Category Archives: Humor

Friday Funny July 24, 2020 Snappy Job Interview Responses

Happy Friday!  After a little break, the Friday Funny has returned.  Let’s wrap up a work week with some snappy answers to interview questions.


I was once asked in job interview if I could perform under pressure. 

I said no, but I can do a pretty good Stairway to Heaven.

I was once asked in job interview, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”   I said, “in a mirror”

I was once asked in job interview about punctuality.  I said I thought it was important to speak clearly and politely and it how vital it was to use proper grammar in speech and writing.

I was once asked in job interview, “What would you say is your greatest weakness?”  I said, “Interpreting semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.” The interviewer asked, “Could you give an example?”  I said, “Yes, I could.”

I was once asked in job interview what my previous job was.  I said that I had been an Alien Hunter.  The interviewer replied, “But Aliens don’t exist!”  I said, “You’re welcome.”

I was once asked in job interview to describe myself in three words.  I said, “efficient.”

I was once asked in job interview what my greatest weakness was.  I said, I have been told that I can be condescending, that means I talk down to people.”

I was once asked in job interview about my background. I showed him my phone, with a photo Mt. McKinley.

My recruiter told me a joke about work. I laughed, but in fact I didn’t get it.

I once had an interview for a job as a farrier once. I was asked if I had ever shoed a horse. I said, “No, but once I had to tell a donkey to go away”.


Without labor nothing prospers.  ~Sophocles


Friday Funny June 5, 2020 A Few Staycation Tips

Happy Friday!  I hope this finds you well.  While the world begins to come out of self-isolation there continues to be a lot of questions about summer travel.  Perhaps yo have already decided to hunker down for your summer vacation.  Let me offer a few tips on how you can help that staycation have a real vacation feel.


Live Out of Your Suitcase – have everyone pack a suitcase for the week of staycation.  Everyone much wear only what is in the suitcase.  This will help you remember that you ALWAYS forget at least one essential item.

Create Your Own Jetlag – while everyone is asleep set all the clocks up or back three hours depending on which coast is closer.  Live on the clock schedule until the last night and then change the clocks back.

Simulated Road Trip-load your luggage, snacks and kids in the car while it is in the garage.  Sit in the car and listen to the radio for 8 hours.  Only allow bathroom breaks in the same frequency that you would if you were driving somewhere.  Kids can play games, watch videos, snack and whine just like on real trip.

TSA Check & Flight Delays – if flying is your preference to driving, set up you own TSA check point in the house.  Pretend that the family is flying on a trip.  Give everyone tickets with a time printed on them, preferably an early morning time.  Make everyone show up at your TSA checkpoint two hours before the “ticket time.”  After making everyone empty their pockets and take off their belts and shoes, tell them that the flight has been delayed three hours.  For that added airport feel, put the TV on CNN and charge them $5 for a bagel.

WiFi Passwords – reset your WiFi Passwords nightly and make everyone ask you for the new one when they need to log in.

Sand – you cannot go to the beach without bringing back some sand.  So purchase a bag of sand and sprinkle it in the car, around the house.  For that authentic feel, at night after everyone is asleep, sprinkle a little sand over the clothes in everyone’s suitcase.   Everyone will feel like they have been to the beach all day long!


Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. ~ George Carlin

Friday Funny May 29, 2020 New Chicken Farmer

Happy Friday!  I hope this finds you safe and healthy.  These days people are trying their hand at a lot of different things, some with better success than others.


The Corona-virus has impacted many different aspects of our lives.  I read an article citing data from Scotts Miracle-Gor indicating that, compared to a year ago, 36% more Americans are trying to grow their own vegetables, herbs and tomatoes this year.  I came across other stories stating that raising chicken has become a popular pandemic project.  

Then there was the story about the life-long city-slicker who decided that he was going to start raising chickens.  He figured if he was going to all the trouble of raising chickens for his family, he might as well get extra chickens so that he could raise and sell them to friends and neighbors. 

He built a few large coups on his property and searched out the nearest chick supplier.  He went and purchased 100 chicks. He was excited to get started on this new and. Hopefully, profitable hobby.

Two weeks later he was back.  His chick supplier asked him how things were going. The new chicken-farmer said, “Not too good. All 100 chickens died.”  

The man replied “Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. Tell you what, I’ll give you 100 more.”  

Another two weeks went by, and the chick supplier stopped by to see how the new batch was progressing. The new farmer just shook his head and said, “You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too.”  

Astounded, the chic supplier asked, “I just don’t understand.  Any idea what went wrong?”  

Well, says the new farmer, “I’m not sure. But I think I’ve narrowed it down that I am either planting them too deep or too far apart.”


“It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken.” ~ Frank Perdue


Friday Funny May 22, 2020 More Chuck Norris Facts

Happy Friday! This Memorial Day weekend will certainly be a different kind of Memorial Day for many of us.  Be sure to take some time to reflect on the purpose and meaning of this holiday even in the midst of the current situation.  This also marks the unofficial start of summer which promises to be a unique summer by any measure.

