Category Archives: Dad Jokes

Friday Funny July 31, 2026 Television Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Summer is rolling right along as we are at the last day of July.  This week, a dose of television jokes just for you.

Enjoy!

I saw an ad for a job changing the channel and volume on someone’s tv – must be able to work remote.

Is it true that they say television is a medium, because anything well done is rare?

Why is it called a television “set” if you only get one?

I saw a posting on Facebook Marketplace that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, “I can’t turn that down.”

I was going to watch the Origami world cup on TV. But it is only available on pay-per view.

Last night my wife and I binge watched the first season of our favorite TV series back-to-back. Fortunately, I was the one facing the TV

I saw an ad for a program about the history of perfume, it will air on Chanel Number 5.

I read about a new reality series about interstate road construction workers, it will be called “Game of Cones.”

I read that they are going to ban streaming services in Russia – it is referred to as Nyetflix.

I was going to make a joke about my tv controller, but it wasn’t even remotely funny.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” ~ Groucho Marx

Friday Funny July 17, 2026 Deep Thoughts for Friday

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Happy Friday! Every once in a while, it is good to pause, take a deep breath and ponder some deep thoughts.

Enjoy!

To me, it’s always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Either you like bacon or you are wrong.

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole.

If I don’t love something, is it still OK to set it free?

Just because I wear a sandwich board doesn’t make me some kind of hero.

For me, failure is not an option. It comes standard with everything I do.

I put out some Rat-B-Gon, but it doesn’t work. Not only isn’t the rat gone, it hasn’t
even moved for the last two days.

I have CDO. It’s like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

There are two kinds of people: those that can count and those that can’t.

Remember Clones are people two.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

If it’s true that we are here to help ‘others’—then what exactly are the ‘others’ here for?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

If a cow laughs hard enough, would milk come out her nose?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

So what’s the speed of dark?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

A day without sunshine is like – Night.

On the other hand – you have different fingers

97.2 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

The early bird may get the worm – but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

Don’t miss the donut by looking through the hole. ~Author Unknown

Friday Funny July 10, 2026 Jokes for Friday

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Happy Friday!  As we wrap up another week, let’s have some Friday laughs!

Enjoy!

If you don’t people like jokes about Friday, would that mean your sense of humor is week?

Why didn’t the pancake chef realize it was Friday?  It crêpe’d up on him.

On Casual Fridays do biologists wear genes to work?

Did you hear about the candle who did not show up for work on Friday because he was burned out?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the doughnut factory because he was tired of the hole thing?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the shoe factory because it wasn’t a good fit?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the pencil factory because it was pointless?

Did you hear about the guy who did not show up for work on Friday at the sausage factory because it was the wurst job he ever had?

I like jokes about stationery, but rulers are where I draw the line.

Here is some advice: never get into a fight with Tryptophan. It’s amino acid.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.” ~  Albert Einstein

Friday Funny June12, 2026 Gardening Jokes

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Happy Friday! The days are warm and long, flowers are blooming and gardens are growing!  Seems like a good time for some gardening jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the flower who could not ride her bike because she lost her petals?

Did you know that gardeners make good DJs because they really know how to drop the beet?

Did you hear about gardener who got rich quickly by running a huge pansy scheme?

Did you know that plants hate math because it gives them square roots?

If worms started taking over the world, would that be considered Global Worming?

I am writing a novel about a guy who had a small garden, it does not have much of a plot.

I purchased a new weed whacker; it is the latest in cutting-hedge technology.

My neighbor dug a hole in his garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

I decided to put an electric fence around my garden. My neighbor is dead set against it.

There are two birds in my garden who are stuck together. They must be vel-crows.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Every flower that ever bloomed had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there.” ~ Unknown

Friday Funny May 29, 2026 More Car Jokes

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Happy Friday!  As we enter into the summer vacation season, it seems like a good trip to dust off some car jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the car that was always tired because it never took any brakes?

With self-driving vehicles becoming more common, it is only a matter of time before there is a hit country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.

I was having a lot of trouble figuring out how to fasten my seatbelt, then it clicked.

I read a story about a woman who gave birth to a boy in her car on our way to the hospital, she named him Carson.

I have been building a car from old washing machine parts.  I can’t wait to take it for a spin.

I have been looking for a book on how to fix my automatic transmission, but the library only has manuals.

It may not be safe for me to be drive my car these days; but, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

I took my car in for a service this week, my pastor was not impressed

If you got hit by a guitar truck, would that be a fender-bender?

Did you know that there is a car featured in the new Star Wars movie?  It is a Mazda-lorian.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?” ~ Steven Wright

Friday Funny May 22, 2026 Jokes for Summer

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Happy Friday!  We have reached Memorial Day Weekend and the unofficial start of summer.  Amid the barbecues and picnics and pool parties this weekend, be sure to take time to reflect on the meaning of Memorial Day and the cost that many have paid so that we can have our freedom.

