Happy Friday! We have turned the calendar to March and that means that Spring is getting close. A sure sign of hope is that baseball’s spring training is under way in Florida and Arizona. Spring training is important for the players and fans alike. A good fan needs to be ready for the season to begin. I am here to help in your preparation. This week we will begin with a repertoire to direct towards umpires and pitchers. So just take a few minutes each morning to practice these in the mirror and you’ll be in great shape by opening day.
You couldn’t call a cab!
You drop more calls than Sprint!
You Couldn’t call hogs!
You couldn’t see the plate if your dinner was on it!
You make more bad calls than a telemarketer!
Hey ump is this your cell phone? It has three missed calls on it!
I’ve seen better calls at a square dance!
C’mon, even Stevie Wonder could see that one!
It sure sounded like a strike!
I’ve seen potatoes with better eyes!
Lenscrafter called…they’ll be ready in 30 min.
For a guy that only works 3 hours a day, you’re doing a pretty lousy job!
You call a worse game than an NFL Ref!
I’ve seen better arms on the Venus de Milo!
I’ve seen better arms on a beanbag chair!
I’ve seen a better arm on a box of baking soda!
I’ve seen better sliders at White Castle!
I’ve seen better pitchers in Kool-Aid Commercials.
I’ve seen better pitchers at a Tupperware party!
I’ve seen more heat in an EZ-bake oven!
I’ve seen more heat in a toaster!
I’ve seen better pitching in T-ball!
I’ve seen better windups on a toy!
You couldn’t save a Word file!
You couldn’t hold a lead for your dog!
You couldn’t throw rice at a wedding!
You couldn’t pitch hot biscuits to a hungry dog!
You couldn’t find a plate in a kitchen!
Bob Dylan’s got better pitch control than you!
Save us some time and just throw the ball into the gap!
Feel free to mix in a strike every once in the while!
That ball was so far outside it had a hat and coat on!
The way that ball was dancing, you know it wasn’t Southern Baptist!
FOR SPECIFIC PLAYERS
To Jason Bourgeois – Up with the proletariat, down with the Bourgeois!
To Dan Ugla – Your Ugla and your mother dresses you funny!
Thought for the Week
“Correct thinkers think that ‘baseball trivia’ is an oxymoron: nothing about baseball is trivial.” ~ George Will