Category Archives: Uncategorized

Friday Funny November 16, 2018 Rindercella

Happy Friday! Seems like Old Man Winter is itching to get going this year.

I heard today of the passing of Roy Clark.  I will admit that I watched Hee-Haw, in fact I watched it a lot which may explain several things.  But anyway, it brought to mind all the jokes and skits I saw on Hee-Haw.  One of my favorite that I have always remembered was Archie Campbell’s spoonerism of Cinderella that also featured Roy Clark.  So here is the script of Rindercella as well as a link to watch the Hee-Haw clip.

Enjoy and don’t forget to slop your dripper!

Archie Campbell with Roy Clark on HeeHawhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FcUc2Tk0GQ&t=49

Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a geautiful birl and her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and two sad bisters. Also in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsome hince.

Now this prandsome hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he invited the people from riles amound, especially the pich reople.

Now Rindercella’s mugly other and her two sad blisters, they went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall. But Rindercella couldn’t go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags.
So, finally the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn’t go, so she just cat down and shried. And she was kitten there shrien, when all at once there appeared before her, her gairy mudfather. And he touched her with his wagic mand … and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorses to take her to the bancy fall. But he said, “Now, Rindercella, you be sure and be home before nidmight, or I’ll purn you into a tumpkin!”

When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, this prandsome hince met her at the door because he had been watchin’ all this time behind a wooden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsome hince nanced all dight. And they lell in fove. And all at once, the mid clock struck night. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!

So, the next day this prandsome hince went all over this coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella’s house. Well, he tried it on her mugly other and it fidn’t dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters and it fidn’t dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!

So they got married and lived heverly after hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you go to a bancy fall and you want to have a pransome hince loll in fove with you, don’t forget to slop your dripper!

Thought for the Week

The drifting clouds are dark and drear,
The blossoms die of cold and fear,
The wild wind mourns the fading year,
And winter threatens near.
~Elizabeth Chase Akers Allen (1832–1911), “November,” c.1864

http://www.quotegarden.com

What’s the Price of Cheap Honey?

Married with Bees

People love to ask questions when they find out that we started keeping bees.  One of the most common questions is, “When will you start selling honey?”  That question is usually followed by the comment, “Local honey is really expensive.  You can make a lot of money.”  In our part of the Midwest, local honey sells for anywhere between $8 and $12 for a 1 pound bottle, and those prices are typically set by hobby beekeepers who sell mostly at places like farmers markets.  If you read my previous blog post, you will know that hobby beekeepers aren’t getting rich on their honey.  The question that people should be asking is, “Why is the grocery store honey so cheap?”  The answer to that question will probably shock you.  

View original post 884 more words

Friday Funny September 21, 2018 Random Funnies

 

Happy Friday and Welcome to Fall!   Here are a few random jokes to kick off the weekend.

Enjoy! 

Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone?  Because he could not find the Droid he was looking for.

The other day, I bought what has to be the  world’s worst thesaurus.  Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

I made a chicken salad today; unfortunately she wouldn’t eat any of it..

What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into another tectonic plate?  Sorry, my fault

I bought one of those travelling irons yesterday and when I woke up this morning and it was gone.

My friends accused me of being tight-fisted, so to prove them wrong I bought them a cup of coffee.  As it turns out they each wanted one.

When I was little my Mom used to feed me alphabet soup all the time.  She told people I loved it but she was just putting words in my mouth.

I was going to buy a grenade today but things quickly went awry when the cashier asked me for my PIN.

When I was a kid, I could put air in my bike for free.  Now it’s $1.50! I asked the guy at the gas station attendant why.  He said, “Inflation.”

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink but no one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they finally got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theater.

Thought for the Week

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. ~Abraham Lincoln

http://www.quotegarden.com

 

Friday Funny March 23, 2018 An Ode to Old Man Winter

Happy Friday! Happy Spring!!  Congratulations, you have survived the winter of 2017-2018, or at least you thought it was over. 

It seems as though Old Man Winter will vent his wrath once more this weekend which makes it a good time to dust off one of the more “classical” Friday Funnies.  Stay warm and stay safe this weekend.  Spring will come soon, you have my word.

Enjoy!

An ODE TO OLD MAN WINTER

(with an apology to William Shakespeare)

This hath surely been a winter of discontent,

Old Man Winter hath chilled us ‘till we have turned blue,

He hath sleeted on us time and time again,

He hath made us sore from fortnight after fortnight of shoveling,

He hath iced our walks ‘till we have fallen down yonder slippery slope,

And he has wronged us time and time again!

