Happy Friday! I hope you have your shopping done and your decorations are up because Christmas is less than one week away! So, here are some more Christmas jokes to get you ready.
Enjoy!
Did you know that Captain Nemo never gets any presents from Santa because he is always on the Nautilus.
If someone is not sure about whether Santa exists or not would you call him an eggnogstic?
I read that Santa’s computer system has been hacked. I knew he should not have accepted all those cookies.
Be sure to read all the terms and conditions on the Christmas present you receive, they are, after all, the Santa clauses.
Did you hear about the rope that did not get any presents from Santa because he was on the Knotty List?
It has been such a good year at the North Pole that Santa bought new cars for all his elves, it is a whole fleet of Toy-otas.
I heard that Elton John wanted the lead role in the Santa Claus movies, but they turned him down for the part because he only has a tiny Dancer.
Did you know that the only letter to receive presents from Santa is the Letter E? All the all the other letters are not E.
Did you know that Santa is able to enter any home on Christmas Eve even without a search warrant because he has Probable Claus?
Do you know where does Santa goes to buy stuff for the naughty kids? Kohl’s.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.” ~ Charles Dickens, “A Christmas Carol”
Happy Friday! I saw the other day that the McRib, the fruit cake of sandwiches is back for a limited time. So, here are some McDonald’s jokes for you to chew on.
Enjoy!
The McRib is made from ground boneless pork shoulder, not rib meat. The ground pork is mixed with water, spices, and other ingredients to create a patty that is then shaped to look like a rack of ribs and slathered in barbecue sauce. It is just a Mcfigment if your imagination.
Given the success of McRib, McDonalds is considering a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips. They plan on calling it the McJagger.
A few years ago, McDonald’s tried to get into the high-end steakhouse market, it, it turned out to be a Big Mcsteak.
Did you know that McDonald’s is planning on making a Shakespearen play? It’s called McBeth
Is it true that the computer used by Ronald McDonald is a big Mac with virus protection by McAfee?
I went to McDonalds today and ordered two large fries, but instead they gave me lot of little ones.
How does Ronald McDonald introduce his girlfriend? Meet Patty.
The other day, I went to McDonald’s and ate a kids meal. His parents were not happy.
Ronald McDonald started jogging, but he couldn’t ketchup.
I heard that Gerry Rafferty of Stealers Wheel is buried in the same graveyard as Ronald McDonald and Heath Ledger. Turns out he has a clown to the left of him and a joker to the right.
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
“No one of us is more important than the rest of us.” ~ Ray Kroc
Happy Friday! This week, I have done some deep Internet research to offer you some tips on how to make this Friday fun and memorable at work.
Enjoy!
Start the day by sending an e-mail to everyone saying that there are donuts in the break room, if someone says they were all gone then just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.” See how long it takes until the last person stops believing you. Repeat at lunch time sending out an email that there is free pizza.
Send email to yourself engaging yourself in a spirited debate about the direction of one of your company’s products/services or this week’s football schedule. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask them to settle the argumant.
Compose all your e-mails using only the wingdings font.
Put a sign on your photocopier that says “New Copier – Voice activated – please speak your command” Just sit back, watch and listen.
Call your boss’s voice mail and leave the following message: “We’re not sure if you wanted us to do it, you know, after what happened, so, well, we went ahead and did it anyway. If you don’t like it, we can probably take it out, but we’ll have to charge you extra. Please return this call immediately. Thanks.”
Enlist a co-worker and have a contest to see who can sign the boss’s email address up for the most email alerts/newsletters in an hour.
Make today the day that you determine just how many cups of coffee is “too many.”
Bring a karaoke machine and set it up in the break room, only have Halloween songs or songs with yodeling.
For one hour, page yourself on the intercom every five minutes; do not disguise your voice.
For one hour, after every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “That is a great idea, Mon.”
For one hour, speak with an accent (French, Indian, Elmer Fudd, etc.)
Put hole reinforcing circles on the center of your eyeglasses. If you don’t wear glasses try to cover your nose with them.
If a co-worker sneezes, quickly yell “SHUT UP!” If they sneeze a second time, follow up with “I SAID SHUT UP!” A third time, leave the room while saying “NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!”
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”
Thought for the Week
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” ~David Letterman
Leonard's Lines 