Monthly Archives: September 2024

Friday Funny September 27, 2024 Jokes for Fall

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Happy Friday!  The days are getting shorter and the leaves are turning, it must be time for some fall jokes.

Enjoy!

Is it true that pumpkins sit on people’s porches because they do not have hands to knock on the door?

Is it true that a scarecrow’s favorite fruit is strawberries?

The best time to make a jack-o-lantern is whenever you can carve it out.

Next week I am going shopping for Reynolds Wrap because my wife said she wanted to see fall foliage.

If a horse refuses to pull a wagon through the pumpkin patch would that make it a neigh ride?

Would you call a pumpkin that works at the beach a life gourd?

If you eat too much pumpkin pie, would you autumn’y ache?

Did you hear about the robot couple who had their anniversary in the fall because they were autumn mated?

Did you hear about the apple that cried because its peelings were hurt?

Did you hear about the leaf that went to the doctor because it was feeling a bit crumbly?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is a harmony in autumn, and a luster in its sky.” ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

Friday Funny September 20, 2024 Pirate Jokes to Treasure

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Happy Friday!  In case you missed it, September 19 was “Talk Like A Pirate Day.” The day may be over, but we can still tell a few Pirate Jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that it is hard to play cards with pirates because they always stand on the deck.

Did you know that pirates like to communicate at sea with Aye phones?

I once came across a pirate who was having a heart attack, he said “Arrrr, me hearty!”

Did you hear about the pirate who went to the Apple store to buy an iPatch?

I heard that a pirate’s least favorite exercise is the plank.

Did you know that a pirate’s favorite store is Tarrrget?

Did you know that a pirates favorite kind of socks is  Arrrgyle?

I heard about a philosophical pirate – he thinks, therefore he Arrrrrr.

Would you call a pirate who loves to read a bookaneer?

Did you know that the preferred haircut for pirates is a crew cut?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates’ loot on Treasure Island.” ~ Walt Disney

Friday Funny September 13, 2024 – 13 Jokes for Friday the 13th.

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Happy Friday the 13th!  Hopefully you do not suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia, the fear of Friday the 13th.  This is a day just like any other day.  Actually you are in luck, here are 13 jokes about Friday the 13th.

It may be Friday the 13th, but I am not superstitious, I’m just a little ‘stitious.

I used to live on the 13th floor but I recently moved up to the 14th floor, but that’s another story.

I heard that on Friday the 13th Italian people like to eat Fettuccini Afraid-o.

I heard that on Friday the 13th ghosts like to eat spook-eti.

I heard that cops arrested a black cat on Friday the 13th; they said she was a purr-petrator.

I heard that a vampire’s favorite type of coffee on Friday the 13th is decoffin-ated.

I heard that Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th movies) likes his coffee strong and deca-pitated.

What’s the first thing a sorority girl does on Friday the 13th? Nothing. She’s the first to go.

You know, cracking a serial killer jokes on Friday the 13th is acceptable as long as they are properly executed.

I am curious, if Black Friday falls on Friday the 13th do prices get slashed?

Would Friday the 13th be even scarier if it were on a Monday?

They say if a black cat crosses your path on Friday the 13th, it’s bad luck. But let’s be honest, at my age, bending down to shoo it away is the real hazard.

Friday the 13th? Bah! I lived through disco. Now THAT was scary.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” ~ Groucho Marx

Friday Funny September 6, 2024 Jokes to Kick Off Another Football Season.

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Happy Friday! High school and college football is underway and this weekend brings the start of the NFL season, so let’s kick off the weekend with some football jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you know that football players cannot wear glasses because it is a contact sport?

I heard that a football payer’s favorite ice cream is any given sundae.

Did you hear about the octopus who was the player of the game because he had ten tackles?

I heard that football players tend to tackle their problems head on.

What did the football player say to the flight attendant?  “Put me in Coach!”

Did you hear about the football punter who deiced to marry his high school sweetheart because she was a fair catch?

I heard that a football player’s least favorite drink is penal-tea.

Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?  The guy retained possession.

In 2019 the Bengals played the Patriots and the Bengals threw 4 interceptions, I think Paul Brown turned over in his grave.

Is the best offensive player on Miami, the player with the most all-porpoise yardage?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There’s golf to be played and tennis to be served up and other things to be done out there besides worrying about a silly football game.” ~Sam Wyche following Bengals loss to Browns in 1991

You can find my latest episode of “Leonard Looks at Life” at the following link https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-leonard-looks-at-life-126237165/