Author Archives: Leonard

Friday Funny May 15, 2026 Fill Up With These Gas Jokes

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Happy Friday! We are all dealing with higher gas prices these days, so we might as well get a laugh out of it.

Enjoy!

To fuel or not to fuel, that is the question.

Did you hear about the art thief whose van run out of gas when he tried to drive away from the museum?  It seems he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

These gas prices have me feeling sick.  I think I might have a case of the car-owner-virus

It is not often that I brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station.

Today I needed to pick up paper, pens, and envelopes from the store, but since the price of gas is so high, I rode my stationery bike.

I went into a Speedway gas station this morning and asked for $3 worth of gas.  The clerk handed me a bean burrito.

Apparently, I have been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo.  It seems I won’t get fueled again.

I thought I was saving money by purchasing my gas at a self-service station.  It turns out, I was only fueling myself.

While I was at the gas station, I thought about buying a salad.  There were two choices: regular or unlettuced.

I thought about posting every gas pun I could find but I decided that would be very fuelish.  Tank goodness I didn’t post them all.

Last week I came up with a joke about inflation. It’s not as funny today

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” ~  Edward Abbey

Friday Funny May 8, 2026 School Jokes

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Happy Friday!  The end of the school year is quickly approaching, so it seems like a good time for some school jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the computer teacher who quit his job? Apparently, she lost her drive.

Did you hear about the science teacher who was fired from his job?  Apparently, he only showed periodically.

Did you hear about the college professor who was involved in a car wreck?  Apparently, he was grading papers on a curve.

Did you hear about the dinosaur who was worried about going back to school?  Apparently, he was a nervous rex.

Did you know that Alexia kept getting detention at school?  Apparently she kept talking back.

Did you hear about the geometry teacher wo was exhausted at the end of the school year?  Apparently, she was out of shapes.

I heard that when Minecraft players graduate, they celebrate by throwing a block party.

I heard that chemistry students tell the worst jokes because all the good jokes argon.

I once took a circus class, we had to keep all our homework in a tree-ring binder.

I gave my history professor a gift, but he didn’t like the present.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” ~ Helen Keller

Friday Funny May 1, 2026 I Have Reached The Age…

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Happy Friday! Time flies, we are already a third of the way through 2026.  As time moves faster and faster I realize that I am not as young as I used to be, in fact I have reached the age that….

Enjoy!

I have reached the age that I have started to spot gray hair – on my children.

I have reached the age where work is a lot of fun, and fun is a lot of work.

I have reached the age that I have looked for large print alphabet soup.

I have reached the age where I wonder how I can be over the hill when I don’t even remember being on top of it.

I have reached the age that I have been there and done that, but don’t remember what that was.

I have reached that age that people tell me how good I look for my age.

I have reached the age where I am a lot like a library. I have a lot of knowledge, but no one seems interested in checking it out.

I have reached the age where I do not argue, I just explain why I’m right and I have a lifetime of experience to back me up.

I have reached the age where I can’t decide if I have more patience or if I just don’t care anymore.

I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.” ~ Will Rogers

Friday Funny April 24, 2026 Jokes That Have Gone To The Dogs

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Happy Friday!  How about some dog jokes to kick off your weekend?

Enjoy!

I have figured out how to stop my dog from digging up the garden.  I confiscated his shovel.

I tried using spot remover on my dog. He disappeared. He kept pressing the paws button.

My dog’s not fat. He’s just a little husky.

My dog never throws anything away, I think she is a hoarder collie.

Did you know that dogs float because they’re good buoys?

I tried to find some jokes about Corgis, but they were all really short.

If you crossed a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a Rooster, would you get Cockerpoodlepoo?

If you crossed a Collie with a Labrador retriever and a Dalmatian, would you get a collaboration?

The other day I spotted an albino dalmatian, seemed like the least I could do for it.

The difference between a man and a dog is that a man wears a suit, but a dog just pants.

 THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Be the person your dog thinks you are.” ~ C.J. Frick

Friday Funny April 17, 2026 Some Eggscelent Chicken Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Here are some chicken jokes just for you and you do not have to cross the road to read them.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the negative rooster who would said, “Cock a doodle don’t”?

Did you hear about the chicken who liked to tell jokes?  She was a real real comedi-hen.

Did you hear about the chicken who went to the gym to work on its pecks?

Did you hear about the chicken who couldn’t find her eggs because she mislaid them?

Did you hear about the old chicken who refused to go to KFC because it wasn’t on her bucket list?

If you crossed an elephant and a chicken would you get a peckyderm?

Is it true that a chicken’s greatest fear is a Zoombie Apeckalypse?

Is it true that a chicken’s favorite dessert is coop-cakes?

If you see a very well dressed chicken, would you say she looked impeccable?

I hope that chickens read my blog and don’t think it is just Cluckbait.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Regard it just as desirable to build a chicken house as it is to build a cathedral.” ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

Friday Funny April 10, 2026 Let Me Spring Some Jokes On You

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Happy Friday!  The days are definitely getting longer and warmer, I do believe spring is here.  So let’s celebrate with some spring jokes!

Enjoy!

If you cross a tulip with a dog, would you get a collie-flower?

If you plant Hershey kisses in the spring, do you get tulips?

Would you call an angry flower a snapdragon?

Did you hear about the bee who got married in the spring because he found his honey?

Did you hear about the gardener who stayed calm because he had a lot of thyme?

Did you hear about the flowers who had a lot of speeding tickets because he kept putting the petal to the metal?

Did you hear about the flower that could not ride its bike because it lost its petals?

