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What In The World Is Wassailing?

There are some songs that pop up on the radio this time of year that I have heard my entire life and that I have absolutely no idea what the song is about.  One, for instance, is “The Wassail Song.”  To start with I had no idea what “wassail” is.  According to the dictionary there are three  meanings of wassail: 1) an early English toast to someone’s health (OK); 2) a hot drink that is made with wine, beer, or cider, spices, sugar, and usually baked apples and is traditionally served in a large bowl especially at Christmastime (yet the song says it is the neighborhood children who are out wassailing), and 3) riotous drinking or revelry (see comment on 2) above).

There was also an ancient rite of wassailing trees that was known in parts of England.  According to one of these traditions, the men of the village would go out into the orchards carrying the wassail bowl (see 2) above), to alternately serenade and “browbeat” the apple trees. There were songs, dances and libations (for tree and man alike) until finally, in frustration, the trees would be threatened with the axe if they did not produce well in the coming year.

So, in essence a song about underage drinking and threatening violence against trees which are, by the way, the “kindest things I know, they do no harm, they simply grow.”  Below are the complete lyrics for “The Wassail Song”  I think next time it pops up on the radio, instead of singing along, I will change the station…..

Here we come a-wassailing
Among the leaves so green;
Here we come a-wand’ring
So fair to be seen.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

Our wassail cup is made
Of the rosemary tree,
And so is your beer
Of the best barley.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

We are not daily beggars
That beg from door to door;
But we are neighbours’ children,
Whom you have seen before.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

Call up the butler of this house,
Put on his golden ring.
Let him bring us up a glass of beer,
And better we shall sing.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

We have got a little purse
Of stretching leather skin;
We want a little of your money
To line it well within.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

Bring us out a table
And spread it with a cloth;
Bring us out a mouldy cheese,
And some of your Christmas loaf.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

God bless the master of this house
Likewise the mistress too,
And all the little children
That round the table go.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

Good master and good mistress,
While you’re sitting by the fire,
Pray think of us poor children
Who are wandering in the mire.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail too;
And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year
And God send you a Happy New Year.

Friday Funny December 10, 2021 Christmas Shopping Jokes

Happy Friday! The holiday season is in full swing, so to get you pumped up for shopping, here are some Christmas shopping jokes wrapped up just for you.

Enjoy!

Here is a tip on how to save a lot of money on Christmas shopping – simply express your political views on Facebook.

The other day I told my Mom that Amazon is the best place for Christmas shopping.  This morning she called me from Brazil.

I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, “Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger dolls?” He said, “Aisle B, back.”

My wife said to me that if I got her one more stupid gift this Christmas, she would burn it.  So, I bought her a candle.

I was Christmas shopping for my granddaughter so I asked what she was liked and my wife told me she likes “anything Frozen”. So, I got her some popsicles and some pizza rolls.

Is it true that Captain Nemo does not get any Christmas presents because he is always on the Nautilus?

I just bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas.  It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

The only Christmas gift I got two years ago was a deck of sticky playing cards. I found that very hard to deal with.

The sweater my wife got me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity.  I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one free of charge.

Last Christmas, my wife bought me new beads for my abacus. It is the little things that count.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves.” ~Eric Severeid

Friday Funny December 3, 2021 Year-End Financial Jokes

Happy Friday!  Happy December!  It is hard to believe that we are in the last month of 2021.  Besides the Holidays, December is also a time to review finances or at least a few financial jokes.

Enjoy!

Does Santa’s accountant have to value his sleigh at Net Present Value?

My financial advisor asked me “What’s your net worth?”  I said “I don’t own a net.”

My financial adviser is so bad…when I went into her office and asked her to check my balance, she tried to push me over.

Financial studies can be difficult.  Many people lose interest.

Never take financial advice from a chef – they like to whisk too much.

Is it true that the root cause of the financial system collapse in ancient Egypt was pyramid schemes?