What’s in a name? That which we call winter by any other name would feel just as cold.

To thaw or not to thaw: that is the question:

Whether ‘tis Nobler in the mind and body to suffer

The wind chills and snow storms of an outrageous winter,

Or to take up plow and salt against this season of troubles?

Frost-bitten Friends, Raw Romans, chilled countrymen, lend me your ear muffs;

I come to bury Old Man Winter, not to praise him.

The wrath of winter often lingers on;

The good is oft forgotten;

So let it be with Old Man Winter.

The Nobel Weatherman hath told you Old Man Winter was historic:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Old Man Winter answer’d it.

He was hardly my friend, not to me nor to any of you:

But yon Weatherman says he was historic;

And yon Weatherman is an honorable man.

Some winters are great, some winters achieve greatness, and some winters are just a royal pain.

One touch of Old Man Winter makes the whole world cold.

You all did welcome him once, but he wore out said welcome:

You all do know this mantle: I remember

The first time ever Old Man Winter put it on;

‘Twas on a late fall’s evening, in his tent,

That day he overcame the Winter Solstice:

Look, in this place ran El Nino’s dagger through:

See what a rent the envious Polar Vortex made:

Through this the much-anticipated Warm Front stabbed;

And as he plucked his cursed steel away,

Which all the while ran melting snow, great Old Man Winter fell.

O, what a fall was there, my countrymen!

Then I, and you, and all of us sunk down in the slush,

Here was a Winter! When comes such another?

Now let it work. Spring, thou art afoot,

Take thou what course thou wilt!

Thought for the Week

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.  ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny February 16, 2017 Valentine Dream

Happy Friday!  You have survived another Valentines Day!  I know I am a couple of days late with Valentine Jokes, but they were 50% off.

Enjoy!

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight.” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

————————————————————————————————————————————

I asked my friend if he’d bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day. 

He’s a bit of a chauvinist pig so he surprised me when he replied, “Yeah, I’ve got her a belt and a bag.”

I said, “That’s very thoughtful of you. I hope she appreciates it.”

He said, “So do I. And hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work much better now.”    

————————————————————————————————————————————

My wife just sent me a text saying, “I’ve just got you the best Valentine’s Day present ever! xox”

I really hope she misspelled “Xbox”.


Thought for the Week

“The heart has its reasons that reason does not know. “~ Pascal


Friday Funny December 8, 2017 Holiday Eating Tips

Happy Friday!  The holiday party season is in full swing.  It is that time of year when are tempted day in and day out by an endless array of delicious goodies.  So, as your approach this holiday season, I thought I would offer you some useful holiday eating tips.

Enjoy!

1. Avoid vegetable trays. Anyone who puts a vegetable tray on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit (or just can’t cook).   A vegetable tray might be acceptable if it is accompanied with high calorie, artery-clogging dip. Otherwise save the vegetable tray for January when that New Year’s Diet begins.

2.  Remember that this is the time of year when just about anything can be covered with gravy or chocolate sauce.  However, I would avoid using both on the same food item.

3.  If something comes with gravy, especially giblet gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Get more mashed potatoes and create a gravy moat surrounding your island of mashed potatoes.  Go ahead and play with your food, you know you want to.  (Sit a safe distance away from anyone who makes models of the “Devil’s Tower” out of mashed potatoes.)

4. Nutritionists tell us that a healthy diet includes color on the plate, especially reds, yellows and greens.  So, just to be safe, add a handful of M&M’s to each plate of food you have.

5. Fruit and nuts are an important part of your diet.  So do not skimp on the apple pie, cherry pie and pecan pie.

6.Forget the exercise routine until January when you have nothing else to do and you have started that diet. You will get plenty of exercise doing laps around the buffet table  while carrying a 10-pound plate of food in each hand..

7.The Magic of Christmas eliminates all of the calories from homemade cookies, fudge, peanut brittle, pies, cakes , dinner rolls and cinnamon rolls.  So enjoy to your heart’s desire but only if they are homemade.

8. We know oatmeal is good for you so do not skip it this holiday season.  I prefer my oatmeal in the form of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

9. Remember there are limits on how much you can eat.  So do not waste any of your calorie capacity on fruitcake or mincemeat pie.  (You would be better off with a vegetable tray.)

10. One final tip: If you can comfortably get up from the table, you’re not trying hard enough.  You have trained all year for this, don’t give up now!

Thought for the Week

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!” ~ Dr. Seuss