Category Archives: Humor

Friday Funny June 23, 2017 Ten Summer Travel Ideas for Kentucky

Happy Friday! Summer is officially here and for many that means travel and summer vacations.  If you are still searching for just the spot to spend your time this summer, here are a few spots in the Commonwealth of Kentucky that you might want to check out.

Enjoy!

Stegowagen-volkssaurus – W. Frank Steely Library at Northern Kentucky University, Highland Heights, KY.  In 1973 an art teacher at the University of Cincinnati and in 1973 recognized that the Volkswagen Beetle had the same humped shape as the body of the Stegosaurus. It then occurred to her that cars used fossil fuels (made from dinosaurs) and about how they might become extinct (like the dinosaurs). So, she took a year-long unpaid leave of absence from her job to create Stegowagenvolkssaurus, literally “shingle-covered-car-people’s-lizard.”

Vent Haven: Ventriloquist Museum – Ft. Mitchell, KY -While it might sound a bit creepy, Vent Haven (“vent” is lingo for “ventriloquist”) is housed in a private home and several small outbuildings on a pleasant, tree-shaded dead-end street in a sparkle-clean southern suburb of Cincinnati. Lisa Sweasy, the curator, is an energetic encyclopedia of ventriloquism facts and history, and she understands that one of her jobs is to be candid about dummy-phobia and to put visitors’ fears to rest.

Big Sandy Heritage Museum: Hatfield-McCoy – Pikeville, KY. The Big Sandy Heritage Museum serves two audiences: fans of the Hatfield-McCoy feud and fans of Pikeville and Pike County.  Hatfield-McCoy fans are the majority.  Just don’t get into a family feud on your visit.

The Harland Sanders Café – Corbin, KY – a historic restaurant located in  Corbin, Kentucky. Colonel Harland Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, operated the restaurant from 1940-1956. Sanders also developed the famous KFC secret recipe at the café during the 1940s. It was added to the National Register of Historic Places on August 7, 1990.   

Duncan Hines Museum, Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green, KY -Duncan Hines was, in fact, real and you can see his smiling wax dummy Duncan Hines in his kitchen. He was a native of Bowling Green. Before “Duncan Hines” became a brand of cake mixes, the man was a trusted author of restaurant and lodging recommendations. He was passionate about good food and hospitality. .

Bank Robbed by Jesse James – Russellville,KY. –  – on HWY 68 you will find the old Southern Deposit Bank Building which is now the Logan County Museum.  However, when it was a bank; it was robbed by Jesse James. Every October, during the Tobacco Festival Parade, a re-enactment of the robbery is staged on the street in front of the Museum

World’s Largest Baseball Bat – Louisville Slugger Museum World’s Largest Baseball Bat – Louisville, KY. -120 feet tall and 68,000 pounds of steel. In addition to the bat, you can also tour the factory and museum where they make baseball bats for major league players.

Florence Y’all Water Tower – Florence, KY — When the Florence Mall in Boone County was laid out in the 1960s, the first thing built was a huge water tower. Since this was visible from I-75, they decided to promote the mall by painting Florence Mall on the tower. However, someone decided that it was illegal to “advertise” the Mall on a public utility.  The cheapest and easiest solution was to change the “M” to “Y’” so “Mall” became “Y’all” a noted landmark to this day.

Monkey’s Eyebrow, KY – There are several Kentucky sites with odd names but you just can’t top Monkey’s Eyebrow, located in northern Ballard County, on Ky. Hwy. 473.

Wagersville, KY – On HWY 89 south of Irvine you can pass by (don’t blink) the remnants of Wagersville and yes, I am related to those Wagers.  After you see Wagersville you can take a hike up nearby Happy Top Mountain one of the highest points in Estill County.