With summer upon us, let’s kick off the weekend with some summer jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you know that seashells stay clean by washing up on the beach?

Did you know that summer camp is hard for some people because it tends to be in tents?

Did you hear about watchmaker who went on vacation to unwind?

Did you hear about the professor who carefully waded into the pool because she wanted to test the water?

Did you know that ghosts go to the beach because they love to boo-gie board?

If you throw all your books into the ocean, would you get a title wave?

If cows stay out and get too much sun, would they give evaporated milk?

Would you call a crustacean that just lies on the beach all day a slobster?

I read about a sandwich maker who went to a summer camp to learn about condiments, it was a Mayo Clinic.

I read about a hipster who wore flannel in the summer because he wanted to wear it before it was cool.

I applied for a job at a sunscreen company.  They rejected me, but I think I will reapply.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten.” ~ Woodrow Wilson

Friday Funny May 15, 2026 Fill Up With These Gas Jokes

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Happy Friday! We are all dealing with higher gas prices these days, so we might as well get a laugh out of it.

Enjoy!

To fuel or not to fuel, that is the question.

Did you hear about the art thief whose van run out of gas when he tried to drive away from the museum?  It seems he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

These gas prices have me feeling sick.  I think I might have a case of the car-owner-virus

It is not often that I brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station.

Today I needed to pick up paper, pens, and envelopes from the store, but since the price of gas is so high, I rode my stationery bike.

I went into a Speedway gas station this morning and asked for $3 worth of gas.  The clerk handed me a bean burrito.

Apparently, I have been banned from the gas station for playing ‘The Who’ too loudly on my car stereo.  It seems I won’t get fueled again.

I thought I was saving money by purchasing my gas at a self-service station.  It turns out, I was only fueling myself.

While I was at the gas station, I thought about buying a salad.  There were two choices: regular or unlettuced.

I thought about posting every gas pun I could find but I decided that would be very fuelish.  Tank goodness I didn’t post them all.

Last week I came up with a joke about inflation. It’s not as funny today

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” ~  Edward Abbey

Friday Funny May 1, 2026 I Have Reached The Age…

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Happy Friday! Time flies, we are already a third of the way through 2026.  As time moves faster and faster I realize that I am not as young as I used to be, in fact I have reached the age that….

Enjoy!

I have reached the age that I have started to spot gray hair – on my children.

I have reached the age where work is a lot of fun, and fun is a lot of work.

I have reached the age that I have looked for large print alphabet soup.

I have reached the age where I wonder how I can be over the hill when I don’t even remember being on top of it.

I have reached the age that I have been there and done that, but don’t remember what that was.

I have reached that age that people tell me how good I look for my age.

I have reached the age where I am a lot like a library. I have a lot of knowledge, but no one seems interested in checking it out.

I have reached the age where I do not argue, I just explain why I’m right and I have a lifetime of experience to back me up.

I have reached the age where I can’t decide if I have more patience or if I just don’t care anymore.

I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.” ~ Will Rogers

Friday Funny April 24, 2026 Jokes That Have Gone To The Dogs

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Happy Friday!  How about some dog jokes to kick off your weekend?

Enjoy!

I have figured out how to stop my dog from digging up the garden.  I confiscated his shovel.

I tried using spot remover on my dog. He disappeared. He kept pressing the paws button.

My dog’s not fat. He’s just a little husky.

My dog never throws anything away, I think she is a hoarder collie.

Did you know that dogs float because they’re good buoys?

I tried to find some jokes about Corgis, but they were all really short.

If you crossed a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a Rooster, would you get Cockerpoodlepoo?

If you crossed a Collie with a Labrador retriever and a Dalmatian, would you get a collaboration?

The other day I spotted an albino dalmatian, seemed like the least I could do for it.

The difference between a man and a dog is that a man wears a suit, but a dog just pants.

 THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Be the person your dog thinks you are.” ~ C.J. Frick

Friday Funny April 17, 2026 Some Eggscelent Chicken Jokes

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Happy Friday!  Here are some chicken jokes just for you and you do not have to cross the road to read them.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the negative rooster who would said, “Cock a doodle don’t”?

Did you hear about the chicken who liked to tell jokes?  She was a real real comedi-hen.

Did you hear about the chicken who went to the gym to work on its pecks?

Did you hear about the chicken who couldn’t find her eggs because she mislaid them?

Did you hear about the old chicken who refused to go to KFC because it wasn’t on her bucket list?

If you crossed an elephant and a chicken would you get a peckyderm?

Is it true that a chicken’s greatest fear is a Zoombie Apeckalypse?

Is it true that a chicken’s favorite dessert is coop-cakes?

If you see a very well dressed chicken, would you say she looked impeccable?

I hope that chickens read my blog and don’t think it is just Cluckbait.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Regard it just as desirable to build a chicken house as it is to build a cathedral.” ~ Frank Lloyd Wright