Tag Archives: work

Friday Funny October 18, 2019 Sorry But That Is Not A Good Reason To Miss Work.

Happy Friday! Congratulations! You have made it through another week and the weekend is almost upon us!  Occasionally something might come up that can keep us from getting to work on time or perhaps causing us to miss the entire day.  When that happens, I hope the reason that you offer your boss is not one of those below.

Enjoy!

Sorry, but I forgot that you hired me.

Sorry, but when I looked at the Lotto numbers last night, I was sure I had won. I was going to quit today but when I double-checked again this morning, I only won $5.

Sorry, but I ate way too much last night at a party and I need a day off to let all of that food digest.

Sorry, but I think my dog is having a mental breakdown.

Sorry, but there is a large, angry dog in front of my house and I think he will attack me if I try to get to my car.

Sorry, but I thought there was a Level 1 Nice Day Emergency and that it was against the law for me to drive to work.

Sorry, but I am so upset about who got kicked off Survivor last night that I just can’t concentrate on work today.

 Sorry, but my cat unplugged my alarm clock.

Sorry, but I got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store.

Sorry, but someone glued all my doors and windows shut and I can’t get out of the house.

Sorry, but I was bitten by a goose on my way to work and need to go to the doctor.

Sorry, but I just can’t find an outfit that works with my mood today.

Sorry, but the cookies I was going to bring to work today did not turn out well and I will have to make a new batch.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say by the time you wake up you’ll feel so good, you’ll be able to start looking for a new job.” ~Jay Leno

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny January 4, 2019 I Just Started a New Job

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  I hope that 2019 is off to a good start and that this will turn out to be a great year for you.  In my world, I am starting the new year with a new job – so here is some new job humor to kick off Friday Funnies for 2019.

Enjoy!

I just started a new job shredding cheese, it’s grate.

I just started a new job at a factory that makes bells, the offer was very a-pealing.

I just started a new job as a window installer, it’s a real pane.

I just started a new job as a Cuban Dictator.  I’m Havana great time.

I just started a new job as a baker, I kneaded the dough.

I just started a new job with a recycling company, they made me an offer I could not refuse.

I just turned down a new job as an elevator repairman, it was just wrong on so many levels.

I just started a new job with a tree removal service, I am the branch manager.

I just started a new job with Fitbit, it seemed like a step in the right direction.

I just started a new job at an origami factory, things should be good as long as the factory does not fold.

Thought for the Week

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Friday Funny September 14, 2018 It’s Off to Work We Go

Happy Friday!  Congratulations on making it through another work week and to celebrate here is a little work related humor.

Enjoy!

It seems like the only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I think we have enough youth. I’ve started looking for the fountain of “Smart.”

Things really haven’t gotten worse. We’ve just improved our inter-departmental communication skills

I have found that a positive attitude may not solve all my problems, but it does annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

I think I was hired my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

I am finding that I am at that age where work is a lot less fun and fun takes a lot more work.

My boss says that I tend to intimidate people, I just stared at him until he apologized.

Is efficiency merely a highly developed form of laziness?

The farther away the future is, the better it looks..

They say that we learn from our mistakes and it seems we never run out of study material.

I feel like my job is secure because no one in their right mind would want it.

I told my wife that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”

As I get older and think back on all the people I’ve lost along the way, I realize that just maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

Thought for the Week

If you have a job without any aggravations, you don’t have a job. ~Malcolm S. Forbes

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 3, 2017 Workplace Humor

Happy Friday and Happy November!  Here is little employment humor to help you work your way through Friday.

Enjoy!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

My boss says I intimidate my co-workers; I just stared at him until he apologized.

I don’t work well under pressure… or any other circumstance.

I just hired a private investigator to find out what I do all day.

I have learned that a man can do more than he thinks he can, but he usually does less than he thinks he does.

I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can make it Tuesday or Thursday.”

I will go to work in the morning with an innocent, child-like belief today is the day people will think twice before hitting “Reply All.”

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

I updated my resume and realized it is not much more than a list of things I hope I am never asked to do again.

I filled out a job application today, it asked for three references.   I wrote, “an encyclopedia, a dictionary, and a thesaurus.”

Are claustrophobic people more productive when they are thinking outside of the box?

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory, they did let you park anywhere near the place.

I had a friend who got fired from his job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.  Apparently it was a whisk he was willing to take.

Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button.

Thought for the Week

“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” ~Stanley J. Randall

http://www.quotegarden.com