Monthly Archives: November 2015

Friday Funny November 27, 2015 The 12 Days of Thanksgiving

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Happy Black Friday! I hope you had a good Thanksgiving Day. Although we are in the midst of uncertain times, there is still much to be thankful for as we enter this holiday season.  Here is a something that has been circulating the internet for a number of years that shows there is a limit to how long one can be thankful for turkey.

Enjoy!

On the First Day….. We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.

On the Second Day….. We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the Third Day….. We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.

On the Fourth Day….. We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we’d be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.

On the Fifth Day….. We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a bare turkey carcass.

On the Sixth Day….. We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who add cashews and noodles to the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the Seventh Day….. We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the Eighth Day….. The word ”vegetarian” keeps popping into our heads.

On the Ninth Day….. We check our hair to make sure we’re not beginning to sprout feathers.

On the Tenth Day….. We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.

On the Eleventh Day….. We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.

On the Twelfth Day….. We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says, “Amen!”

Thought for the Week

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
Father in heaven,
We thank thee.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

 

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Friday Funny November 20, 2015 Work Vs. Prison

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Happy Friday! Some days we might feel like work is something we have been sentenced to with no chance of parole.  This has been circulating for a number of years, but just in case you ever got work and prison confused, this should make things a bit more clear.

Enjoy!

IN PRISON you spend the majority of your time in an 10 x 10  cell.
AT WORK you spend the majority of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle.

IN PRISON you get three meals a day.
AT WORK you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON you get your own toilet.
AT WORK you have to share.

IN PRISON they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK you are not supposed to even speak to your family.

IN PRISON all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK they are called bosses and managers.

Thought for the Week

Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward. ~Søren Kierkegaard

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny November 13, 2015 Hockey Jokes

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Happy Friday!  While we are in the midst of another NFL season, let’s not forget that hockey season is also getting into the swing of things.  The Columbus Blue Jackets were a trendy pre-season darling, but have gotten of to a pretty rough start which has them looking up at everyone else in the standings. I might be skating on thin ice here, but why not try a few hockey jokes this week.

Enjoy!

Q: What do you get when you slash Jaromir Jagr?  A cross Czech.

Q: What the best way to get a hockey player into a bank?  A: Offer free checking.

Q: Why do hockey players like most about chess?  A: When they get to check the king.

Why are goalies good at Japanese art of origami?  They’re good at working in the crease.

The bad start to the Blue Jackets season had Sergei Bobrovski so depressed, he decided to jump in front of a train. Luckily, the train went through his 5-hole”

Q: What do the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Titanic have in common? A: They both look good until they hit the ice!

Q: What’s the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Columbus Blue Jackets?  A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

Q: Why are the Blue Jackets like grizzly bears? A: Every fall they go into hibernation.

Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the Columbus Blue Jackets have in common? A: They’re both young, have no goals and no good prospects.

Q: What do college students and the Blue Jackets have in common? A: They’ve both finished their year by April.

Q: Did you hear that Columbus’s hockey team doesn’t have a website? A: They can’t string three “Ws” together.

Q: What’s the difference between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Columbus Blue Jackets? A: The Cavaliers shoot at a net.

My wife was about to put my grandson in a Blue Jackets jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

Thought for the Week

“You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” Wayne Gretzky

Friday Funny November 6, 2015 Football Funnies

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Happy Friday!  We are at the midpoint of the NFL season and tonight the eyes of the NFL have been on Cincinnati for the Battle of Ohio Part I.  So, here are a few football jokes to kick off your weekend.

Enjoy!

What does your teacher call it if you run your sentences together and never use periods or commas?           Illegal use of ands.

What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?           A car-punter.

Why did the referee call a penalty on the car-punter?     For roofing the passer.

Did you hear about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?

Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?     Out to pass-ture.

If you want to sack the Dolphins quarterback, what should you use? Your fishing tackle.

What do you call a lineman’s kids?   Chips off the old blocker.

What football player should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.

Why do coaches like punters?   Because punters always put their best foot forward.

What’s the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?  The sofa doesn’t keep asking for snacks.

Thought for the Week

“Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” — Vince Lombardi