Author Archives: Leonard

Friday Funny January 18, 2018 A Touching Story About Doilies

Happy Friday!  This week I wanted to share a very touching story about doilies.

Enjoy!

An older couple who had been married for fifty years decided that it was time to downsize as they approached retirement. As they were packing things up, the husband came across a shoe-box back in the corner of a shelf in the closet.  When he opened it, he was surprised to find two 2 doilies and three large bundles of twenty-dollar bills.  He took the shoe-box to his wife and asked her if she knew about the box.

She gave him a sheepish smile and told him about some advice she had received from her Mother before they had gotten married.  She said that her Mother had told that she should crochet a doily every time that she got mad at her husband instead of getting into an argument.

The husband was quite touched thinking about all the good and bad times they had shared over the last fifty years and that his lovely wife had only been mad twice.

“What about the three bundles of twenty-dollar bills?” he asked.  “Oh that,” she replied, “is  the money I made from selling the doilies.”

Thought for the Week

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire   http://www.quotegarden.com

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Friday Funny January 11, 2019 Real Estate Terms

Happy Friday!  I hope that 2019 is off to a good start for you.  This week my neighbor put his house on the market which started me thinking  about how houses for sale are described in listings and how some of those words could mean something just a little different from what one might assume. 

Enjoy! 

Breathtaking – one whiff of the basement and your eyes will water and your will cough uncontrollably.

Classic – this was a great house when in was built in 1945 and not a thing has been changed since.

Retro – you will love the avocado green appliances, shag carpeting and wagon wheel light.

Intimate – not quite large enough for your family, even if it is a family of one.

Easy Highway Access – simply back out of your driveway and voila’ you are on the entrance ramp to I-75.

Get-away – almost impossible to find and the address does not appear on any map.

Great Investment – plan on investing every dollar you make to try to get this one up-to-date.

One-of-a-kind – built by four different contractors without the aid of any blueprints.

Quiet – all the other houses on the street have been abandoned.

Mature Landscaping – you will need a machete to find the front door.

Priced to Sell – as long as you are willing to overpay.

Motivated Buyer – he is motivated to take every dollar possible from you.

Storybook – every house has a story to tell and this one could have been written by Stephen King.

Thought for the Week

We should all be concerned about the future because we will have to spend the rest of our lives there. ~Charles F. Kettering

http://www.quotegarden.com

Who Needs a Career Path?

For me the beginning of 2019 brought a new job in a new industry with new responsibilities.  I am hoping that that this will be my last full-time employer as I am rounding third and heading for home career-wise.

The change has had me thinking about the jobs and careers that I have had during my work-life.  As I was pondering, I came across the pay stub from my very first pay from my very first job.

For me, my work life began early in my senior year of high school at Sherer’s Ice Cream on North Main Street in Dayton, Ohio.  My first week I worked five hours, two hours on Friday and three hours on Saturday.  For my efforts, I was paid, before tax, $6.50 (for those of you that did not pull up the calculator app on your phone, that translates into $1.30 per hour.)  Thirty-eight cents were deducted in taxes leaving me with $6.12 net (somewhere in a baggy in  my basement there is a $1 bill that was part of that $6.12 (Mr. Sherer paid in cash). I do not recall exactly what I did with that first pay, but the odds are that I did go and blow it all in one place – probably on a date to the movies.

Thankfully, my income has increased significantly from $1.30/hr and it does not take an entire paycheck to go to the movies (although the price of a movie has increased several fold since then – but that is a topic for another day).  They say you have to start somewhere and Sherer’s was a good place to start.  Since then I have had a number of jobs – some positive experiences and some negative experiences – some part-time and some full-time – some with good growth potential and some with no potential – some that sounded impressive and some that did not – some that paid well and some that paid $1.30/hr – sometimes more than one job at a time.  

Each job I have ever had has contributed to where I am now and who I am now.  My career path (if I ever really had a career path) has been rather circuitous and not the way I would have planned it, but I survived and it has been an interesting journey that is not over yet.  As the aftermath started to settle from one job involving trying to move to another city that just never panned out, my wife wisely stated, “things worked out pretty well for things not working out very well.”  I think that sums up my career – things have worked out pretty well for things to have not worked out very well.

Friday Funny January 4, 2019 I Just Started a New Job

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  I hope that 2019 is off to a good start and that this will turn out to be a great year for you.  In my world, I am starting the new year with a new job – so here is some new job humor to kick off Friday Funnies for 2019.

Enjoy!

I just started a new job shredding cheese, it’s grate.

I just started a new job at a factory that makes bells, the offer was very a-pealing.

I just started a new job as a window installer, it’s a real pane.

I just started a new job as a Cuban Dictator.  I’m Havana great time.

I just started a new job as a baker, I kneaded the dough.

I just started a new job with a recycling company, they made me an offer I could not refuse.

