Author Archives: Leonard

Friday Funny May 2, 2025 Geography Jokes Are Where Its At!

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Happy Friday and welcome to May! How about some geography jokes to kick off the month?

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the cartographer who got kicked out of map making club because he had a bad latitude?

Did you hear about the geographer who a job at a bakery because he wanted to study the earth’s crust?

I once was dumped by a girl who was a geography major. I guess she let me know where I stood with her.

Is it true that the highest form of flattery is a plateau?

Is it true that geographers do not like to go to parties because they always feel a little out of place?

Did you know that impatient people do not like learning about longitude and latitude? Seems they absolutely hate long lines.

I find mountains have a great sense of humor, they are simply hill-areas.

I guess I need to brush up on my geography.  I purchased a my new TV and the box was marked “Built In Antenna.” I am embarrassed to say that I have no idea where Antenna is.

I admit that I am not very good at geography.  However, I know the name of one city in France, which is Nice.

The other day I heard the best geography joke.  I was going to end with it but you had to be there.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Everything has to do with geography.” ~ Judy Martz

Friday Funny April 25, 2025 Check Out These Librarian Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Hope you have had a pleasant week. How about some librarian jokes to kick off the weekend?

Enjoy!

They took the clock off the wall at my local library, it seems it tocks too much.

I heard that a librarian’s favorite vegetable is quiet peas.

It was the librarian’s birthday; I wished her many happy returns.

Did you know that librarians like to sleep between the covers?

A book fell on the librarian’s head, she only had her shelf to blame.

I have a friend who retired after a successful tenure as a librarian.  It turns out she had quite a storied career.

I went to the library and checked out a book on Stockholm Syndrome. At first, I did not like it, but by the end I thought it was great.

What did the Librarian say to the Sir Mix-a-Lot? “I like big books and I cannot lie”.

Is it true that librarians organize their parties by the Dewey Decimal System?

I enjoy telling jokes to librarians, they always get the reference.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.” – P.J. O’Rourke

Friday Funny April 18, 2025 A Basket Full of Bunny Jokes

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Happy Friday! Happy Easter!  Happy Passover!  Wishing you all the best on this special weekend.

Enjoy!

I heard that when an Easter Chick bakes a cake, she does it from scratch.

I heard that the reason that rabbits do not live very long is because they are on burrowed time.

Would you call a line of rabbits walking backward a receding hare-line?

I heard about a bunny rabbit who changed jobs for better celery.

Is it true that the Easter Bunny’s favorite restaurant is IHOP?

Did you hear about the Easter Egg that hid because it was a little chicken?

Once you eat all your chocolate candy in you Easter Basket, be sure to give Peeps a chance.

How does an Easter chick dress for Sunday? Im-peck-ably.

Did you hear about the time the Easter Bunny acted up at school and got Egg-spelled?

Did you know that you need license to hunt Easter eggs?  That is correct, there is no poaching allowed.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Easter can be the highlight of the year. Better than Christmas. Bigger than a birthday. And about so much more than just chocolate.” ~ Ed Drew

Friday Funny April 11, 2025 A Bakers’ Dozen of Random Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Here is a serving of random jokes to kick off your Friday.

Enjoy!

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.  One asks the other, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

I made a playlist to take me when I go hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. It’s my trail mix.

I recently went to a concert to hear a band by the name of Duvet. They’re a cover band.

Is it true that Noah kept his bees in the Ark Hives?

Is it true that the leading cause of dry skin is towels?

I bought one of my sons an elephant for his room. He said, “Thank you.” I said, “Don’t mention it.”

The other day I was wondering why there so many different kinds of pasta. The I thought “If I just had a penne for every time I asked myself this question.”

Would you call a magician who lost their magic Ian?

Would you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz, Cheese Was?

Would you call birds who stick together vel-crows?

I am considering having a chip implanted in my body but I cannot decide between cool ranch or barbeque.

I decided to take took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.

I heard that the reason why cow-milking stools only have three legs is because the cow’s got the udder.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Deep and simple are far, far more important than shallow and complicated and fancy. “ ~ Fred Rogers

Friday Funny April 4, 2025 An April Shower of Jokes

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Happy Friday!  It is spring and it is April and that means April showers and, it seems, lots and lots of them.  Let’s not let the weather dampen our spirits.  Here are some rain jokes to bring a little sunshine to your day.

Enjoy!

What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road? “Grate.”

Would you call dangerous precipitation a rain of terror?

Would you call baby owl left out in the rain a was a moist owlet?

Would you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain a driplodocus?

Is the best way to wash a waterproof rain jacket to dry clean it?

If it was raining salad dressing, would that be a to-RANCH-al downfall?

I remember being in a softball tournament that was canceled because of heavy rain.  We all received a precipitation trophy.

Raindrop pick-up line: “Water you doing tonight?”

Did you know that rain clouds don’t have a sense of humor?  They take everything too cirrus-ly.

