It has been several years since I was in high school, okay it has been several decades since I was in high school. As is the case with every generation, I remember asking myself if any of this stuff would ever come in handy in real life. I will even admit that although I do not spend my days happily quoting the quadratic equation, I do make frequent use of some of the simpler functions of algebra. I have had to write many reports over the years and the more recent affinity for blogging does take advantage of a decent grasp on the English language. However, I would say that what might just be the most useful class I took in high school is one that I underappreciated at the time – typing. At least it was called typing back then, today it would be called keyboarding. I will admit that I did not put a lot of time or effort into that class and remember my main achievement was producing a picture of a bowling pin and ball by typing x’s in the correct pattern to accomplish this astounding feat. Little did I realize how many hours of my life would be spent pounding out numbers and letters on a qwerty keyboard with a side 10 key pad. As they say “if I knew then what I know now” I would have used my time wisely then to develop a quite useful life skill. It just goes to show you that one should take advantage of all learning opportunities because it just might come in really handy down the road.
Happy Friday! The NFL is entering into week 6 and there are 4 teams that have yet to win their first game. Among those is the once-again bottom dwelling Bengals. In 1970 the Cleveland Browns traded Paul Warfield who was my favorite player and that was the end of be being a Browns fan. I rooted for the Bengals through thick and thin (there was a lot more thin) for forty years. At the conclusion of the 2010 season I made what has appeared to be a wise choice and decided to just not care about the Bengals or the NFL any longer. However, just because I do not consider myself a fan any longer, does not mean that I cannot have a laugh at the expense of the Bengals.
Q: What do the Bengals and the United States Postal Service have in common?
A: Neither one delivers on Sunday.
Q: Why don’t they make Bengals jerseys for preschoolers?
A: They are choking hazards.
Q: What is the most popular pastry with the Bengals?
Q: Why don’t former Bengals players make good trial lawyers?
A: They have no defense.
Q: Why do the Bengals watch their game films in reverse?
A: They gain more yards that way.
Q: How many Bengals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw the bulb in and one to recover the fumble.
Q: How do the Bengals count to 10?
A: 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.
Q: Name four things that adults should stop believing in.
A: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the Cincinnati Bengals.
Q: Why doesn’t Andy Dalton use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.
Q: What do the Bengals and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: Why are the Bengals like a grizzly bear?
A: They both go into hibernation in the fall.
Q: What’s the difference between the Bengals and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Bengals and possums have in common?
A: They both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: How many Bengals does it take to change a tire?
A: Only one, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
Q: Why don’t the Bengals have a website?
A: They can’t string three “W’s” together.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.” ~ George Will
Happy Friday! Happy October! I recently celebrated a birthday which has reminded me that I am not as young as I used to be. How do I know? Well there are a lot signs to let one know.
You Know You’re Getting Old When…
Your joints provide more accurate forecasts than The Weather Channel which is the only station you watch these days.
You can pull a muscle while driving a car.
You have some clothes that you kept when they went out of style – they have come back into style and gone out again.
You have actually worn a leisure suit (thankfully, that one is never coming back in style.)
You know what a punch card is.
You can remember life without a cell phone.
You have developed an appreciation for mulch.
When talking to you doctors often throw in the phrase, “considering your age.”
You remember a time when the milkman, the bread man and the TV repairman came to your house.
You are in a conversation about a song and you say, “it had a good beat, you can dance to it, I’ll give it an 85.”
The hospital you were born at, the elementary school you attended and the high school you graduated from have all been torn down.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
You look for your glasses for half-an-hour, then find they’ve been on your head all the time.
You begin every other sentence with, “Back in my day.. “ or “When I was your age…”
You sing along with the elevator music.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because either they cannot hear you or they cannot remember what you tell them.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
You frequently find yourself telling people about buying a candy bar or a pack of baseball cards for a nickel.
You know the answers, but nobody asks you the questions anymore.
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
Your last car cost more than your first house.
If you still had your first car in mint condition, it would be worth more than your current house.
Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
You actually know what is in your 401K.
You own a metal detector.
You scout for a warmer place to spend the long, cold winters.
Youthful injuries return with a vengeance.
A ‘late night’ now ends at 10 pm.
“You are as young as you feel” sounds rather ominous.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. ~Leroy “Satchel” Paige http://WWW.QUOTEGARDEN.COM