Happy Friday! Now that we are past Memorial Day, more people will be hitting the roads looking for some rest and relaxation. A lot of time driving can get a little boring, so here are a few suggestions to liven up that time in the car.

Enjoy!

Whenever you pass a cow, put your window down and yell “Moo!” as loud as you can.

Give a friendly wave to everyone you see. If they wave back, offer an offended and angry look.

Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, then lean back as you drive.

Whenever possible, make lizard faces at small children in the back seat of other vehicles.

Put a puppet on your driving hand and have him hold the wheel. Have the puppet talk to people you pass or while at a stop light.

Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red. The more it looks like blood, the better.

Eat cherries while you drive and spit the pits out your window.

Honk your horn at geese to see if you can get them to honk back.

Stick your head out the window and pant like a dog.

Roll down your window and yell at children reminding them to brush their teeth before going to bed.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Life is a long road on a short journey.” ~James Lendall Basford (1845–1915), Seven Seventy Seven Sensations, 1897

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Happy Friday!  Some folks believe that what you drive makes a statement about who you are: however, with some of these names I wonder what the marketing department was thinking.

Some of these are still being manufactured, some can still be found on the road and others are long gone, but the names live on.

Enjoy!

MR2 – The Toyota MR2 was a sporty little number whose production stopped in Japan in 2007.  I can hear the marketing genius, “MR some nice cars they’re making these days.”

Cappucino – Just swing by your favorite coffee shop and pick up a Suzuki Cappucino.

Thing – I think the entire marketing department at Volkswagen must have all been on vacation.

Nova – in Spanish – “no va” Translation: “Doesn’t go.”

Dodge Diplomat/Chevrolet – these were not driven by celebrities nor diplomats.

Eclipse – biggest problem is that you can never see it when there is another car parked between it and you.

Prism – what color is it?  Well that depends on how the sun hits it.

Aspire – what does it aspire to?  Being a better car perhaps?

Protégé – it has the potential to one day be a really good car.

Brat – a small ill-mannered and annoying vehicle, isn’t that just what everyone would want?

Yaris – might be a great car, but it sounds like it might be the little brother of Yoda.

Eldorado a car named after a mythical city in South America– did this car really exist or is it just a legend?

Fury  – the ideal car for road rage before we had a name for road rage.

Excel – the perfect car for accountants or anyone who likes spreadsheets.

Fusion –  maybe if you drive fast enough it liquefies or explodes.

Meteor – does it glow brighter the faster you drive it until it blows up into tiny pieces?

Gremlin – it did sort of look like it had been manufactured by a band of small mischievous gnomes.

Hornet – name a car after a pesky, stinging insect? 

Leaf – does it turn brown and blow away in the fall?

Monte Carlo – every time you turn the key, it’s a gamble.

Satellite – has a tendency to just circle the parking lot over and over again.

Probe – I won’t even touch this one

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. ~Dave Barry, “Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn”

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Happy Friday!  As we roll into the month of August here are a few car related jokes chosen especially for you.

Enjoy!

A woman is driving down a road. A man is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells “PIG!!” The man immediately leans out her window and yells “JERK!!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve he crashes into a herd of pigs in the middle of the road.

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A man needs to cross the street. But as he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and stops next to the man. The driver rolls down the window. It’s a squirrel. He says, “See, it’s not as easy as it looks.”

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A policeman pulls a car over for speeding.  He walks up to the driver’s window and asks: “Sir, do you know you were doing 110 mph in a 90 zone?”.  The man replies “Yes! I’m Sorry, but that’s because I was racing another car and lost track of the speed.”  Since he did not see any car besides that, the cop asks – “Sir, have you been drinking?”  The driver replies “A little bit of Whisky, but just because I needed something to take with the LSD I took at a party!”  The started policeman says, “LSD? Sir, I need you to step out of the car! Is there anything else I need to know? Drugs, Firearms?”  The driver adds, “Sure! There is at least 5 pounds of cocaine in my glove department and an AK-47 under my seat! But please, don’t open the trunk, or the person I just kidnapped will scape!”

The policeman cannot believe what he heard and a little afraid, he calls for his superior!

At his arrival, he tells everything to his Captain who goes to speak with the driver:

Captain: “Sir, my subordinate told me you have a kidnapped person in your trunk!” The driver opens the trunk: “As you can see, there’s no one here, but my jack and spare tire”

Captain: “What about the AK under your seat?”  The driver pulls his seat forward: “There’s no such thing here, just an umbrella!!”

Captain: “I see! And the cocaine in your glove compartment?”  Driver opens the glove compartment: “you must be kidding me! Only my registration’s there!”

Captain: “Have you been drinking or engaging in any kind of drugs?”  Driver: “Sir, I don’t smoke cigarettes, don’t drink. I’ve been in my home all night with my mom. That cop over there must be kidding you! HE told you I was drunk, took drugs, was armed and a drug dealer, and had kidnapped someone? I suppose he probably told you that I was speeding too?”

Thought for the Week

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. ~Author Unknown

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