It was very difficult to make a living as a composer in the 17th and 18th centuries – music was going through the Baroque era.

I visited a monastery and asked who handled the financial affairs – I was told “That’s nun of your business.”

I heard that in a cost cutting effort some banks are using trained insects to adjust customers’ balances – they’re the account ants

You know you are in bad shape when a hacker gets into your financials and he sets up   a go fund me for you.’

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. ~ Frank Hubbard

Friday Funny November 19, 2021 Thanksgiving Puns

Happy Friday! Next week is Thanksgiving, so let me wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving Day and just in case you are in need of a few puns to have ready to share around the table, I am here to help.

Enjoy!

On Thanksgiving, I’m both grateful and gravy-ful.

This Thanksgiving, may your heart be as full as your plate.

Thanksgiving is totally my jam.

Thanksgiving, a day that really is much ado about stuffing.

Life just does not get any butter than this.

You know that I only have pies for you.

I have a crust on you.

Stuffing compares to you.

Let’s give ’em pumpkin’ to talk about.

Let’s get the gourd times rolling.

You know I’m all about that baste.

You think I’m done? Honey, you just ain’t seen stuffing yet.

Green bean casserole, pecan pie, sweet potatoes – when it’s Thanksgiving, there’s always more than just one side to the story.

Did you find this turkey recipe on Google, Google?

Stop, drop, and pass the rolls.

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I said I couldn’t quit cold turkey.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein

Friday Funny October 22, 2021 More Random Thoughts

Happy Friday! Let me wish you a wonderful weekend and leave you with a few items to ponder.

Enjoy!

The other day, I was a witness to a ship wreck, all I could do was watch and let it sink in.

I gave my hermit crab a cell phone, now all he does is take shellfies.

I have a friend who is a claustrophobic astronaut, poor guy really needs some space.

Last week I witnessed an attempted murder, fortunately only one crow showed up.

It used to be that cosmetic surgery was a taboo subject, but now when you talk about Botox no one even raises an eyebrow.

Would hillbillies drink from hiccups?

When two snails fight do they slug it out?

If you have a can opener that doesn’t work any longer would that make it a can’t opener?

If you tell a “dad joke” but you are not a dad would that make you a faux pa?

I have a friend who like to photograph salmon in different clothing. Seems he likes shooting fish in apparel.

I watched hockey before it was cool, it was a lot like water polo.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson

Friday Funny August 13, 2021 Finely Tuned Mechanic Jokes

Happy Friday! Here is wishing you an uneventful Friday the 13th! Last week we got away for a little vacation. We left in a sedan and returned in a Chevy Tahoe! Saturday morning as we were heading north from Knoxville on our way home, our car suddenly lost most of its power and the little engine line started flashing. We pulled off and discovered we were only a couple of miles from Rusty Wallace Kia. It was Saturday morning and the Service Department was open. After some diagnostics we were told the problem was that the engine was failing and we needed a new engine! Not what you really want to hear on the way home from vacation, but the folks at the dealership were very nice and got us back on the road before lunch. Not happy that there was a problem, but Kia is covering the cost of the repair and the rental. So in honor of the latest chapter of my vacation mis-adventures, here are some mechanic jokes for you.

Enjoy!

I wanted to be a mechanic when I was younger but I lacked fine motor skills.

When I went to the garage the other day, the mechanic was having snacks and coffee, I think he was on his brake.

 Is it true that auto mechanics like their toast with traffic jam?

The other day I saw car that had no tires – it was totally unwheel.

I took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise, he removed the Justin Bieber CD, and now it’s fine.

The other night I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars, I think it was an auto body experience.

I think the mechanic in my local garage has amnesia.  I took my car for an oli change and he asked me what year it was.

I like the uniform mechanics wear…overall.

I had a mechanic friend who developed an addition to brake fluid; he told me not to worry, he could stop anytime he wanted to.