Thought for the Week

Soon after, I returned home to my family, with a determination to bring them as soon as possible to live in Kentucky, which I esteemed a second paradise, at the risk of my life and fortune. ~ Daniel Boone

 

 

Friday Funny June 16, 2017 Things You Never Heard Your Father Say

Happy Friday!  This weekend we celebrate Father’s Day.  If you are fortunate to have you Dad around, be sure to let him know you appreciate him.  Growing up we heard Day say a lot of things, but here are a few words that most likely never came out of his mouth.

Enjoy!

Today’s music is so much better than when I was young.

Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on. 

I am pretty sure I am lost, let’s pull over and ask that nice lady over there for directions.

Why don’t you find out just how fast this car can go?

What do you mean you want to play football? Isn’t figure skating good enough for you, son?

I really can’t decide between oatmeal, sandalwood or barley grass for the color to paint this room.

You know I am sending you to college to have a good time, don’t let an education get in the way of that.

Leave the lights on, the electric company could use a little more of my money. 

A new comforter on this bed would make a big difference in this room.

This new pattern in the curtains is simply fabulous! Where did you get the fabric?

Midnight is a pretty early curfew.  I don’t want to see you come through that door before 2:00 AM.

I LOVE that tattoo!  It is really going to open up some great employment opportunities in the future.

You room is just too neat, you need to clutter it up a bit.

There is just way too much sports coverage on television, we need more cultural programming.

When I was growing up, we just had it way too easy!  

Thought for the Week

He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

http://www.quotegarden.com

My Most Memorable Exam

Over the course of my life, I have taken a lot of tests:  grade school tests, college tests, driving tests, certification tests.  I do not think I looked forward to taking tests, I do not think that I enjoyed taking tests and most tests that I took have been long forgotten. However, there is one test that has stuck in my mind for almost forty years.

Before I discovered the joys of accountancy, I started college as a history major at Stetson University in beautiful DeLand, Florida.  (The twenty degrees below zero temperatures during the winter of my senior year of high school in Ohio might have influenced that decision.)  At Stetson I had some very, very good history professors. Perhaps my favorite was Dr. Marc Lovelace.  Dr. Lovelace was trained as an archaeologist and had spent a lot of time in the Middle East literally digging up history.  When taking about ancient civilizations, Dr, Lovelace could almost bring them to life with his stories.

My freshman year, I had Dr. Lovelace for History of Western Civilization both semesters. The spring semester covered 1650 – present.  His tests usually consisted of a few essay questions like, “If you could be anyone during this period of time, who would you be and why?”  Some did not like this approach, but I was one of those who preferred his questions to filling in endless lists of dates and places.

When it came time for the spring final, I reviewed the material and I reviewed my notes hoping to be prepared for whatever questions he had formulated.  When it came time for the final, Dr. Lovelace walked into the classroom, he handed out the blue essay books for us to write our answers in.  Then Dr. Lovelace picked up a piece of chalk and wrote the following, “If homo sapien means thinking man, what has man been thinking since 1650 and what value is it to us today?”  Then he sat down.

One question: explain the world since 1650!  I do not remember exactly how I answered that day, but it must have been OK because my grade for the class was pretty good. However I have always remembered that test and have often told this story.  It has also occurred to me that I have never really finished that exam. Each time I recall that one question exam, it also makes me think once again about what man has been thinking, what does history really teach us?  

A test that is never finished and keeps one thinking, isn’t that what education is really about? 

Friday Funny June 9, 2017 Television Catchphrases from the 70’s

Happy Friday!  For many school is out and summer is in full swing.  This year the end of the school year also brought back memories of my high school graduation forty years ago.  There is NO way to way to write that and not feel old!  So, I thought I would celebrate the end of this school year with a little final exam.  Can you identify the television show that goes with the catchphrase? (Answers are at the bottom)

Enjoy!

1970’s Television Catchphrases- Can you name the television show?

