Monthly Archives: January 2018

Friday January 25, 2018 Your Weekly Dose of Humor

Happy Friday! There is a lot of “junk” going around these days.  I hope this find you well and surviving cold and flu season.  And if you are under the weather, maybe a little humor will do you some good.


Seem like the flu is everywhere this year, it is really going viral.

I went to the doctor because I thought I had the Swine Flu,.  He gave me some Oinkment.

Another time I went to the doctor because I thought I had the bird flew.  He told me not to worry about it because it is tweetable.

A friend of mine found out he has the bird flu. He thinks he was a victim of fowl plague.

I think perhaps I have the chalkboard flu because today I feel remarkable.

My doctor told me that I have the body of a twenty-year-old.  He also said that I should return it because I am stretching it completely out of shape.

My doctor told me to stop using Q-tips, but it just went in one ear and out the other.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.

I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, I will de-fib you later.

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I’m wondering… do I keep the letters?

Thought for the Week

I’ve got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. ~Larry Bird


Friday Funny January 19, 2018 Jokes to Perk Up Your Weekend

Happy Friday!  It seems like Old Man Winter has a pretty tight grip on many of us this week.  So, to warm yourself up for the weekend, grab a nice, hot cup of coffee and a little coffee related humor.


I admit that I drink a lot of coffee while I work, I guess it just part of my daily grind.

For some reason, I have trouble throwing out used coffee grounds, guess I am just a sediment-al guy.

The coffee is free where I work, it is just one of the perks.

I drink coffee at night while I work, seems like I have a latte on my mind these days.

Isn’t a pot of coffee basically brake fluid?

The other day a lady sitting next to me on the train spilled her coffee all over my shirt. I responded by showing dis-stain.

Is it true that drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems?

There are two kinds of people, there are coffee people and sad people.

Would you call sad coffee despresso?

Was the brand of coffee served on the Titanic Sanka?.

Would you call a cow that has just given birth de-calf-enated?

What’s Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee?  – Java the Hut.

How does Moses make coffee? He brews it!

Thought for the Week

“When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.” ~ anonymous


Friday Funny January 12, 2018 How Many Does It Take?

Happy Friday!  I hope 2018 is off to a good start for you.  This week I wanted to shed a little light on an age-old question.


How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? Is it one or two?  Two or one?

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?  One, but it takes them three visits. 

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Four – one to change the bulb and three to stand around and talk about how much better the old bulb was.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb has to really want to change.

How many NFL players does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it and two to dump the cooler of Gatorade over the coach to congratulate him on a successful change.

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Five, and you should’ve seen the light bulb! It must have been *this* big! Five of us were barely enough!

How many certified public accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Three.  One to change the bulb, one to review the work and one to write the report.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the   bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes nine years.

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None.  That’s a hardware problem.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They’re efficient and not very funny.

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb.? Only one but he has to wait until it is cool.

How many murder mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to put it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many Cleveland Browns fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they just talk about doing it next year with a different quarterback.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Just Juan.

How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into. 

How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb? What does it matter? It’ll just burn out again. 

How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out. 

Thought for the Week

“A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you’re at home.”  ~Author Unknown

Friday Funny January 5, 2018 Bad Dad Jokes


Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  We have closed the book on 2017 and are just beginning to turn the pages of 2018.  Here is wishing you a happy and prosperous year.!

One of my sons gave me a book of Dad Jokes for Christmas so, of course, I want to share some of my favorite ones with you.


Dad, last night I had a dream that I was a muffler.

Gee you must be exhausted.


Dad, what is the difference between a numerator and a denominator?

It is a short line and only a fraction of people understand that.


Dad, can a dog operate an MRI machine?

Nope, only catscan.


Dad, have you ever been to Prague?

No, but I have always wanted to Czeck it out.


Dad, I just cut my finger cutting the cheese.

It sounds like you have a grater problem here.


Dad, if you could have any superpower in the world what would it be?



Dad, I need you help, I think I am addicted to social media.

Sorry, I don’t follow you.


Dad, have you heard of this new restaurant called Karma?

I heard they don’ t even have a menu, you just get what you deserve.


Dad, isn’t there a team of dairy farmers in your bowling league?

Yes, their name is “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.”


Dad, Tommy called me average.

Well, that just sounds mean.


Thought for the Week

“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.” ~Fred Allen