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Friday Funny August 27, 2021 How Hot Is it?

Happy Friday! Although the calendar says that the end of summer is approaching, it appears that summer does not want to go anywhere, in fact it has been downright hot lately! How hot has has it been? Glad you asked!

Enjoy!

It is so hot that I saw Bengals fans taking the bags off their heads.

It is so hot that my firecrackers are lighting themselves.

It is so hot that Skyline cannot make chili dogs.

It is so hot that my shirts iron themselves.

It is so hot that I saw a chicken lay an omelet.

It is so hot that my delivery pizza was still warm when it arrived at my door.

It is so hot that my dream house is an igloo.

It is so hot they are going to install a fan in the debt ceiling.

It is so hot that Alexa asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.

It is so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.

It is so hot that I Tabasco sauce tastes mild.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Considering the way the world is, one happy day is almost a miracle.” ~Paulo Coelho

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Friday Funny August 20, 2021 Back To School

Happy Friday! It does not seem possible, but we are at the end of the summer school break and many schools are already back in session. So to kick off the new school year, here are some back to school jokes.

Enjoy!

Is it true that the freshman ate his homework because his teacher said it was a piece of cake?

I heard that the geometry book was sad because it had too many problems.

Did you hear about the young man who had a report card that was wet because it was below C level?

Would you call the leader of an AP biology gang the Nucleus?

Is it true that the moebius strip could not enroll in school because it required an orientation?

Would you call high school kids who have not been able to go to school because of Covid-19 Quaranteens?

I remember getting a B- for my high school sewing project. The teacher’s only comment was “seams reasonable.”

In high school I was voted Most Likely to Lie About Past Accomplishments.  It’s true.

In high school I was also voted “Most Secretive”.  I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.

I heard about a local high school band called 1023 Megabytes, they never made it to a gig.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Nothing is as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated on. ~Will Rogers http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny August 13, 2021 Finely Tuned Mechanic Jokes

Happy Friday! Here is wishing you an uneventful Friday the 13th! Last week we got away for a little vacation. We left in a sedan and returned in a Chevy Tahoe! Saturday morning as we were heading north from Knoxville on our way home, our car suddenly lost most of its power and the little engine line started flashing. We pulled off and discovered we were only a couple of miles from Rusty Wallace Kia. It was Saturday morning and the Service Department was open. After some diagnostics we were told the problem was that the engine was failing and we needed a new engine! Not what you really want to hear on the way home from vacation, but the folks at the dealership were very nice and got us back on the road before lunch. Not happy that there was a problem, but Kia is covering the cost of the repair and the rental. So in honor of the latest chapter of my vacation mis-adventures, here are some mechanic jokes for you.

Enjoy!

I wanted to be a mechanic when I was younger but I lacked fine motor skills.

When I went to the garage the other day, the mechanic was having snacks and coffee, I think he was on his brake.

 Is it true that auto mechanics like their toast with traffic jam?

The other day I saw car that had no tires – it was totally unwheel.

I took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise, he removed the Justin Bieber CD, and now it’s fine.

The other night I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars, I think it was an auto body experience.

I think the mechanic in my local garage has amnesia.  I took my car for an oli change and he asked me what year it was.

I like the uniform mechanics wear…overall.

I had a mechanic friend who developed an addition to brake fluid; he told me not to worry, he could stop anytime he wanted to.

Last week I was driving home and I saw my mechanic on the side of the road, crying loudly. I am not sure what happened, but it was clear he had a breakdown.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.” ~Author unknown