Monthly Archives: January 2018

Friday Funny January 12, 2018 How Many Does It Take?

Happy Friday!  I hope 2018 is off to a good start for you.  This week I wanted to shed a little light on an age-old question.

Enjoy!

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? Is it one or two?  Two or one?

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?  One, but it takes them three visits. 

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Four – one to change the bulb and three to stand around and talk about how much better the old bulb was.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb has to really want to change.

How many NFL players does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it and two to dump the cooler of Gatorade over the coach to congratulate him on a successful change.

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Five, and you should’ve seen the light bulb! It must have been *this* big! Five of us were barely enough!

How many certified public accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Three.  One to change the bulb, one to review the work and one to write the report.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the   bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes nine years.

How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None.  That’s a hardware problem.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They’re efficient and not very funny.

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb.? Only one but he has to wait until it is cool.

How many murder mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to put it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many Cleveland Browns fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they just talk about doing it next year with a different quarterback.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Just Juan.

How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into. 

How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb? What does it matter? It’ll just burn out again. 

How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out. 

Thought for the Week

“A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you’re at home.”  ~Author Unknown

http://www.quotegarden.com

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Friday Funny January 5, 2018 Bad Dad Jokes

 

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  We have closed the book on 2017 and are just beginning to turn the pages of 2018.  Here is wishing you a happy and prosperous year.!

One of my sons gave me a book of Dad Jokes for Christmas so, of course, I want to share some of my favorite ones with you.

Enjoy!

Dad, last night I had a dream that I was a muffler.

Gee you must be exhausted.

 

Dad, what is the difference between a numerator and a denominator?

It is a short line and only a fraction of people understand that.

 

Dad, can a dog operate an MRI machine?

Nope, only catscan.

 

Dad, have you ever been to Prague?

No, but I have always wanted to Czeck it out.

 

Dad, I just cut my finger cutting the cheese.

It sounds like you have a grater problem here.

 

Dad, if you could have any superpower in the world what would it be?

China.

 

Dad, I need you help, I think I am addicted to social media.

Sorry, I don’t follow you.

 

Dad, have you heard of this new restaurant called Karma?

I heard they don’ t even have a menu, you just get what you deserve.

 

Dad, isn’t there a team of dairy farmers in your bowling league?

Yes, their name is “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Gutter.”

 

Dad, Tommy called me average.

Well, that just sounds mean.

 

Thought for the Week

“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.” ~Fred Allen

http://www.quotegarden.com