Last week I was driving home and I saw my mechanic on the side of the road, crying loudly. I am not sure what happened, but it was clear he had a breakdown.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.” ~Author unknown

Friday Funny July 16, 2021 Milking Cow Puns

Happy Friday! When was the last time you came across some cow puns? Well I am glad you asked!

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the cow that had a knack for magic tricks?  She was a regular Moo-dini.

It is useless to tell anything to a cow, it just goes in one ear and out the udder.

Is it true that cows have hooves instead of feet because they lactose?

Did you hear about the cow who went to her therapist because she felt that she was seen, but not herd?

Is it true that cows make great dancers because they have all the best moooves?

Would you call a cow who’s just given birth de-calfinated?

Would you call a cow who wanted to be a knight Sir Loin?

Is it true that the cow crossed the road to get to the udder side?

Is it true that cows do not have any money because farmers keep draining them dry?

If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I could dance with you until the cows come home.  On second thought I’d rather dance with the cows until you come home.” ~ Groucho Marx

Friday Funny July 9, 2021 A Double Dip of Ice Cream Jokes

Happy Friday! Summer is in full swing and that means warm weather and warm weather needs ice cream! I admit I have a weakness for ice cream that goes back to visiting and working at Sherer’s Ice Cream growing up. So let’s kick off this weekend with a generous serving of ice cream humor.

Enjoy!

Is it true that a Jedi’s favorite flavor of ice cream is Obi-Wan Spumoni?

Is it true that a geologist’s favorite flavor of ice cream is Rock erode?

Is it true that ice cream cones make good journalists because they always get the scoop?

Is it true that ice cream cones are bad at tennis because they have a soft serve?

I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop but I turned it down because I don’t like working on sundaes.

Did you hear about the ice cream man with the broken freezer?  He had a liquidation sale.

Did you hear about the anarchist ice cream maker who simply wanted to watch the world churn?

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.  He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.

I have a friend who discovered he had purchased way too much ice cream – he had Breyer’s remorse.

I heard that they passed a law banning ice cream.  Fortunately, they went to court and it was ruled un-cone-stitutional!

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.” ~ Thornton Wilder

Friday Funny July 2, 2021 Jokes for July 4th

Happy Friday and Happy 4th of July! Take some time this weekend to reflect on the significance of what those 56 signors put into motion almost 250 years ago. Here are a few jokes to kick off your holiday weekend.

Enjoy!

Is it true that if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog you would get a Yankee Poodle?

Is it true that the most popular dance in 1776 was The Indepen-dance?

Is it true that General Washington’s favorite tree was the infan-tree?

Did you know that the reason why there are not any knock-knock jokes about America is because Freedom rings?

Did you know that the tea of preference for the Colonists was Liber-tea?

Is it true that the biggest prankster in George Washington’s army was Laugh-ayette?

Did you know that the Colonists who told the most jokes were Pun-sylvanians?

It seems like there are not many things built in the USA anymore, I just purchased a new TV, the box stated “Built in Antennae” and I do not have any idea where that is!

I heard that the most logical building in the USA is the Philadelphia Mint, that makes a lot of cents.

If you crossed Captain America with the Incredible Hulk would you get The Star-Spangled Banner?

What did one flag say to the other flag on July 4th? Nothing. It just waved.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

American patriotism, even on the Fourth of July, should be known more by its works than by its fireworks. ~”Poor Richard Junior’s Philosophy,” The Saturday Evening Post, 1904, George Horace Lorimer, editor

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Friday Funny May 14, 2021 A Few Words of Advice

“I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused” ~ George Washington Harris

Happy Friday! Just to let you know this blog is not all just fun and games, let me offer up some words of advice this week.

Enjoy!

“If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.” ~ Alfred E. Neuman

“The one prediction that never comes true is, ‘You’ll thank me for telling you this.’ “ Judith Martin

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”~ Erica Jong

“If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don’t need advice.” ~ Van Roy’s Truism

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers

“Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein

“I always advise people never to give advice.” ~ P.G. Wodehouse

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.” ~ Proverbs 19:20