Category Archives: Friday Funny

Friday Funny November 1, 2024, Jokes for Your Sweet Tooth

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Happy Friday!  Odds are that although Trick or Treat is over, there may is some candy around your house.  So, how about some candy jokes to sweeten up the weekend?

Enjoy!

Is it true that the most popular candy on the playground is recess pieces?

If someone gave you a stolen Hershey bar, would it be hot chocolate?

Is it true that the bubble gum crossed the road because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot?

Is it true that for Trick or Treat whales give out blubber gum?

Is it true that cannibal’s favorite candy is Mentos?

Is it true that the most common parasites on candy corn is gummy worms?

Did you hear about the candy maker who thought he was seeing double? Turned out that his mind was playing Twix on him.

Did you hear about the candy cane who could talk? Apparently, he said what he mint.

I think there is a big similarity to music similar and candy.  You can enjoy either one, once you throw away the rapper.

If you tell a joke to candy, it probably will not laugh, but you might get Snickers.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Years are like candy bars. We’re paying more, but they’re getting shorter.” ~ Charles M. Schulz

Friday Funny (Monday Extra) October 28, 2024 Even More Halloween Jokes

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Happy Friday- I mean Monday. I missed sending a funny last Friday, but with Halloween at the doorstep, I could not resist some Halloween Jokes.

Enjoy!

If a ghost cow laughed, would it go “Moo-ha-ha-ha”?

Do little ghosts have to fasten their sheet belts when they get in the car?

Would you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts a Pharaoh Roche?

Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest that was won by no body?

I heard that a vampire’s favorite fruit is a Neck-tarine.

I heard that when a skeleton wants to   go for a fun night, he is always looking for a hip joint.

Is it true that vampires do not like being investment bankers because they do not like stakeholders?

If a pumpkin was a minister would it preach from the pulp-it?

Is it true that skeletons cannot play church music because they have no organs?

I have more skeleton jokes, but I did not think you would find them very humerus.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“You’ve heard of the fury of a woman scorned, haven’t you? Well, that’s nothing compared to the fury of a woman who has been cheated out of tricks-or-treats.” ~ Linus, It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

Friday Funny October 18, 2024 Random Thoughts for Friday

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Happy Friday!  There is a chill in the air as we come to the second half of October.  Here are some random thoughts/jokes to kick off this Friday.

Enjoy!

I heard that some engineers have made a car that can run on mint. I am waiting to see if they can make buses and trains that run on thyme. 

Word of advice, never get into a fight with Tryptophan, it’s amino acid.

Did you hear about the database administrator who was good at her job? She had great table manners.

Is the proper way to use a stress ball throwing it at the last person to upset you?

I am thinking we have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. Dr. said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden. 

I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

I was going to tell a carpentry joke but I couldn’t find any that woodwork.

I sympathize with batteries. I’m not included in anything either.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”~ L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Friday Funny October 11, 2024 Rounding Up Some Cow Jokes

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Happy Friday! There is a lot going on in the world, hopefully you can chuckle at a couple of cow jokes.

Enjoy!

Would you call a cow that drinks too much coffee over-calfinated?

Would you call a grass-fed cow a lawn moo-er?

Would you call a rude cow beef jerky?

If one cow was spying on another cow would that be called a steak out?

When little cows go to school, do they eat lunch in the calf-eteria?

Is it true that the cow crossed the road to get to the udder side?

Is it true that the cow jumped over the moon because she wanted to see udder space?

Did you know that the reason why a milking stool only has three legs is because the cow has the udder?

What did the coach say to motivate his team of  cows? “Now get out there and give me 2 percent!”

If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you’re probably just experiencing deja-moo.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” ~ Dale Carnegie

Friday Funny October 4, 2024 Jokes to Bring the Family Together

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Happy Friday!  Welcome to the fourth quarter of 2024!  The year is flying by.  This weekend, I will have the privilege to see some of my extended family members and spend a little time back where my family has been for many generations.  It seems appropriate then to kick off this Friday with some family jokes.

Enjoy!

Family reunions are the place where embarrassing stories become legendary tales.

Family reunions are sort of like software updates, you never know what improvements or glitches you’ll discover.

Family reunions are where we put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.

When I was a young child, I had a rare disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day.  Luckily, my big brother discovered it and helped me stay on track with the cure.

When I was young, my sister thought she was so smart.  She said onions are the only food that makes you cry. I threw a coconut at her and proved her wrong.

You know, I wouldn’t trade my siblings for the world.  I don’t have anywhere to put it.

My Uncle used to say, “When one door closes, another opens.”  He was a decent philosopher, but not so great as a cabinet maker.

A sweater is something that you put on when your mother gets cold.

I once asked my Dad if he could explain a solar eclipse to me.  He replied, “No sun.”

My grandfather started walking five miles a day when he turned 60. By the time he was in his 80’s, we had no idea where he was.

You know families are like fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts mixed in.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“‘Ohana’ means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” —Lilo & Stitch.

Friday Funny September 27, 2024 Jokes for Fall

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Happy Friday!  The days are getting shorter and the leaves are turning, it must be time for some fall jokes.

Enjoy!

Is it true that pumpkins sit on people’s porches because they do not have hands to knock on the door?

Is it true that a scarecrow’s favorite fruit is strawberries?

