Author Archives: Leonard

Another Sign We Have Lost Our Minds – Athleisure

It seems one never has to look very far for a sign that modern society has completely lost its collective mind.  Last week I read an article about athleisure wear.   What is athleisure wear you ask?  It is  style of clothing worn during athletic activities or other settings, such as workplace, school, other casual or social occasions.  But that is not all, the push is to wear them outside of the gym as a part of one’s everyday wardrobe.  When was the last time you heard someone comment that these days everyone just dresses far too formally and what we really need is to get a bit more casual?  

But wait!  That is not the crazy part of the story.  It seems one cannot simply dress in athletic-type clothing, one MUST dress in the right athletic-type clothing and, of course, the right athletic-type clothing ain’t cheap.  The article mentions a trainer in North Carolina who spends between $5,000 and $10,000 dollars a year on workout wear!! I am pretty sure I have not spent $10,000 on all the clothes I have worn during my lifetime.  The article also mentions a trainer with 2 million Instagram followers who is among those “willing to sweat, spend and endure what it takes to look good while working out.”  Here is a hint – if you need to be “influenced” by Instagram about what to wear for a workout, getting more exercise is not your most pressing issue.

I understand that I am an old foggy who daily is becoming older and foggy-er.  But this is just silly.  Given the increasingly sedentary lifestyle many of us have, increasing the amount of exercise in our lives is a lot more important than how one looks while exercising. One does not have to spend a lot of money on clothes to get into better shape.  You can take this from a guy who has a drawer full of technical T’s that were provided as part of marathon registrations and runs in shoes that are usually off the clearance rack for under $30,  I am pretty sure that I would look just as bad after a run no matter how much money was spent on my attire.

Forget athleisure, just go out the door and move more.  That is my two-cents and I gave it to you for free.

 

Friday Funny February 21, 2020 Take A Few Jokes and Call Me in the Morning

Happy Friday! The good news is that we have made it through 2/3 of winter, the bad news is that we are in the height of cold and flu season.  Even if you are feeling under the weather, hopefully if only hurts when you laugh.

Enjoy!

Is the difference between swine flu and bird flu that Swine Flu requires oinkment while Bird Flu requires Tweetment?

Would you call an astronomer with the stomach flu a gastrophysicist?

Today I received an email informing me that canned ham can cause swine flu, I sent it to my Spam file.

I think I will get a flu vaccination this year, I figure it is worth a shot.

I determined that I picked up the flu while waiting for a flight at the airport, I think it might be a terminal illness.

I became ill after I started taking self-defense classes, I think it is Kung Flu.

So, I finally went to the doctor.  She quickly glanced at me and told me I had the flu.  I told her that I would like to have a second opinion.  She looked at me and said, “OK then, you’re ugly too.”

I read a story today about an aspiring YouTube star that died from the flu, it seems he went viral.

I heard that Chuck Norris doesn’t get a flu shot.  Chuck Norris shoots the flu.

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A friend was telling me that while he was in Madrid, he came down with a really bad case of the flu.

He was sneezing and coughing and just felt terrible so, he just stayed in his room and decided to call the concierge to get help.

“Oh, so you’re sick!” came the reply. “Not a problem, we’ll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!”

He was amazed when the doctor strolled into his room within minutes.  The doctor quickly assessed his symptoms and prescribed medication to ease his symptoms and get him quickly back on track.  My friend was quite surprised and told the doctor how impressed he was that the hotel had such a competent doctor on site.  The doctor simply shook his head and replied:  “Nobody expects the Spanish inn Physician.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind.” ~Author Unknown

 

 

 

Friday Funny February 14, 2020 More Valentine’s Day Jokes

Happy Friday!  In case you have not looked at a calendar lately – today is Valentine’s Day, so you best get crackin;!  I cannot help you with candy or flowers or jewelry for that special someone, but I can supply a few short jokes you can share.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the guy who sent his wife’s Valentine through twitter because she was his tweetheart?