1.  Dy-No-Mite!

2. Whachu-talkin’-bout, Willis?

3.  Nanu, Nanu

4.  Sit on it!

5.   Up your nose with a rubber hose

6.  You big dummy

7. De plane! De plane!

8. Good night, John Boy

9. Who loves you, baby?

10. Lookin’ good!

11. Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry

12. Besbol been berry, berry good to me.

Thought for the Week

Your schooling may be over, but remember that your education still continues. ~Author Unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com

Answers

1.  Good Times

2. Diff’rent Strokes

3.  Mork & Mindy

4.  Happy Days

5.   Welcome Back, Kotter

6.  Sanford & Son

7. Fantasy Island

8. The Waltons

9. Kojak

10. Chico and the Man

11. The Incredible Hulk

12. Saturday Night Live

 

Friday Funny May 26, 2017 It Is the Law in San Francisco

Happy Friday and welcome to the unofficial start of summer!  This is also a weekend to take time to reflect on the meaning of Memorial Day and those who have sacrificed so that we can enjoy the freedom we have.  I recently had the opportunity to spend some time on the west coast.  California and San Francisco might seem like another country to a guy from the Midwest.  In fact they have some unique out there.  Fortunately, I think I was able to avoid breaking some of the more unusual ordinances while in the City by the Bay.

Enjoy!

Be careful when you visit San Francisco, because:

It is unlawful to play any game of ball on any public street or highway.

It is unlawful to walk more than eight dogs at one time.

It is unlawful to transport through the public streets in open baskets or exposed containers, or vehicles or otherwise, any bread, cakes, or pastry intended for human consumption.

It is unlawful to pile horse manure higher than six feet on any street corner or carry it through the streets.

It is unlawful to walk an elephant down Market Street unless it is on a leash.

It is unlawful to sell watercress that has been grown within 1,000 feet of any sewer outlet.

It is unlawful to clean your spittoon on the street.

It is unlawful to pile lumber to higher than 35 feet.

You may only display a dead body for profit if you have valid written authorization from the deceased person.

In 1867, San Francisco was the first city in the U.S. to implement an “ugly law,” which prohibited unsightly people from showing their faces in public.  

Thought for the Week

“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.” ~ Anonymous

Friday Funny May 19, 2017 Jokes To Add To Your Repertoire

Happy Friday!  Let’s kick off the weekend with a little mathematical humor.

Enjoy!

A farmer counted 185 cows in the field; however, when he rounded them up, he had 200.

Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing a river?  It was three feet deep on average.

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?  It seems he will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Is it true that the number 288 should never be mentioned because it is just two gross?

Would you call a number that just can’t keep still a roamin’ numeral?

Did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip to get to the same side?

Was the angle denied a loan at the bank because his parents wouldn’t Cosine?

Is the first derivative of a cow prime rib? 

I heard that parallel lines actually do meet, but they are very discreet.

I had a polynomial plant, I think it died because its roots were imaginary. 

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

I was going to end with a joke about a statistician, but you have probably heard it.

Thought for the Week

“If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.” ~ John von Neumann

An Offer I Can Definitely Pass On

I am an accountant by trade and I will admit that I like a good deal.  I will buy things on sale, I will try to stretch a dollar.  However, an offer came in the mail last week that I can definitely pass on.  It was not a good deal on a car.  It was not a bargain on clothes.  It was not a coupon for a restaurant.  It was an offer to buy two cemetery plots for $995!  Yes, a buy one get one free eternal resting place.

I was mildly upset the first time I received a senior discount at McDonald’s.  I have tossed many mailings that come from AARP.  I get the mailings about retirement communities and think to myself, “that is a long way off.”  But a solicitation for grace spaces?  First of all, I don’t really see that this is an expense that I will enjoy the use of it.  

The offer states clearly at the top that this is “back by popular demand.”  Is this demand from satisfied customers?  Is the demand driven  by referrals? The letter also states that the offer is for “Pre-Need purchases only” – if you have a preexisting need for a cemetery plot, sorry you are out of luck!

However, I do have a tent in the garage.  I could make my purchase and use it as a camping spot.  I bet it is quiet, especially at night.