Monthly Archives: March 2022

Friday Funny April 1, 2020 April Fool’s Day

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Happy Friday! Happy April! Happy April Fool’s Day!

Enjoy!

I filled up my gas tank tonight and I swapped the labels on the pumps.  It is my April Fuels’ joke.

If you buy a hammer bought on April 1st would it be an April tool?

Is it true that eggs like April Fools’ Day for the practical yolks?

Here is an idea – let’s spend April Fools’ Day on Instagram and fool each other into believing we have glamorous lives.

If it is raining chickens on April Fool’s Day would you say it was fowl spring weather?

I noticed there was a display of invisible books at the library on April Fools day, but I saw right through it.

Today I got an email from a Nigerian Prince asking me for $100,000 to help him build a business and he would pay me $1,000,000 in return.  He must think I am a fool,   I already invested in a Prince from Qatar for half the price last week.

For April fools my wife replaced my Alpha-bits with Cheerios. I have no words to say how angry I am.

April Fools’ Day is like a huge open mic night with millions of people going out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.

Due to continuing COVID restrictions, April Fool’s Day has been POSTPONED. I’ll tell you the new date tomorrow.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.” – Mark Twain

Friday Funny March 18, 2022 March Madness 2022

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Happy Friday and Happy March Madness!  It seems like the right time of the year to bounce a few basketball jokes your way.

Enjoy!

I saw a pumpkin playing basketball, apparently, he was the point gourd.

I joined a group that plays basketball and then discusses philosophy – it’s called “shoot first, ask questions later.”

Is it true that fish refuse to play basketball because they are afraid of the net?

I used to be addicted to basketball, but I rebounded.

Did you hear about the referee that got banned from March Madness? Supposedly he’s a whistleblower.

Is it true that the preferred cheese of basketball players is Swish cheese?

Is it true that the best place for point guards to take their girlfriends to dance is Basket Balls?

I read about a basketball coach who really loves dogs, he has three-pointers.

I saw a man walking through the airport with a basketball, I think he was traveling.

Is it true that the nose didn’t the nose make the basketball team because he didn’t get picked?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden

Friday Funny March 11, 2022 Baseball Through The Eyes Of Bob Uecker

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Happy Friday! With all the stuff going on in the world, baseball is a pretty trivial thing.  However, sometimes a little distraction from all that is going on is nice.  The baseball players and owners have reached an agreement and soon the crack of the bat will again be heard as players get active in spring training. So, let’s turn to one of the sages of baseball this week for some quotations from Bob Uecker.

Enjoy!

“I knew when my career was over. In 1965, my baseball card came out with no picture.”

“The best way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until the ball stops rolling and then pick it up.”

“I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don’t even get printed.”

“They said I was such a great prospect that they were sending me to a winter league to sharpen up. When I stepped off the plane, I was in Greenland.”

“I had a great shoe contract and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.”

“Career highlights? I had two. I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.”

“I led the league in go get ’em next time.”

“When I looked to the third base coach for a sign, he turned his back on me.”

“In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs.”

“Baseball hasn’t forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven’t lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times.”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.” ~ George F. Will (American Newspaper Columnist, Writer, and Journalist)

Friday Funny M<arch 4, 2022 More Cat Jokes

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Welcome to March!  With all the crazy stuff going on in the world maybe you need to take a moment to laugh at cats.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the alien who found a cat?  He said, “Take me to your litter.”

The other day I heard a joke about a three-legged cat, it was a major faux paw.

Would you call a fluffy male cat asleep on a bed a Him-a-lay-an?

I inherited a pencil once owned by Shakespeare but my cat chewed it up so badly that I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

Is it true that a cat’s favorite TV show is Claw and Order?

Did you hear about the cat who lost all her savings when she invested in a  purr-a-mid scheme?

Would you call a cat who was super-stylish –“Haute-cat-ture”?

When two cats part ways do they say “See ya litter”?

Is it true that  a cat’s favorite subject in school is Hisss-tory?

Would you call a cat who lives in an igloo an eskimew?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I gave my cats a bath the other day … they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…” ~ Steve Martin