Monthly Archives: April 2023

Friday Funny April 21, 2023 Lawn Care Jokes

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Happy Friday! Spring is in the air and you have probably had to cut the grass at least once by now, so how about some lawn care jokes to kick off this Friday?

Enjoy!

The other day, I saw a man crying while mowing his lawn so I asked him if anything was wrong.  He said that he was just going through a rough patch.

Today I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn, he just wasn’t cutting it.

I really need to cut my grass, but I am having difficulty getting myself mow-tivated.

Last week, I called the police about a murder on my front lawn and they said that couldn’t do anything about crows on my lawn and insisted that I quit calling.

I have a chicken proof lawn, it’s impeccable.

Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.  He just sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

When I’m grilling a steak outside, the smell just makes my mouth water.  I wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

My neighbor on one side has a cow that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn moo-er.

My neighbor on the other side has a cat that helps him cut the grass, he’s a lawn-meower.

The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“April hath put a spirit of youth in everything.” ~ William Shakespeare

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Friday Funny April 14, 2023 Don’t Sweep These Jokes Under The Rug

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Happy Friday!  It is the time of year for spring cleaning, so here are some jokes I dusted off for the occasion.

Enjoy!

I really hate spring cleaning. Those silly things bounce all over the place.

I was pretty upset when my freezer stopped working, then I realized that it’s all just water under the fridge.

You never know what you have, until you clean your garage.

I recently built a car out of used and broken pieces of a washing machine. I cannot wait to take it for a spin.

I finished cleaning my bathroom mirror and I did such a good job that I ended just sitting there reflecting.

I heard that the best way to contact the spirit of a  deceased window cleaner is with a Squeegee Board.

I recently saw a movie containing mild violence about cleaning supplies, it was rated Squeegee-13.

The highlight of my week was buying a new vacuum cleaner. Things are definitely picking up.

I have a friend wo got a job at the dry cleaners, but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and he kept upsetting the customers.  His boss made him do a hanger management course.

If you are wondering if I know any laundry puns, I’ve got loads of them.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Ignorance lies not in the things you don’t know, but in the things you know that ain’t so.” ~ Will Rogers

Friday Funny April 7, 2023 Peep Jousting

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Happy Friday!  Happy Passover!  Happy Easter!  This week, instead of some jokes, I thought I would share a fun activity for the whole family.

Enjoy!

Peeps are in season! I assume that you are familiar with Peeps, the little marshmallow confection that has been around since 1953.  They were originally promoted primarily at Easter-time but you can now find them at Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day and just about any time. They come in various shapes and colors but all are basically sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, food dyes and salt.

One of the great debates of modern time is whether it is better to eat Peeps “fresh” out of the box or to slit the cellophane and wait a day, a week or a month or two for the Peeps to properly age (get stale) before eating them.  We can save that debate for another time.

This weekend, if you have some Peeps around, may a suggest some Peep Jousting? (If you do not have any you might even want to go out and obtain some for this event!)  There is really not much preparation needed for Peep Jousting.  All you need are Peeps, toothpicks, a plate and a microwave.

Take two Peeps, insert a toothpick in each Peep so that it looks like a lance, arrange the Peeps facing each other on a plate and put the plate in the microwave. Set the microwave for approximately 40 seconds and watch!  Do not walk away from the microwave or you will miss all the fun!  Now there are a few differing theories on how to determine the winner of the match: 1) the Peep whose lance touches the other Peep first wins, 2) the Peep who deflates first is the loser, or 3) the Peep that blows up first loses.  Take you pick or invent your own.  Sadly, there are no returning champions in Peep Jousting, this is a “one and done” sport.

I would not suggest eating the Peeps post-joust – they are hot, they are messy and believe or not, they lose their flavor in the combat.

So, this year, add a little Peep Jousting to liven up the afternoon.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The very first Easter taught us this: that life never ends and love never dies. ~ Kate McGahan, “Only Gone from Your Sight”