Did you know that on Valentine’s Day that cavemen used give their wives lots of ughs and kisses?

Did you hear about the girl who turned down a Valentine’s date from a font because he wasn’t her type?

Did the boy pickle ask the girl pickle to the Valentine’s dance because she meant a great dill to him?

Did the circle ask the triangle on Valentine’s Day date because he thought she was acute?

Did you hear about the two tennis players who met on Valentine’s Day?  It was a cause of  lob at first sight.

Did you hear about the near-sighted porcupine who sent a Valentine card to a pin cushion?

Did the banana ask the prune to the Valentine dance because  it couldn’t get a date?

Did the paper clip ask the magnet to the Valentine dance because he found her very attractive?

Did the two oars go out on Valentine’s Day because they were looking for a little row-mance?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The course of true love never did run smooth.” —By William Shakespeare in A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Groundhogs and Valentines

February is a bridge between the cold dark days of January and the brighter, almost spring days of late March.  It is the shortest month of the year and might just drift by unnoticed if not for a few special days that it holds.  February has Presidents’ Day, but unless you work for the government or a bank or are shopping for mattresses or apparel Presidents Day does not have much of an impact.  The other two special days do impact all of us: Groundhog Day and Valentines Day.  The one gives us the often wrong prediction from a rodent on when winter will end and the other compels us to send cards, candy and flowers as a sign of affection.

During my freshman year in college, I visited the campus bookstore one day and came across a card that on the outside said “February is the month for Groundhogs and Valentines” on the inside was the question, “Which Do You Want to Be?” In a moment of questionable judgment, I purchased and mailed the card. I was in the midst of the quandary that countless young men and women go through – I was in college a thousand miles away from the young lady that I had dated in high school and was trying to figure out where I was going and where that relationship stood.  At the time, I found the card amusing in the snarky, sarcastic type of humor that was so ingrained in me at that point in my life.

In the many years that have passed, I realize that the card said quite a lot about the person that sent it and that I was the person that really needed to answer that question – was I a groundhog or was I a Valentine? 

I imagine that you have heard the story of St. Valentine.  At a time when the Emperor was prohibiting marriage under the premise that single men made better soldiers, St. Valentine would perform marriage ceremonies in defiance of the edict. He was eventually caught, imprisoned and tortured for performing marriage ceremonies against command of Emperor Claudius the second. He stood for love and uniting those who loved each other even at a tremendous personal cost.  On the other hand, a groundhog is a common rodent who rarely travels far from a burrow entrance.

So I have to ask myself – do I want to be someone who stands up for what is good and right even if it goes against popular or even “official” opinion or do I want to be someone who just dashes out once in awhile never wondering very far from safety?  Do I want to be someone willing to take great risk or do I want to be someone that runs from his own shadow? It has been decades since I came across that card and I am still trying to answer that question.  What about you?

 

Friday Funny February 6, 2020 Insuring A Laugh For You

Happy Friday!  Congratulations on making it through the first month of a new decade!  In your honor, I have selected some premium jokes that will insure your weekend gets off to a good start.

Enjoy!

Is it true that the high wire artist was denied insurance because of an outstanding balance?

Would a good name for an insurance salesman be Justin Case?

A man phoned to find out whether he could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted…he was assured that he would be covered.

I bought my wife a top-of-the-line, state-of -the-art multi-speed mixer but it is excluded on my homeowners policy – seems it is a was high whisk.

Someone offered me skydiving insurance. She told me,”If something goes wrong, you’ll get a big payout.” I told her, “I’m not falling for that one again.”

The other day I was talking to my insurance agent and I told him I had had an accident and broke a leg; I wasn’t sure it can be fixed.  He listened and told me that he might be able to get me $35,000 in compensation.  He said he would get the forms over to me right away.  I am pretty excited, I only paid $25 for that table.

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There was a cowboy applying for health insurance. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

“Ever have an accident?” – “Nope, nary a one.”

“None? You’ve never had any accidents.” – “Nope. Ain’t had one. Never.”

“Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”

“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

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THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” ~Will Rogers

 

Friday Funny January 31, 2020 Football Jokes for the Big Game

Happy Friday!  I hear there is a big football game this weekend, so here are a few jokes that you can break out of the huddle with.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the running back who hurt his back trying to run around his own end? 

Did you hear about the football player who ran through a screen door?  He strained himself.

Did you hear about the football team that hired a small ghost because they needed a little team spirit?

Is it true that centipedes are not allowed to play football because it takes them too long to tie their cleats?

Is it true that when football players begin to have problems with their eyesight, they become referees?

Would you call the son of an offensive lineman a chip off the old blocker?

Do centers wear hiking shoes on their feet?

When quarterbacks get too old to play do they put them put them out to pass-ture?

Did you hear about the football team that fumbled an exorcism? The guy retained possession.

If the coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game would the referee call that an ineligible retriever down field?

How did Scrooge end up with the football?  The ghost of Christmas passed.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We can’t run. We can’t pass. We can’t stop the run. We can’t stop the pass. We can’t kick. Other than that, we’re just not a very good football team right now.” ~ Bruce Coslet on the Cincinnati Bengals team he was coaching.

My Big Game Challenge

We are smack dab in the middle of the hype for the Big Game (like Valdemort only the fearless dare write the words “Super Bowl”).  I have  seen stories on the national network news  about who will sing the National Anthem; I have heard commercials for the morning shows talking about what the commercials will be during the game;  I have seen ads for how to make your Big Game party the best Big Game party ever.  It seems like everywhere you turn there is a Big Game Challenge.  Well here is my big game challenge – just say no – don’t watch it.

Call me crazy, but let’s be ultra radical, counter cultural rebels this year and just ignore the whole thing.  Let me say that I was ahead of my time on this one.  It has nothing to do with politics, I stopped watching the Super Bowl years ago.  Why?  Because this whole thing has gotten completely out of control.  This is a football game, albeit a very big championship game, but it is still a football game.  And why do people gather to watch this particular football game? Apparently  they spend a lot of money on food and invite people over to watch commercials and a half-time show that would make Milli Vanilli look good!  People spend time, effort and money to host a party to watch commercials?  And you think I’m the crazy one here??

A number of years ago, I awoke on the Sunday of the Big Game, turned on the TV BEFORE going to church and the pregame show had already started.  The game would not be starting for more than twelve hours.  That day, a little light went on for me and I decided I would never watch another Super Bowl.  I will flip to the station a time or two or check the score on the internet, but I refuse to watch the game.  (I will make an exception if the Bengals ever make it back, but hey what are the odds of that ever happening?)

Think about it, this week we will hear all the questions about the Big Game, some might even make sense; however someone will probably come up with a gem like the one that was asked Dallas running back Emmitt Smith prior to Super Bowl XXVII.  A brilliant journalist asked him, “What are you going to wear in the game Sunday?”

Admittedly many people watch the game for the commercials.  This Sunday advertisers will pay over $5 million for a thirty-second commercial.  For Super Bowl I, that same amount of money would have bought most of the time that the game aired. If any of the commercials are good, I can always watch them on You Tube.

Some people watch it for the half-time show which is supposedly one of the most watched events in the country.  Early on, the halftime featured college and high school marching bands.  Over the years the halftime show has featured Al Hirt three times, Carol Channing twice, Up With People a record four times, Michael Jackson and wardrobe malfunction sister Janet, Diana Ross, Blues Brothers and who could forget 1989 when halftime featured, Elvis Presto an Elvis impersonator AND a magician!  In 2012 three million more people watched the halftime show than watched the game!  Maybe this is not a championship football game with a halftime show; maybe it is a fifteen minute show with half a football game before and after it?  

Just for fun – here is the Up With People halftime show from Super Bowl XVI which the Bengals actually played in.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxK3qTsj_eE

Come be a rebel and join me in my quixotic quest, we can change the world one television set at a time.