.  Many signs we just ignore, but if you come across one of these today, you just might chuckle.

Enjoy!

On a maternity room door, “Push, Push, Push.”

In a podiatrist’s office, “Time wounds all heels.”

At an optometrist’s office, “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a taxidermist’s window, “We really know our stuff.”

On a butcher’s window, “Let me meat your needs.”

On a fence, “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

At a towing company, “We don’t charge and arm and a leg. We want your tows!”

At a car dealership, “The best way to get back on your feet –  miss a car payment.”

Outside a muffler shop, “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”

In a veterinarian’s waiting room, “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

On a Physicist’s door: “Gone Fission”

On a Music Teacher’s door: “Out Chopin.”

On the door of a Computer Store: “Out for a quick byte.”

On the door of a Music Library: “Bach in a minuet.”

In a Beauty Shop, “Dye now!”

At a Propane Filling Station, “Thank heaven for little grills.”

In a restaurant window, “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.”

Inside a bowling alley, “Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.”

In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive carefully, we’ll wait”

In a cafeteria, “Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.”

A few general signs:

“Drink Coffee. Do stupid things faster with more energy!”

“I’m not overweight, I am just chocolate enhanced!”

“I’ll diet one day, the other six days I will eat what I want.”

“Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free kitten.”

Thought for the Week

A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you’re at home. ~Author Unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny October 16, 2015 Since the Last Time the Cubs Won the World Series…

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The baseball post-season is well under way and the Cubs are still alive.  So, in honor of those Cubbies, this week’s Friday Funny looks back at what has been going on since the last time the Cubs won the World Series.

Enjoy!

The last time the World Series was won by the Chicago Cubs was 1908.  At that time only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub, only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.  In 1908 there were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads in the United States. The average worker in the US made between $200 and $400 per year.  The population of Las Vegas , Nevada, was 30.  The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.  At the time the Cubs celebrated their victory Ty Cobb had 549 hits and it would be 33 years before Pete Rose would be born.

A lot has happened since that time:

Radio was invented; Cub fans got to listen to their team not play in the World Series.

TV was invented; Cub fans got to not watch their team play in the World Series.

Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the National League.

Wrigley Field added lights.

Baseball added 14 teams; six of those have won the World Series.

The Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox, Arizona Diamondbacks, and Florida Marlins have ALL won the World Series.

Eleven MLB Teams Moved To Different Cities

Fourteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown.

Nineteen perfect games have been pitched.

The Cubs Have Had 52 Managers.

The Chicago White Sox Have Won Two World Series.

The Home Run Record Has Been Broken, Twice.

Eight Players Have Entered The 600 Home Run Club.

The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.

Man landed on the moon, no truth to the rumor that several home run balls thrown up by Cubs pitchers were found there.

The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered, and became the subject of major motion pictures.

Haley’s Comet passed Earth… twice.

Swing music, bell-bottoms, and disco came and went.

The US fought in World War I, World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War, Persian Gulf War, Iraq War, Afghanistan War.

Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma and New Mexico became states.

Don Kessinger, Glen Beckert, Andre Dawson, Ryne Sandberg, Mark Grace, Ron Santo, Billy Williams and Ernie Banks!

Bump Wills, Roy Smalley, Corey Patterson, Milton Bradley, Tuffy Rhodes….

Thought for the Week

“One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth.” –Joe Garagiola

Friday Funny October 9, 2015 Resume Mishaps

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Happy Friday!  Hope this has been a great week for you. On the other hand, maybe you did not have a great week, maybe your job has you down and you are ready to look for a new one.  In that case here are a few things you might want to skip as you brush up that resume.

Enjoy!

“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”

Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”

“I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”

Why Interested in Position: “to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail”

Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway”

 “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

“Able to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”

Personal: “I limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them to do.”

Accomplishments: “Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.”

Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”

Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on being an accountant.” (NO! I have never put this on a resume!)

Thought for the Week

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. ~David Letterman

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny October 2, 2015 Drug Names

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Happy Friday!  It is hard to believe that we have turned the calendar to October.  But the days are getting shorter and there is a bit of nip in the air this week, so I suppose there is no denying that fall is here.  

It is pretty much impossible to watch anything on television these days without seeing commercials for some drug.  When I hear the listing of side effects, it makes me want to stay away from all of them.  I also wonder about the names that a lot of the new drugs have.  I suppose they pay some marketing guru big bucks.  However, I think they have had a few misses on the names.  So this week I will offer what I think the following drugs should treat based on their names.

Enjoy!

Latuda and Farxiga – for some reason I just find these names amusing and think they would be great names for anti-gas medicines.

Telaprevir – it seems logical that this drug would used be a politician or newscaster to help them clearly read a teleprompter

Idebenone – you take it and you just disappear….

Brentuximab vedotin & Cabazitaxel – perhaps one would take either of these to treat motion sickness while riding in a taxi cab.

Abirsaterone – seems like this might be used by a male, middle voice range opera singer.

Lyrica – if you have trouble remembering words to songs, this would be the drug for you.

Anakinra-if waching Star Wars movies for too long causes a headache, take this and keep watching.

Cisplatin -this would be good to apply after you fall flat on your face.

Domperidone – not sure what this would treat, but I am sure it would be taken by the glassful and be very expensive.

Vinblastine and Warfarin – whatever this treats would be related to the military and would be highly classified.

Thought for the Week

He’s the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. ~Benjamin Franklin

http://www.quotegarden.com