I just turned down a new job as an elevator repairman, it was just wrong on so many levels.

I just started a new job with a tree removal service, I am the branch manager.

I just started a new job with Fitbit, it seemed like a step in the right direction.

I just started a new job at an origami factory, things should be good as long as the factory does not fold.

Thought for the Week

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Friday Funny December 28, 2018 One Liners to Close Out 2018

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  Thank you for allowing me to share a laugh or two with you during 2018.  I hope to bring a smile to your face in 2019 and want to wish you a joyous New Year!

Enjoy!

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I gave her nothing.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas – I couldn’t wait to see his face light up when he opened it.

My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look thinner.

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 17 things that I’m putting off until later.

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing. It’s always, “Is Pepsi okay?”

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I’m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I’m talking about.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an ax.

I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.

I have an inferiority complex but it’s just not a very good one.

Thought for the Week

There are those who try to bottle the old year for safekeeping but at midnight the cork always pops. ~Terri Guillemets, “Memories old & new,” 2005

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny December 21, 2018 Some Not So Great Gift Ideas for the Kids

Happy Friday and Merry Christmas!  Christmas is just a few days away and I hope you have your shopping completed.  If not, there will be plenty of stores open this weekend and my guess is that you will have plenty of company from other last-minute shoppers.  However, there are some gift ideas that you probably will not find at any store this year and the world is probably a little safe for it.

Enjoy!

SOME NOT SO GREAT GIFT IDEAS FOR THE KIDS

AUSTIN MAGIC PISTOL – a toy gun that shoots a ping-pong ball.  These have been around for a long time and seem harmless enough.  Well this one had a twist, made in the 1950’s the Austin Magic Pistol was not your ordinary spring-loaded ping-pong gun.  This one used “magic crystals” made from calcium carbide.  The tricky part here is that calcium carbide and water make a highly flammable gas that resulted in a small explosion that would fire said ping-pong balls over 70 feet, but it did look pretty cool to shoot fiery ping-pong balls at your friends.

JARTS – These were banned sometime in the 1980s. According to reports, over 6,100 children went to the emergency room from lawn dart injuries. That same report says that a dart can come down with over 20,000 pounds of pressure. I can proudly say that I survived playing Jarts.  I can also truthfully state that I never intentionally threw a Jart at anyone.

CLACKERS – Also known as Knockers and Click Clacks.  The 70’s gave us this toy made of two heavy acrylic balls attached to a string.  The only object was to get them to fly up and down and knock into each other to make noise and to do this as fast as possible.  Of course. swinging small acrylic balls about at high-speed may seem like a safe activity to most people, but the problem with these arises when those balls reach their inevitable breaking point.  Then instead of the expected bang, they shatter and splinter.  Then parents decided it might be a good idea to keep shrapnel out of their children’s faces.  I had these but did not have the patience or coordination to use them enough to reach the breaking point.

PYROGRAPHY (WOOD BURNING) Kits – A hot metal tip that is used to burn images into wood, so what is the problem.  Well, besides the heat, there are fumes, inhaling sawdust and the ever-present threat of starting a fire.  I think I had one of these and with my natural artistic ability I was able to eventually make a black mark on a piece of wood.

EASY BAKE OVEN – Introduced in 1963 by Kenner, a Cincinnati based company, the original used an ordinary light bulb as the heat source, which could reach close to 350 degrees.  It came with packets of cake mix and small round pans. All you had to do was add water, mix, put in the pan and slide into the oven through a slot. After cooking, the cake was pushed out through a slot in the other end.  While a lot of cakes were made over the years, we may never know how little fingers were burned in the process. 

CREEPY CRAWLERS – kind of like an Easy Bake Oven marketed to boys with the added features of chemical fumes.  It was introduced by Mattel in 1964.  You could make plastic bugs by pouring “Plastigoop” into little metal molds then “baking” them using an electric hot plate oven that was hotter than an Easy Bake Oven. Not only did the unit get hot, but it made hot melted plastic, which was also toxic. But the end result was a supply of rubbery bugs toys that make any kid squeal with joy.

GILBERT GLASS BLOWING KIT – If the Easy Bake Oven and Creepy Crawlers were not hot enough for you, there was the Gilbert Glass Blowing Kit.   If you want to get glass to become malleable, you need to heat to about 1,000 degrees! Sounds fun and exciting and what could possibly go wrong? 

GILBERT ATOMIC ENERGY LAB – Why worry simply about high temperatures when you can play with radioactive materials?  The Gilbert Company managed to top the glass blowing with the introduction in 1951 of the Atomic Energy Lab kit which included a Uranium-238 Geiger counter, an electroscope, and four samples of uranium ores. Hey junior, how about some nice uranium-238, it has REAL radioactivity!

Thought for the Week

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” ~ Luke 2:10