Tag Archives: football

Friday Funny February 11, 2022 Super Bowl Conversation Hearts

Happy Friday and Happy Super Bowl Weekend!  I have posted in prior years about my personal tradition of not watching the Super Bowl.  This year I will make the exception that I never expected to make – I will watch the Super Bowl because the Bengals are playing (I wrote that and I still do not believe it).  I will however leave the room during the halftime show unless the performance is “Up With People.”

This weekend brings the confluence of the Super Bowl and the cusp of Valentines Day so I was thinking that those conversation hears people need to take advantage of this and have Super Bowl themed conversation hearts.  I think the following would be a good start!


Who Dey!             It Is Us!

Joey B                  Joe Cool

Apple A Day         Take the Bates

Touch Down         It’s Good!

Money Mac          Catch ‘n Chase

Eye of the Tiger    Super Bowl LVI

Mix ‘n Run           Punt

Kick                      Pass

Bandwagon          Underdog

Stripes!                 Bengals

To The House       Teamwork

First Down!          D-FENCE

1ST & Goal            Off Sides!

Victory                 Holding

Tee Time              Good Boyd

Snap                     Special Teams

Huddle                 Time Out

Blitz                     Joey Franchise

Zebras                  Uz-O-Mah

Fair Catch             Free Play

Fumble                 Icing

Shot Gun              Pocket

Interception          Reception

Sack                     Scramble

Spike                    Stiff Arm

Taunting               Touchback

Illegal Shift           Rush

Weak Side            Zone


“You don’t live in Cleveland. You live in Cincinnati!” ~ Sam Wyche, Cincinnati Bengals Coach


Friday Funnies January 28, 2022 Football Funnies

Happy last Friday in January! 2022 is almost 1/12 over which is hard to believe.  What is even harder to believe is that the Cincinnati Bengals are playing in the ACF Championship this weekend.  Maybe, just maybe, the tide is turning for the franchise that has been the brunt of jokes for too long.  So let’s kick off the weekend with some football jokes.


Is it true that when football players begin to have vision problems, they become referees?

Would you call an offensive lineman’s kid a chip off the old blocker?

Should centers wear hiking shoes?

Joe Burrow tried to tell a joke to his receivers but it went over their heads.

As the Bengals were boarding the plane for Kansas City, Mike Brown went up the service desk and said, “Put me in coach!”

If you crossed Joe Burrow with a carpet would you get a throw rug?

If you do not want to catch Covid-19 try dressing up as an NFL referee because they never seem to know what a catch is.

I heard that Joe Burrow had a dream that he would be an NFL quarterback – it appears his prediction came to pass.

Is it true that centipedes are not allowed to play football teams because it takes them too long to put their cleats on?

Is it true that old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away?

This week I wanted to make the Friday Funnies about football, I guess it is my goal post.


When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less.” ~ Paul Brown

Friday Funny January 31, 2020 Football Jokes for the Big Game

Happy Friday!  I hear there is a big football game this weekend, so here are a few jokes that you can break out of the huddle with.


Did you hear about the running back who hurt his back trying to run around his own end? 

Did you hear about the football player who ran through a screen door?  He strained himself.

Did you hear about the football team that hired a small ghost because they needed a little team spirit?

Is it true that centipedes are not allowed to play football because it takes them too long to tie their cleats?

Is it true that when football players begin to have problems with their eyesight, they become referees?

Would you call the son of an offensive lineman a chip off the old blocker?

Do centers wear hiking shoes on their feet?

When quarterbacks get too old to play do they put them put them out to pass-ture?

Did you hear about the football team that fumbled an exorcism? The guy retained possession.

If the coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game would the referee call that an ineligible retriever down field?

How did Scrooge end up with the football?  The ghost of Christmas passed.


“We can’t run. We can’t pass. We can’t stop the run. We can’t stop the pass. We can’t kick. Other than that, we’re just not a very good football team right now.” ~ Bruce Coslet on the Cincinnati Bengals team he was coaching.

Friday Funny October 11, 2019 Bungals

Happy Friday!  The NFL is entering into week 6 and there are 4 teams that have yet to win their first game.  Among those is the once-again bottom dwelling Bengals.  In 1970 the Cleveland Browns traded Paul Warfield who was my favorite player and that was  the end of be being a Browns fan.  I rooted for the Bengals through thick and thin (there was a lot more thin) for forty years.  At the conclusion of the 2010 season I made what has appeared to be a wise choice and decided to just not care about the Bengals or the NFL any longer.  However, just because I do not consider myself a fan any longer, does not mean that I cannot have a laugh at the expense of the Bengals.


Q: What do the Bengals and the United States Postal Service have in common?

A: Neither one delivers on Sunday.

Q:  Why don’t they make Bengals jerseys for preschoolers?

A:  They are choking hazards.

Q:  What is the most popular pastry with the Bengals?

A: Turnovers.

Q: Why don’t former Bengals players make good trial lawyers?

