Category Archives: Humor

Who Needs a Career Path?

For me the beginning of 2019 brought a new job in a new industry with new responsibilities.  I am hoping that that this will be my last full-time employer as I am rounding third and heading for home career-wise.

The change has had me thinking about the jobs and careers that I have had during my work-life.  As I was pondering, I came across the pay stub from my very first pay from my very first job.

For me, my work life began early in my senior year of high school at Sherer’s Ice Cream on North Main Street in Dayton, Ohio.  My first week I worked five hours, two hours on Friday and three hours on Saturday.  For my efforts, I was paid, before tax, $6.50 (for those of you that did not pull up the calculator app on your phone, that translates into $1.30 per hour.)  Thirty-eight cents were deducted in taxes leaving me with $6.12 net (somewhere in a baggy in  my basement there is a $1 bill that was part of that $6.12 (Mr. Sherer paid in cash). I do not recall exactly what I did with that first pay, but the odds are that I did go and blow it all in one place – probably on a date to the movies.

Thankfully, my income has increased significantly from $1.30/hr and it does not take an entire paycheck to go to the movies (although the price of a movie has increased several fold since then – but that is a topic for another day).  They say you have to start somewhere and Sherer’s was a good place to start.  Since then I have had a number of jobs – some positive experiences and some negative experiences – some part-time and some full-time – some with good growth potential and some with no potential – some that sounded impressive and some that did not – some that paid well and some that paid $1.30/hr – sometimes more than one job at a time.  

Each job I have ever had has contributed to where I am now and who I am now.  My career path (if I ever really had a career path) has been rather circuitous and not the way I would have planned it, but I survived and it has been an interesting journey that is not over yet.  As the aftermath started to settle from one job involving trying to move to another city that just never panned out, my wife wisely stated, “things worked out pretty well for things not working out very well.”  I think that sums up my career – things have worked out pretty well for things to have not worked out very well.

Advertisements

Friday Funny January 4, 2019 I Just Started a New Job

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  I hope that 2019 is off to a good start and that this will turn out to be a great year for you.  In my world, I am starting the new year with a new job – so here is some new job humor to kick off Friday Funnies for 2019.

Enjoy!

I just started a new job shredding cheese, it’s grate.

I just started a new job at a factory that makes bells, the offer was very a-pealing.

I just started a new job as a window installer, it’s a real pane.

I just started a new job as a Cuban Dictator.  I’m Havana great time.

I just started a new job as a baker, I kneaded the dough.

I just started a new job with a recycling company, they made me an offer I could not refuse.

I just turned down a new job as an elevator repairman, it was just wrong on so many levels.

I just started a new job with a tree removal service, I am the branch manager.

I just started a new job with Fitbit, it seemed like a step in the right direction.

I just started a new job at an origami factory, things should be good as long as the factory does not fold.

Thought for the Week

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Friday Funny December 28, 2018 One Liners to Close Out 2018

Happy Friday and Happy New Year!  Thank you for allowing me to share a laugh or two with you during 2018.  I hope to bring a smile to your face in 2019 and want to wish you a joyous New Year!

Enjoy!

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I gave her nothing.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas – I couldn’t wait to see his face light up when he opened it.

My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look thinner.

I’m good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 17 things that I’m putting off until later.

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing. It’s always, “Is Pepsi okay?”

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I’m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I’m talking about.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an ax.

I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.

I have an inferiority complex but it’s just not a very good one.

Thought for the Week

There are those who try to bottle the old year for safekeeping but at midnight the cork always pops. ~Terri Guillemets, “Memories old & new,” 2005

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny December 21, 2018 Some Not So Great Gift Ideas for the Kids

Happy Friday and Merry Christmas!  Christmas is just a few days away and I hope you have your shopping completed.  If not, there will be plenty of stores open this weekend and my guess is that you will have plenty of company from other last-minute shoppers.  However, there are some gift ideas that you probably will not find at any store this year and the world is probably a little safe for it.