The best time to make a jack-o-lantern is whenever you can carve it out.

Next week I am going shopping for Reynolds Wrap because my wife said she wanted to see fall foliage.

If a horse refuses to pull a wagon through the pumpkin patch would that make it a neigh ride?

Would you call a pumpkin that works at the beach a life gourd?

If you eat too much pumpkin pie, would you autumn’y ache?

Did you hear about the robot couple who had their anniversary in the fall because they were autumn mated?

Did you hear about the apple that cried because its peelings were hurt?

Did you hear about the leaf that went to the doctor because it was feeling a bit crumbly?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is a harmony in autumn, and a luster in its sky.” ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

Friday Funny September 20, 2024 Pirate Jokes to Treasure

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Happy Friday!  In case you missed it, September 19 was “Talk Like A Pirate Day.” The day may be over, but we can still tell a few Pirate Jokes.

Enjoy!

I heard that it is hard to play cards with pirates because they always stand on the deck.

Did you know that pirates like to communicate at sea with Aye phones?

I once came across a pirate who was having a heart attack, he said “Arrrr, me hearty!”

Did you hear about the pirate who went to the Apple store to buy an iPatch?

I heard that a pirate’s least favorite exercise is the plank.

Did you know that a pirate’s favorite store is Tarrrget?

Did you know that a pirates favorite kind of socks is  Arrrgyle?

I heard about a philosophical pirate – he thinks, therefore he Arrrrrr.

Would you call a pirate who loves to read a bookaneer?

Did you know that the preferred haircut for pirates is a crew cut?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There is more treasure in books than in all the pirates’ loot on Treasure Island.” ~ Walt Disney

Friday Funny September 13, 2024 – 13 Jokes for Friday the 13th.

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Happy Friday the 13th!  Hopefully you do not suffer from paraskevidekatriaphobia, the fear of Friday the 13th.  This is a day just like any other day.  Actually you are in luck, here are 13 jokes about Friday the 13th.

It may be Friday the 13th, but I am not superstitious, I’m just a little ‘stitious.

I used to live on the 13th floor but I recently moved up to the 14th floor, but that’s another story.

I heard that on Friday the 13th Italian people like to eat Fettuccini Afraid-o.

I heard that on Friday the 13th ghosts like to eat spook-eti.

I heard that cops arrested a black cat on Friday the 13th; they said she was a purr-petrator.

I heard that a vampire’s favorite type of coffee on Friday the 13th is decoffin-ated.

I heard that Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th movies) likes his coffee strong and deca-pitated.

What’s the first thing a sorority girl does on Friday the 13th? Nothing. She’s the first to go.

You know, cracking a serial killer jokes on Friday the 13th is acceptable as long as they are properly executed.

I am curious, if Black Friday falls on Friday the 13th do prices get slashed?

Would Friday the 13th be even scarier if it were on a Monday?

They say if a black cat crosses your path on Friday the 13th, it’s bad luck. But let’s be honest, at my age, bending down to shoo it away is the real hazard.

Friday the 13th? Bah! I lived through disco. Now THAT was scary.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” ~ Groucho Marx

Friday Funny September 6, 2024 Jokes to Kick Off Another Football Season.

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Happy Friday! High school and college football is underway and this weekend brings the start of the NFL season, so let’s kick off the weekend with some football jokes.

Enjoy!

Did you know that football players cannot wear glasses because it is a contact sport?

I heard that a football payer’s favorite ice cream is any given sundae.

Did you hear about the octopus who was the player of the game because he had ten tackles?

I heard that football players tend to tackle their problems head on.

What did the football player say to the flight attendant?  “Put me in Coach!”

Did you hear about the football punter who deiced to marry his high school sweetheart because she was a fair catch?

I heard that a football player’s least favorite drink is penal-tea.

Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?  The guy retained possession.

In 2019 the Bengals played the Patriots and the Bengals threw 4 interceptions, I think Paul Brown turned over in his grave.

Is the best offensive player on Miami, the player with the most all-porpoise yardage?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“There’s golf to be played and tennis to be served up and other things to be done out there besides worrying about a silly football game.” ~Sam Wyche following Bengals loss to Browns in 1991

You can find my latest episode of “Leonard Looks at Life” at the following link https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-leonard-looks-at-life-126237165/

Friday Funny August 23, 2024 Microscopic Humor

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Happy Friday! Many schools are back in session now, so how about a lesson in microscopic humor? Warning – the laughter might be infectious.

Enjoy!

Did you hear about the amoeba that failed the math test because it couldn’t divide properly?

Did you hear about the amoeba that threw a party? It was a real cell-ebration.

Did you hear about the amoeba that went to therapy because it had cell-esteem issues?

Did you hear about the bacteria that crossed the road to infect the chicken on the other side?

Did you hear about the bacteria that become a stand-up comedian because it had some killer material?

Is it true that an amoeba’s favorite game is Blob and Seek?

What did one cell say to another when it stepped on his foot?  Ouch! Mitosis!

Did you hear about the fungi who broke up with the bacteria because they had a toxic relationship?

Did you hear about the bacteria that broke up with the fungus because they were just not in the same culture?

Did you hear about the amoeba that broke up with its partner because it needed more space?

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” ~ Robert Collier