Happy Friday! Happy December! The Holiday season has started and we are drawing to the conclusion of yet another year. The days have gotten shorter and colder and while the official start of winter is a couple of weeks away, it feels like the right time for some Winter jokes.
Enjoy!
Is it true that snowmen call their kids chill-dren?
Is it true that the favorite Mexican dish for snowmen is burrr-itos?
Did you hear about the kid who kept his trumpet out in the snow because he wanted to play cool jazz?
Did you hear about the snowman James Bond? He has a license to chill.
Would you call a wreath made of $100 bills, a wreath of Franklins?
If you crossed a snowman with a baker would you get Frosty the Dough-man?
I considered starting my own ski resort, but it’s a slippery slope.
You should not use your loyalty card to scrape ice from your windshield. You will only get 10% off.
I am concerned about my snow globe; it looks a bit shaken up.
What do you call a reindeer without eyes? No eye deer.
What do you call a reindeer without eyes and legs? Still, no eye deer.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold.” ~ Aristotle
Happy Friday! I saw the other day that the McRib, the fruit cake of sandwiches is back for a limited time. So, here are some McDonald’s jokes for you to chew on.
Enjoy!
The McRib is made from ground boneless pork shoulder, not rib meat. The ground pork is mixed with water, spices, and other ingredients to create a patty that is then shaped to look like a rack of ribs and slathered in barbecue sauce. It is just a Mcfigment if your imagination.
Given the success of McRib, McDonalds is considering a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips. They plan on calling it the McJagger.
A few years ago, McDonald’s tried to get into the high-end steakhouse market, it, it turned out to be a Big Mcsteak.
Did you know that McDonald’s is planning on making a Shakespearen play? It’s called McBeth
Is it true that the computer used by Ronald McDonald is a big Mac with virus protection by McAfee?
I went to McDonalds today and ordered two large fries, but instead they gave me lot of little ones.
How does Ronald McDonald introduce his girlfriend? Meet Patty.
The other day, I went to McDonald’s and ate a kids meal. His parents were not happy.
Ronald McDonald started jogging, but he couldn’t ketchup.
I heard that Gerry Rafferty of Stealers Wheel is buried in the same graveyard as Ronald McDonald and Heath Ledger. Turns out he has a clown to the left of him and a joker to the right.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“No one of us is more important than the rest of us.” ~ Ray Kroc
Happy Friday! This week, I have done some deep Internet research to offer you some tips on how to make this Friday fun and memorable at work.
Enjoy!
Start the day by sending an e-mail to everyone saying that there are donuts in the break room, if someone says they were all gone then just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.” See how long it takes until the last person stops believing you. Repeat at lunch time sending out an email that there is free pizza.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in a spirited debate about the direction of one of your company’s products/services or this week’s football schedule. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask them to settle the argumant.
Compose all your e-mails using only the wingdings font.
Put a sign on your photocopier that says “New Copier – Voice activated – please speak your command” Just sit back, watch and listen.
Call your boss’s voice mail and leave the following message: “We’re not sure if you wanted us to do it, you know, after what happened, so, well, we went ahead and did it anyway. If you don’t like it, we can probably take it out, but we’ll have to charge you extra. Please return this call immediately. Thanks.”
Enlist a co-worker and have a contest to see who can sign the boss’s email address up for the most email alerts/newsletters in an hour.
Make today the day that you determine just how many cups of coffee is “too many.”
Bring a karaoke machine and set it up in the break room, only have Halloween songs or songs with yodeling.
For one hour, page yourself on the intercom every five minutes; do not disguise your voice.
For one hour, after every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “That is a great idea, Mon.”
For one hour, speak with an accent (French, Indian, Elmer Fudd, etc.)
Put hole reinforcing circles on the center of your eyeglasses. If you don’t wear glasses try to cover your nose with them.
If a co-worker sneezes, quickly yell “SHUT UP!” If they sneeze a second time, follow up with “I SAID SHUT UP!” A third time, leave the room while saying “NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!”
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”
Thought for the Week
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” ~David Letterman
Happy Friday! The baseball playoffs began this week and I will admit that I am disappointed that the Reds made a quick exit stage left. So, let’s turn disappointment into a few laughs.
Enjoy!
Gravity is such a disappointment; it always lets me down.
I recently bought a DVD on dealing with disappointment. When I opened it, the box was empty.
Am I the only one that finds it disappointing that the word “stealth” doesn’t have a silent letter in it?
I was disappointed when I tried track in high school and I couldn’t even jump one hurdle, but I got over it.
I was so disappointed with my pillow case. Turns out that it is nothing but a sham.
I was so disappointed with the documentary on mathematical functions I watched. The plot line was predictable and the special f(x) was awful too.
I was so disappointed when I went to the new court house themed restaurant. all they gave me was frozen water, just-ice was served.
I was so disappointed when I told a chemistry joke but there was no reaction.
Would you call a disappointed cat a sigh-amise?
Would you call a disappointed giant a sigh-clops?
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ~ C.S. Lewis
Leonard's Lines 