Enjoy!

SOME NOT SO GREAT GIFT IDEAS FOR THE KIDS

AUSTIN MAGIC PISTOL – a toy gun that shoots a ping-pong ball.  These have been around for a long time and seem harmless enough.  Well this one had a twist, made in the 1950’s the Austin Magic Pistol was not your ordinary spring-loaded ping-pong gun.  This one used “magic crystals” made from calcium carbide.  The tricky part here is that calcium carbide and water make a highly flammable gas that resulted in a small explosion that would fire said ping-pong balls over 70 feet, but it did look pretty cool to shoot fiery ping-pong balls at your friends.

JARTS – These were banned sometime in the 1980s. According to reports, over 6,100 children went to the emergency room from lawn dart injuries. That same report says that a dart can come down with over 20,000 pounds of pressure. I can proudly say that I survived playing Jarts.  I can also truthfully state that I never intentionally threw a Jart at anyone.

CLACKERS – Also known as Knockers and Click Clacks.  The 70’s gave us this toy made of two heavy acrylic balls attached to a string.  The only object was to get them to fly up and down and knock into each other to make noise and to do this as fast as possible.  Of course. swinging small acrylic balls about at high-speed may seem like a safe activity to most people, but the problem with these arises when those balls reach their inevitable breaking point.  Then instead of the expected bang, they shatter and splinter.  Then parents decided it might be a good idea to keep shrapnel out of their children’s faces.  I had these but did not have the patience or coordination to use them enough to reach the breaking point.

PYROGRAPHY (WOOD BURNING) Kits – A hot metal tip that is used to burn images into wood, so what is the problem.  Well, besides the heat, there are fumes, inhaling sawdust and the ever-present threat of starting a fire.  I think I had one of these and with my natural artistic ability I was able to eventually make a black mark on a piece of wood.

EASY BAKE OVEN – Introduced in 1963 by Kenner, a Cincinnati based company, the original used an ordinary light bulb as the heat source, which could reach close to 350 degrees.  It came with packets of cake mix and small round pans. All you had to do was add water, mix, put in the pan and slide into the oven through a slot. After cooking, the cake was pushed out through a slot in the other end.  While a lot of cakes were made over the years, we may never know how little fingers were burned in the process. 

CREEPY CRAWLERS – kind of like an Easy Bake Oven marketed to boys with the added features of chemical fumes.  It was introduced by Mattel in 1964.  You could make plastic bugs by pouring “Plastigoop” into little metal molds then “baking” them using an electric hot plate oven that was hotter than an Easy Bake Oven. Not only did the unit get hot, but it made hot melted plastic, which was also toxic. But the end result was a supply of rubbery bugs toys that make any kid squeal with joy.

GILBERT GLASS BLOWING KIT – If the Easy Bake Oven and Creepy Crawlers were not hot enough for you, there was the Gilbert Glass Blowing Kit.   If you want to get glass to become malleable, you need to heat to about 1,000 degrees! Sounds fun and exciting and what could possibly go wrong? 

GILBERT ATOMIC ENERGY LAB – Why worry simply about high temperatures when you can play with radioactive materials?  The Gilbert Company managed to top the glass blowing with the introduction in 1951 of the Atomic Energy Lab kit which included a Uranium-238 Geiger counter, an electroscope, and four samples of uranium ores. Hey junior, how about some nice uranium-238, it has REAL radioactivity!

Thought for the Week

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.” ~ Luke 2:10

Friday Funny December 14, 2018 Some Interesting Christmas Song Lyrics

Happy Friday!  We are at the midpoint of December and Christmas is only a couple of weeks away.  No doubt you hare hearing a lot of Holiday music, but are you really hearing the lyrics to the old, familiar songs?  Some of them make you stop and go “hmmm.”

Enjoy!