A:  They have no defense.

Q: Why do the Bengals watch their game films in reverse?

A:  They gain more yards that way.

Q: How many Bengals does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to screw the bulb in and one to recover the fumble.

Q: How do the Bengals count to 10?

A: 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.

Q: Name four things that adults should stop believing in.

A:  Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the Cincinnati Bengals.

Q: Why doesn’t Andy Dalton use the phone anymore?

A: Because he can’t find the receiver.

Q: What do the Bengals and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?

A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.

Q: Why are the Bengals like a grizzly bear?

A: They both go into hibernation in the fall.

Q: What’s the difference between the Bengals and a dollar bill?

A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Bengals and possums have in common?

A: They both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: How many Bengals does it take to change a tire?

A: Only one, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.

Q: Why don’t the Bengals have a website?

A: They can’t string three “W’s” together.


“Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.” ~ George Will


My Big Game Challenge 2019

We are smack dab in the middle of the hype for the Big Game (like Valdemort only the fearless dare write the words “Super Bowl”).  I have  seen stories on the national network news  about who will sing the National Anthem; I have heard commercials for the morning shows talking about what the commercials will be during the game;  I have seen ads for how to make your Big Game party the best Big Game party ever.  It seems like everywhere you turn there is a Big Game Challenge.  Well here is my big game challenge – just say no – don’t watch it.

Call me crazy, but let’s be ultra radical, counter cultural rebels this year and just ignore the whole thing.  Let me say that I was ahead of my time on this one.  It has nothing to do with politics, I stopped watching the Super Bowl years ago.  Why?  Because this whole thing has gotten completely out of control.  This is a football game, albeit a very big championship game, but it is still a football game.  And why do people gather to watch this particular football game? Apparently  they spend a lot of money on food and invite people over to watch commercials and a half-time show that would make Milli Vanilli look good!  People spend time, effort and money to host a party to watch commercials?  And you think I’m the crazy one here??

A number of years ago, I awoke on the Sunday of the Big Game, turned on the TV BEFORE going to church and the pregame show had already started.  The game would not be starting for more than twelve hours.  That day, a little light went on for me and I decided I would never watch another Super Bowl.  I will flip to the station a time or two or check the score on the internet, but I refuse to watch the game.  (I will make an exception if the Bengals ever make it back, but hey what are the odds of that ever happening?)

Think about it, this week we will hear all the questions about the Big Game, some might even make sense; however someone will probably come up with a gem like the one that was asked Dallas running back Emmitt Smith prior to Super Bowl XXVII.  A brilliant journalist asked him, “What are you going to wear in the game Sunday?”

Admittedly many people watch the game for the commercials.  This Sunday advertisers will pay over $5 million for a thirty-second commercial.  For Super Bowl I, that same amount of money would have bought most of the time that the game aired. If any of the commercials are good, I can always watch them on You Tube.

Some people watch it for the half-time show which is supposedly one of the most watched events in the country.  Early on, the halftime featured college and high school marching bands.  Over the years the halftime show has featured Al Hirt three times, Carol Channing twice, Up With People a record four times, Michael Jackson and wardrobe malfunction sister Janet, Diana Ross, Blues Brothers and who could forget 1989 when halftime featured, Elvis Presto an Elvis impersonator AND a magician!  In 2012 three million more people watched the halftime show than watched the game!  Maybe this is not a championship football game with a halftime show; maybe it is a fifteen minute show with half a football game before and after it?  

Just for fun – here is the Up With People halftime show from Super Bowl XVI which the Bengals actually played in.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxK3qTsj_eE

Come be a rebel and join me in my quixotic quest, we can change the world one television set at a time.

Friday Funny September 9, 2016 Are You Ready for Some Football?


Happy Friday!  Summer is over, school is back in session and professional football is back for another season.  So, let’s kick off this Friday with some football jokes.


Two football fans were talking as they approached the stadium before the game…

First fan:”I wish I’d brought the piano to the stadium.”

Second fan: “That’s ridiculous, why would you bring a piano to the football game?”

First fan: “Well, that is where I left the tickets.”


Three Browns fans were talking about the sad state of their team. 

The first fan lamented… “I blame the owner; if we could sign better players, we’d be a great team.”

The second fan lamented… “I blame the players; if they made more effort, I’m sure we would score more points.”

The third fan lamented… “I blame my parents; if I had been born someplace else, I’d be rooting for a decent team.”


The Eagles are having a meeting on the eve of a game with the Browns. The coach says, “Look guys, I know the Browns are terrible, but we have to play them or else we get in trouble with the NFL.”

The quarterback chimes in, “I’ve got an idea why don’t you guys all just sleep in, stay at the hotel and relax and let me play them on my own?  They’re such a bad team it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “Brilliant Idea!” the coach says. “Let’s do that!”