Did you hear about the farmer who buried all his money because he wanted to make his soil rich?

Did you know that the difference between a spring roll and a summer roll is seasoning?

Did you know that the best time to wash your Slinky is when you’re spring cleaning?

Thought For the Week

“In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside 24 hours.” ~ Mark Twain

Friday Funny April 3, 2026 Another Basket of Easter Bunny Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Happy Passover!  Happy Easter! 

Here is a basket full of Easter Bunny jokes just for you and do not worry they are all zero calorie!

Enjoy!

Did you know that the grocery opened up a lane to help you check out faster for your Easter preparations, it is an eggs-press lane.

Did you know that the Easter Bunnies favorite movies are ones with hoppy endings?

Did you know that the Easter Bunny got his job because he had lots of eggs-perience?

Did you know that in his spare time, the Easter Bunny likes to play video games on his  Eggs-box?

Did you know that the Easter Bunny gets all his eggs from a single supplier?  It is a big eggplant.

Did you know the Easter Bunny moonlights as a financial advisor?  He tells his clients not to put all their eggs in one basket.

Did you know the Easter Bunny fell and broke his leg? It was a hare-line fracture.

Did you know that before the Easter Bunny eats dinner he begins with “Lettuce pray”?

Did you hear about the Easter egg that starred in a movie? Now it’s a shell-ebrity.

Did you know that people paint Easter eggs because it is a lot easier than wallpapering them?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.” ~ Clarence W. Hall

Friday Funny March 27, 2026 Funny Baseball Names

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Happy Friday!  To me spring begins on Opening Day – so Happy Spring!  To kick off baseball season, let’s take a look at a few of my favorite baseball names.

Enjoy!

Coco Crisp – 2002-2016-the speedy outfielder stole 309 bases over his 15-year career; however, I am still waiting to see his face on a cereal box.

Catfish Hunter-1965-1979- A Ct Young winner and Hall of Fame pitcher, Oakland A’s colorful owner thought Jim needed a nickname and Catfish stuck.

Urban Shocker -1916-1928-he was a pitcher who won 187 games over 13 years and pitched for the Yankees in the 1926 World Series.  He pitched his last game I the major leagues in 1928 and he died September 9 of that same year, that was a shock-er.

John Malarky-1894-1903- a pitcher who won 21 games over 6 years.  There are a lot of tall stories about him, but don not believe any of it.

Boof Bosner-2006-2010- a pitcher who appeared in 111 games over 4 years, legally changed his name to “Boof”

Razor Shines 1983-1987-he only had 88 plate appearance over 4 years, I wonder if he was a sharp fielder?  Did he hit slicing line drives?

Oil Can Boyd-1982-1981- this pitcher won 78 games and lost 77 over a 10-year career.  He was a fairly dependable arm; he must have kept his shoulder well-oiled.

Orval Overall-1905-1913- he was a pitcher with the Reds and Cubs, his name sounds like he should have sold clothing to farmers or perhaps made an appearance in the movie “Airplane”.

Milton Bradley-2000-2011- a second-round pick by the Expos in 1996 who never quite realized his potential, but he knows how to play the best games.

Blue Moon Odom-1964-1976- over a career that spanned 13 years and 4 teams, he won 84 games and lost 85 as a pitcher.  It appears that .500 pitchers actually do come along more often than a Blue Moon.

Moonlight Graham-1905- yes, he was a real baseball player whose career consisted of one at bat and then he went on to become a doctor as noted in the movie “Field of Dreams”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Enjoying success requires the ability to adapt. Only by being open to change will you have a true opportunity to get the most from your talent.” ~ Nolan Ryan

Friday Funny March 200, 2026 My Bracket Is Busted

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Happy Friday!  Congratulations are in order – you have survived another winter! 

March means spring and it also means March Madness.  Perhaps you have completed a bracket for the tournament and perhaps, by the end of the weekend, your bracket will be in shambles.  You will not be alone, so when someone asks you how your bracket is, just choose one of the responses below.

Enjoy!

My bracket hopes vanished faster than my New Year resolutions.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than a twinkie at a weight watchers meeting.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than a hot dog in the presence of Joey Chesnut.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than Milli Vanilli’s music career.

My bracket hopes vanished faster doughnuts in the break room.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than a toupee in a hurricane.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than a politician’s campaign promises.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than the flavor in a piece of bubblegum.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than a Britney Spears marriage.

My bracket hopes vanished faster than my tax refund.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” ~ John Wooden

Friday Funny March 13, 2026 You Are In Luck! Jokes for Friday the 13th!

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Happy Friday the 13th!  This is second month in a row with a Friday the 13th, but don’t worry, you are in luck because I have more jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that the most popular parties to organize on Friday the 13th are search parties.

I read about a guy who solves crimes by accident. Sheer Luck Holmes.

I made an appoint this Friday the 13th with a seamstress and a tailor because they know a lot about superstitchins.

I do not chase bad luck but somehow it always seems to know my address.

It seems like bad luck teaches me lessons I never signed up for.

I am so unlucky; I went to a Chinese restaurant and my fortune cookie read “Maybe next time.”

I am so unlucky; I was fired from my job as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs – it was wrong plaice, wrong thyme.

If I had a dollar for every time my luck turned around, I’d probably lose it.

I am so unlucky; I bought a memory foam pillow – turned out it had amnesia.

They say opening an umbrella indoors is bad luck, but I think if it’s raining indoors, you’ve probably already had some bad luck.

Would you call someone wo was down on their luck and posing for stock photos, a poor business model?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You never can tell whether bad luck may not after all turn out to be good luck.” ~ Winston Churchill