Frosty the Snowman

“Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal”

I have previously stated I am not a big fan of Frosty.  That being said, this song has some seriously flawed theology, as do many popular Christmas songs by the way.  Three quick problems with the above lyrics: 1) a snowman does not have a soul, jolly or otherwise; 2) should a snowman be teaching children to smoke with his corn cob pipe?  Shouldn’t he be avoiding all forms of heat?; 3) everyone knows that a snowman’s nose is supposed to be a carrot, not a button!

The Wassail Song

“Here we come a-wassailing
Among the leaves so green,
Here we come a-wand’ring
So fair to be seen.
Love and joy come to you,
And to you your wassail, too,”

I have never in my life gone a a-wassailing and not sure I know anyone who has.  It is December, if I am among the leaves where I live, they are not green, they are brown and blowing around.

Up on the House Top

“Next comes the stocking of little Will
Oh, just see what a glorious fill
Here is a hammer and lots of tacks
Also a ball and a whip that cracks
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn’t go?
Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn’t go?
Up on the housetop, click, click, click
Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick”

What better gift for a little boy than a hammer, tacks and a whip?  What could possibly go wrong here?  And while you at it, let’s all go up on the roof and try to enter the house via the chimney.

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

“You better watch out, you better not cry
Better not pout, I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is comin’ to town
He’s making a list and checking it twice
Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice
Santa Claus is comin’ to town
He sees you when you’re sleepin’
He knows when you’re a wake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake”

Ominous, threatening and down-right creepy.  Let’s the kids sing this and it will not be visions of sugar plums that will be dancing through their heads.

There Is No Place Like Home for the Holidays

“Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam
When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze
For the holidays you can’t beat home sweet home!

I met a man who lives in Tennessee, and he was headin’ for
Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie
From Pennsylvania folks are travellin’
Down to Dixie’s sunny shore
From Atlantic to Pacific
Gee the traffic is terrific!”

Pining is something I do not do a lot of and when the traffic is moving at 5 mph “terrific” is not how I would describe it.

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

“Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring some out here

Good tidings we bring to you and your kin
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy new Year

We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some
We won’t go until we get some, so bring some out here”

We are at your house and we are making demands and will not leave until they are satisfied – is that the real spirit of the Season?  Of all the things to demand, not sure figgy pudding would be at the top of anyone’s list.

Thought for the Week

“It was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!” ~ Charles Dickens

Friday Funny November 30, 2018 That Town Was So Small….

Happy Friday! We have made it to the end of November, the holidays are upon us and a new year is just around the corner.  

My work takes me to a lot of different places from cities to small towns.  I was recently in a small town, a really, really small town.

Enjoy!

I was in a town that was so small…….

There was a City Jail, it was called amoeba, because it only had one cell.

There was Fire Department but instead of hoses, they used water pistols. 

There was a Road Department, they spread salt on the roads using a salad shooter. 

There was a McDonald’s but it only had one Golden Arch.

There was not a 7-11, but there was a 3&1/2 – 5&1/2.

There was a Second Street but it is in the next town over.

There was a golf course, but it only  had three holes.

There used to be a zoo, but it closed when the hamster died.

The “Welcome To” and “Leaving” city limits signs are both on the same post.

They had a boxing match and both men had to sit in the same corner.

Thought for the Week

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. ~Andy Rooney

http://www.quotegarden.com

Friday Funny November 23, 2018 Thanksgiving Weather Forecast

Happy Friday and Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you were able to enjoy your Thanksgiving Day and took time to reflect on the blessings that are all too frequently easy to overlook.

Enjoy!

Thanksgiving Weather Forecast

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an
afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and
humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder. 

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a
knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation
of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift
across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots
on the other. Please pass the gravy. 

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for
the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the
beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and
taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the
refrigerator. 

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat
sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be
expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup
late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup
develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as
the only wish left will be the bone.

Q: Why do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A:  Pumpkin Pi

Thought for the Week

“The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.” – Abraham Lincoln – 1863