On the day of the game, the team relaxes by the pool, and the coach decides to check the score. He turns on the television and the announcer says: “It’s the Eagles 7 and the Browns 0 at the end of the 1st quarter.”   The whole team cheers.

About 4:00 the coach decides to check the final score.  The announcer comes on again.   “I can’t believe this but the Browns scored on the final play of the fourth quarter and converted the two points to win 8 to 7!” “What in the world went wrong?!” screams the coach.

He quickly jumps into a cab to the stadium. He rushes in to find the QB sitting in the dressing room with his head in his hands.   “Well, what happened?” asks the coach.   The QB shakes his head. “I had it all under control,” he says.  “Everything was going according to plan, but then I got hurt in the second quarter and had to come out of the game….”

Thought for the Week

Speed, strength, and the inability to register pain immediately.  ~Reggie Williams, when asked his greatest strengths as a football player



Friday Funny February 5, 2016 Jokes for the Big Game


Happy Friday!  This is the weekend for the big game.  I had the TV on tonight and there were commercials for Super Bowl related hype Friday Night and Saturday Night leading up to the all day pregame Sunday which served to remind me why I will once again not watch the game.  If you think about it, the actual game is quite secondary to the commercials and the half-time lip syncing show.  But if you find yourself at a Super Bowl party Sunday and the game get boring and you need a football related joke.  Well, I am here for you.


Where do hungry football players play?   In the Supper Bowl.

What kind of ends do you find in libraries?  Book ends.

what’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?  One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.

Which football team cooks gourmet meals together?  The Kansas City Chefs.

Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football? The wide receiver.

What does your teacher call if you run your sentences  together and never use periods or commas?   “Illegal use of ands”

What football player has very strong legs and builds houses? A car-punter.

Why did the referee call a penalty on the car-punter?  “Roofing the passer.”

What should you put in the end zone to keep the other team away?  A scorecrow.


During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

As the defensive players huddled around the coach, he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?!”

“I did,” said the centipede.

“And who stopped the rhino?”

“Uh, that was me too,” said the centipede.

“Well what about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?”

“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede.

“So where were you all during the first half?” demanded the coach.

“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped…..”

Thought for the Week

“I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.” ~ President Gerald Ford


Friday Funny November 6, 2015 Football Funnies


Happy Friday!  We are at the midpoint of the NFL season and tonight the eyes of the NFL have been on Cincinnati for the Battle of Ohio Part I.  So, here are a few football jokes to kick off your weekend.


What does your teacher call it if you run your sentences together and never use periods or commas?           Illegal use of ands.

What football player has very strong legs and builds houses?           A car-punter.

Why did the referee call a penalty on the car-punter?     For roofing the passer.

Did you hear about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?

Where do quarterbacks go when they get old?     Out to pass-ture.

If you want to sack the Dolphins quarterback, what should you use? Your fishing tackle.

What do you call a lineman’s kids?   Chips off the old blocker.

What football player should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.

Why do coaches like punters?   Because punters always put their best foot forward.

What’s the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?  The sofa doesn’t keep asking for snacks.

Thought for the Week

“Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” — Vince Lombardi

Friday Funny January 30, 2015 FOOTBALL FUNNIES


Happy Friday and Happy Super Bowl Weekend!  In honor of the Big Game, I dusted off the classic book “Football Laughs” by Herman L. Masin which I purchased through Scholastic Books in 1972 for $0.60.  (I see this little gem is listed on ebay for $4.98 which would translate into about a 5% annual return so maybe it was a decent investment.  Sorry, the accountant in me is slipping out.)  Below are a few football jokes you can share Sunday.



“Gentlemen,” said the new head coach to his staff, “I have a suggestion for a change in our system and I’d like to hear your opinions about it.  Those opposed to the idea may signify it by saying, ‘I quit.'”


The Chicago Bears had been something of a bust and the natives were getting restless.  When a fire swept through the Bears’ office, destroying many records and play books, one of the local critics wrote: “That’s about the only way you could get the Bears to change their offense.”


The teams were tied with two minutes to play when the coach sent in his second-string quarterback with a special play.  After looking over the defense, the scrub called a play of his own.  It went for a touchdown that won the game.

After hugging the hero, the coach asked him what made him change the play.  

“It was strictly a hunch,” was the reply.  “I looked at the half back.  His number was 14.  Then I looked at the full back.  His number was 21.  So I called play 32.”

“But that adds up to 35,” said the coach.

“Maybe so,” replied the scrub. “But if I was as smart as you, we wouldn’t have won the game.”


The big tackle came running off the field.

“What’s the matter with you?” exclaimed the coach.

“The ref just threw me out of the game.”

“What for?”

“I dunno,”

The coach beckoned the official.

“What did you toss Johnson out for?”

“Because I caught him choking the opposing quarterback,” the ref said.

“Ah, you didn’t have to get so upset about it,” replied the coach. “The kid is just a practical choker.”


“Football combines the two worst things about America: it is violence punctuated by committee meetings.” ~ George Will