You can tell if your cat likes stormy weather if when it rains, it purrs.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” ~ Dolly Parton

Friday Funny March 28, 2025 Play Ball! Heckles for Batters

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Happy Friday!  Winter is behind us and spring is here and spring means it is baseball season!  Opening Day was today, so to get you in the swing of things, here are some heckle lines you can break out next time you go to a game.  But, please don’t use these at your child’s little league game.

Enjoy!

You’ve got fewer hits than Vanilla Ice!

You’ve got fewer hits than an Amish website!

I’ve seen better swings at the playground!

I’ve seen better cuts at the deli!

I’ve seen better cuts on a Bee-Gee’s album!

In your case DH stands for Doesn’t Hit!

Hey, Mendoza called. He wants his line back!

This guy hasn’t driven anybody home since the senior prom!

I saw better bats at Mammoth Cave!

That was a Linda Ronstadt pitch – it Blue Bayou!

This guy couldn’t hit a shift key!

This guy swings like a rusty gate!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging.” ~ Hank Aaron

Friday Funny March 21, 2025 Spring Is In The Air!

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Happy Friday! Happy Spring! Congratulations on surviving another winter!  With spring in the air and plants coming back to life, it seemed like a good time to resurrect these spring jokes.

Enjoy!

This spring I have decided to get serious about gardening.  But there is a bit of a mystery.  Every time I go out to my flower beds it looks like someone has dumped additional soil on them. I am clueless as to who is doing this; the plot thickens.

I am hoping that this year I can grow as much green stuff in my garden as I do in my refrigerator. 

Since I am relatively new to gardening, I have accepted the fact that I will most likely be learning by trowel and error. 

When I went to the garage looking for my light, spring jacket I discovered that I had left a packet of seeds in one of my pockets. Now I have a Chia jacket!

I went to Lowe’s to buy some gardening supplies.  At first I found the gardening section to be a hosta environment.  But then I saw Michael J. Fox!  I am pretty sure it was him, he had his back to the fuchsias.

I did purchase a couple of fruit trees and to help me get started they even threw in some insects to aid with pollination. They were free bees.

On my way out I ran into a research assistant who had not been able to do any plant experiments, it appears that he hadn’t botany.

However, I do have a fear of roses.  I realize, for a gardener, this is a thorny issue. I’m not sure what it stems from, but it seems that I am stuck with it.

Did you know that in  some conifer forests, you can’t cedar wood for the trees?

Thought for the Week

“In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.” ~ Mark Twain

Friday Funny March 14, 2025 Happy St. Patrick’s Day

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Happy Friday!  With St. Patrick’s Day almost upon us, it seems appropriate to provide a few St. Patrick’s Day related jokes to kick off the weekend.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the leprechaun who put lepre-coins in the vending machine?

Is it true that leprechauns love to garden because they have green thumbs?

Did you know that leprechauns work out by pushing their luck?

Is it true that leprechauns prefer to post their selfies on Insta-sham?

Did you hear about the leprechaun that opened a store? He’s a small business owner now.

If you crossed a leprechaun with a yellow vegetable, would you get a lepre-corn?

Are the best athletic shoes to wear on St. Patrick’s Day Lepre-converse?

Would you call an Irishman who is bouncing off the walls Rick O’Shay?

Would you call a leprechaun’s vacation home a lepre-condo?

I’m not going to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, but plan on wearing blue pants and a yellow shirt, isn’t that pretty much the same thing?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A good friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.” ~ Irish proverb

Friday Funny February 28, 2025 Are These Jokes Boring?

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Happy Friday!  We have come to the end of February,  I hope 2025 has not been boring for you so far.

Enjoy!

A lot of people think camping is boring, I say it’s in tents.

A lot of people think frogs are boring, I say they are ribbiting.

A lot of people think owls are boring, I say they are a hoot.

A lot of people think whiteboards are boring, I say they are remarkable.

I find anesthesiology jokes boring, they always put me to sleep.

I find history is a boring subject, you never learn anything new.

My dog is a pretty boring storyteller, he only has one tail.

Yesterday I saw a pretty boring hypnotist, I can’t even remember a single thing.

You know that you’re a really boring person when someone steals your identity and then tries to give it back.

I find most math puns to be boring: algebra puns are too linear, arithmetic puns are too basic, trigonometry puns are too graphic, calculus puns are all derivatives. Only the statistic puns are the occasional outlier.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Few of us write great novels; all of us live them.”  ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Friday Funny February 21, 2025 Soup-er Jokes to Warm You Up.

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Happy Friday!  It has been rather chilly in my world this week and nothing warms you up like a nice bowl of soup.  Here are some soup-er jokes for you.

Enjoy!

If you are rich in soup stick, would that make you a Bouillon-aire?

I once saw a soup that looked so delicious that it took my broth away.

Did you hear about the soup that was sent to detention for miso-behaving?

Did you that tomato and potato soup are related to each other? They are broth-ers.

When I get too excited about soup, I need to be reminded to simmer down.

I am sure you have had alphabet soup, but have you tried Times New Ramen?

A really good soup can give you a new leek on life.

Udon even know how much I love soup.

Lentil you try this, you won’t know what you’re missing.

I won-ton know how someone cannot like soup.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel

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