Happy Friday! Happy New Year.  I hope that 2026 will be a good year for you and yours.  A New Year will offer more Friday jokes.

Enjoy!

This New Year’s Eve, I stated making breakfast just before midnight so that I could make a New Year’s toast.

This New Year’s Eve, I stood on my left leg at midnight so that I could start the year on the right foot.

This New Year’s Eve, I sprinkled sugar on my pillow so that I could start the year with sweet dreams.

This New Year’s Eve, I stopped by my local tire shop.  I wanted a Goodyear.

This New Year’s Eve, someone gave me a Hershey, but I was hoping for a midnight Kiss.

This New Year’s Eve, I shoplifted a calendar.  I got 12 months.

Someone offered me a box of raisins on New Year’s Eve. but I already had a date.

For the New Year. I want to read more, so I turned on the closed captioning on my TV.

I make losing weight my New Year’s resolution, but I hate losing.

I heard that Dr. Frankenstein’s New Year’s resolution was to make new friends.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Happy Friday!  I hope you have your shopping done and your decorations are up because Christmas is less than one week away!  So, here are some more Christmas jokes to get you ready.

Enjoy!

Did you know that Captain Nemo never gets any presents from Santa because he is always on the Nautilus.

If someone is not sure about whether Santa exists or not would you call him an eggnogstic?

I read that Santa’s computer system has been hacked.  I knew he should not have accepted all those cookies.

Be sure to read all the terms and conditions on the Christmas present you receive, they are, after all, the Santa clauses.

Did you hear about the rope that did not get any presents from Santa because he was on the Knotty List?

It has been such a good year at the North Pole that Santa bought new cars for all his elves, it is a whole fleet of  Toy-otas.

I heard that Elton John wanted the lead role in the Santa Claus movies, but they turned him down for the part because he only has a tiny Dancer.

Did you know that the only letter to receive presents from Santa is the Letter E?  All the all the other letters are not E.

Did you know that Santa is able to enter any home on Christmas Eve even without a search warrant because he has Probable Claus?

Do you know where does Santa goes to buy stuff for the naughty kids? Kohl’s.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.” ~ Charles Dickens, “A Christmas Carol”

Happy Friday! It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving is less than a week away!  As we enter into another holiday season, I want to wish you the best!

Enjoy!

I heard that the best Thanksgiving sides are delivered by Yam-azon.

I heard that the mashed potatoes crossed the road to get to the other sides.

Did you hear about the turkey who was a bad bowling?  Nothing but gutterballs.

At Thanksgiving dinner, do chemistry students sit at the periodic table?

Is the most popular side at the kids’ table crayon-berry sauce?

If you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter, do you get pumpkin pi?

Is the part that green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner known as the casse-role?

If you want to make Thanksgiving s’mores do you use Pil-grahams?

 On the day after the first Thanksgiving did the Pilgrims return to the Mayflower to hoist the Black Friday sail?

I have talking salt and pepper shakers I put out for Thanksgiving, the say, “Seasoning’s greetings!”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” ~ Thorton Wilder

Happy Friday!  Happy Halloween!  I rounded up some Halloween jokes for you.  There are not any skeleton jokes, I do not find them humerus.

Enjoy!

I once dressed up as a Brillo pad for Halloween, but it was just too abrasive for some people.

I once dressed up as a harp for Halloween.  Someone told me that my costume was too short to be a harp.  I think they were calling me a lyre.

I once dressed up as a spoon for Halloween.  I was a cereal killer.

I once dressed up as a horse for Halloween.  I was a real night mare.

I once dressed up as a cat for Halloween.  But I was allergic to the costume and ended up not feline well.

One Halloween I wore a sheet covered with picture of jalapenos.  I was a Ghost Pepper.

One Halloween I just carried a sign that said, “I love ceilings.” Someone asked me what I was supposed to be, I simply said, “I’m a ceiling fan.”

I was thinking about buying a police costume for Halloween. But I am cheap, so I think I will just go undercover.

I was thinking of dressing up as a Band-Aid for Halloween.  But I think it would be hard to pull off.

I think the term “Halloween costume” is outdated.  I think we should use the term “occultural appropriation.”

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“We all go a little mad sometimes.” ~ Norman Baters, Psycho