In desperate times we often look for a hero, so seems like a good time to ponder a few “facts” about Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris got Corona-virus. Now the Corona-virus is in isolation.

The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle.

Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.

Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead, it’s just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.”

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows words that rhyme with Orange

Chuck Norris can lick his elbow.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.


“You are not what has happened to you. You are what you choose to become.”                    ~ Chuck Norris

Friday Funny May 15, 2020 Research to Answer Your Most Pressing Questions

Happy Friday!  Another week survived!  Perhaps you are pondering a lot of questions these days about many things like “What is the meaning of Life?” and “Do horses prefer bananas to apples?”  Well I cannot help you with the first one, but I can with the second and I have provided the links to prove it.


I bet you have said “you can’t compare apples to oranges.”  Well the Connecticut Society of American Board Surgeons decided that they needed to see if these two are as different as we think.  They concluded that the only difference was in their color and type of seeds. Otherwise, they might as well be the same fruit.

Have you ever been on a treadmill, doing your workout when the thought just hits you, “I wonder how shrimp would do on a treadmill?”  and “I wonder if shrimp with bacterial infections would do worse?”Me neither but it did occur to some scientists who put shrimp on a treadmill and monitored their vital signs.  They injected some shrimp with bacterial infections and put them on a tiny underwater treadmill to see what would happen.  “Results show that infected crabs and shrimp do not perform on the treadmill as well as their uninfected counterparts.”  I imagine one would get similar results with humans.

Walking and chewing gum at the same time is one thing – walking and carrying a full cup of coffee at the same time is another.  I for, for one, know this is an essential life skill.  But perhaps I have been doing it wrong, there is research that has determined that people are less likely to spill coffee while walking backwards.

It seems everyone is concerned with social distancing these days.  Which makes research on the hazards of “double dipping” chips even more relevant.  Luckily Tulane University analyzed years of flu data and found cities that had a team in the Super Bowl saw an 18 percent increase in flu deaths. They traced the cause to Super Bowl parties and, specifically, people double dipping and infecting the guac or bean dip with their flu germs. So, keep everyone six feet away from your chip dip!

Don’t you just love to see pictures of other people’s food on social media?  Neither do I.  So why do so many people bother sharing those pictures?  Apparently sharing pictures on social media makes it taste better.  At least that is what a study out of St. Joseph’s University in Philadelphia determined.

Perhaps while you have been self-isolating you came across a spider in your house and perhaps you wondered if that spider just might be radio-active and perhaps you wondered if said radio-active spider bit you might you be able to turn into Spiderman?  Sorry, but you can dismiss that thought. After an extensive analysis, researchers at Cambridge University have concluded that the larger a person is, the more adhesives he would need to stick to a wall, making it virtually impossible for a normal sized human being to have the characteristics of Spiderman. No matter what your spidy-sense is telling you.

I know, we all feel more connected while social distancing by checking in on Facebook.  I hate to be the one to break this to you, but your Facebook friends are not really your friends and I tell you that as a friend.  A study done by an Oxford University professor concluded that there were only 4.1 “dependable” friends out of a typical user’s 150 Facebook friends.

If you are as old as I am you might remember the Tootsie-Pop commercial where the kid goes to the wise old owl to ask, “how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop?”  If you are like me, you have been waiting decades for an answer and now research comes to the rescue.  A study out of New York University has determined that the number of licks it takes to get to the center of an average-size lollipop is approximately 1,000.

Have you ever given a horse a carrot and wondered if he would really rather have a banana?  Well wonder no more! Deborah Goodwin, BSc, PhD, research director of Applied Animal Behaviour Programmes at the University of Southampton has done the research.  Next time, give your horse a banana.


The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” (I found it!) but “That’s funny…” ~Isaac Asimov



Friday Funny May 8, 2020 Thoughts to Ponder While Social-Distancing

Happy Friday!  Another week of social-distancing is in the books!  Here is hoping you and yours are well and still sane.  The slower pace of these days lends itself to some contemplation.  If you have run out of things to roll over in your mind, let me offer a few items for you to consider.


Which is better the Library of Congress System or the Dewey Decimal System?

If life had a sound track, what song is currently playing?

Why didn’t the Coyote ever go back and try to improve a plan instead of just scrapping it and coming up with a new one?  Where did the Coyote get all the money that he spent buying Acme products?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?  Isn’t it already sour?  Does it turn back into cream?  

Why are blueberries purple instead of blue?  Shouldn’t we call them purpleberries?

Why is the word for “fear of long words” one of the longest words in the dictionary? (hippotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia) Try to work this word into your next conversation!

When you say ‘Forward’ or ‘Back’, your lips move in those directions.  Say ‘Forward’ and ‘Back’ over and over again.

With all this bread baking going on did anyone ever pause to think that we are giving thousands of yeast organisms a false hope by feeding them sugar, then ruthlessly baking them to death in an oven and finishing it off by eating their corpses?

As drones get cheaper and cheaper how long until someone invents a hands-free umbrella?

If we say a “ton of people” we intend it to mean many, but it would literally be 12 to 15 people.

Why do phone plans offer “unlimited minutes” can you use more than 1,440 in a day?


“If you cup runneth over, be sure and let it slosh on someone else” ~ unknown

A Little Internet Distraction

I am spending more time on the internet these days to try to stay connected in this time of social distancing and my guess is that you might be doing the same.  After reading the latest news you might need a quick distraction from all the doom and gloom and I am here to help.  This activity only takes a minute and can be done numerous times throughout the day.  

It appears that one of the greatest evils today is that one is offended by something.  So when you are on the Internet, go to Yahoo and scroll down.  For the first five ads that you see. click on the three dots that are on the right across from the ad headline.  Three options should appear: Why This Ad/Ad Feedback/Advertise with us.  Select the middle option – Ad Feedback.  The first option under Ad Feedback is “It is Offensive to Me.”  Click the circle next to this option, then hit the “Done” button.  Just pick the first five ads that appear each time you go on the internet.  Tonight here are the first five ads that appeared for me.

25 Stocks You Should Sell Immediately

Device Powers A Whole American City – for Free

Unclaimed Mega Millions Ticket Worth $1.5 Billion

20230 Hyundai Santa Fe – The Price May Surprise You

There Is A Secret Bunker in the Virginia Mountains

My offense has been recorded once again.  I am sure that there will be immediate actions to soothe my delicate psyche.





Friday Funny May 1, 2020 Humor on the Cutting Edge

Happy Friday and good job making it through another week of self-isolation!  Chances are that you are getting along better than your hair might be with all the barber shops and beauty parlors closed.  While you might not be able to get your hair cut, you can chuckle at a few barber jokes,


Would you call a group of men waiting for a haircut a barber-cue?

Do barbers keep their money in a shavings account?

I was held hostage at a barber shop once. It was a pretty hairy situation.

The other day I told my wife that I wanted to open up a barber shop.  All she said was “Cut it out.”

I just might open a barber shop on the top floor of a fancy hotel and call it “A Cut Above the Rest.”

My barber recently started giving free eyebrow trims to anyone getting a haircut.  Everyone looked surprised.

I decided to switch to a new barber.  My old one just wasn’t cutting it.

The first new barber I tried out was a bit of a redneck.  As soon as I sat down in the chair I could tell something was wrong, I  got up quickly and walked out.  I think I may have just  dodged a mullet.

Old executives at Hair Club for Men never die, they just keep plugging away.

I have some more jokes, but I will shave them for later.


“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.” ~ Sam Ewing

Junk Mail Revenge

If your experience is similar to mine, there are a lot of days when the daily trip out to the mail box results in retrieving several pieces of junk mail:  offers for credit cards, mortgage insurance, vehicle warranties, lawn services, heating/cooling services, pool chemicals (even if you have never had a pool) and so on and so on. 

These are a tad irritating and usually are quickly discarded.  However, there is something else you can do with some of these little annoyances.  I usually open them up to see if they include a Postage Paid Business Return envelope.  If one is included,  I like to set it aside and take advantage of the opportunity to send it back to the business. 

I figure this does two things: 1) it will momentarily make someone else a little irritated on the receiving end when they open an envelope and find nothing inside and 2) I keep reading about how the post office needs more revenue, so now the company that send me the letter will  have to pay the return postage thus providing more revenue for the USPS.  Seems like a win-win to me.  If you are a tad more ambitious (which sounds better than vindictive) stuff the envelope with a section of newspaper or other paper material. 

These days we are all looking for a few avenues to vent our frustrations, so enjoy!

Friday Funny April 24, 2020 Do It Yourself Humor

Happy Friday!  Congratulations for surviving another week of social distancing!  Many folks are taking advantage of having some extra time around the house by taking those Do-It-Yourself projects that have been put off and put off.  So, here are a few DIY jokes to get you started on that new project.


I went to the largest DIY store in my area and asked, “Where can I find some hammers, nails, a trowel and a bag of cement?”  The guy replied “They’re all under ‘Construction’.” “Okay,” I said, “Do you know when they will be finished?”

I hurt by back trying to reupholster my couch.  But now it’s fully recovered.

I’m really not very good at DIY but I did manage to attach a piece of wood to another piece of wood. Yep, I nailed it!

I’m really, really not very good with DIY. The other day while I was working, a pile of books fell on my head.  I know that I have only my shelf to blame.

 I just cannot decide which vanity to put in the bathroom. I have to sink about it.

My wife thinks that I am absolutely hopeless at fixing appliances.  Let me tell you, she is in for a shock.

My wife told me that she wanted me to stain the new wooden fence in the backyard. So I’ve been eating spaghetti over it all week.

I got a pretty wild idea for DIY orthodontics, it just might take the world by storm, brace yourself!

I have noticed that sometimes when I’m working in the garden, it seems to really strain my eyes. So, I have started wearing my weeding glasses.

Despite my ineptitude at DIY I was offered a construction job in Egypt, but it just turned out to be a pyramid scheme.


“Home is where the wi‑fi connects automatically.” ~ Unknown